February 2017 Moms

Ask a STM 8/3

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Re: Ask a STM 8/3

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  • GingersnapGingersnap member
    edited August 2016
    The way you presented it was condescending and insulting to those of us who have SAFELY bed shared. 
    I'm not going to try to change your opinion, as that would be futile. 
    I think you were rude, you don't care, and that's that. 
    @scottipino
    Also, I inherently stated that it has to be done safely. 
  • I get that some people don't or won't bed share, and I won't try to change any minds. 
    There is a way to present an opinion without insulting others. 

  • Honestly @scottipino I don't know how you thought "I would never risk my baby's life for my sleep deprivation-  it's temporary." would go over. Just because you've seen instances where it hasn't gone well, doesn't mean that it can't. Insinuating that moms are willing to risk their child's life for sleep is low.
    BFP #1: DD born on 08.25.12 BFP #2: 09/08/15 miscarried at 6w BFP #3: DD2 born on 02.07.17
  • I get not everyone will want to bed share but your statement was so rude. We bed shared the first five months and it was the only way any of us slept. oh and I also let her cry it out after that so I'm totes the mom of the year. 





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  • But back to advice and not judgement. Breastfeeding is painful the first couple of weeks. Definitely get help from a LC to help find a good latch if that's the route you want to go. If not, do not feel bad about formula. As long as your baby is fed and happy then you're doing a good job. 





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  • Don't be afraid to call the pediatrician as many times as you need to. If you have a good one, they will understand that new parents have tons questions and concerns.

    This is a random one but during pregnancy, my doctors have always advised me to lay on my left side as much as I can and to try not to cross my legs or feet too much. The not crossing my ankles is the hardest thing for me to do for some reason haha this might have only been told to me though because I tend to have issues with poor circulation. I think it's supposed to help with blood flow. 
  • @Xstatic3333 I too have been looking into the Finnish style baby box. I think it's an awesome idea. Were you looking at the Baby Box Co or is there another one you like? I haven't done a ton of research on it yet but plan on doing more before I buy it.

    Have any STM used one of these baby boxes and if so what did you think? 
    Me: 33 | DH: 34
    Married: October, 19, 2015
    EDD 2/22/17 <3 DS1 born on 3/2/17
    EDD 3/8/20 <3 DS2 born on 3/10/20
    EDD 11/24/23
    (Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)


  • @Xstatic3333 I too have been looking into the Finnish style baby box. I think it's an awesome idea. Were you looking at the Baby Box Co or is there another one you like? I haven't done a ton of research on it yet but plan on doing more before I buy it.

    Have any STM used one of these baby boxes and if so what did you think? 
    Nice! Honestly I'm kind of obsessed with the idea. I think it's so neat. I've looked at Baby Box Co but I think we're actually going to go with the Finnish Baby Box Co, which is more expensive but an awesome value for all it includes. We'll order in September once we learn the sex. 

    It will work well for us since we want to room-in but have a tiny bedroom. The baby will also be spending time at the grandmas' from pretty early on, and it will be so easy to bring it back and forth between locations. I figure if the baby can't lie flat due to reflux, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it  
  • edited August 2016

    I've been on vacation, so joining this party late.  As a 3rd time mom, here are my best 2 pieces of advice:

    1. Don't feel pressured to "enjoy every second."  There will be times when you are sleep-deprived beyond belief or the baby has been crying for hours or you haven't had a moment to yourself in days or weeks -- it's OK to not be blissful during these times.  Telling moms to enjoy every moment can make them feel like it's not OK to feel bad at times.  It's okay and it's normal.  Ask for help.  Put the baby in a safe place for a few minutes (or an hour) and walk away - baby will be okay and you may need a breather.  Personally, I read a whole bunch of stuff before my first was born and thought that my husband and I should be all bliss all the time, so I pressured both of us to feel that way, and it created some long-lasting resentment. 

    2. Do what's best for your family.  Everyone has opinions.  Sometimes they are just that.  Listen to your doctor, do your own reading, take what your friends say with a grain of salt, and then see what works for you.

    Me: 1979 * Husband: 1976 * Little girl: 2010 * Little guy: 2013 * MMC: 2016 * Last baby: EDD 2/11/17!  
  • Jab3 said:
    Don't be afraid to call the pediatrician as many times as you need to. If you have a good one, they will understand that new parents have tons questions and concerns.

    This is a random one but during pregnancy, my doctors have always advised me to lay on my left side as much as I can and to try not to cross my legs or feet too much. The not crossing my ankles is the hardest thing for me to do for some reason haha this might have only been told to me though because I tend to have issues with poor circulation. I think it's supposed to help with blood flow. 
    While reading this I had my ankles crossed...  :| I've been trying super hard to sleep on my left side, it is impossible.

    We have two sleeping beauties in heaven.
    Jack gained his wings on 09/02/2016. 
    Kali gained her wings on 07/28/2015.
    They will be forever missed. <3
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  • My twins learned more and milk, but not much more than that in signing.   My kids especially my daughter were pretty precocious talkers. So by like 14 months I was being told everything they needed with words.   

    STM+ confession.   Reading some of these is terrifying thinking about going back to the baby days.   I was kind of at that point of forgetting and thinking nothing but sunny thoughts about newborns.  . . It is true, you can forget.   
    Married - 7/29/06
    Ben and Maggie - 4/10/09 
    Mia - 6/16/11
    Surprise! due 2/23/17


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  • Don't cross your legs?? Damn, I'm in trouble lol. I just can't sit without crossing my legs...and sleeping on my left side? Forget about it. I sleep on my right side and that will have to do. I get so uncomfortable  so fast on my left side :/

    ME: 25, DH: 27

    TTC #1 since 09/2015

    Miscarriage @ 10 wks 02/28/2016

    BFP 05/28/2016!

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  • Kellymom has been such a great resource for all breastfeeding support and questions! I was so against co sleeping but fell asleep while nursing and almost dropped my baby off the bed one night (horrible mom guilt moment) that I decided we would co sleep from that moment on. He was only 3 weeks old. So we removed the big blankets and put him in the middle and it's going well for us. I've done a lot of reading about this issue bc my dr was so against it but it felt right. Anytime he woke up or wanted milk I was right there available quickly. We still co sleep and he's 14 months now. Though it's not as fun because he takes up so much room I still love our situation. Just a few weeks ago he started puking itmotn and I was right next to him to roll him over and be there for his first sickness. The biggest takeaway is co sleeping can be very safe if remove all extra pillows and blankets, the mother breastfeed, a does not smoke,has not been drinking, and does not take any medications that cause sleepiness. If a father is in the bed those apply to him as well. Also common sense is a good thing to have as well. If you are exhausted and know you are gonna sleep like a rock and you have any doubts about safety with baby and you together then choose a different set up at that moment. A pack and play or a co sleeper whatever have options available! Sorry I'm long winded lol!
  • My STM advice is sleep. Oh my gosh don't be proud. When you are in 3rd tri and tired and have the opportunity to nap- effing do it. When people tell you "sleep now!" it isn't them being mean or anything like that. Sleep, get all the sleep. When baby comes, sleep! You don't have to be super mom, take care of you. I truly believe one of the best preventives for PPD and PPA is sleep and rest. 


     <3 DD1- Aug11 <3o:) Angel Baby- June13, said goodbye Oct12 o:)<3 DD2- Aug13 <3<3 DD3- due Feb17 <3

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  • @Jab3 yes, crossing legs is bad for circulation. Causes varicose veins.  I have a hard time obeying that one, too. 
    And sleeping on your left side is better because it's easier for the heart to pump blood.  


  • Dude, if we didn't bed share one or both of us might have died. We tried EVERYTHING and if she wasn't in bed with us (she was right next to us in the bassinet, we were eye to eye, I kept my arm flung over the side) she would wake every 15 minutes. We did the 5 S's and it just.did.not.work. to keep her asleep.


     <3 DD1- Aug11 <3o:) Angel Baby- June13, said goodbye Oct12 o:)<3 DD2- Aug13 <3<3 DD3- due Feb17 <3

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  • The 5 S's actually worked really well with DS and I'm hoping to hell they work with this LO.



    Big Bro 7/14/13
    Little Bro 2/6/17

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  • lap018 said:
    As far as co sleeping goes, I didn't do it, I didn't feel comfortable with it since my H and I are such deep sleepers and our mattress is memory foam and we sleep with the dog and we use two huge blankets. But we sleep trained (oh the horror) so some people think I'm a terrible POS mom too, so I guess I've got my own problems. You honestly can't win these days. Every decision you make will be questioned and judged. Do your own research, talk with your doctor (honestly), and be the best mommy you can be to your child. That's all we can do. 
    I co-slept AND then sleep trained. 
    I must be AWFUL! 
    Seriously though, my kid nursed every 1.5 hours and that's what made us co sleep. I was still working and just couldn't function. 
    By 8 months she was nursing every 3-4 hours, so we read Ferber and decided to try it. 
    Worked like a DREAM. Got her in her own bed and only waking up once to nurse. 
    FTR, I was firmly no bed sharing, no CIO before I had kids, then all of my parenting ideals went out the window.
    Yes we did Ferber! Best thing ever! Or worst thing ever according to some. We are some cold heartless bishes. (Insert eye roll) my guy was not a bad newborn eater and I was on leave for two months so by then he was doing a 5 hour and then a 3 hour stretch so I wasn't being tortured, and was getting enough sleep to function at least. At least until the 4 month regression, that's when shit got real. 
  • The 5 S's actually worked really well with DS and I'm hoping to hell they work with this LO.
    The 5 S's actually worked really well with DS and I'm hoping to hell they work with this LO.
    Double quote- double the fun! The 5 S's worked really well and she stayed asleep as long as she was in someone's arm or in our bed. It got to the point that I would nurse her to sleep in our bed and slink away. But if I tried putting her in her crib- Dafuq mom?


     <3 DD1- Aug11 <3o:) Angel Baby- June13, said goodbye Oct12 o:)<3 DD2- Aug13 <3<3 DD3- due Feb17 <3

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  • We did a modified Ferber at 6 months. Before that DD literally only napped if I was holding her. It was so hard especially since I work from home so I had to work while holding her and run around like a crazy person during her awake time to get stuff done, then hold her to sleep again. 
    Anyway, we did Ferber but I never left her room. I stayed in sight or rubbing her back the whole time. It took 14 minutes at the very longest, and she would cry longer than that in my arms some days. 
    All that to say, whatever works for you (within reason) for the first few months, safely do it! Everyone told me I was ruining her by holding her for naps. But she is the best sleeper now, we never had much of a sleep regression, and she was STTN 10-12 hours  from 6 weeks on. The first few months is about surviving so do what you need to and you can always fix "bad habits" later. 
  • @Gingersnap I did the same and went from co-sleeping to sleep easy training. I laugh at the old me that said I wouldn't do either of those. 





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  • kirstynikolekirstynikole member
    edited August 2016
    @Gingersnap
    Same. I had a bassinet in the room and tried so hard to constantly use it, because I was terrified of co-sleeping. Then one night while sitting up nursing my son, I fell asleep. I startled myself awake as I almost dropped him out of my chair, and I realized that co-sleeping was going to be the answer. I still used the bassinet as I could, but it didn't always happen. This time around I will be doing some Ferber once baby hits a certain age, because my 2yo still sleeps in bed with us and he's at that point where he's kicking me in my face. 

    On another note, suggestions for transitioning a kid to sleep in their own bed? We finally weaned his mid-night nursing last month, but he's still waking up in the middle of the night to find his pacifier and then go back to sleep. Thoughts?? 

    Edited because words are hard.
  • My kids are 5 and 7 and we have had a kid in our bed every night for like a week.   They do not start there but are nocturnal wanderers.  It's crap with my current insomnia, but we have been a whatever it takes to sleep family.   Also, going from 2 adults, sometimes two babies and a 70 pound dog in a full size bed to a King sized bed was the best thing we ever did.   


    Married - 7/29/06
    Ben and Maggie - 4/10/09 
    Mia - 6/16/11
    Surprise! due 2/23/17


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  • Everything you think about how you parent or what methods you'll use for this and that most likely won't happen for one reason or another. My advice is to chill. The more relaxed you are about changes in the flow the easier it'll be to ride the waves. Oh and get your bitch face prepared for when people are telling you what you're doing is wrong. You'll use it a lot and you want to make sure it's perfect when you need to pull it out.
  • LouWho392LouWho392 member
    edited August 2016
    Our daycare does some of the baby sign language.  I found it helpful for the kids letting me know when they were done eating or wanted more. But they were both over a year old before they started.  That's the extent we got into with it. 
  • I read a bunch of posts about nighttime care. My husband is a nighthawk and I can do early morning. With our littles, we have slept in different rooms. He cares for baby for "first shift" til like 1 or 2 or so as he would normally be up anyways. I would go to bed as early as I could and sleep until little one needed feeding. Then I would have them for the wee hours while he got some sleep. Our tag team approach has worked well for us. I found the hardest nights for me would be the ones that babe needed an 11:30 feed and I needed sleep. DD wouldn't take a bottle and only ever wanted Mama. 
    Don't be embarrassed about doing things the way you know it works for your family. Everyone will tell you what works for them but all babies are different and all parents are different. Do what works for you. 
    Oh and babies seem to sense when you are panicky and upset. They feel it in your tense muscles and all of that. Try to relax and go with the flow. I found it helps keep the peace. 
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