One and Done?

meg2704

Are there any others on this board thinking that this may be their only child? I have always wanted to just have one - I know the arguments for having more kids but I want to know if anyone else is feeling like I am?

Mostly whenever I mention this, people tell me that I will change my mind. I understand that may be the case, but when I think about my future and my family, I think I will be complete with one child. 

meilay

I haven't participated here in forever but I'll chime in here to say yes, my H and I have decided that as of now, this is our only child. We are open to changing our minds and expanding our family if that ends up working for us but we've put a lot of thought into what it would mean for us to have one child and we believe it's best for us and what we want from our life.

ChrisLipstick

I have always wanted a big family and I hope we will have 4 or 5 kids. That being said, I am really overwhelmed with two little ones. I am really conflicted because on my heart I want more kids, but if I can barely handle two, how am I going to deal with more without having a total meltdown on a daily basis? I totally see the appeal of having only one child and the special bond you have with them (I was an only child so I know from experience). Don't feel pressured to have more!

BelhurstBride

I was positive I was one and done after having DD1. She was a MISERABLE infant and I never wanted to relive that. 

DD2 was a surprise. Luckily, she was the easiest baby ever. 

We decided to risk it on a third. 

mkrel

We talk about this a lot. I used to want three, then as we were getting a little older it became two, and now we talk about only having one. (TW) Honestly, going through a loss earlier this year and having a d&c was harder on both of us than I could have imagined. I can almost guarantee that if we did decide to have anther and had one more loss we would absolutely be done. There are other factors too, the main one being financial. We both have great jobs, but have a lot of student loan debt to show for it. We like to travel and spend as we please, and obviously kids are expensive. The daycare rates alone are enough to have me considering only one.  We will see, and only time will tell... but I do think I would  feel complete as a family with only one child.

brij2006

We were originally planning a minimum of 2 kids.  Then infertility happened and we didn't want to go through that heartache again and decided while I was pregnant with DD that we would be OAD.  Then DD came.  Once I was released to have sex, my H didn't want to prevent.  Needless to say I won that and we prevented till she was 5 months old then started TTC again. 
So yeah, it could change your mind.  That little human changed both of our minds and we knew our family wasn't complete yet. 

Same as how we've decided that we aren't sure about stopping at 2.  We used to say 2 kids and now we're thinking maybe more. It's also possible this next one will give us more grey hair and we'll say we're done.
I'm a firm believer in not making any decisions until the dust has settled and you're of clear mind deciding whether to do something permanent or try again.

lauren617-2

I've always wanted two or three but with this first pregnancy being so awful already, I'm not so sure about having more. Most of my problems are circumstantial and unrelated to pregnancy but pregnancy has prevented me from treating the problems. I don't know. I've never wanted an only child, my own brothers are my best friends so I really want siblings for this nugget but I haven't even been through the hard stuff and already miserable! 

NamelessAria

My husband and I originally said we wanted 2 children but after everything we've gone through to get here my husband is now saying he is leaning toward one and done. He doesn't want to see me go through infertility and loss again after seeing how depressed it made me for so long. At least if we do decide to try for #2 at some point it should, in theory, be easier and faster than TTC#1 since we'll already know what my problems are and have an idea of how to treat those issues. But still, neither of us are sure we want to sign up for that.

@meilay I haven't seen you around and I've been wondering how you're doing. I'm glad all is well.

sjohns908

We always talked about a couple kids, but after our first, I had such a hard time with adjusting to parenthood and dealing with PPD, I swore DD would be our only child. Well, 7 years later, we're expecting #4 lol. You might change your mind, you might not. But in the end, only you and your DH can decide how many kids you are wanting to have and everyone else can just shut up

anitamargarita_82

Right now 1 and done is our current thought process.  I would be satisfied with 1.  I'm an only child and my life was fine growing up as an only child.  My hubby is about to turn 41 and is uneasy about more children the older he gets and frankly so am I.  So I guess we'll see in time.  

Mrs.DeRuysscher

I always said I wanted big family 4 kids, when I was pregnant with dd I was so sick during first trimester I remember crying to my husband and saying I was done I didn't want to be pregnant any more didn't want more kids I just wanted to be done throwing up and able to eat I felt like crap. After we had dd I said I wanted 4 again lol. 

Now that we are pregnant again I have had times of thought that maybe we will be done at 2 but we won't make concrete decisions (hubby getting vasectomy) till we are 100% for sure done. 

michaela0704

I think it is completely normal to feel at peace with a decision on changes or lack thereof to your family.  I know tons of families that were OAD.

I am the oldest of 2 kids and the age gap was quite large between my brother and I so I got the 'only child gig' for a long time and then the sibling life for me from then on... to be honest I had a happy childhood regardless so don't be pressured into more, one is not better than the other, it is just different.

I always wanted 2, but then I had twins so I was wish washy on MAYBE a third... they are the same sex and DH wants a girl so bad and is 1 of 4... he always wanted a large family, so here I am KU with #3... I'm still not sure how this is all going to work for us from a familial unit perspective - not financially, as we will now be officially outnumbered but I'm excited for the adventure that is headed our way!

JAGinMI

lauren617 said:

I've always wanted two or three but with this first pregnancy being so awful already, I'm not so sure about having more. Most of my problems are circumstantial and unrelated to pregnancy but pregnancy has prevented me from treating the problems. I don't know. I've never wanted an only child, my own brothers are my best friends so I really want siblings for this nugget but I haven't even been through the hard stuff and already miserable! 

I would argue that you ARE going through some of the hardest stuff right now! Unless you are really unlucky and have problems your whole pregnancy, the beginning is the hardest, and rivals the end, just in a totally different way. 

danij0

I have NO clue how many I want. I think I would be satisfied with one. DH sometimes wants 4 and other times wants one or two. I don't know what will happen in the future, but I'll probably just wing it for awhile.

soontobemrsdavis

Both of us are only children and we were kind of in the one and done camp. DS was suuuuch an easy baby/toddler and I didn't want to risk having the opposite lol. When he turned 4 all of a sudden I had the urge to have another. So here we are. I think we would have been an amazing only child family and having another is going to be great to. In other words. Do what's best for your family and even though you may have a certain feeling (for years) know that it may change and that's ok too! 

wifeinraleigh28

I think it would be amazing to have just one child, and I have often gone back and forth between wanting one or two. DH and I both have a sibling and we honestly don't know what we would do without our sisters, which has always swayed me into wanting two kids. But I think of all that we could do for that one child of ours if we didn't have to split the finances between two... So yeah, I go back and forth!

kcrocetto27

Yes! I've always wanted to be OAD, it's just how I see our future and most of our friends are older and having OAD themselves. We live just outside and work in a city (Philadelphia), so we think there will be plenty of options to socialize, plus I'd love to retire one day, tbh, so cost is actually a huge factor for me. That being said, I know we will get a lot of family pressure for another one when the time comes...

Mtnmommy

Mr. and I honestly thought we were one and done after DD. Pregnancy was good. But after PPD, all of DD's issues with reflux and milk intolerance, and many extended family issues, we were done. We worked on a lot of things, DD grew up to be a pretty fun kid, and we both got to a point where we knew we'd regret it if we didn't at least try for a second. So, here we are. We know that we don't like the early infancy stage, but we also know there's an end to it, and what's on the other side. My sister just had her first child, and she has decided that she's done. 
You have to do what's right for you. If you feel in your gut that you are OAD, then that's the answer. But only you will know. 

glitterfish-2

We are planning on being one and done. 
We are both the oldest with one tumultuous younger sibling, so my motto is that "I've found in our families that the best genes are used up the first go around." LMAO!

JessErinF

@lauren617 i feel the same way!

We always wanted multiple kids, but this pregnancy has just had problem after problem and its emotionally really draining on us individually an as a couple.  i haven't told this to DH yet because I know he would be so disappointed.  Especially because obviously i haven't decided that 100% but... man i cant imagine voluntarily going through this again....

BellaO21

We are OAD... I have a SS, and quite frankly before we got pregnant the 1st time I didn't want any kids at all- my SS is a handful and was more than enough for me. 
*TW* after the M/C is when I realized that I really did want one... but financially there's no way we would be able to have another (totaling 3) and still live the lifestyle we want.