Lost baby.. could really use support — The Bump

Lost baby.. could really use support

I know many have judged me here but I am asking for support.. I got pregnant back in june. It was a girl. I did the horrid progesterone shots. I was soo sick. vomiting from the beginning. even on Zofran. My husband was a complete jerk to me the entire time. I had just gotten off work since I work in a school and that just seems to make him so jealous since he has to go to work.. I wasn't cleaning much since I just had the transfer and honestly was scared to do too much. I was also so very sick with morning sickness day and night.  I would go to my moms house ( a few min away) and just chill there for a few hours and talk to my grandma and nieces. He would say I was ignoring him and not texting him fast enough. He complained that I text them when I am with him and he deserves that same treatment. He also was super crabby that My ten year old was having her cousins at the house.. he said it was too loud, the house is too small...  He wanted only one of her friends at a time since it was too loud. All of these things kept happening. I had a hard time kissing him since I was feeling like throwing up.. I told him this.. Apparently he was crabby about this. He was also crabby because I said no to a jeep wrangler convertible and a baby ,, I guess when I got pregnant he realized that he couldn't get it.. He said he was crabby I wouldn't even consider the Jeep. He was being competitive with my daughter and upset one night that I sat next to her when we went out to eat. Said he wasn't gonna go eat anymore.  All of these things happened,, and meanwhile I was trying to stay sane on hormones.  So long story short- I stopped the progesterone. I was scared to death to have a baby w this man. I lost my baby girl..  This was 7 weeks ago now. I was 9 weeks. I feel like a pos person and I am crying daily. My husband got his Jeep after all.

Now he says he is upset I stopped the shots and he needs to figure out what our plans for future are. He always saw a baby in it... Why was he so miserable the whole time I was pregnant then? Why was he upset over a Jeep then??? Im so sad .. I feel like a horrible person. I can just use some support. I am in counseling and in marriage counseling. His counselor said he has issues with self gratification, WE have barely any money yet he got a car that has a 550$ montly payment and bought 1200$ wheels for it on his cc.. this was his thoughts when I was trying to keep a baby alive.  I don't know how to get over this . or how to save my marriage. feeling hopeless.

Re: Lost baby.. could really use support

  • I'm so sorry you're going through all this.  It's good that you've got counseling.  One thing you might explore with a counselor (who knows you in more depth than we can know you here) is whether the marriage is something that should be saved.  If you're this miserable and desperate, that you made a choice to terminate a pregnancy, maybe this isn't somewhere you should stay.

    Me- 39 (turning 40 in April), TTC for the first time ever (since Jan 2015), low ovarian reserve
    Married 3/14/14 to my wonderful wife, but her sperm count is rather low
    TTC with frozen donor sperm and science

    7 IUIs, 7 BFNs.
    2 IVF attempts, both cancelled and converted to IUI, both BFNs.
    Decided that my tired old ovaries are ready to retire.
    Next step- reciprocal IVF, using my wife's eggs, my uterus!  
    fresh 5 day transfer (2 embryos) 4/17/17- BFP! 
    Identical twins "due" 1/2/17 (but anticipated arrival sometime December)

  • that is what im thinking.. God I wanted that baby so bad,. I spent two years obsessing over it.. He wasn't involved. I never saw him grieve the first ,miscarriage years ago.. then I get pregnant and he is so crabby over all this other stuff. when I first told him he seemed so happy.. he said things that made him irritable were easier to deal with but then he got so jealous of my daughter and me at my moms and not cleaning or doing chores.  and about that stupid Jeep he wanted so bad... how bad could he of wanted it to be that crabby... .. I just don't get it.. I mean he was real mad when I stopped the shots. but I don't get why he was not thinking of the baby instead of a convertible ..  I need to figure out if I should stay.. and now I am 40.. I think my chances are done. I spent 10k on this too.
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  • Praying for you @runner76. I agree w/ pp - keep seeking professional help, and seriously consider getting out of that relationship.
    *TW - Pregnancy mentioned*
    Me: 28 DH: 33, Married May 2014
    3 failed IUIs Dec '15 - Feb '16
    IVF April/May 2016 - 1 failed fresh transfer. 11 snow angels.
    1st FET 7/29/16 = BFP
    Lawson arrived on 4/24/2017 at 7lbs 15oz, 21 1/2 inches long!
    Surprise pregnancy!! Baby #2 due 10/11/18 <3
  • I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time . I agree with others that you really need the support of continued professional help . I don't know if anyone here can relate because many have never even been pregnant or have experienced losses that were out of their control . It is hard to read that you made the choice to intentionally stop your meds . I understand I can't understand your pain and what you are going through but that sounds like your issues are more surrounding things outside of infertility . Maybe your therapist could help you find some additional avenues of support ? Praying everything works out for you . 

    **BFP and loss warning**

    Me: 29
    DH: 29
    Us: Married Valentine's Day, 2015
    DH: No issues.
    Me: PCOS, unexplained infertility (whatever that means!!)
    June 2015 Medicated TI cycle: BFN
    July 2015:  Medicated TI cycle: BFN
    August 2015: IUI: BFP. Chemical pregnancy :(
    October 2015: IUI: BFN
    January 2016: Egg retrieval: 10 frozen embryos!
    March 2016: FET Cycle- 2 embryos transferred!: BFP !
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