Ladies, my father-in-law passed away yesterday. Worst part is, he took his own life. I am not posting for sympathy or prayers (but I welcome them as we all sure need them right now). I am posting because I feel I have developed a special bond on here and wanted to share that something so huge has just happened to my family and I am so late into my pregnancy. I haven't told any of my friends IRL yet as I am taking cues from DH and he is being selective in who he tells and I don't think he wants everyone knowing how his dad died (he shot himself in the chest). And I am afraid to tell friends he passed and then they will certainly ask how or what happened and then it could get super awkward. So I am waiting a little bit until I think it is ok. But that means I am not getting the support that I would normally get from my girlfriends...and I just need to whine/vent/express my feelings a little if that is ok here.
The whole ordeal is so tragic and it was all so unexpected. My DH is an only child and his parent(s) live about 5 minutes away. I am SOOOOO exhausted. Both mentally and physically. I wasn't sleeping before and barely slept at all last night. I am trying so hard to be the best wife I can be right now but I feel I can only do that if I take a few moments to myself and decompress. I feel bad that I just left my in-laws house without DH. There are so many family and friends around his mother which is wonderful. But I am just feeling drained myself. DH is handling it better than I would expect but it has just barely been 24 hours so I don't think we've even begun the healing process. It is just so hard being so pregnant and already having so much going on at work and at home trying to get ready for baby. It just shows you that none of that matters in the end except love and family. But I am still stressing on the inside because while none of the rest should matter, work and other stuff still matters a little to me even though I am trying to forget about it! I am having to push it all aside and just be there for everyone and pray my baby stays put so we can try and heal a little and get things just a little more organized before his arrival. I am just so sad for his mother and selfishly sooooo worried about our future. She was driving me crazy before and now we have to make sure we really give her more time, love and attention (deservingly). And I feel like the worst human being for feeling this way but becoming a FTM is so stressful emotionally and I am finding now adding this on top of it is almost suffocating. Plus, I don't really feel like I can grieve since I want to hold it together and take care of everyone as much as I can.
Sorry for the long post. DH sent me a text asking if I was ok if his buddy stayed at our house this weekend since he is flying in from AZ. I said yes, of course, but the house is a mess and now I gotta get it together to make it more comfortable for guests. I want to do all this for him and for everyone, I am just so friggin tired. But I will do my part and let the upcoming baby be a distraction for those that are all fussing over me and put on a warm smile for those that need it and give DH whatever he wants/needs. I can't even begin to understand what he must be going through. My uncle committed suicide and that was one of the worst events in my life but to be my own father, right before his bday and before his first grandchild is born....I just can't even.
Thanks for reading and I am sorry to be a downer. Much love to you all and I hope you stop to enjoy the positive moments in your day since you just never know when something can change and flip your whole world upside down.
Married: 3/21/15 First time mom to a human but have been a puppy mamma for over 12 years
Oh @blondie080300, I am so, so sorry to hear that. My thoughts go out to you and your DH, and of course the rest of your/his family as well. Please don't feel bad for feeling stressed/overwhelmed by this as it is a very difficult time to have something so traumatic occur in your life! I'm hoping your DH can get the support that he needs right now, I can't even imagine going through that. Big internet hugs girl, sending my thoughts your way.
@blondie080300 I am so terribly sorry for you, DH, and family. I have experienced sudden passing in both my and DH's family, so I know some of what you are feeling. I'm proud of the strength you're showing (if that makes any sense coming from an internet person), and I just wanted to say that everything you're feeling is valid. Grief in a situation like this is hard enough, without the added complication of your hormones and your own happiness for the birth of your child soon. Do what you can for those around you, but feel no shame in doing what you need for yourself, too. Everyone's reactions will be different and unpredictable right now, but try to focus on the love you all have for each other. I will definitely be keeping you and your family in my thoughts!
@blondie080300 I am so sorry to hear this news. You are being a wonderful (pregnant) wife by just being there for your husband. Please try not to stress about anything, you nailed it on the head when you said the most important thing in life is love and family. House guests will understand you're 8m preg and will think nothing of a disorganized/messy house.
Hang in in there momma and feel free to check in at any time...
@blondie080300 I'm so sorry, hun. This is so heartbreaking and I'll definitely be thinking of you and your DH (and his family). I say you need to remind yourself that you are doing all you can to be there for your husband in this time of need and that, at the same time, you're growing this amazing little life that you both created, so it's okay to take time for yourself. I am sure the first few days will be the hardest but we can do anything for a short time, right? Just take care of yourself as well. I understand 100% that your mother-in-law needs more love and support but this is not just your job, I would love and care for her son and give her what I can, without losing myself in the process. You are your husband's #1 and he is yours, I think as long as you do what you can for him, you're doing great. Organize what you need in order to have his friend over but don't bother going overboard, if anything is really a big deal, people understand that this isn't the time to make things perfect for them.
@blondie080300 I am so sorry for your family during this difficult time. I will definitely be sending thoughts and prayers for all of you! I'm sure you are all still somewhat in shock and it hasn't completely set in yet. Try to make sure you still get your rest! Sending lots of love your way!
@blondie080300 so sorry to hear that. I can't even imagine how hard this must be for the both of you, and not that it would ever be easy, but especially during this time of waiting for baby to come. Please know we are all thinking of you, and remember to take the time that you need to rest during the chaos of the coming days.
@blondie080300 - Firstly, I am so very sorry to hear this. Secondly, I'm glad that you feel comfortable in coming to us here. I think that just goes to show how lucky we all are to have such wonderful and supportive ladies here.
My heart really breaks for you and your DH right now. All I can offer is to keep you guys in my pm thoughts and prayers and hope that things get better and peace is found somehow.
I am so sorry @blondie080300. That is such an awful event to have to go through anyway, but super pregnant makes it even more complicated. I'll echo others in saying to take time for yourself, grief is exhausting and shouldering grief for others just piles on to that. My thoughts are with you all, hugs!
@blondie080300 I am so sorry. I can't even imagine what you're all going through. It's such a tragic thing and I can't imagine going through it while pregnant. I hope the road to healing will start for you and DH. All the best. You're in my thoughts.
@blondie080300 I am so sorry. There are no words. Feel how you need to feel and please, please, please, don't think you're being selfish for giving yourself the space you need to decompress from the grief, especially if you're trying to be a pillar for others.
@blondie080300 I am so sorry...my thoughts are with you and your DH and his mom/family during this time. One of my DH's childhood friends committed suicide in May and it was just awful--one of the hardest things that DH has had to go through. Suicide is so hard because you wish that you could have done more for the person or done something to prevent it. You are being so supportive to your DH during this difficult time--especially at the end of pregnancy when you have a million things running through your mind at all times. Try to make sure you take some time to rest each day, even though I know it will be hard.
@blondie080300 I'm so sorry to hear about your FIL. What a terrible thing to happen, especially right now.
You're not being selfish. You're looking out for yourself and your baby and there's nothing at all wrong with that. You need to make sure that you're taking care of yourself before you can even think about taking care of anyone else.
What's happening in your life right now isn't going to be easy on anyone who knew and loved your FIL, but that doesn't mean that you need to run yourself into the ground putting other people's needs first. I'm not saying you should ignore your MIL or DH and their feelings and needs, by any means, just that you're in a difficult position yourself right now.
Try to take the time you need to heal. You're in a hard position, but you and your family can get through this. Hopefully your LO can be a light in the darkness.
I'm glad that you feel that you can talk to us about what you're going through, especially since you can't easily talk to the people around you right now. I feel safe in speaking for others when I say we're here for you and we care.
@blondie080300 I am so so sorry your family has to experience this. What a tragic loss. It's so incredibly strong of you to be there for your DH and his family, just remember to take care of yourself too; you have to let yourself go through the grief process just like everyone else. I'll keep you in my prayers and send you some healing vibes.
@blondie080300 - I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to imagine what you and DH are going through, and to be going through it pregnant has got to be immensely more difficult.
FWIW it sounds like you're doing all the right things by taking care of yourself and DH. Give yourself whatever time you need and don't feel guilty!
@blondie080300 I want to add my condolences as well. I can't imagine what you are going through right now. Dealing with suicide is so difficult without the added stress of being pregnant. I guess all I have to offer is to be gentle with yourself and your family - you are all dealing with so many emotions right now.
I echo what was mentioned above, the clean house is not a reason to add additional stress on yourself. People will understand that you are pregnant and more concerned with taking care of you and your baby boy and supporting your husband (and MIL).
@blondie080300 I'm so sorry for your loss. Please take time for yourself too. You lost a FIL as well as H losing his father. You are grieving too and you've lost someone too. Don't forget that when you're taking care of everyone else.
@blondie080300 my prayers are with you and your family! I echo what everyone previously has said- the best thing you can do is take care of yourself, take care of your husband and roll with what comes as best you can. No one expects you or your house to be perfect, though the fact that you're worried shows how loving and caring you are.
@blondie080300 I just want to add in my condolences. Pregnancy is such a difficult time emotionally even for small things. Don't be hard on yourself for feeling anything that you do & don't worry about deep cleaning your home for guests, unless it will just take your mind off things. People coming will not expect that of you. You are in my prayers.
@blondie080300 I'm so sorry for your sudden loss and for the struggles FIL faced leading to his decision. Suicide is extremely difficult for everyone involved. Take care of yourself and husband as best as you can and let him feel whatever he feels. I would imagine myself being angry with my father once my son is born, to feel that bond and wonder how he could have been so selfish... but there is so much more to it and my experience is that the anger subsides and the cause of death is less prominent than just missing the deceased. Wishing you all comfort in each other in this horrible time, and to focus on the new life that is soon to be. Again, I'm sorry.
Also... doctor was gentle with the qtip... you guys are a bunch of jerks for making fun of my typo! Hahahha, actually I love you all the more for it because it was such a perfect autocorrect. I assure you my vag was not stabbed, it was only swabbed. And a tip for those who haven't experienced... don't look at the qtip after, nobody needs to see that.
@blondie080300 I'm so sorry for your loss. I have a friend whose father killed himself just about a month ago. (I didn't ask how) and it's been very hard on him and his wife. He didn't sleep for weeks. Vent away here, hopefully your DH will give you permission to open up to a few close friends IRL.
I don't have to get swabbed this time!!! Freaking having strep throat twice in one year made my Dr mark me as a carrier so I'll get the antibiotics. I guess not getting swabbed is a plus?
When I went for my glucose testing at the hospital, they gave me the swab and instructions on how to swab myself. I was really not looking forward for doing that to myself so asked my OB to do it at my next appointment and she graciously agreed! I mean, really?! It's hard enough wiping sometimes let alone swabbing myself?! Ugh
@blondie080300 I'm so sorry for the whole situation. My FIL passed suddenly earlier and it hit us all very hard. First take care of yourself and take moments to yourself as needed. Don't be superwoman although it "feels" like you need to be doing something productive or supportive. Sometimes just being there is all that's needed. For your husband it's hard to gauge the emotions that he might face. Here are some scriptures that may help, but time, space and support are good too. God bless
I just saw the Facebook group post. I'm torn. Can I take all my Randoms ladies (and those who pop in to say hi though lurking)? Does that sound too mean girl? I'm unsure how to be inclusive yet keep it right and tight.
@blondie080300 I'm so very sorry for your loss. Like others have said, you are incredibly strong for making your H and MIL priorities but don't forget to take care of you. Losing someone to suicide is hard enough but during what should be an otherwise joyous time makes it even more challenging. Please know that we will be here to support you in any way that we can. My thoughts and prayers and with you and your family.
@blondie080300 I am so very sorry for your loss. This is so sad and in a moment like this too, I know you need to be there for your husband and mother in law but please do not feel bad about needing to take some care of yourself too. Sending lots of love towards you.
35 years old, TTC #1 Dec 28, 2011 PCOS, Hypothyroidism.
First IVF cycle June 5th 2015 --- BFP Miscarriage at 8 weeks
FET December 15th 2015--- BFP! First saw at 6w4d It's a boy!
Luciano Alessandro Maximiliano was born on September 3rd 2016
Re: August Randoms!!!
Ladies, my father-in-law passed away yesterday. Worst part is, he took his own life.
The whole ordeal is so tragic and it was all so unexpected. My DH is an only child and his parent(s) live about 5 minutes away. I am SOOOOO exhausted. Both mentally and physically. I wasn't sleeping before and barely slept at all last night. I am trying so hard to be the best wife I can be right now but I feel I can only do that if I take a few moments to myself and decompress. I feel bad that I just left my in-laws house without DH. There are so many family and friends around his mother which is wonderful. But I am just feeling drained myself. DH is handling it better than I would expect but it has just barely been 24 hours so I don't think we've even begun the healing process. It is just so hard being so pregnant and already having so much going on at work and at home trying to get ready for baby. It just shows you that none of that matters in the end except love and family. But I am still stressing on the inside because while none of the rest should matter, work and other stuff still matters a little to me even though I am trying to forget about it!
Sorry for the long post. DH sent me a text asking if I was ok if his buddy stayed at our house this weekend since he is flying in from AZ. I said yes, of course, but the house is a mess and now I gotta get it together to make it more comfortable for guests. I want to do all this for him and for everyone, I am just so friggin tired. But I will do my part and let the upcoming baby be a distraction for those that are all fussing over me and put on a warm smile for those that need it and give DH whatever he wants/needs. I can't even begin to understand what he must be going through. My uncle committed suicide and that was one of the worst events in my life but to be my own father, right before his bday and before his first grandchild is born....I just can't even.
Thanks for reading and I am sorry to be a downer. Much love to you all and I hope you stop to enjoy the positive moments in your day since you just never know when something can change and flip your whole world upside down.
First time mom to a human but have been a puppy mamma for over 12 years
Please don't feel guilty about taking some time for yourself.
DS1 -- 9/30/2016
Hang in in there momma and feel free to check in at any time...
We're here for you.
My heart really breaks for you and your DH right now. All I can offer is to keep you guys in my pm thoughts and prayers and hope that things get better and peace is found somehow.
July: Patriotic Fails
So many hugs.
You're not being selfish. You're looking out for yourself and your baby and there's nothing at all wrong with that. You need to make sure that you're taking care of yourself before you can even think about taking care of anyone else.
What's happening in your life right now isn't going to be easy on anyone who knew and loved your FIL, but that doesn't mean that you need to run yourself into the ground putting other people's needs first. I'm not saying you should ignore your MIL or DH and their feelings and needs, by any means, just that you're in a difficult position yourself right now.
Try to take the time you need to heal. You're in a hard position, but you and your family can get through this. Hopefully your LO can be a light in the darkness.
I'm glad that you feel that you can talk to us about what you're going through, especially since you can't easily talk to the people around you right now. I feel safe in speaking for others when I say we're here for you and we care.
● IUI #2: BFP - early M/C
● IUI #3: BFN
● IUI #4: BFN
● IVF/FET #1 (2 transferred): BFP! TWINS!
● FET #2 (1 transferred): BFP! BOY #3!
● Natural #1: BFP - M/C @ 8 weeks
● Natural #2: BFP - M/C @ 5w5d
FWIW it sounds like you're doing all the right things by taking care of yourself and DH. Give yourself whatever time you need and don't feel guilty!
I echo what was mentioned above, the clean house is not a reason to add additional stress on yourself. People will understand that you are pregnant and more concerned with taking care of you and your baby boy and supporting your husband (and MIL).
yourself too. You lost a FIL as well as H losing his father. You are grieving too and you've lost someone too. Don't forget that when you're taking care of everyone else.
I have found this website helpful in the past, and I will leave it here in case it may help you too: https://griefwords.com/index.cgi?action=page&page=articles/helping14.html&site_id=2
Wishing you all comfort in each other in this horrible time, and to focus on the new life that is soon to be.
Again, I'm sorry.
First take care of yourself and take moments to yourself as needed. Don't be superwoman although it "feels" like you need to be doing something productive or supportive. Sometimes just being there is all that's needed.
For your husband it's hard to gauge the emotions that he might face. Here are some scriptures that may help, but time, space and support are good too. God bless
DD 10/4/02
DS due 9/28/16
@UnwritteN12 You have such a beautiful family!
PCOS, Hypothyroidism.
Miscarriage at 8 weeks
First saw
It's a boy!
PCOS, Hypothyroidism.
Miscarriage at 8 weeks
First saw
It's a boy!