PPD? - Page 2 — The Bump
December 2016 Moms

PPD?

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Re: PPD?

  • @BabyRobbinsAdventure - I relate to the - we hit one month just a few days ago and I'm feeling more exhausted every day. DH is being really sweet with me though and trying to give me breaks. Very sweet. Except I take a little break and it does nothing to recharge me and then I feel really bad about that. I'm trying to be the same mom I was to my son while being totally there with my daughter in these delicate first weeks and I feel like I'm faiiiiiiling.

    Of course I can't be the same mom to my son that I was before my daughter came and I can't be the same mom to my daughter as I was to my son when he was a newborn but I don't know what else feels right.
    So I just feel like a fail right now.
    Pregnancy Ticker
    Mother of an April '15 baby
    Due December 16
  • @BabyRobbinsAdventure You are not a bad mom! I am sorry he made you feel that way. Lack of sleep can make tensions run high...I hope he at least apologizes. No shame in speaking to your doctor if you feel yourself slipping down the rabbit hole. PPD is a lonely place to be.

    @slartybartfast I don't have any words of wisdom, but I am thinking of you. Right now I can't imagine trying to have a newborn and a toddler. Seems very overwhelming. I'm positive you are doing great, though!


    Yesterday I had a great day emotionally and mentally. Today I have been battling the intrusive thought that Ash does not love me. He doesn't smile when I (or anyone) smile at him. He makes eye contact and seems to be able to see fine, but he doesn't smile hardly ever, though he does "talk". His pedi said he may be a little behind on that particular milestone, but is up to par on everything else. My brain takes it so personally, which is so absurd. With my SIL lying about grandma dying just so we'd make the 12 hour trek for her to see him, I am on high alert and then other feelings like "What if Ashton loves SIL more than me?" start to creep in.

    I feel like I have been making progress, but still have forever to go it seems. But learning a lot about myself. The birth trauma and NICU experience made me reevaluate my entire life. Now I feel I am moving in a much more positive direction. 
    yellingbananaslartybartfastaevan011
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  • Hi Ladies - I haven't been on this site at all for two months.  I had a kind of crazy birth/postpartum experience and it was a few weeks before I even looked at a computer.  Now I am catching up and I am so glad I did because this is a great thread.  I was completely blindsided by my feelings after birth.  I had felt so mentally positive through my whole pregnancy and even a couple days after birth.  But then I ended up back in the hospital for 5 days without my baby and everything changed.  The anxiety I felt was like nothing I ever experienced.  I literally would have to sit and chant to myself "you are ok, you are fine, you are not going to die" several times per day for weeks after I gave birth.  Luckily while I was in the hospital I talked to some of the nurses and recognized that my anxiety issues were really bad, to the point where I didn't want to hold or feed my baby when she was brought up to visit me because I thought it would cause me to have a seizure or stroke.  My doctor started me on zoloft and it has helped so much.  I also went to see a therapist who specializes in postpartum issues a couple times.  She gave me some really good exercises to do if I start to feel my anxiety getting out of control.  I have been very lucky that my issues cleared up within about 3-4 weeks and I pretty much feel back to normal now, but I really think that talking about it with a group that understands like this is so important.  Realizing that you are not alone in how you feel and that it does get better helps.
    dmontgoyellingbananakaitmb88silverfrost
  • @yellingbanana You seriously made my day, especially about the writing. I am actually working on a book-length manuscript for a poetry submission contest. Maybe a new motherhood book could be my next project?

    @KatieJo1205 Being away from your newborn baby is painful and unnatural. I'm dealing with a double-whammy of postpartum illnesses because being away from Ashton (not to mention the birth) rocked my world in a way I never considered during pregnancy! I thought having a high risk pregnancy would have prepared me for it...nope. Nothing prepares you for that, and I am sorry you had to experience it. There seems to be dark corners of pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood that no one seems to talk about except behind closed doors, and I think open conversation would help many women let go of the shame associated with those areas. Glad to hear you are on the mend and almost back to normal! <3
    yellingbanana
  • For STMs, did anyone find that the PPD set in much later? I'm 10 weeks post and just now am starting to feel....off. Very sad, incapable, trouble sleeping, etc. I suspect it's related to sleep deprivation as Scarlett is a terrible sleeper still. I'm just wondering if it's all sleep or something hormonal perhaps. I have my iud follow up Friday and plan to ask.
    yellingbanana
  • @cgss11 Not a STM but my therapist told me (if I remember correctly) that PPD can occur any time during the first year of baby's life, and for some women it doesn't show up for a few months PP. Everyone's body is different hormonally, but if you suspect that something isn't right, I would see someone. 
    yellingbananatrut073014
  • @cgss11 totally. With DD1 I had PPA immediately, but the PPD didnt set in until months later. 

    I hope youre able to talk it through at your appointment today and today and start moving in the right direction toward some help❤
    yellingbanana
  • am 7 weeks pp ftm and I just don't feel like myself. I barely communicate with my SO unless it's about LO and I think he's had it. Our relationship is in the toilet and I can't seem to get out of my head to fix it. I can't see past being a mom now ... so I'm just taking care of her and neglecting everything else including myself. He's been a great help but I barely speak to him or anybody else. Has anyone else experienced this feeling? It's like I don't know how to be myself anymore ... I'm just feeling so low right now trying to deal with all of these fewlings. He doesn't get it and I don't think I could even explain it to him. But he just thinks I should be fine and doing more ... and I jist can't... anyways, any thoughts or advice would be really appreciated. 
    yellingbanana
  • oneikarae said:
    am 7 weeks pp ftm and I just don't feel like myself. I barely communicate with my SO unless it's about LO and I think he's had it. Our relationship is in the toilet and I can't seem to get out of my head to fix it. I can't see past being a mom now ... so I'm just taking care of her and neglecting everything else including myself. He's been a great help but I barely speak to him or anybody else. Has anyone else experienced this feeling? It's like I don't know how to be myself anymore ... I'm just feeling so low right now trying to deal with all of these fewlings. He doesn't get it and I don't think I could even explain it to him. But he just thinks I should be fine and doing more ... and I jist can't... anyways, any thoughts or advice would be really appreciated. 
    You definitely are NOT alone mama. Trust me when I say that there are many of us FTM'S and even STM's that are struggling exactly as you are. Feeling the exact same way. A few weeks back I started noticing that I just wasn't myself anymore. I started crying all the time and wishing I could go back to the way I was pre-baby. I closed myself off from friends and family and also my SO. I was just going through the Mom motions day by day and not taking care of myself. Not eating, showering, no housework. I also have been having very bad anxiety and eventually had a panic attack. That's was the last straw for me and I went to my Doctor and was disposed with ppd/ppa (post partum depression and post partum anxiety) I went on anxiety meds that after 2 weeks have just started to work and I also have an appointment set up with a councillor and a ppd support group.  

    I would strongly suggest you speak with your doctor about this @oneikarae It is the best thing you could do for yourself and your family right now. My SO also didn't understand what I was going through and wasn't very supportive but after my visit to the doctor I gathered a few articles together about ppd for him to read and now he has an better understanding. 

    It will be an struggle but this too shall pass. Just stay positive. We are all in this together *hugs*
    yellingbananasilverfrost
  • After an 8 week hiatus from the group to adjust to this whole being a mom thing. I have PPA. It will be dormant for days, then flare up and I cannot stop doing research and basically changing everything around in our life. I started seeing a therapist while still pregnant because I had really bad depression and anxiety. I've struggled with depression and anxiety throughout the years going on and off medication as the doctors and myself saw fit. I've seen my therapist once since having Jackson, cancelled my second appointment because I was sick, and haven't rescheduled even though I know I need to. I am too willing to let life pass by right now and get caught up with excuses on why not to go. Too busy, too tired, doesn't work in our work schedules right now since we are trying to figure everything out, I have to feed him, etc. During my 6 week PP appointment, I was asked about my mental health and I was flustered and explained that I have high anxiety. She thought me seeing a therapist was a good idea and that I should continue. 

    Right now I am convinced that everything I do is slowing killing my child, or doing things that will cause harm. I read too much about safe sleep and SIDS - probably because I am part of a Safe Sleep FB group and just keep seeing people post things about AAP and what's bad. Then I see all these other posts in mom groups I am in and I recognize unsafe situations and want to tell the moms, but then it would be a second job for me. I find myself feeling extremely guilty for not telling people that according to AAP they shouldn't be doing this or that, but I know I do not follow all the rules, so I just silently watch.

    Last weekend, I didn't wake up when Jackson woke up at 3 am. I didn't hear him, but my DH did. When I got up at 6 am when I heard him crying I started freaking out because he wasn't in the room. My DH said that he heard him at 3 and since I didn't wake up, he decided to let me sleep and he prepared a bottle with some milk in the fridge and spent the morning with him in the living room. Kudos to my DH for taking initiative and letting me sleep while caring for our son, but goodness, I felt like a crappy mother all day because I didn't wake up!

    High anxiety. But I am back to the group because I need mommy friends - even if they're cyber friends!!
    yellingbanana
  • @AbriannaO. Don't feel like a crappy mom for not waking up. This whole mom thing does take getting used to... each time. There were definitely a handful of times that I didn't wake when DD1 did when she was a baby. I felt really bad, but we both survived, and I apologized to her with extra snuggles. 
    Also, glad you are on a plan to work with your PPA. Try to talk yourself down a little, I get really paranoid about stuff too. If I find myself worrying too much, I think "if this was how my friend was feeling, what would I say to her to help?". When we spent a few nights in downtown Seattle the other weekend, we stayed in a hotel on the 24th floor. I kept thinking "what if the big earthquake hits while we are here? How would we keep the kids safe?". I really had to just push it to the back of my head, and accept that I can only control so much in life. It's hard though.
     Hugs to you. Glad to see you back  <3

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers


    silverfrost
  • @yellingbanana I feel like my CS doc didn't do a very good job either. My scar is basically diagonal and curvy. And my recovery was also awful. I had a friend who had an unexpected csection after me tell me she was up and recovered in about 3 weeks..mine def took about 7.

    @dmontgo yes, writing is very cathartic for me, too! I've been thinking about going back to my blog or starting a new one just to get it out. I've been thinking a lot about what I want to write- now I just need to do it!






    Pregnancy Ticker
    yellingbanana
  • @yellingbanana thanks for that! The anxiety is freaky. I need to just stop following all the evidence based mommy groups I am in so that I stop evaluating everything that I am doing. JLO and I are flying to Colorado in April and I am constantly doing research on what to do and it is over taking my life. I mean come'on brain, people fly with 4 month olds all the time, why must you freak out?! 

    This past week I've noticed an influx of depression that is greater than my anxiety. Very low energy, negative thoughts (not towards JLO), and anger. I was sick last week, and now my DH has what I have and I just find myself getting very angry at him because he is not a high functioning sick person whereas I have to continue to do everything plus some when I am sick. My MIL and SIL are coming to visit on Saturday for dinner and I really do not want to see them. I can't get myself excited to see them, and I am just annoyed at the prospect of them coming. I am not sure how I will be come Saturday, but right now since I am not really wanting to be around them and the idea of seeing them interact with my son makes me anxious, my plan is to greet them kindly and tell them "I am so glad that you guys are here to love on JLO and give me the opportunity to get a much needed nap" and proceed to the basement where I can have a few hours to myself and leave my DH to entertain his family (much like he does to me).
    yellingbananakaitmb88
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