HELP!! Cries when I put him down — The Bump
June 2015 Moms

HELP!! Cries when I put him down

dianabeeedianabeee
100 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Photogenic
member
edited March 2016 in June 2015 Moms
so my baby is 9 months. and has this bad habit of crying every time I put him down. it sucks cause there are times when I have to get ready for work, and I cannot attend to him like I normally would. he will literally cry like if somebody is killing him. he is very overdramatic, I'm talking about face turning dark red, and screaming out the top of his lungs. 

I feel like part of the problem is that he is so used to getting getting carried (thanks to his dad) that that is all he expects from us now. I feel like every day it gets worse. I need help! is anybody hoing through a similar situation? any advice, ideas, or suggestions on how to minimize this behavior would be highly appreciated 

Re: HELP!! Cries when I put him down

  • I don't have any advice, but I can relate. Sounds like we are going though pretty much the same thing here. I am the guilty party on not putting her down much, though. Heaven forbid I try to hand her off to someone either. She will calm down for dad if I leave the room but other relatives it is kind of hit or miss. This made Easter with my husband's family and everyone wanting to hold her a lot of fun. 
    dianabeee
  • I think this is common for all babes at this age.  They are going through an attachment phase.  I think they need to learn that you aren't leaving them.  I have a similar thing going on, LO has just started crying when i drop him off with my sister in the morning for work, he used to be perfectly fine.  I kiss him and say goodbye and tell him i will be back later.  He cries for a bit but she says he gets over it pretty quick. 
    KonaCoffeeBeanalcrimminsmegpeg0621
  • As PP said, it is very normal at this age. The amount of time your baby was held doesn't make it better or worse. In child development it is called secure attachment. Your baby knows that you and dad take care of him/her and that other people are not you. It is a hard phase at times, some children have a much harder time than others. The most you can do is try to keep a routine when you are "separating" from him/her. Even though it doesn't seem like they can understand what you say, talk to them and tell them what is happening. In time it will pass, it is very hard when family want to love on them and they scream. 

    I hope things get better for you soon. In those rough moments try to remember it's just because they know you are mom!
    alcrimmins
  • Ok, I haven't been on here (to write anything, I've been lurking for several months....I couldn't figure out my password and was being lazy, argh) in a WHILE, but I'm so glad for this post!
    DD is so bad about this!  She has been in the same phase for a few weeks now, and it's hard to get anything done, whether I'm holding her or she's down, and I'm trying not to get a headache from the screaming.  I'm glad to know she's not the only one, but for crying out loud (lol), I hope it ends soon!  I used to think I had a pretty well adjusted kid ;)
    mjschenk
  • Can't offer any advice but just this week she has started to bawl when I leave her at daycare.  Attachment phase for sure. 
  • Exactly as everyone has said! It is 100% normal at this age. Some babies get it sooner, some later. My son was this way from 6-9 months. He would scream bloody murder if anyone took him but my dh or I. It was hard and people had hurt feelings that he didn't like them. We just had to explain that it was totally normal for babies at that age. As @virginiaunicorn11 said, just try using calm tones around lo. Give people their favorite toy when they hold them. Make sure lo can see you at first, so you can reassure them that they're ok. Once they're calm, try to sneak away and let them be. They'll see that people are only loving them. It'll pass, you just have to try and be as supportive as you can at this stage. 

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  • My LO has been going through a bit of this the last few weeks too. I've been trying to decide the best method for saying goodbye to LO when I drop her off at family, friends or daycare. I don't leave when she's crying if possible. I like to sneak out when she's calm & distracted. Is it better to do that or tell them "bye bye" & allow them to watch you leave? Sometimes if she sees me leave she starts crying. Anyone have input on what's best for baby? I feel particularly sensitive to this because it was where I struggled growing up. I was so afraid to leave my parents and that continued for years. I don't want my LO to have that kind of fear as she gets older. I know it's normal now but I guess I'm hoping she will be more securely attached than I was as she gets older.


  • dianabeeedianabeee
    100 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Photogenic
    member
    edited March 2016
    I really do hope this passes I feel like it gets worse everyday
  • ciennah99 said:
    My LO has been going through a bit of this the last few weeks too. I've been trying to decide the best method for saying goodbye to LO when I drop her off at family, friends or daycare. I don't leave when she's crying if possible. I like to sneak out when she's calm & distracted. Is it better to do that or tell them "bye bye" & allow them to watch you leave? Sometimes if she sees me leave she starts crying. Anyone have input on what's best for baby? I feel particularly sensitive to this because it was where I struggled growing up. I was so afraid to leave my parents and that continued for years. I don't want my LO to have that kind of fear as she gets older. I know it's normal now but I guess I'm hoping she will be more securely attached than I was as she gets older.


    Same here, I had terrible anxiety about being left anywhere. Added to it was pretty bad OCD, to the extent that if my mom didn't say "I'll pick you up at 2:30" exactly 15 times on the way to school Id be hysterical and not get out of the car. Anyway I'm hoping since LO goes to daycare that will get him used to it (my mom was a SAHM) but I also am confused whether it's better to do a quick drop off and leave so as to not drag it out or should I stay and comfort him until he's not crying? Aaaarrrgh momma guilt!!
  • @klirwin82 my mom was a SAHM until I started first grade. I think that has something to do with it for me too. My LO seems a lot more outgoing/less sensitive than I am so I'm sure part of it is just the temperament you're born with too. Hoping she'll have an easier time than I did because of that.
  • I wish I had advice. Just wanted to say that I am going through the same. It is nice to know that it is common. I was starting to feel really down about my parenting. It's so hard finding that balance and trying not give into their every cry. This first year is hard. Things that worked to calm him a week ago, don't work today. But at least that is confirmation that our children are always changing and this situation is only temporary. 
    mjschenkdianabeee
  • I like this article on solo play for babies, and thought of this thread when I came to the "Conquering Clinginess" section about halfway into it:
    http://www.parents.com/baby/development/intellectual/the-value-of-solo-play/

    Kelserboodianabeee
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