The Mommy judger — The Bump
September 2015 Moms

The Mommy judger

Shesh. I am constently being judged and made fun of for my parenting choices. I guess they are too 'perfect' and 'helicopter mom' ish. I'm sorry. I don't understand how every single decision I make should be judged? Why does everyone feel the need to comment on my choices?? I'm doing an flipping fantastic job, so why do you care so much?! I'm good at brushing it off but dang it gets old, fast! I get it from EVERYONE. My parents think I baby my baby too much because he cries and I comfort him. My friends make fun of me for 'caring too much' about things like sun protection and health. My sister thinks I'm 'weird' for not having the tv on 24/7(I limit screen time). And she thinks I 'entertain and play' with my baby too much and it will backfire. My LO is healthy, happy, well cared for, plays independently amazing, etc. Anyone else getting this crap? How do you deal with it? I bit my tounge and never get smart back because I truly dislike drama. I avoid. So, I haven't been seeing people as much. It sucks. 

Re: The Mommy judger

  • OMG, yes! My brother, who doesn't have kids or really any experience with young kids is my fiercest critic, and he's so stinking rude about it too. I finally went off on him the other day and told him that I don't need any advice, so we aren't talking at the moment. 

    I don't have much advice other than to say just keep doing what you are doing and keep following your awesome mommy instincts because no one knows your little man better than you do. One of my friends told me to say, "thank you for your advice, but I got this." She was very criticized for doing what felt right to her, which was attachment parenting and her girls are both pre-teen and thriving. The best advice I have ever heard was to parent the child you've been given, and you are obviously doing a great job of that. 

  • You're doing great Momma. People always think they can put their two cents in, however they forget that you kind of get the Momma instinct, when you become a Momma.

    I don't get it as much now that I have six, I get different comments.

    I still get comments about car seats and extended rear facing, limiting sugar, etc. however, I'm doing the best for MY kids and I'm not judging them, not sure why they need to judge me.
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  • I think it's totally normal for moms to have opinions about how other moms are raising their kids - HOWEVER, they should keep their comments to themselves!!! I know I'm guilting of thinking those things - for instance, our 5-year-old nephew (husband's side) is given way too many sweets every day, drinks pop regularly, is allowed to stay up until midnight or later when on vacation, has always refused to nap, won't share and hasn't been taught to share and literally yanks toys out of my 1-year-old's hands without repercussions, and basically gets whatever he wants. I basically am raising my kid the exact opposite. However, I would NEVER say anything to them about how they're raising their kid because it is none of my business and they have every right to make those decisions for themselves, just like they don't try to raise my kid. I only step in when it affects my kid (for instance, I will tell their kid that he can't yank toys out of my kid's hands if they don't step in and do it themselves).

    You need to keep doing you and what's best for your kid! They are entitled to their opinions (and it's unfortunate they feel they have the right to tell you their opinions), but you have the right to listen or not listen to their advice. As hard as it is, try to brush it off and tell them thanks for the advice but you've found this works best for you.

    I am with you on the limiting screen time, sun protection, comforting, etc., so don't feel like you're the only one! Stay strong, momma :)
  • Even if you were doing everything the exact opposite, they would still find things to criticize. I think it's human nature to think our way is the best way. Like @jen83mn said, it's totally normal for people to have opinions. For some reason, though, people seem to think it's totally appropriate to share their opinions about how you raise your kids even though they know to keep their mouth shut when it comes to other things that you do. It's super hard to just let it go when you feel like you're constantly being judged and criticized. There's not much anyone here can say other than you are doing a great job, we all know what it's like to feel criticized all the time, and everyone else can just suck it.

    Me & DH: 32
    Married 2013
    Kiddo #1: Sept 2015
    BFP: 1/19, EDD: 9/30

    "I'm having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it's mostly just grapes, actually. Ok all grapes. Fermented grapes. Fine, I'm having wine for dinner."
  • I just had to have massive arguments with both sets of gp's about not getting her any screens or screen like devices for Xmas... she's 1, she doesn't need fake iPads... ugh...
  • I just had to have massive arguments with both sets of gp's about not getting her any screens or screen like devices for Xmas... she's 1, she doesn't need fake iPads... ugh...
    This is the story of my life. Lol. If they ask I say "if it takes batteries, I don't want LO to have it".....then they reply back "so what toys are left?!" Hahaha a million other toys. 
  • I keep asking for books, she loves books, or dress up clothes, or stuff for her kitchen that she loves, but I guess that's not good enough, so annoying 
  • I know what you mean. It's not like my LO doesn't get to play with light up noise toys! He plays with them a lot when we are at other families houses, and he does have a few here! And that's fine but if they ask me my opinion, I'm going to give it. Lol. 
  • You are doing great momma. Haters gonna hate lol. I think the most important thing is to look at your happy healthy babe and say, "I did that and they are great" and stay confident. No one is doing this parenting thing "right" and sometimes people just project their insecurities onto others. We all do things differently and do what we believe is best for our child. Its too bad when people have to judge our choices, especially when we are all obviously doing the very best we can.
  • People judge to a) evaluate their own choices and b) make themselves feel superior. It's all about their ego and has NOTHING to do with you. 
  • People judge to a) evaluate their own choices and b) make themselves feel superior. It's all about their ego and has NOTHING to do with you. 
    I try to tell myself this! I just get it from all angles so it's difficult. Like someone said above, no matter what choice I made, I would still be getting it. I just never realized this side of parenting because I don't judge other and say rude stuff about there choices! I might silently judge my SIL letting her infant takes sips of Mountain Dew and coffee, but I would never say anything!!!! lol 
  • The worst is when people laugh out loud at what I'm doing with my LO. For example, blazing hot/sunny intense summer day. I put a breathable long sleeved sun shirt, a floppy hat, and sun protection on him. I had friends and family making fun of me as I'm doing this. Laughing in my face about the 'helicopter parenting skills' I have. Ugh. I think it's weird they aren't doing things to protect their LO from the sun!! But I stay silent. I'll keep doing what I'm doing, but I'm ready for comments to end. 
  • Don't stay silent. If they are people you love & you want them to stay in your life, you have to say something - for the sake of your relationship and your own sanity. As a jokester/teaser myself, sometimes I get addicted to the laughter and need a reminder of the line (I'm a flawed human, I'm sorry). 

    Try: "I'm pretty sure you're just joking, but I'm starting to feel a little sensitive and targeted. Do you mind if we move on to a new subject?"

    If it continues, try: "OMG, you HAVE to stop."

    If it STILL continues, ditch them and make new (aka real) friends ;)
  • I've been pretty lucky. My family is supportive of my laid back style. I don't run when he falls I wait for a cue from him to see if he is hurt. I don't cater to his tantrums, I let him tell me when he tired, I don't use antibacterial anything, I just let him be a baby and figure things out. 
    What gets me is when people say "oh he isn't walking yet? " or things like that. He is just 14 months old, he cruises furniture, he stands on his own, he has taken steps. He just isn't ready. I am not worried, he will do it when he is ready,but Mama Bear gets defensive! 
    Missed Miscarriage 3/27 D&C 3/29/2012
  • People are stupid and desperately need to get lives of their own.  And PP is right; haters gonna hate.

    Also, @mrsmctaggart6 I feel you on the ipad issue.  My mom is banned from buying any more electronics for my kids.
    Laura, mom of:
    James (14)
    William (13)
    Elise (11)
    Zachary (5)
    George (3) [making the blog private.  PM me if you want to subscribe]
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