Everyone is upset about cooking dinner and cleaning their kids. How old are the kids if you dont mind me asking? Just wait until sports start and you are at the field every night until 8:30 then have to cook dinner at 9:00 at night and make sure homework is done, studying is complete for the test the next day, laundry is done so everyone has clean clothes the next day. I literally see my husband for 10 minutes in the morning before I leave to put my son on the schoolbus and go to work.
Everyone is upset about cooking dinner and cleaning their kids. How old are the kids if you dont mind me asking? Just wait until sports start and you are at the field every night until 8:30 then have to cook dinner at 9:00 at night and make sure homework is done, studying is complete for the test the next day, laundry is done so everyone has clean clothes the next day. I literally see my husband for 10 minutes in the morning before I leave to put my son on the schoolbus and go to work.
I think we all know (or will quickly learn) how to parent. PPs were expressing solidarity that another poster was upset about her husband working longer hours and thus requiring the PP to parent alone every night. That's not an unreasonable concern. What works for you might not work for others.
@Squirtgun thanks! We are waiting for the vet right now! I'll update. I just hope it's not a foreign object obstruction. That happened to my sisters cat and it's expensive!
Everyone is upset about cooking dinner and cleaning their kids. How old are the kids if you dont mind me asking? Just wait until sports start and you are at the field every night until 8:30 then have to cook dinner at 9:00 at night and make sure homework is done, studying is complete for the test the next day, laundry is done so everyone has clean clothes the next day. I literally see my husband for 10 minutes in the morning before I leave to put my son on the schoolbus and go to work.
Well, for me, my kiddos are 2.5 and almost 1. While yes, I can do it all on my own, it is really nice to have support during the dinner/bath/bed portion of the day. First of all, they both just need so much attention, and can't do a whole lot themselves. Older daughter can go potty on her own, but there is still brushing both sets of teeth, bathing and dressing both children, and the little one still needs nursing before bed, and starts to fall apart pretty quickly if she has to wait until after sister is settled in bed with a bedtime story. And older sister gets really cranky and overtired of she's the one who has to wait until sister is done nursing. But also, I just really enjoy having a family dinner (which I know sounds so 50s housewife!). Older daughter just loves telling her daddy about her day, and all her little toddler excitement about everything is great! If DH isn't there for dinner time, daughter just asks repeatedly where he is and when he'll be home. So, while if it were necessary, of course I could (and sometimes do!) handle that time of day on my own, it's a lot more peaceful and less stressful in our house if we are both there for that time of day. I don't think it is unreasonable to want support during a super busy time of day.
( and plus also, I know you didn't mean anything by it, but I absolutely hate when parents say "oh, you just wait!" Ugh. I handle toddler stresses, I'm sure I'll be able to handle older kiddo stresses too. And it's not super helpful to try to compare the situations, as both have their own challenges.)
@Squirtgun I HATE when people say "you just wait"... my SIL said it to me the other day (prior to knowing I was pregnant), she just had her first baby in August... But she does nothing compared to me in life... She works an EASY 6-2 job and thats it! I work long hours, I'm a child therapist (which in and of itself and exhausting listening to the trauma), I have an etsy shop (that keeps me busy on the weekends), and I help my husband run his own very successful business. I cannot stand it!
I sell personalized everything: canvases, glasses, ornaments, ring dishes, koozies, you name I, I can probably do it lol. I can do vinyl personalization & glass etching.
@lesleycutee I wouldn't say "everyone is upset about cooking dinner and cleaning their kids." I think all of us recognize that depending on your situation, you will need to do this solo. Some families have a parent that works nights like yours, so the other parent does it all the time. Some of the moms on here are military families so they'll have months of deployment when they are doing all aspects of parenting alone. I think those of us who responded reacting to OP's husband choosing to potentially take a job right now that would mean she is solo for all evenings going forward, right before they're about to have a baby.
People do what they need to do to get by and I think everyone on here understands that needing to do bedtime solo isn't the end of the world. That doesn't mean we aren't going to support a poster who is upset about her husband taking a job that means she'll be alone for an hour more each day with a new baby.
If I might chime in on the nighttime routine (with my "expert" FTM experience *sarcasm*). I think there is a difference too between starting with an established routine where each parent has tasks they handle, and changing that routine so that one parent is suddenly taking on tasks that the other was previously responsible for. That might be obvious and not need to be said, but I don't be remember if it was clarified in pp.
@Squirtgun@Jenshoes +1 camp for hating the "just you wait" phrase. No thanks, I would like to enjoy each stage of life and not dread the upcoming stages.
If I might chime in on the nighttime routine (with my "expert" FTM experience *sarcasm*). I think there is a difference too between starting with an established routine where each parent has tasks they handle, and changing that routine so that one parent is suddenly taking on tasks that the other was previously responsible for. That might be obvious and not need to be said, but I don't be remember if it was clarified in pp.
I totally agree with this--I complain when my husband leaves me to do bedtime routine and I only have one toddler. I understand that some people do this alone frequently, all the time, etc...but for ME, it's a change in our day to day because we each have set responsibilities that we manage--we are a well oiled machine, but when something disrupts our routine, it throws a wrench in the whole night. Which is especially problematic these days when I am SO TIRED at the end of the day after work and just want to stare at the wall. Kudos to those of you that do this alone every day/night!!
@kipperoo@tumbleweed - thanks! Y'all kind of nailed it. We each have plenty of nights where the other has something going on and have to handle things alone. I just don't love the idea of always having to do it alone, especially once I'm the size of a house and moving at the speed of a turtle.
@lesleycutee - I think it's awesome that you're able to do all of that (also, I mean that sincerely, not in some kind of passive aggressive sarcastic way. Parents are seriously amazing with everything that has to get done!). My irritation was mostly with the fact that this doesn't seem like the best time to start a job with a huge commute. We both work full time, and already have limited time with our 14 month old as it is. We have a pretty set nighttime ritual that we split in half so we're able to tackle everything we need to do for the next day, and still get some quality time together at the end of the night. Also, we live in Houston, so while something is "an hour away", with traffic that can mean anything from an hour to three hours!
Also, in fairness, I'm generally kind of cranky these days, so everything irritates me
-Update on my cat- She somehow injured her tail. We didn't get an X-ray because whether it is sprained or fractured it has to heal on its own. All we can do is manage her pain until it heals. We opted to do bloodwork instead. (Vet bills add up quick, so hopefully I don't get too much judgement). She also has an infection. Most likely gastrointestinal. What we came away with was that somehow the base of her tail was injured (a car, someone kicking her or yanking on it, etc). Because she is in pain she isn't eating. Because she has limited tail mobility, she can't get in the proper BM position and is straining. The straining leads to the mucus production. I'm not sure how the infection fits in, but maybe because her colon is irritated? She looks like this right now. Pain meds kicking in?
Edit- forgot to add, she could have a parasite. She does hunt outside. The vet can't check that until I get a stool sample from her. She is usually active and vocal, but now she can barely jump on the couch and she is quiet and lethargic. Poor girl.
@tumblerweed Aww poor kitty, I hope the blood work comes back normal or at least give an answer! No judgement here. I'm not a pet owner but I've heard how expensive it can be and if you can't afford it, you just do the best you can!
@pshaortao thanks! The bloodwork (plus the fever) determined the infection and dehydration. She had high white blood cells and something else, I don't remember. They gave her this weird water injection under her skin so she has this squishy little sack of water wiggling. She'll slowly absorb it and rehydrate.
@tumbleweed, I'm so sorry about your kitty! I hope it resolves quickly and smoothly. And if she's an indoor/outdoor cat, she's probably got some "fierce" in her, which will help her recovery.
@tumbleweed Sorry about your kitty! I hope she is feeling better soon and back to herself. I feel you on the vet bills. When one of my cats gets ill I cry and then I cry again when I see the estimate of all the things the vet thinks we should do. Her markings look very similar to my cat Frank, so she is obviously awesome!
As for the night time routine stuff, mad props to the moms or dads that take on any pieces by themselves either by choice or otherwise. Agreed that when the routine is changed (specifically when it makes it harder on me) I pitch a fit!
Thanks everyone. I hope so too. My vet said she needs to eat and that if she doesn't by 5 to call back. She literally turned away from her food. I've tried putting a little on the outside of her mouth and she won't even lick off. Idk what the "next steps" are when I call, or how much more it will cost. My SO is really worried (now that he is awake), he had a dog in a similar situation years ago and his dog didn't make it. I just tried to snuggle with her and she got up and went in the other room. I'm too hormonal to deal with this now, and its the first week of my classes. I should have been reading all day, not sitting at the vet office. Can someone repeal Murphy's law?
@tumbleweed123 what's his favorite food? When my girl was sick and not wanting to eat, I provided her with whatever would give her energy. Her treats, plain yogurt, wet food. All these things are normally treats but on the moment, you just want them to eat whatever. I also rescue injured/sick street cats. When they won't eat anything, I take a little wet food and literally force it into their mouth. Sometimes just putting it on their lips won't work. I don't shove it down their throats but sometimes getting it on their tongue makes the difference. Make sure there's gravy on it too.
Good luck. I hope your kitty is ok
TTC1: May 2015
Primary IF May 2016; Failed HSG; Scheduled Lap Sept. 2016
@Amybee5 I saw that right after I posted and of course i was on my phone at the drs office and didn't come back to edit my post I feel like an a hole @tumbleweed Im soo sorry your going through this. I lost both of my cats to liver issues I hope things get better!
@tumbleweed I'm so sorry your kitty isn't feeling well, did he ever eat anything? If he hasn't yet, trying heating up some wet food (the stronger smell helps make them want food) or try baby food with chicken/water or turkey/water only. When my older cat got sick that was the only way she'd eat on her own.
Her spine is miss aligned and possibly swollen. She has nerve damage that is affecting her hind legs, tail, and possibly GI tract and bladder. She can walk, but her gait is wobbly. She is at an animal hospital getting an u/s to *fingers crossed* confirm that she doesn't have any internal bleeding or organ damage. If she does, it might be the end for her. Pending u/s results, we will bring her home and keep her in a crate. I got her to lick wet food off her lips this morning and that is the best food progress she has made. I haven't tried sticking food in her mouth because I was afraid of her choking on it. I confirmed with the vet that it is safe to put some food in her mouth. I really appreciate the support and advice I've received from you. Thank you so much. Our plan is to get any kind of food in her, manage pain, treat infection, give her steroids to reduce spinal swelling, keep her hydrated, reduce her movement (crate her so she stops jumping up on the bed), and hope for the best.
*Cat update* The u/s showed inflammation of her colon. The new diagnosis is colitis. We still don't know if she had a traumatic injury, but after the u/s they think all of the symptoms are related to colitis. A 3rd vet reviewed the X-rays and didn't think her spine looked injured-but that my cat wasn't laying straight. She has turned her nose up at most foods (canned cat food both hers and some from the vet, tuna water, meat baby food, and butter). I did have some success half an hour ago. After lots of petting her and "baby talk", she licked some very watered down cat food off of my finger (about 5 times). It's not a lot, but it's the first food she has willingly eaten (not me forcing it in her mouth) since this began Wed night. It almost made me cry. These past two days have been very long.
Edit- since they don't think it's a spinal injury now, the cat doesn't have to be in a crate. But she does need to stay indoors for a while.
@tumbleweed I'm so sorry about your cat, but glad to hear she's taking a bit of food. This must be so hard for you. I'm really hoping she continues to improve
@contrarationem it is good news. The underlying condition of the colitis is either IBS or lymphoma- either way we will likely have to be more careful with her diet forever. A colonoscopy can determine which it is, if we want to pay for that test.
We tried food again half an hour ago and she was much more interested! We found that she won't eat off a plate, but will lick up spoonfuls off my palm (hand plate). Whatever works! We need her to get more food in her belly so she can take antibiotics.
WTF parents of my students. Don't send them to school when they're sick! If I can tell that they're miserable then you can. I know you're not aware that I'm pregnant but if I get sick I can't take a darn thing to feel better. I don't want/need the infection floating around my room. I am also not your free babysitter.
Re: WTF Wednesday 9/28
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( and plus also, I know you didn't mean anything by it, but I absolutely hate when parents say "oh, you just wait!" Ugh. I handle toddler stresses, I'm sure I'll be able to handle older kiddo stresses too. And it's not super helpful to try to compare the situations, as both have their own challenges.)
Etsy shop? Tell me more. (I may have an Etsy addiction.)
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Heres my link:
https://www.etsy.com/shop/designsbyjennyi
I sell personalized everything: canvases, glasses, ornaments, ring dishes, koozies, you name I, I can probably do it lol. I can do vinyl personalization & glass etching.
People do what they need to do to get by and I think everyone on here understands that needing to do bedtime solo isn't the end of the world. That doesn't mean we aren't going to support a poster who is upset about her husband taking a job that means she'll be alone for an hour more each day with a new baby.
How cool! I favorited your shop.
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Thanks
@lesleycutee - I think it's awesome that you're able to do all of that (also, I mean that sincerely, not in some kind of passive aggressive sarcastic way. Parents are seriously amazing with everything that has to get done!). My irritation was mostly with the fact that this doesn't seem like the best time to start a job with a huge commute. We both work full time, and already have limited time with our 14 month old as it is. We have a pretty set nighttime ritual that we split in half so we're able to tackle everything we need to do for the next day, and still get some quality time together at the end of the night. Also, we live in Houston, so while something is "an hour away", with traffic that can mean anything from an hour to three hours!
Also, in fairness, I'm generally kind of cranky these days, so everything irritates me
Married:09/14/13
Baby 2 - Due: 5/4/17
She somehow injured her tail.
What we came away with was that somehow the base of her tail was injured (a car, someone kicking her or yanking on it, etc). Because she is in pain she isn't eating. Because she has limited tail mobility, she can't get in the proper BM position and is straining. The straining leads to the mucus production. I'm not sure how the infection fits in, but maybe because her colon is irritated? She looks like this right now. Pain meds kicking in?
Edit- forgot to add, she could have a parasite. She does hunt outside. The vet can't check that until I get a stool sample from her. She is usually active and vocal, but now she can barely jump on the couch and she is quiet and lethargic. Poor girl.
As for the night time routine stuff, mad props to the moms or dads that take on any pieces by themselves either by choice or otherwise. Agreed that when the routine is changed (specifically when it makes it harder on me) I pitch a fit!
DS2 5/17
#3 Due 9/20
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I also rescue injured/sick street cats. When they won't eat anything, I take a little wet food and literally force it into their mouth. Sometimes just putting it on their lips won't work. I don't shove it down their throats but sometimes getting it on their tongue makes the difference. Make sure there's gravy on it too.
Good luck. I hope your kitty is ok
@tumbleweed Im soo sorry your going through this. I lost both of my cats to liver issues I hope things get better!
Pending u/s results, we will bring her home and keep her in a crate. I got her to lick wet food off her lips this morning and that is the best food progress she has made. I haven't tried sticking food in her mouth because I was afraid of her choking on it. I confirmed with the vet that it is safe to put some food in her mouth.
I really appreciate the support and advice I've received from you. Thank you so much. Our plan is to get any kind of food in her, manage pain, treat infection, give her steroids to reduce spinal swelling, keep her hydrated, reduce her movement (crate her so she stops jumping up on the bed), and hope for the best.
The u/s showed inflammation of her colon. The new diagnosis is colitis. We still don't know if she had a traumatic injury, but after the u/s they think all of the symptoms are related to colitis. A 3rd vet reviewed the X-rays and didn't think her spine looked injured-but that my cat wasn't laying straight.
She has turned her nose up at most foods (canned cat food both hers and some from the vet, tuna water, meat baby food, and butter). I did have some success half an hour ago. After lots of petting her and "baby talk", she licked some very watered down cat food off of my finger (about 5 times). It's not a lot, but it's the first food she has willingly eaten (not me forcing it in her mouth) since this began Wed night. It almost made me cry. These past two days have been very long.
Edit- since they don't think it's a spinal injury now, the cat doesn't have to be in a crate. But she does need to stay indoors for a while.
We tried food again half an hour ago and she was much more interested! We found that she won't eat off a plate, but will lick up spoonfuls off my palm (hand plate). Whatever works! We need her to get more food in her belly so she can take antibiotics.