Second Time+ Moms check-in 10/12

kat81

Come here for the official second time+ mom check-in. Check in about your kiddo(s), symptoms, appointments, whatever you want.

However, I do have a specific question to ask you today because I'm SO MAD about something that happened to my friend on facebook. She was having a debate about abortion (probably not a good idea to do on the internet with strangers), and argued that forcing unwanted childbearing is an unequal burden on women. This dude responded: "oh and by the way... who cares if your hips got a little bigger or you gained a few pounds because you delivered a beautiful young girl... I was always taught beauty is in the inside not the outside"

Regardless of your views on abortion, which I absolutely do NOT want to get into, we can all agree that this guy's response was completely out of line. So this is my question to you -- when you were previously pregnant (and including this pregnancy so far), was your increased hip size your only complaint? Your biggest complaint? Personally, it did not crack my top 300 complaints. If you had to respond to this guy with a lesson on what your top 10 or 20 or whatever inconveniences, pains, problems, complaints are of pregnancy, delivery, and post-partum, what would they be?

Sorry to make this into a bitchfest, but I really wanted some pregnant and formerly pregnant ladies to get my back on this one. Also, this friend in question had one of the worst deliveries I've ever heard of in which her life was threatened. I just can't believe people sometimes.

katie0919

Ha!!! That guy is obviously - a guy. No man can ever know how hard a pregnancy can be on a woman's body and you're right - wide hips was probably the LAST thing on my list. Hell, it wasn't even on my list!! After two c-sections and the pain of breastfeeding two children for a year each, those were some of the things that made pregnancy and motherhood hard!

AFM, my next appt is 2 weeks from today - I'll get the Verifi DNA test done at that time. DS#2 turns 1 tomorrow. Busy week! Symptoms are still minimal. Some cramps here and there and fatigue but nothing unbearable. Whipped out the doppler this past weekend right at 9 weeks but couldn't (and still can't) find baby's heartbeat. I wish I hadn't of tried so early, trying not to freak myself out!

kat81

Here are some of my top complaints:

1) Symphysis pubis dysfunction -- pain in crotch, inability to walk when it's severe, can't dance--my hobby, pain when lying down to sleep (or to not sleep), difficulty putting on pants, etc. Starts up mildly in first trimester and gets severe for the last 15 weeks or so. With #2, it persisted post-partum for about 4 months. Definitely my top complaint.
2) difficulty sleeping / sleep deprivation due to insomnia, need to pee frequently, and/or SPD mentioned above for a total of about 3-4 months each pregnancy
3) the hours and hours and hours of my time spent at doctor's appointments and commuting to/from them
4) Two months of nausea and a feeling of being constantly hungover in first trimester
5) the indescribable pain of labor and delivery, along with the feeling like you're going to die during transition (this is huge, obviously, but so short-lived and also so exhilirating that it's absolutely not the top complaint.)
6) post-partum boob pain from breast feeding and engorgement
7) food, drink, and activity restrictions
8) boob pain in first trimester (though for me, really only the first pregnancy had this bad)
9) heartburn
10) random charlie horses in 2nd and 3rd tri

lildropofheavn23

LOL exactly! That guy clearly has no idea what it's like to be pregnant.

I'm so excited for my first appt tomorrow. This pregnancy is so much different than my first.  My husband thinks that means it's a boy this time but I keep reading that every pregnancy is different so sex doesn't matter.
I wish I had a doppler - After this first appointment, maybe I'll ask some Mom friends if they have one. (We haven't told anyone yet because we wanted to wait until our first appt). I just want to tell already!!! I'm tired of wearing baggy shirts. I'd rather just wear comfy maternity gear already.

Squirtgun

Um... I think first tri feeling like I'm hungover and have the flu every single day has probably been my worst complaint with every pregnancy. 
I'm pretty sure my hips never actually changed size- I have "child bearing hips" anyway, so they're already huge .    

I'm so anxious about my first appointment on Friday! I don't even know why I'm so anxious, but I just can't wait to hear that heartbeat so that I can feel more confident that baby is really there and doing ok!  I think for both previous pregnancies that first appointment was the time when I could then breathe a little easier and know that it's completely "real" that there's a baby happening! 

kat81

lildropofheavn23 said:

LOL exactly! That guy clearly has no idea what it's like to be pregnant.

I'm so excited for my first appt tomorrow. This pregnancy is so much different than my first.  My husband thinks that means it's a boy this time but I keep reading that every pregnancy is different so sex doesn't matter.
I wish I had a doppler - After this first appointment, maybe I'll ask some Mom friends if they have one. (We haven't told anyone yet because we wanted to wait until our first appt). I just want to tell already!!! I'm tired of wearing baggy shirts. I'd rather just wear comfy maternity gear already.

Except that you probably can't find anything with a doppler at this point, and it would just freak you out! I think you need to be more like 11 weeks, and even then depending on your placement it could be hard.

I think "completely different" pregnancy is a sign of a different gender, maybe! I'm always team green but I love to speculate.

Kipperoo

I responded to this ridiculous story on the Monday thread, but will here, too because it's so ridiculous. That guy clearly has no clue what is involved in a pregnancy. Top of my pregnancy related gripes: difficulty finding a comfortable position to sleep resulting in lack of sleep, stabbing myself with a needle to inject blood thinners twice per day for 9+ months, kicking/hiccuping baby jabbing at my insides for 3+ months, the pain and discomfort of post childbirth vag healing...I'm sure there are more, but those come to mind first. OH and icing on the cake--the 3 hours spent in active labor in which I literally felt so exhausted that I thought I would just fall asleep mid push. 

Not much going on in my life...I asked my 2 year old this morning what the baby's name is and he said "Fi-fuh"...he also says all of the time now "baby in mommy's belly! baby in Sullivan's (his name) belly!" And every time he passes the current guest room which will be the baby's room, he says "hi baby's room!". Melts my heart. 

Kipperoo

Should have also noted...I have no idea where the name Fi-fuh came from...haha

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot

It's so nice when men are able to articulate how women are feeling...

My biggest complaint from my (relatively easy) last pregnancy was getting diagnosed with GD.  Sure, the diet helped me lose weight while the baby gained.  But the constant stress over every morsel of food and every blood sugar test wasn't healthy.  This pregnancy is already completely opposite and first tri is kicking my butt.  So far, MS blows and I'd love to feel awake and refreshed just once every few weeks.  Also, that man should be forced to experience an anal fissure for just a few months.  Then he can talk about what pregnancy can do to a woman's body.

We told DD (3yo) a week ago about the baby.  But I guess I forgot to explain that the baby was in my tummy. She's a little familiar with that because my cousin recently had twins and she loved to feel the babies move.  Last night, I casually mentioned that the baby was in my tummy and she was shocked.  Then she kept lifting up my shirt and saying, "But I can't see it!?"  Now she's obsessed with my stomach. 

geoffandjen728

kat81 said:

Here are some of my top complaints:

1) Symphysis pubis dysfunction -- pain in crotch, inability to walk when it's severe, can't dance--my hobby, pain when lying down to sleep (or to not sleep), difficulty putting on pants, etc. Starts up mildly in first trimester and gets severe for the last 15 weeks or so. With #2, it persisted post-partum for about 4 months. Definitely my top complaint.
2) difficulty sleeping / sleep deprivation due to insomnia, need to pee frequently, and/or SPD mentioned above for a total of about 3-4 months each pregnancy
3) the hours and hours and hours of my time spent at doctor's appointments and commuting to/from them
4) Two months of nausea and a feeling of being constantly hungover in first trimester
5) the indescribable pain of labor and delivery, along with the feeling like you're going to die during transition (this is huge, obviously, but so short-lived and also so exhilirating that it's absolutely not the top complaint.)
6) post-partum boob pain from breast feeding and engorgement
7) food, drink, and activity restrictions
8) boob pain in first trimester (though for me, really only the first pregnancy had this bad)
9) heartburn
10) random charlie horses in 2nd and 3rd tri

This. With my second I had SPD for almost a full 8 months post partum. It was miserable. 
Also add to the list the fact that EVERYONE now thinks it is your duty to divulge very personal and private information to anyone and everyone. say goodbye to privacy forever  

Abby7

I'm pretty sure when the woman said "unequal burden on women" she was not talking about cosmetic changes to her body. Regardless of your view on abortion, I would think anyone would agree that women take on much more than an equal share in raising children, never mind the pregnancy and childbirth part of it which is basically 100% on women. The guy is clearly not thinking this through.

My biggest complaint last time - I gained a TON of water weight in the last month. Like, I had straight out cankles, I gained 6 lbs one week, my shoes did not fit, I looked morbidly obese from the knee down.

kat81

Kipperoo said:

I responded to this ridiculous story on the Monday thread, but will here, too because it's so ridiculous. That guy clearly has no clue what is involved in a pregnancy. Top of my pregnancy related gripes: difficulty finding a comfortable position to sleep resulting in lack of sleep, stabbing myself with a needle to inject blood thinners twice per day for 9+ months, kicking/hiccuping baby jabbing at my insides for 3+ months, the pain and discomfort of post childbirth vag healing...I'm sure there are more, but those come to mind first. OH and icing on the cake--the 3 hours spent in active labor in which I literally felt so exhausted that I thought I would just fall asleep mid push. 

Not much going on in my life...I asked my 2 year old this morning what the baby's name is and he said "Fi-fuh"...he also says all of the time now "baby in mommy's belly! baby in Sullivan's (his name) belly!" And every time he passes the current guest room which will be the baby's room, he says "hi baby's room!". Melts my heart. 

I love your son's reaction! My son pretended to breastfeed a doll a few months after my daughter was born. It was so funny! He also talked about how he was going to grow a baby in his tummy. I'm all about equality but sorry, dude, I don't think that will be a possibility, even with advances in technology! I can't wait for when we tell our kids the news and how they will react and talk about it (I'm assuming well, because they love each other...but I could also see a lot of jealousy and concern!)

Louise_Belcher

Wow! What a dink. I was lucky enough to have a relatively easy pregnancy and it was still totally hard. The top issues would be feeling hung over for months, life altering exhaustion, missing work for so many appointments and blood work every 2-4 weeks, restricting diet, difficulty breathing, difficulty sleeping, and horribly swollen feet. And after the baby arrives things don't often even out. I have a fab husband that puts in a ton of effort, but it is by no means even. As for his point about hip size and weight, if my hips expanded I certainly didn't notice and I am also smaller now then I was prior to having my first because I have never been so active as I am trying to keep up with him. 

So excited for my appointment on Friday! I cannot wait to see the ultrasound and hear the heartbeat. Also DS started pointing to things over the weekend it is the new best thing ever. We have our fingers crossed that it will help him communicate. He he still only babbles and we are impatiently waiting for some words. 

achays11

I had a really easy pregnancy with DD but still my biggest complaint would be exhaustion. It's even worse this go around. 

We we had our second appointment yesterday and got to hear the heart beat. DD was very excited! She is still calling the baby Cece and gets upset if we mention any other name. For the past month or so I have had afternoon nausea and this morning I woke up nauseous and it hasn't gone away. I also slept horribly last night. I'm hoping I can get to bed early tonight as MH said he will handle all nightly duties at our house. 

renee6465

This guy sounds like a treat. It's honestly probably not worth your time to try to explain things to him. He is so far off in his own little world that he isn't going to even get what you are saying. There is SO much more to pregnancy than wide hips.

DS (3) will occasionally bring up the baby but usually only when he wants to lay on my stomach. He is worried about squishing him/her. My first appointment isn't until November 3rd and it feels like so far away. We are about to be on vacation until the 24th though so that should help time pass. Symptoms haven't been anything crazy besides my stomach constantly feels like I just got over the flu. That uneasy feeling just won't go away.

ETA: I've been meaning to ask - how have your SO's responded to your pregnancies? I wouldn't say that DH isn't excited but he's just kind of meh. With our first he was ecstatic so this is probably normal I just thought he would respond like last time. Now that I am thinking out loud I am only 7 weeks so I guess it is kind of hard for him to get into it when we have so much other stuff going on and it is so early.  

MoshiMoshi7

I love when men think they understand something just because they've seen it from the outside. ::eyeroll:: My hips actually did get wide with my last pregnancy, but I didn't really notice until after I lost the baby weight and my jeans still dug into my hip bones. And it definitely did not even crack the top 100 pregnancy problems.

Feeling like I have the flu for two months and having SPD from second tri on and barely being able to walk, let alone get comfortable enough to sleep are my top two.

Icarriedawatermelon

What is wrong with some people? As previous people said, wide hips wouldn't even crack my top 100!! 

My biggest complaint from my first pregnancy was exhaustion. Looking back, I had it so easy! This pregnancy is kicking my butt. Morning sickness is no joke and I didn't have it last time at all. I can barely function this time around. Fingers crossed that I (and everyone else) experience some relief soon. 

mrsrep123

The contractions! Those definitely put fear in me and I immediately thought of them again when I found out I was pregnant this time. I labored at home for 13 hours before my husband was like, "You can't even talk anymore... it's time to go to the hospital." I just didn't want to be that new mom (and nurse that works at that hospital) to show up and be dilated only 1-2 cm. Even though it was a 10 min drive there, I felt every bump and it felt like an eternity. Luckily, I was 5-6 cm in triage. Whew! There's so much more to add to the list, but def not looking forward to those contractions!

BTW: I salute those that have dealt with/are dealing with SPD. That sounds  horrific.  @kat81 @geoffandjen728 @MoshiMoshi7

@Kipperoo your son sounds super sweet and my heart melted just reading your post. Boys can be sooooo endearing. 

SKZW

@renee6465 My H is kind of the same way, to be honest. He's not ga-ga over the moon. Not yet anyway. He even said to me the other day, when I was gushing over something and fishing for some agreement, that "you know I'll never be quite as excited as you are, right?" which kind of stung for a few moments, but at least he was being honest, and I could see where he was coming from. My excitement is sometimes just Beyond Ecstatic so there's no way he could top that. It's true.

But, yeah, the kind of "meh" reaction, I'm sure, is just because it's early days. It's as simple as that. My H would say he's an open book, a WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get), and he's happy but more nervous/cautious/uncertain/unbelieving at this point. It's just early days. They'll come around. 

WombThereItIs

Oh man this reminds me of all the fun stuff I get to look forward to! The surprise BP spike at the end of last time totally sucked. Everything was going great and suddenly I was sent straight downstairs and induced, it was a miserable whirlwind. Feeling totally out of control of your body is a very weird thing. Thanks, pregnancy!

Husband is actually better this time around. Last time he was in panic mode for about the first tri then kind of tried to ignore it until the end when he got super naggy and obnoxious about everything I did or ate. This time he seems a little more laid back. 

Yiggle09

Biggest complaint is definitely never feeling like myself again. Being completely responsible for another changes you. I do not feel like I have the same amount of brains lol my focus is definitely clear for my son and messy elsewhere. I'm actually nervous I gave so much from my body to my son what's this lo gonna have. My hips fit in my old clothes.... My saggy baby bump area is not awesome but I knew I wanted to roll right into another pregnancy so I didn't attempt any conditioning.
3rd degree tear down there broken tail bone. The hormones post partum. I could go on.