Postpartum Depression

adiaz132003

A place for support 

adiaz132003

Sorry I've been MIA ladies.  A few days after Christmas a had a mental break where I hurt my self and the police were called and took me back to the pysch ward.  I was there for a whole week and just got out today.  It's not a fun place to be but I'm happy I went.  I really needed the help.  I could write a book on everything that happened and what I've seen.  I'm not ashamed of what I have now, and I'm starting to get more support at home.  A start therapy on Friday so I'm hoping that will send me in the right direction.  For now, I am never alone with my son and I've gained a few pounds so I am feeling better physically.  Thank you guys for your support.

artlea2013

@adiaz132003 We've missed you and we're here for you! I'm so sorry you're going through this, but I'm glad you found the support that you need and are taking the necessary steps and precautions now.

vintagevix2016

adiaz132003 said:

Sorry I've been MIA ladies.  A few days after Christmas a had a mental break where I hurt my self and the police were called and took me back to the pysch ward.  I was there for a whole week and just got out today.  It's not a fun place to be but I'm happy I went.  I really needed the help.  I could write a book on everything that happened and what I've seen.  I'm not ashamed of what I have now, and I'm starting to get more support at home.  A start therapy on Friday so I'm hoping that will send me in the right direction.  For now, I am never alone with my son and I've gained a few pounds so I am feeling better physically.  Thank you guys for your support.

Welcome back! We missed you!  I couldn't imagine what it must have been like but am so glad you are home now. I'm sure Preston missed his mommy. You could always jot down the experiences you had and are going to have on the road ahead in a diary or something. If that's something that tickles your fancy at least. When I went through therapy, I kept a journal and from time to time I like to look through it, it reminds me of how far I've come. Good luck with therapy, I really hope it goes well! And congrats on gaining a few pounds! 

laurendiaz02

We've missed you. I'm sorry you're going through this, but I'm proud that you're getting help. No matter what, your son loves you. 

lm45678

We missed you! I can't imagine how hard this is, but you have done the right thing. Please continue to keep us updated and reach out for support. And know that Preston love you!

rlbrooks84

You've been missed and I was actually thinking about you today! We're here for you and you will get through this!

meggyme

We missed you. Take care of yourself. I'm glad you're getting the help you need.

AmberLiz99

I'm sorry it had to come to that, but so glad you are getting help and support. You are strong for facing it! Here's to a healing new year 

annaf2011

So glad to hear that you are finding some support. Best wishes to you and your family. 

egirl1025

Sorry to hear that you are going through all this, but very happy and proud to hear that you are getting help. It takes so much to take those first steps towards getting and accepting help.  I wanted to let you know that as you can see we are here for you and wishing you and your beautiful family all the best for 2017.  

26pointrunningfor2

So much love to you. I am sorry things have been difficult but I'm so glad you are getting help and have people who love and care about you. We are here for you too!!

adiaz132003

Ugh today was a bad day.  This morning I crumbled right in front of my mom.  I was so embarrassed but I couldn't help it.  I went on and on about how much each day felt like a failure. Next thing I know she gets up crying and just hugs me.  That was the first time she's ever done that.   

Delitachan

You and me both. I've been a lot better than before, but I posted in the May 2016 threads how I was literally unwilling to even get out of bed. I couldn't mom. I couldn't do anything. I left my hubs to do all the work. He dealt with my son's colic. He did night shifts. I just COULDN'T.
Now a days, it's better, but if LO has a bad day, so do I. I'll have two days of just being weepy and wishing we had our old life of jetting off out of town, to beaches, gatherings and all.

lm45678

adiaz132003 said:

Ugh today was a bad day.  This morning I crumbled right in front of my mom.  I was so embarrassed but I couldn't help it.  I went on and on about how much each day felt like a failure. Next thing I know she gets up crying and just hugs me.  That was the first time she's ever done that.   

I'm glad that your mom is showing you some compassion, I know you've had a rocky relationship. Just remember that there's no reason to be embarrassed for how you feel, you simply cannot help it. Keep taking it one day at a time and try to focus on the little positives to keep you going

Tawny87

I'm happy to see an update but I'm sorry that you had an awful week!!! Therapy can work wonders and I'm sure soon you will feel back to yourself again. The first year is hard but it will get easier as he is able to start communicating his needs, and starts sleeping through the night. I hope this new year holds many blessings for your family and that you feel back to yourself soon!!!

adiaz132003

I had my first therapy session today.  It was so hard reliving the moments that sent me to the hospital but I had to do it.  At home Preston had a crying fit pre-nap right as DCF walked in the door and I lost it.  I had tears streaming down my face as I talked to her and my dad was rocking Preston in the other room.  One thing I learned though is DCF is not trying to find reasons to take your kids, they really want to help.  She asked if there was anything she could say or do to help me at the moment and once I calmed down she told me about help they can give like someone to come to my house once a week for parenting help and also help find some mommy and me activities or even discount yoga classes for me to get away and relax.  Worth the tax dollars if you ask me.  I felt a lot better.

vintagevix2016

adiaz132003 said:

I had my first therapy session today.  It was so hard reliving the moments that sent me to the hospital but I had to do it.  At home Preston had a crying fit pre-nap right as DCF walked in the door and I lost it.  I had tears streaming down my face as I talked to her and my dad was rocking Preston in the other room.  One thing I learned though is DCF is not trying to find reasons to take your kids, they really want to help.  She asked if there was anything she could say or do to help me at the moment and once I calmed down she told me about help they can give like someone to come to my house once a week for parenting help and also help find some mommy and me activities or even discount yoga classes for me to get away and relax.  Worth the tax dollars if you ask me.  I felt a lot better.

That's really reassuring to hear about DCF, I would be so paranoid but it sounds like she is will be great to work with and a good resource for you and your family. I actually had bo idea DCF could do so much. How is your husband doing with all of this? I'm so glad you are starting to feel better!

lm45678

adiaz132003 said:

I had my first therapy session today.  It was so hard reliving the moments that sent me to the hospital but I had to do it.  At home Preston had a crying fit pre-nap right as DCF walked in the door and I lost it.  I had tears streaming down my face as I talked to her and my dad was rocking Preston in the other room.  One thing I learned though is DCF is not trying to find reasons to take your kids, they really want to help.  She asked if there was anything she could say or do to help me at the moment and once I calmed down she told me about help they can give like someone to come to my house once a week for parenting help and also help find some mommy and me activities or even discount yoga classes for me to get away and relax.  Worth the tax dollars if you ask me.  I felt a lot better.

I'm glad you feel that they're helping! I actually know a woman (parent of a student) who took in her nieces and nephews even though she had barely any money to support her kids. She called DCF on herself in the hopes of getting them to help her out with resources. That was when I learned that they really wanted to help, not just punish people.

Im glad that your parents are stepping up to help a little!

adiaz132003

DH has been so amazing.  After having to solo it for the most part of a week, he has so much confidence.  He went through therapy himself so he knows how long it takes and that I'll need a lot of support.  He just wants me to be happy.  I've been almost afraid to hold/play with Preston, feels like PTSD or something cause I get panic when I hold him (minus for feeding) and I feel more comfortable interacting with his if someone else is holding him of in charge of okay time.  DH said that if that's what makes me happy then just let others hold/play with Preston and don't feel guilty, that it's better to feel happy even for those small moments than stress about holding him.  Even my mom agreed that it seems like my confidence has disappeared and to take my time easing back into caring for him, that we have plenty of time.  

AmberLiz99

adiaz132003 said:

DH has been so amazing.  After having to solo it for the most part of a week, he has so much confidence.  He went through therapy himself so he knows how long it takes and that I'll need a lot of support.  He just wants me to be happy.  I've been almost afraid to hold/play with Preston, feels like PTSD or something cause I get panic when I hold him (minus for feeding) and I feel more comfortable interacting with his if someone else is holding him of in charge of okay time.  DH said that if that's what makes me happy then just let others hold/play with Preston and don't feel guilty, that it's better to feel happy even for those small moments than stress about holding him.  Even my mom agreed that it seems like my confidence has disappeared and to take my time easing back into caring for him, that we have plenty of time.  

It sounds like your support system has been great! I'm so glad you have that around you. Definitely agree with trying to take your time. When you're going through something like this it's good to let go of timetables and expectations and focus on finding positive moments when they come. 

adiaz132003

You are all being so supportive and you have no idea how good it is to just vent to "strangers".   Last night Preston woke up crying ever few hours for idk why.  I held it together for the night, maybe cause I was too tired to cry, but this morning I was shaking with the stress of the day.  I worry about putting him down for naps these days cause if he cries, it's always pre-nap/bedtime.  I do wish I could take medication cause I know it would make me feel better but breastfeeding is just too important for us so I had to make the hard choice I don't regret the choice but I do wish there were studies to show that there was no ill effects on kids later on in life whose mothers were on mood meds.

rlbrooks84

You'll get through this and it'll get better with time. Have they suggested meditation or any other breathing exercises to help deal with your stressors? I hope Preston sleeps better for you, I know how a lack of sleep can exacerbate things. We're here for you!

adiaz132003

I know some breathing things to calm me temporarily but the stress is still there.  I'm gonna see this therapist 2-3 days a week and I have a meeting with a psychiatrist on Monday to check out my state of mind.

Lizbeth86

@adiaz132003 I'm praying for you in this ordeal and I'm so glad you are getting the help and support you need. Your husband does sound amazing!

Did your dr say whether this is hormonal and should it get better after a certain period of time? I'm just curious. I had been battling some less severe blues and I can't figure out how much of it was hormones vs other factors.

rlbrooks84

I hope it goes well with Psychiatrist, I've found they can be quirky people and it takes a few sessions to decide if you like her/him. I was sure I wouldn't  like my current one but he's by far my favorite. I'll keep you in my thoughts and I hope you have a good weekend!

adiaz132003

It can be both hormones and outside factors.  They said the sooner you get help the sooner it goes away and those who don't get help can sometimes suffer permanent depression as a result.  I had anxiety before this so I may always be a little off but it should get much better.

Amawanderlust

I'm on meds for depression and anxiety disorder and still breastfeed. My doctor said the good outweighed the bad in my case. Is worth a try. I still have issues sometimes too though. Since I've been on winter break my son's sleep schedule had been real messed up and bedtime is a nightmare. On top of that, the the of us have had bad colds and pink eye. I've been really taking my frustrations out on my husband and it came to a head yesterday night. He went to pick a friend up from work and I had put the baby down for the night. At around 9, he wakes up and I feed him and try to put him back down. He just screams. He cries like this every time I try to put him down. Finally, I text my husband and tell him to hurry up and get home. I ended up just putting him in his pnp and lying in my bed sobbing which is how my husband found us when he got home. He immediately picked up the baby and took him to the living room. I still ended up having to nurse him to sleep once he had exhausted himself. I feel bad that I kind of envy my husband because he gets to go out and do stuff but I'm always mom.  Even when I'm working in all have to pump for him. I sometimes joke that I'm still waiting for my son's real mom to come get him because who would let me have a kid. Luckily days line that are very rare. But know you're not alone ❤

adiaz132003

Anyone else have to use Zoloft while breastfeeding? Any issues or fears? My Dr really wants me to use it but I'm scared of what could happen.

Delitachan

adiaz32003 be careful with the drugs. I was put on Pristiq, gave me two anxiety attacks, then Zoloft (didn't work), then Lexapro with Seroquil and another anti-psychosis drug. Nothing made things better, so I stopped taking them but the anti anxiety gave me permanent short-term memory loss. Try psycho therapy before the drugs.
I suffered deep, severe PPD and anxiety. Today, I am much better but only because I returned to work. I still get down from time to time, but nowhere near as bad as before.

AmberLiz99

A friend took a low dose of Zoloft while BF and it helped her a lot. They didn't have any problems on their situation, but I haven't done any research on it myself. My husband takes it, and it has been a huge help. Have you talked to both your OB and your psychiatrist  

adiaz132003

AmberLiz99 said:

A friend took a low dose of Zoloft while BF and it helped her a lot. They didn't have any problems on their situation, but I haven't done any research on it myself. My husband takes it, and it has been a huge help. Have you talked to both your OB and your psychiatrist  

I spoke to my midwife, psychiatrist, therapist, and whole family.  Everyone is in agreement that I need the Zoloft.

AmberLiz99

adiaz132003 said:

AmberLiz99 said:

A friend took a low dose of Zoloft while BF and it helped her a lot. They didn't have any problems on their situation, but I haven't done any research on it myself. My husband takes it, and it has been a huge help. Have you talked to both your OB and your psychiatrist  

I spoke to my midwife, psychiatrist, therapist, and whole family.  Everyone is in agreement that I need the Zoloft.

This is a totally personal decision for you to make. It's what you're comfortable with. If it was me, if both medical professionals were in agreement I would be ok with trying it. I've seen the good that properly managed medication combined with therapy has done for some close friends and family members. 

rlbrooks84

@adiaz132003 I know you're scared/worried about taking the meds and breastfeeding but if your doctors are all in agreement and you have faith in them I would do it. I would hate for you to miss out on things Preston is doing now. I missed so much of the happy moments with my second because my depression became really bad. I would hate for you to miss out on this time with Preston.

adiaz132003

OK so I started the Zoloft today.  I'm coming to terms with it because all the professionals I work with say I really need it.  I hope it does work.  And Preston has been wakig up every morning around 4am and will only be soothed with the boob. He's had a mild ear infection for a few days now so I'm hoping it's just a phase.  He's been STTN while I was away so I really hope he starts doing that again and doesn't keep waking at that time because he's just used to getting fed.  

26pointrunningfor2

@adiaz132003 I hope it works for you. I stayed on Lexapro throughout pregnancy and am breastfeeding while on it. For me, the benefits outweighed the risks.  I've heard Zoloft is the best one to be on.

vintagevix2016

@adiaz132003 I hope the zoloft helps!! I think you're making the right decision.

lm45678

I hope the Zoloft helps! I know it's a tough decision, but I think you're making the right one. 

I'm sorry Preston isn't STTN right now, I'm sure that's really exacerbating things. I really think he missed you and the breastfeeding is bringing him a lot of comfort now that you're home. I know that it doesn't make him sleep, but just keeping in mind that Preston wants to be with you may make it at least a little easier to deal with.

adiaz132003

Day 2 of Zoloft and I can't imagine it's working already but good news is that yesterday and today have been great.  I was really irritated in the am yesterday but my parents said that I was more hands on during the day and today I got very little sleep due to bad dreams and a 5:30am booby call but I woke up at 7:40 realized Preston was still sleeping. (we try not to let him go past 7:30) I walked to his room cool as can be and when I opened the door, he was wide awake and just crawling around and playing.  I went through the whole morning in a good mood.  I hope it continues.

meggyme

adiaz132003 said:

Day 2 of Zoloft and I can't imagine it's working already but good news is that yesterday and today have been great.  I was really irritated in the am yesterday but my parents said that I was more hands on during the day and today I got very little sleep due to bad dreams and a 5:30am booby call but I woke up at 7:40 realized Preston was still sleeping. (we try not to let him go past 7:30) I walked to his room cool as can be and when I opened the door, he was wide awake and just crawling around and playing.  I went through the whole morning in a good mood.  I hope it continues.

Haha. Booby call... I'm glad things are going smoother. Hopefully it will continue that way.

rlbrooks84

@adiaz132003 how are you feeling?