May 2017 Moms

UO 12/22

2

Re: UO 12/22

  • @Jen_Shoes - I love that face.
    Fur daughter: 02/2011
    Human sons: 11/2015 & 05/2017
    *formerly kayemjay*


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  • @Jen_Shoes I love that face! I'd be giving him hugs!
    Married 6/5/14 in Ireland
    1st Baby 5/12/17, Henry
  • @JonesBaby0624 Thanks for the clarification! I have heard other parents use the term helicopter parenting around their 2/3yo and I'm just like.. give me a break. I just wasn't sure what you had in mind originally


  • Jen_Shoes said:
    kat81 said:
    Jen_Shoes said:
    Well for starters I want to pat myself on the back because I did a gif on mobile! 


    But my UO is that it annoys the shit out of me when people don't like my dog for no reason. I get those who have had a traumatic incident with a dog in the past and are hesitant in general. But my dog is adorable and although he gets SUPER excited when anyone comes over and does put his paws on their legs but is otherwise super well behaved.  I think I get offended when people don't like him for no reason because he is my child. 
    You'd hate me. My UO is that I don't like pets, including dogs. A dog will approach me to be petted or whatever and I just don't want to (sometimes I will out of politeness, but I really don't want to.) And I really hate it when a dog jumps up on me or licks me. I try to be polite about it because I know this is a UO -- most people are friendly with dogs -- but it's still very clear where I stand and usually the owner says, "are you afraid?" Not really afraid per se. I'm just not an animal person.

    But to be fair, I'm not offended when people aren't excited to play with or otherwise engage with my kids. They need to provide a certain level and type of attention / appropriate response in order to not harm the kid (i.e. don't say "shut up" to my kid) but I think it can be a good lesson for a child (even a baby) that they aren't the center of attention and some adults do NOT want to listen to your story, etc.
    would you be this way if you went to someone's house who had a dog? My SIL comes over and ignores him, doesn't say hi. I don't expect people in public to be nice to him but her - what's up your butt?

    As for Santa, I'm all for the magic of it. I don't think it's truly lying. And elf on the shelf is creepy and people go way too hard about it (posting pics on Facebook each day)
    I don't like interacting with people's dogs whether I'm in public with them or in their house. In fact usually the dog is more jumpy and all over me and other people when in the house than outside. I'll say hi and try to be polite. But I'm still not interested. I've been invited over to spend time with the adults and/or their human children.

    And again, I don't think I'm being a hypocrite about this. If we are friends with someone who doesn't like kids, yeah, occasionally they need to be around our kids, but usually try to get together with them in kid-free ways (e.g. going out to eat and we get a sitter) so we can have adult time. Typically if I've been invited to someone's house who has a very jumpy "friendly" dog, they'll eventually move the dog to another room so we can have some peace and quiet.

    I can't relate to the aspect of it being family, though. I would probably be offended if I had family members who wanted absolutely nothing to do with my kids. ...and likewise, I'm much cooler with my sister's dog than I am with anyone else's, as I consider her (the dog) to be family. It helps she is not jumpy and doesn't bark much, but I'll pet her and let her sit with me, etc. And I LOVE that my kids love that dog.

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  • pshaortao said:
    My UO is helicopter parents.  You have no idea what you are creating.  They will never be able to live a life without you involved.  Don't you want them to grow up and be a successful teenager/college student /adult?  The world is hard, use difficulties as teachable moments so they can handle it themselves next time.  Set them up for a successful life.
    I'm curious about your perspective regarding helicopter parents, like don't be those people right off the bat or? I'm still one at playgrounds for the most part, because DD is only 2 and other kids are careless assholes. She got pushed off a play bridge once by some careless 5yo boy but fortunately I was there to catch her. :/
    I think being safe at a playground is a totally different use of the term helicopter parent. Safety always has to come first. One time I witnessed my tiny 2yo son take a header off of a high deck on a playground (just thisclose out of my grasp!) (also: it happens literally in the blink of an eye, it's no joke when people say that!) and I'll still hover at playgrounds because I'm still super wary. Safety is one thing. But I do agree about the other type of helicopter parent: an example: one who looks over the shoulder of a child doing an art project, butting in with how to "do it right"; that's super annoying. Offering tips and tricks and gentle advice is one thing, but grabbing the marker out of their hand to finish it "the correct way" is just ridiculous. In the long run it destroys their confidence and fosters disinterest. They'll think they're no good at it and won't try again. Sends the wrong message.


  • My UO is helicopter parents.  You have no idea what you are creating.  They will never be able to live a life without you involved.  Don't you want them to grow up and be a successful teenager/college student /adult?  The world is hard, use difficulties as teachable moments so they can handle it themselves next time.  Set them up for a successful life.
    I am generally strongly anti-helicopter parenting and for the longest time was committed to being a "free range" parent. I 100% agree with you that helicopter parenting is bad for society.

    However...once we got to know my son a bit better and realized he has special needs, DH and I realized we could not just be free range parents with him. In fact we sort of need to helicopter, at least for now and in certain situations (we need to keep an eye on him in social situations and not generally do drop-off playdates, we need to be on the school's case about various things and whether they're following his 504 plan, etc.)

    I just say this because if you see a parent being very helicopter-y, know that there could be some back story to it. If you know them well and know there is no back story, then judge away. ;-) Oh and we don't helicopter little sister at all. I'm still hoping we can be free range with her...and with him if he grows out of some of the challenges he has had in the past couple of years. And definitely #3 -- I mean, how can you even helicopter a third child anyway? ;-)

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  • Kipperoo said:

    My UO is that I don't really like small children. I love my son, obviously, but I don't always like him. And I really don't like most people's small children, the shrieking, crying, tantrums, general life disruptions, etc. Don't get me wrong, we planned for the family we have and I love my son and this unborn little girl, but I'm greatly looking forward to both of them being a little older. 
    yes, this! This has been my UO in the past, that I don't like newborns and young babies. I'm actually kind of ok with toddlers because I find it fascinating when they're acquiring language, but I'm someone who totally agrees that it is better as they get older and I DON'T miss the early years! It is damn hard to hit the reset button for this 3rd child now that we are out of the baby stage (no more diapers, stroller, crib, babyproofing, small-toys-only, etc--our youngest is currently in the clear.) I like looking at old pictures of my kids and whatnot, but I just do not miss those earlier years and especially the newborn time. When we were trying to decide on whether or not to have a 3rd, seeing a young baby made me want one LESS, not more (usually the opposite is true for people trying to decide.) But seeing a family with three older kids made me want a 3rd, which is why we decided to do it. The early years are an investment in the future.

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  • @SKZW exactly!!  

    @kat81 I agree and understand what you are saying.  Being in education I can typically see the difference.  I understand there are so many situations, with special needs children, which I would not know how to handle and completely defer to the parents judgement.  They know what that child needs.  Unfortunately, this is not the case with so many and it makes people side eye parents like you who have a necessity.  
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  • kat81kat81 member
    edited December 2016
    Jen_Shoes said:
    How could you not love that face? 
    Lol I do not let him off leash in inappropriate places (public) and he's fantastic with my neices (4 & 2) and doesn't jump on them. He does lick, but it doesn't leave slobber, and he doesn't shed. I'm also good about holding him with strangers and people he doesn't know even when they come to our house. But for my mom or MIL I don't because they know him. 

    I'm allergic to cats so I don't touch them, but I'm not rude to them. 

    I think being cautious when your children are little is fine, but once your kids are in middle school, you should back off a bit.  

    I don't prefer Facebook invites, and I wouldn't do it for myself but I don't get offended if I get one. 
    Oh don't get me wrong about dogs & pets -- I actually think that most pets are very cute, including absolutely your dog! And as for my kids and animals, I have a strong desire for my kids to love animals so that they are NOT like me, haha. So I encourage them to interact with dogs in the neighborhood, etc, and to learn how to be kind and safe with animals. That said, we're not getting a pet. DH and I both feel strongly about this, him more so! We figure if they make enough friends with dogs then they'll have the chance to have that interaction on a more regular basis. And when they're older they can get a job working with animals if they are that interested.

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  • I have no problem with elf on the shelf. It's something fun for my daughter to wake up to each morning and find her elf in a new place. 
    Im definitely one for letting a child believe in santa. I think there's is no harm in it and I wouldn't consider it lying. 
    As for dogs I like them as long as they don't jump all over people. We definitely plan to have one once our girls get older! 

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  • I'll play...

    I don't really like the Santa thing. Growing up my father was overly religious (there were certain Disney movies I want allowed to watch because of evil magic) and didn't believe in Santa because if they told me Santa was real and I found out he wasn't, I wouldn't believe in God either. I wasn't allowed to spoil it for anyone else's kids, but we didn't believe in Santa. Flash forward to now and I'm far from being religious, but still not into the Santa thing. I took DD to get pictures with Santa, but I'd rather just have her grow up knowing that it's just for fun and not real.

    On the pets thing...I don't mind other people's pets, but I don't like feeling like I need to shower or bathe DD after having been to a pet owner's home because of fur and dirt, it just grosses me out. I'm allergic to cats and typically don't trust them around DD because she loves animals and when you're 1.5 it's hard to understand why a cat might not want to be held down and loved on like her Grandpa's neighbors dogs do. I have reptiles though and I think they are the best animals ever.
  • @NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot - I love all of your words. Like, every time you post. 
    Fur daughter: 02/2011
    Human sons: 11/2015 & 05/2017
    *formerly kayemjay*


  • There needs to be a medium between being a helicopter parent and not involved at all. I see both and, while the helicoptered students do better in school, they can't think for themselves. Meanwhile the kids whose parents aren't involved do poorly in school, but can problem solve better. Like all things in life, I think it's important to have a balance. There needs to be helpfulness and protectiveness along with letting kids make mistakes and learn from them. 
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  • @KMD1106 in my experience as a teacher you can't stereotype the children of helicopter or free range parents.  In general the children of helicopter parents do poorly in high school because, as you said, they cannot think for themselves.  They also cannot meet deadlines, due dates,and cannot take responsibility for their action or lack there of.  The children of poor parenting or "free range" parenting do not always do poorly.  I have had many students come from homes, backgrounds, and parenting situations that made me cringe, who have been highly self motivated and want success for themselves.  I really believe it depends more on the personality of each individual child.
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  • I can understand not being a cat/dog person, but I don't understand not being a pet person in general. I like animals more than I like most people, so there's that.

    I think everyone should do Santa whatever way feels best for them. The only time I side eye it is when people say they don't want to do Santa because they want their kids to know they bought all the gifts. It feels selfish to me to take away the magic so that you're acknowledged. That's just me though.

    My UO: I like "Baby, It's Cold Outside" and don't think it is "rapey" at all. I think it's just from a different era and the woman wants to stay but is worried about her reputation. My SIL acted like I was anti woman for thinking it was just a cute Christmas song.

  • My UO: I like "Baby, It's Cold Outside" and don't think it is "rapey" at all. I think it's just from a different era and the woman wants to stay but is worried about her reputation. My SIL acted like I was anti woman for thinking it was just a cute Christmas song.
    That's definitely a UO. Have you read the lyrics? (Woman:) "My neighbors might think... hey what's in this drink?" (Man:) "It's bad out there... no cabs to be had out there." He's pulling out all the stops to get her to stay!
    And P.S. while I was just looking this up, turns out, Wikipedia lists the original lyrics, rather than man & woman, as Wolf and Mouse, so...
  • I have to say, I'm with @moshimoshi7, I think that the "female" voice in the song seems to me like she wants to stay. But I can see the interpretation. I think either way you interpret it, it's harmless. I doubt with all the other "rape culture" type influences out there, the last thing that's going to inspire a potential offender is a Christmas song. 
  • I was lurking on BBC and saw this post about showering with your children. 

    https://community.babycenter.com/post/a65093437/at-what-age-does-is-become-inappropriate-for-a-father-to-shower-with-his-daughter

    Do people shower with their children up to age 3-4 or more? I guess I didn't realize people did this..
  • Jen_Shoes said:
    I was lurking on BBC and saw this post about showering with your children. 

    https://community.babycenter.com/post/a65093437/at-what-age-does-is-become-inappropriate-for-a-father-to-shower-with-his-daughter

    Do people shower with their children up to age 3-4 or more? I guess I didn't realize people did this..
    I shower with DD.  She's three and I know several moms who shower with older girls.  I mostly do it when we missed bath night and need to clean her in the morning.  It saves time.  DH recently took a bath with her and he wore swim trunks.  From what I've seen in other groups, it's all over the map as far as family nudity.  

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  • We do Santa in our house and we have an elf, but it's stayed in the same spot all of December. DD is still to young to know that it is supposed to move. Also, and maybe this is my UO, the big present in our house is always from mom and dad. It's not overtly a credit thing, but subconsciously probably is. 

    MH and I have two friends with kids the same age as DD. When we are at each other's houses, two of us let our kids roam and play free, as long as we can see them (they're 2 1/2), and the third mom is sitting right next to her kid hovering over everything that he does. There are no issues with this child either. It's annoying enough when she does it to her own kid, but then she starts hovering over ours too. 

    @Jen_Shoes I still shower/bathe with DD and MH does occasionally know, he did a lot more when she was younger. Now that she is more aware of body parts, we don't have her shower with MH unless we are running super late and I need her rinsed off. 
  • I prefer this version of "Baby It's Cold Outside" (yes there is a 5 second ad, I promise it's worth it):

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amK4U4pCTB8


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    *formerly kayemjay*


  • KMD1106KMD1106 member
    edited December 2016
    @JonesBaby0624, very true. It totally depends on personality and instrinsic motivation. My experience with high schoolers has been opposite of yours. There's almost a fear with the helicopter kids because they don't want to disappoint mom and dad.
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  • First of all, a confession... I am rarely fully clothed at home. Even if I know I am going back out at some point, the jeans are coming off and I may change into a comfy t-shirt while I am at home. It terrifies my husband to think that my son and his friends will be subject to my half-nakedness well into their high school years (they won't be). But he does ask... When will you stop? 

    I was intrigued (and relieved) to come across this article recently. I think her points are totally valid - especially the ones where it's not like she is exposing herself to her sons... they just barge in all. the. time. I'm not to that point in parenting yet, but it seems pretty common from what I've read. 

    I talked a lot. Here's the article. https://www.scarymommy.com/when-stop-letting-sons-see-us-naked/
  • @Jen_Shoes I shower/bathe with DD and she is 1.5 and on occasion I stick her in the shower with DH to save time. I think I'll probably stop when she's close to 3/4 but we'll see...I don't have an issue with nudity, but I also don't want her thinking it's normal to be naked or bathe with adults, family or not.
  • SKZW said:

    My UO: I like "Baby, It's Cold Outside" and don't think it is "rapey" at all. I think it's just from a different era and the woman wants to stay but is worried about her reputation. My SIL acted like I was anti woman for thinking it was just a cute Christmas song.
    That's definitely a UO. Have you read the lyrics? (Woman:) "My neighbors might think... hey what's in this drink?" (Man:) "It's bad out there... no cabs to be had out there." He's pulling out all the stops to get her to stay!
    And P.S. while I was just looking this up, turns out, Wikipedia lists the original lyrics, rather than man & woman, as Wolf and Mouse, so...
    I have read the lyrics and that's kind of my point, I don't take them as perpetuating rape culture. When you look at them in context, I feel like "what's in this drink?" is said TIC. She asks him to make her another drink because she wants to stay and she's either asking him what he put in it (as in which kind of liquor) or just joking that it's going to her head and that's why she wants to ignore social pressures and stay with him. It was written by a husband and wife as a happy little Christmas song to perform, so I take that into account as well. I just don't think it's that serious, I guess.
  • I think the shower thing should just be a personal choice. DH is in charge of DD's bathtime but really he just takes a shower and let the water fill up and she will just sit there and play with whatever, then he will wash her after. She's 2 now. It's just much easier plus it saves water. I'm sure that by the time this LO is sitting up well enough, they will start doing baths together.


  • @cclaineDC I agree completely everyone was like what's your theme and I was like browns creams and blues. No crazy patterns or colors child stuff can look so obnoxious. 
    @Kipperoo I agree with you too. I cannot stand other people's children and I don't like having a baby if I could fast forward to 6m old or older I would. 
    @MoshiMoshi7 I agree that society is blowing that song out of proportion but the what's in this drink has such a different meaning these days I can't blame people for being mis taken. 
    Don't know who said elf on shelf but I think it's weird and creepy I've almost unfriended a captain from my old army unit because she's constantly posting about "creepy sally" her elf. 

    As to Santa I'm all good with my kids knowing and getting pictures with him getting small gifts I'm more worried about the actual meaning of Christmas. My husband is atheist I'm not. I would like my son to understand the reason for the season to sound cliché but unsure how to do that with my husband 
  • @KMD1106 I definitely respect your opinion and experience.  I am definitely just speaking from my own experience.  
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  • FWIW, free range =/= uninvolved. The free range parenting movement advocates for a high level of involvement, but for getting kids to do things on their own and problem-solve earlier. The involvement is up-front training for the kid in safety, learning their environments, etc. But then you just don't interfere when they're doing their thing.

    For example, a free range parent would like his/her kid to walk to school by him/herself. The high level of involvement would be to map out the route, talk to the kid extensively about safety, problem solving and contingency plans, and make sure the kid knows all of his/her addresses, phone numbers, etc, and probably carries a card of some kind that identifies the kid, the parents, and the concept of free range parenting. So that's pretty involved on the part of the parent. But then the kid walks to school on his/her own.

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  • KMD1106KMD1106 member
    edited December 2016
    @KMD1106 I definitely respect your opinion and experience.  I am definitely just speaking from my own experience.  
    Ditto <3
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  • @kat81 I apologize!  I re-read my post and I did use the term poor parenting as free range parenting.  I didn't choose the right words for what I was trying to.  To be honest I don't know much about free range parenting.  I shouldn't make a statement about something I'm not familiar with.  In honesty it kind of sounds like my parenting style but I didn't know it had a name.
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  • @kat81 I apologize!  I re-read my post and I did use the term poor parenting as free range parenting.  I didn't choose the right words for what I was trying to.  To be honest I don't know much about free range parenting.  I shouldn't make a statement about something I'm not familiar with.  In honesty it kind of sounds like my parenting style but I didn't know it had a name.
    no I actually didn't even think that you meant it in an insulting way or anything. I just wanted people to know more about free range parenting because I think it's cool, even if we don't ever do it as full out as the real deal people.

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  • cclaineDC, my FIL is the same way! He's a conservative pastor. He married us, and we had some lively discussions leading up to the wedding about how I wanted the vows to be (i.e. marriage is NOT between a man and a woman). He was really accommodating, at least. 
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    BFP #2: 2/27/16. EDD 11/7/16. MC/D&E 4/20/16 (11w)
    BFP #3: 9/22/16. EDD 5/29/17. DS born 4/24/17 <3
    BFP #4: 5/20/18. EDD 1/23/19. 


  • Just catching up on all the posts but DH and i just had a showering discussion earlier this week. DD will be 2 next month and is in the stage of asking "what's this" to everything. DH does bath time 95% of the time since I work night shift so depending on the day and timing he will either give her a bath by herself while he watches or take a shower with her. During the last shower she was sitting in the bottom playing while DH finished his shower, pointing at different things in the bath asking what it was. Well of course she points up to DH and asks what's between his legs.  He freaked out, not knowing what to say and now thinks he shouldn't shower with her. Parenting brings up all kinds of conversations that you don't really think about until you have kids of your own
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