PPD? — The Bump
December 2016 Moms

PPD?

Hey ladies, I know there are a few of us struggling to keep the positive thoughts rolling these days. I'm starting to recognize that I am, mostly because my DH noticed that I'm not my usual, spunky self. I can't remember if there was a thread or not, but nothing wrong with starting a new one, right? I thought I'd get a thread going to open up some more discussion, because while my DH is awesome, it's hard to explain to him what is going on in my head and heart. 

What are you struggling with? Thoughts, feelings, everything is welcome.

What is helping you cope?

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Re: PPD?

  • I got put on Zoloft at my 6w pp. It hasn't seemed to help yet, might be building before it kicks in. 

    So far I find that getting back into the work/daycare/errands routine has helped the most. BUT I am still barely holding it together. If I had any chance to just sleep 18 hrs a day I would. 
      
    I get discouraged at the drop of a hat, can't seem to make myself get excited about work or Em doing things, I can't seem to sleep unless it can be for 12+ hr block, I have no appetite . . .  I'm just a serious train wreck. I can kind of fake it at work, and so far H hasn't said anything - even when asked, but man is it tough. 


    Formerly known as Kate08young
    August '18 Siggy April Showers:






    Me: 28 H: 24
    Married: 7/22/14
    Baby L: 8/4/2015  August 2015 Moms
    Baby E: 11/18/2016   December 2016 Moms
    TTC #3 08/2017  BFP 11/27/2017. 
    Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well. 


    yellingbananacjt121413SaraRose83
  • I'm not sure if I'm PPD or PPA, or still just struggling with the emotions of so much loss at once, plus DS's reflux issues (which seem to be pretty much fixed now) and stress around the house. (Holy run on sentence there, sorry). I cry non stop when DS has a rough night, or when I'm overwhelmed. If I have to do the dishes by myself or bottles, while DH takes care of DD, I get irrationally angry, and cry due to anger. I feel like my patience fuse with DD is non-existent, so I feel like I'm always yelling at her or frustrated with her. I told DH that he needs to take the kids and leave me, because he can find someone out there who can handle things better than me. I cry myself to sleep, I wake up crying, I'm just not happy and spunky as much as I used to be. DH thinks that it's just I'm still dealing with all the emotions of losing my poppy and brother so close together, so close after giving birth. So he doesn't want me starting medicine just yet, but I don't know if I agree with that. It has definitely been the root of an arguement or 2 between us lately. 
    penelope4612cjt121413yellingbanana
  • Also not sure if PPA or PPD but I'm crying every day. Had a panic attack on Friday and ever since then I am on the edge with anxiety constantly. Nervous to wake up at night and feed her (not sure why) It just seems like a constant struggle and as @Kate08Young said, I wish I could just sleep all day long because I know I won't have to feel what I'm feeling in my sleep. Please anyone who has previously dealt with this much anxiety, let me know what tips you have to cope with this. 
    princesslocknesscjt121413yellingbananaSaraRose83
  • I have regular depression and anxiety so I have no idea if anything I feel now is PPD,  but I knew I would be dealing with at least my normal level of sadness after the birth. I went back on Zoloft last week after being off it for the third tri and it's starting to help.

    My depression manifests as severe low self esteem, social anxiety, and lots o crying, all of which I'm dealing with now. DS is a relatively easy baby so far so I don't feel completely overwhelmed caring for him, but I still feel unsure of myself as a mother and have a hard time not freaking out about the future.

    As someone who resisted medication for a long time and then responded really well to it, I feel like it's worth trying rather than white knuckling through this difficult time, but I also understand hesitation around it.

    Hugs to everyone.
    princesslocknesscjt121413yellingbananaSaraRose83
  • I don't know if I have PPD or PPA, as a FTM... this is all overwhelming. Some days I am good and feel good, and other days I just want to cry. DS has his days, and most are not good. He rarely sleeps longer than 30-40 minutes at a time so that has been frustrating. I know most of my time is supposed to focused on him, but some days I just wish he'd give me a couple hours so I can have some time to myself. Some days I don't know if I want to be a mom, or worry about how good I'll be as a mom. I love him to death but wow... this is tough! Especially at 35 (I'll be 36 in a couple weeks).

    I also don't really feel like myself with how my body still looks. I'm 8 weeks PP and still only lost the initial 20lbs. and haven't lost anything else, even with not remembering to eat or having the time some days (I do eat lunch and dinner, just barely any snacks or breakfast). I go back to work in 2 weeks and will still be wearing maternity clothes. I did start working out again last week, but am stressing about losing the extra 30 to get back to my PP weight... and I have my sisters wedding at the end of March. I couldn't even lose 5lbs. in a year, so the 30 is going to be a struggle.

    I have anxiety about going back to work and him going to daycare. He hasn't been easy and I just worry how he'll be every day. Will be be the bad baby? Will I get calls that I need to get him due to his behavior? And for myself, will I adjust to not being home with him all day? And be able to get back into a routine of getting ready in the morning, while also getting him ready (feeding, getting dressed, etc). All while DH and I split the overnight shifts so now either of us will get much rest. Ugh. I have this week and next left of being at home. Just thinking about it is freaking me out.
    Me: 37 years old
    DH: 39 years old
    Married: October 17, 2014
    TTC Since: November 2015
    BFP: March 31, 2016
    DS: November 21, 2016

    December'16 December Siggy Challenge: Elf on the Shelf Fails **winner**





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    cjt121413yellingbananaSaraRose83
  • @Kacie209 I know it's easier said than done, but when you need a break - if you have fed/changed/burped/soothed then it's ok to leave baby in a safe place and walk out of the room for 5 minutes.

    Depending on your daycare they are used to unhappy babies. My DC has this one baby that cries no matter what- unless he is on his moms chest. They know how LOs are and have a chance to take a break or hand LO off if they need to.


    Formerly known as Kate08young
    August '18 Siggy April Showers:






    Me: 28 H: 24
    Married: 7/22/14
    Baby L: 8/4/2015  August 2015 Moms
    Baby E: 11/18/2016   December 2016 Moms
    TTC #3 08/2017  BFP 11/27/2017. 
    Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well. 


    cjt121413Kacie209yellingbanana
  • I'm thinking about contacting my doctor but its still hard to admit how I'm feeling because I think its probably getting into PPD. I love DD, but I also feel kind of disconnected about everything these days. There's lots of times I feel love-y toward and enjoy snuggling DD, but I also feel like I'm just going through the motions sometimes.
    I think a big part of it has been the pretty strict diet I'm on because of DD's protein allergy (I now can't eat dairy, egg, or soy products) and the fact that BF was still hurting pretty bad (now using a nipple shield and its getting better). Hopefully now that BF is getting better, my mood will improve. I'm trying to be honest with myself about how I'm feeling but I haven't shared with DH yet. I don't know how understanding he would be if I did. 
    <3 D 2014 
    DD- 11/2016
    yellingbananacjt121413SaraRose83
  • Here goes....
    I also get discouraged really easily. I've got massive guilt from anything, everything, and nothing. I feel really guilty that it took me so long to finish college, then I'm not even using my degree because we don't want to put our kids in daycare. I also feel guilty that I'm not working right now, and that I have to find a new family to nanny for- which could take months. Even then, I make such a small fraction of what my DH makes that I wonder why I'm working at all. 
    I also feel bad that I don't want to be social. Usually, I love to hang out with people, but I also don't want to leave the house. I've been forcing myself to go run errands. I also feel super sad about things that I can normally deal with. 
    Slowly, I've been recognizing what seems to be a downward spiral of emotions. I'm trying not to, but what I end up doing is looking like a normal person, while on the inside I just want to tell everyone to leave me alone. 

    Right now I've recognized that I feel more centered after I shower, and I feel better when I go out of the house. Though I still don't feel like myself. I also feel better when I get some cleaning done, but realistically, I spend such a large chunk of the day feeding the baby that I fee like I'm not getting enough done.
    I also need a plan, when I have a schedule and set reasonable expectations for myself, I do much better than when I just putter around the house doing chores. But my plans have repeatedly fallen through the last couple of years. 
    I remember feeling like this after I had DD1, but I thought it was because I was far away from family and I was adjusting to life as a new mom. I also had PTSD from my scary first labor experience, it haunted me for well over a year. So I thought my down feelings were due to that. But right now, I can tell I am not doing well, and that I need to fix it. I don't really want to take meds because I'm scared I'll get dependent, and that I'll lose what little sex drive I have left. I'm planning on taking a little time for myself each day and see if I can bring myself up a bit. 

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    cjt121413SaraRose83
  • All my "love its" are creepy Internet hugs. I can relate so much to how you all are feeling.

    I have a history of depression and had pretty bad PPD with DS. I felt a lot of anger and frustration and had a sense that I had ruined my life by having a baby. I loved my son, but I didn't love caring for him and felt tons of guilt about that. I felt like nothing I did was good enough and I wanted everything to be perfect. I had to do the perfect baby album, the perfect amount of tummy time, be perfect at breastfeeding, etc. That gave me tons of anxiety. I couldn't sleep when DS was sleeping. I worried at night. I tried to get through it without help for too long. I ended up taking antidepressants which helped a lot.

    With this LO my doc and I decided that it was best for both of us for me to stay on a low dose of meds during my pregnancy. After she was born I felt pretty terrible for a couple weeks. The guilt came back and I was crying constantly. I again started to feel like my life would never be the same. Doc ended up increasing my dosage which has helped a lot. 

    Some things that have helped me aside from meds are being open about my feelings with H and my mom (and friends from TB), trying to get out every day and go somewhere (even just for a drive), and figuring out ways to get some sleep (letting H give LO bottles). 



    Me: 33     H: 36

    Married: 12/14/13   DS: 1/29/09

    BFP2: 10/9/15  MMC: 11/12/15

    BFP3: 4/6/16   DD: 12/12/16


    penelope4612yellingbananaMamax2SaraRose83
  • @Kate08Young Thanks for reassuring me that my child may not be the only difficult LO. And who knows, maybe he won't be. This is all new!

    And yeah, I need to tell myself tat even when I've done everything to calm him down... he may just be crying to cry. I adore him and couldn't imagine him not being a part of our family... and eventually things will get better. One day at a time.


    Me: 37 years old
    DH: 39 years old
    Married: October 17, 2014
    TTC Since: November 2015
    BFP: March 31, 2016
    DS: November 21, 2016

    December'16 December Siggy Challenge: Elf on the Shelf Fails **winner**





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    princesslocknessyellingbananacjt121413
  • I'm sending you all healing thoughts and my best wishes that you are the strong Mamas I know you are who will ask for help when you need it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting help to be the best Mama you can be. It's inside of you, really it is and you can do this. Read this:

    http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/2195308

    Xo

    yellingbananacjt121413SaraRose83
  • yellingbananayellingbanana member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited January 2017
    @jandd2014 I am feeling similar in a lot of ways. I finally talked to DH about it yesterday, he kept asking me if I was grumpy, or what was wrong. So I told him. He was pretty understanding, I'm glad that I shared with him. While he is now trying to 'fix' it, he is also being extra loving and sweet, which I think I needed. I guess what I'm trying to say is don't be scared to talk to your DH, it can help, especially if you guys are in a loving relationship, which I have to assume you are  <3

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    cjt121413jandd2014
  • @kacie209 I understand the daycare fears. Scarlett pretty much only naps when being help, or only naps for 20 minutes max when laid down. I've had some pretty ugly meltdown cries over how daycare will be for her. The pediatrician made me feel a little better today when he said sometimes babies do better at that when moms not around, so I'm hoping she is one of those babies. And I'll keep trying to work on naps here for the next month. But I'm not going to go crazy with it because she's growing so fast I do love the snuggles.
    yellingbananaKacie209cjt121413
  • edited January 2017
    Well, had my 6 week post partum visit today. I score way high on the "depression survey". I've been (undiagnosed) depressed and I've had anxiety for half my life, and two weeks ago my new PCP out me on Wellbutrin. 

    I just feel so empty and emotionless. I can't control DS1 - probably has to do with the possibility of ADHD/ADD. I dont have any kind of an appetite and I get maybe two hrs of sleep each night, and it's not even because of the baby... and my head just feels... Weird. I'm not sure how to explain it. With DS1 I never felt like a mom until he was almost two, and I can't tell if the same thing is happening with DS2... I just don't have any emotions toward anything. 

    Meds haven't seems to kick in yet, however I've cut back on smoking big time - more than I did while pregnant. 

    FIs working schedule has me feeling like a single mom of two boys, and knowing I'm a stay at home mom now, I don't see things getting any better than this.

    (Edit to add) 
    yellingbananacjt121413Kateriee
  • Probably doesn't help that DH has been gone Monday-Thursday and will be each week for at least a month. Or that 5 year old DD2 spent 7 hours barfing her brains out yesterday and now has a fever. 

    I'm going to have a beer. Or at least a couple of sips of wine. 

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    cjt121413ajstevensonSaraRose83
  • @dmontgo I am sorry you are struggling with both ppd and ptsd. I'm sure they only amplify each other. Until you have made more progress with nights/fears, have you been keeping night lights on? I panic that something is going to happen to Lucas (SIDS, etc), I am constantly checking to make sure that he is breathing. I used to put my hand over his chest or by his face to check and make sure he is breathing. But found it's just easier to keep a few night lights on so I can see him and then go back to sleep. 
    Also, I feel a lot of you ladies on the 'this isn't like me'. And going through the motions of life while feeling disconnected.

    @Mamax2 I can't even imagine losing 2 family members this soon after giving birth. I would definitely talk to your doctor. It's ok to get help. 

    And hugs to everyone. As terrible as it is that you are all going through these struggles, it is nice to know that I'm not alone. Thanks for being here ladies. 
     <3 

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    dmontgocjt121413Mamax2SaraRose83
  • Thank you @swhiddon33!  I really needed to hear that. People say it gets better, but in the drudgery of day to day survival mode I need to know not only when it gets better, but how it gets better.
    I'm going through many of the same struggles that have been written above. Need to get LO to sleep, will add more later. 
    cjt121413yellingbananaswhiddon33SaraRose83
  • Thanks @DiFazette and @yellingbanana. Last night was the worst night I've ever had. I realized that I need to talk with someone, so I made an appt with my doc. I'm hoping to get some help/answers Friday. 
    yellingbananacjt121413DiFazette
  • Hugs to all of you ladies!  I also have a past history of depression and anxiety, so I knew going in that I would be at a much higher risk for PPD.  I have had a few bad days so far, mostly stemming from my insecurities as a FTM and the fact that my milk supply has not been very good, so my LO is mostly formula fed, and she only gets what little breastmilk I am able to pump.  I'm definitely a little blue about not living very close to my family, so I only see them a few times a year.  My sister came for a visit this past weekend to meet her niece, and after she left on Sunday I cried for a good part of the day.  My in-laws live much closer to us and they have been helping out with the baby, but it's just not the same as having my parents and sister around.  I'd like to try going home more often now that the LO is here, and it will be easier for me to schedule visits since I'm going back to work part time, but we'll have to work with my DH's schedule.  I'm also not looking forward to going back to work and dealing with the added stress there, but I'm the breadwinner and my DH has the great insurance, which means it's not feasible for us for someone to stay home.  I have my 6 week checkup on the 31st, so I will be discussing my options then.  I was on Zoloft in the past, as well as Ativan when needed for panic attacks, and it helped while I was taking them.  Especially if I'm not breastfeeding or pumping going forward due to low supply, it may be a good idea for me to go back on medication for a while.  It's not my ideal situation, but I want to be the best mother for my daughter that I can and if that means I need to medicate myself again, then so be it.
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    cjt121413R0824HyellingbananaSaraRose83
  • edited January 2017
    First of all, so many hugs to everyone here. Transparency is so crucial during this time. Being honest with yourself, creepy internet friends, your SO, and your dr is so important. I am feeling overall okay this time around... I really struggled with the spinal headache and the implications that had on my first 10ish days as a mom to this new little girl. I struggled with being unable to care for her or DD1 and not just being unable to care for her, feeling unable of wanting to care for her. Since the headache has resolved, I feel a lot of those feelings have as well which is relieving. Before leaving the hospital I had a psych consult and they put me on Lexapro but I haven't been taking it because I am leery of taking anything regularly especially when I am feeling overall well. But I'll still set up a follow up with a therapist for sure. 

    with DD1 I had terrible PPA. The intrusive thoughts are what caught me most off guard... I would lay awake at night petrified of a home invasion to the point that I'd need to check the windows and doors and all of the rooms. I would have vivid visions of what could possibly happen to my baby if someone broke in to harm us. I couldn't let my husband even change her diaper without hovering behind him because I was sure he'd let her roll off. I envisioned my arms failing and her falling down the stairs. My biggest fear was that she would fall from a cliff. We are not avid hikers so this was incredibly unrealistic but for whatever reason I would panic for hours at the thought of it. It took me about a year to work through it all and it was hard. I still have residual fears from it, but thankfully I feel less wound up with fear this time around. 
    Anyway, I say all of that to say that honestly is your friend. The thoughts I had were so terribly morbid that I thought I was crazy and a horrible mom. It wasn't until I shared some of these intrusive thoughts with some friends in my other BMB that I realized I wasn't alone at all. That these thoughts weren't uncommon and there was such relief in that. 
    Know that you're not alone in this. Seek the help of professionals for sure, but know that there can be so much healing and peace in just being open about what's going on and realizing that you're not alone and you're not crazy


    yellingbananadmontgocjt121413SaraRose83
  • @slartybartfast so much yes to the lack of excitement this time around. I definitely struggle with that and it brings on some mom-guilt for sure. It feels less magical this time and I'm just tired. I'm just waiting for this phase to pass whereas with DD1 I was dreading the end of the newborn stage. 


    yellingbananaDiFazetteslartybartfastSaraRose83
  • kvrunskvruns member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited January 2017
    Lurking from N16

    my situation is similar but reversed. I believe my H is having some sort of male PPD. He has developed an extremely short fuse where any little thing from baby can set him off to the point he doesn't trust himself bc he might get mad and get rough. I therefore don't trust him and it causes a lot of issues. H has said some awful things and says he feels no connection to the baby and thinks there is no way to ever fix him bc he is an angry person and he'll never be able to cope or change. WHen he does want baby time I let him but god I'm so nervous when he's holding him, silently praying the baby won't cry or fuss and set off H. I know he's depressed but he just thinks he is angry. We are seeing a marriage counselor Friday but I think he needs true help himself and he doesn't want it. I'm at the point of strongly considering leaving because it is an awful situation at home and I find myself crying and upset throughout the day let alone barely sleeping. I cry when I see friends on fb having their 2nd/3rd/4th baby bc I think gee at least they have a stable husband who loves them and their kid to want to have more. (I'm totally fine with only having 1that was the plan anyway but it's that feeling that there's no way we could ever do this again)  Leaving adds it's own stress and complications but I would feel better that the baby isn't in this environment even though I don't really have anywhere to go 
  • wynterwaddellwynterwaddell member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited January 2017
    I don't think it's depression for me, I think it was only Baby blues the first two weeks or so, now I'm basically back to normal. It's surprising to me that I haven't had issues with PPD because I had depression issues since middle school,they were undiagnosed but I know that's what it was. The first two weeks or so at home, I felt pretty exhausted,helpless,grumpy,weepy. I got irritated with DH a lot and would start to feel almost like a single parent although I still do get irritated and wish he would help more. I don't expect it from him during the week when he has to work and it's not a big deal if I don't get a lot of sleep at night because im a SAHM and usually LO sleeps for 3/4 hours in the morning and I sleep when baby sleeps at night and DH helps on Sundays when he's off work and Saturday's so I can take a shower or get whatever I need done so now the only problem I have us when DH pisses me off when he gets to tell me what to do with the baby when I clearly know our child and how he operates by now and I raised 4 siblings too but he thinks he knows more because he has a son but he doesn't live with us because he'd rather live with DH dad which is perfectly fine by me and him too because he doesn't think that's his real soon anyways and they just don't have a bond or connection or anything like that. Where as dh cried the day we brought LO home and said he was the best thing that hes ever done. & I think he's the best thing either one of us has ever done. I do notice I'm pretty grumpy and I'd rather not be around anyone but DH and LO because I don't care for his family too much except his dad and im still on the rocks with my family because they think I dont have anything to do with them because of dh and that's not the case I just would rather not subject myself or our son to their bullshit. The first day home I felt weepy and cried for about 20 minutes after DH left and went back to work because I was kind of terrified although I don't know why because I raised 4 siblings from when they were babies. I guess it's just different when your a FTM. & I cried because I was a little overwhelmed when I was hurting and he was working and I had to take care of the house and the dogs and the baby and everything on my own but now I'm on a schedule and it's more manageable although it's still a lot some days if I'm tired or not feeling great. Now I just feel needy because I always want dh home with me and don't want him to leave for work and I just want to love on him and spend time with him and our relationship to be back to normal and it's getting there. I just have felt like a bad wife some days. I guess we all go through things PP but I think it gets better over time. & I hope that all of you other ladies start feeling better soon. Sending hugs and good vibes y'all's way. 
  • @dmontgo that is a good step forward! Way to go :) you went into public and worked on something that helps lift away the grey. 

    This might sound silly, but I've been meaning to spend fun time with my older DDs. I've been so low energy and grumpy that I've been putting it off. Last night we finally made the chapstick that we've been meaning to for a month. It was fun, it made me feel so much better and useful. I also had a few sips of wine and I felt so adult-like, human. I'm thinking I need to push myself to do more regular things and that will help. 

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    dmontgocjt121413SaraRose83
  • dmontgodmontgo member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper Photogenic
    edited January 2017
    Glad to see that some having been receiving help! Even if you think you have just a few symptoms or aren't sure if it's PPD/PPA, I still recommend talking to your doctor about it. I didn't realize how bad off I was until a professional spoke with me, and I thought "Yeah, I'm sad but I'm coping well." Not always the case.

    Also, an overlooked symptom is constant irritability. Depression doesn't always "look" like sadness. Just throwing that out there. 

    Thinking of you all. <3
    yellingbananacjt121413kattyc-2SaraRose83
  • So the last couple of days I have found a daily routine/schedule. The structure helps, and I make sure to go out everyday, even if it's just dropping kids off at school. When I gather myself to go out, it makes me feel less disconnected. Though I did have random crying when a song came on, ok, it's happened twice. 
    I really want to go for a nice long walk, but my driveway is so steep and I'm not 100% yet. I'm thinking about taking the kids to a park tomorrow so I can walk while they play. Maybe find a mom friend? 

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    dmontgoSaraRose83cjt121413
  • I'm so grateful for this thread! @dmontgo @yellingbanana I also have PTSD from my birth experience and I'm hoping to get to a therapist specializing in it soon. 

    I think the rest of my depression symptoms are circumstantial - isolated in small, currently snowed-in town, family far away, unable to drive yet or even take a walk outdoors because of blizzard conditions for past couple weeks, unable to lift DD in car seat anyway and down outdoor stairs because of csection healing, husband gone 12 hours plus per day for work 2 hours away, ugh - but the doc put me back on antidepressants hours after I delivered.

    I still have flashbacks of the birth, complete with hours of crying when they come on. Lots of nightmares about DD dying or in danger. Also feeling lots of guilt about feeling this way when I don't want my newborn to see me like this. I imagined myself being a different mom. But it's like I'm depressed mom - sleeping a lot of the day away, procrastinating things I usually enjoy, feeling extreme fear and anxiety about the future - and I feel a lot of shame about this. 

    I asked OB to put me on higher dose - I'm on the lowest- and it doesn't seem to be doing much. But she said to wait until she sees me at 6weeks because this could just be baby blues. That was at my 2 week appointment. Things seem to be getting worse - I feel more hopeless, less excited, and more angry about the birth and how I was treated. So at my next appointment I guess I'll have to beg.

    I really feel better that this seems common, though. I really think birth and post partum was not meant to happen in isolation. 





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    yellingbananadmontgocjt121413
  • @SaraRose83 I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling that way, it sucks. Isolation definitely doesn't help. I still feel frustrated with this birth experience because I had an RCS planned, but went into labor. The doc who did my CS didn't do a good job, I had pp complications, and a super slow recovery. But I agree with @dmontgo, having a list of things to do really helps you feel, I don't know what the word is, but it lifts you up, gives a sense of accomplishment, purpose. Lists have been helping me too. On the days that I don't have a list, I meander and get distracted, I feel like I didn't do anything useful when in fact I did. 

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    dmontgocjt121413SaraRose83
  • @SaraRose83 I am so sorry to hear about your experiences. It is upsetting to me how frequently these things seem to happen. Therapy + meds has helped me way more than meds alone...I have flashbacks and a lot of fears surrounding the birth and the NICU that therapy helps me work through.

     I don't know if it would help you, but writing out my story has been very cathartic for me as well. I have a blog I have been sharing my struggles on and it's crazy to me how many will send me private messages saying similar things happened to them but they were too afraid or ashamed to share their experiences. 

    PPD & PTSD are truly terrifying and it is sad to me that there isn't a lot of open conversation about it. A lot of shame is there when there shouldn't be. I'm sending you healing vibes!
    yellingbananaSaraRose83
  • This morning LO woke me up by crying. I waited a couple of minutes so I can wake myself up and get out of bed to get her. DH comes in the room and asked how long she had been crying, I answered only a few minutes (still half asleep). He soothes her and is all "a few minutes? So you were going to just let her cry?" But he said it all snarky and like I had just said something completely unacceptable and he couldn't believe it. The way he said it made me feel horrible and like he thinks I'm a horrible mother or something.

    LO turns a month today, and I feel like with each passing day I get more exhausted and feel worse and worse emotionally and physically. I really feel like DH thinks I'm terrible at parenting which makes me feel pretty worthless. 

    I have a history of depression, but have been off of medication for about 6 years. I really don't want to go back on meds, but I'm afraid I might have to :(
    SaraRose83
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