so my baby is 9 months. and has this bad habit of crying every time I put him down. it sucks cause there are times when I have to get ready for work, and I cannot attend to him like I normally would. he will literally cry like if somebody is killing him. he is very overdramatic, I'm talking about face turning dark red, and screaming out the top of his lungs.
I feel like part of the problem is that he is so used to getting getting carried (thanks to his dad) that that is all he expects from us now. I feel like every day it gets worse. I need help! is anybody hoing through a similar situation? any advice, ideas, or suggestions on how to minimize this behavior would be highly appreciated
I don't have any advice, but I can relate. Sounds like we are going though pretty much the same thing here. I am the guilty party on not putting her down much, though. Heaven forbid I try to hand her off to someone either. She will calm down for dad if I leave the room but other relatives it is kind of hit or miss. This made Easter with my husband's family and everyone wanting to hold her a lot of fun.
I think this is common for all babes at this age. They are going through an attachment phase. I think they need to learn that you aren't leaving them. I have a similar thing going on, LO has just started crying when i drop him off with my sister in the morning for work, he used to be perfectly fine. I kiss him and say goodbye and tell him i will be back later. He cries for a bit but she says he gets over it pretty quick.
As PP said, it is very normal at this age. The amount of time your baby was held doesn't make it better or worse. In child development it is called secure attachment. Your baby knows that you and dad take care of him/her and that other people are not you. It is a hard phase at times, some children have a much harder time than others. The most you can do is try to keep a routine when you are "separating" from him/her. Even though it doesn't seem like they can understand what you say, talk to them and tell them what is happening. In time it will pass, it is very hard when family want to love on them and they scream.
I hope things get better for you soon. In those rough moments try to remember it's just because they know you are mom!
Ok, I haven't been on here (to write anything, I've been lurking for several months....I couldn't figure out my password and was being lazy, argh) in a WHILE, but I'm so glad for this post! DD is so bad about this! She has been in the same phase for a few weeks now, and it's hard to get anything done, whether I'm holding her or she's down, and I'm trying not to get a headache from the screaming. I'm glad to know she's not the only one, but for crying out loud (lol), I hope it ends soon! I used to think I had a pretty well adjusted kid
As with everything, all babies are different. My LO is pretty good about this, but we really focus on/encourage him to be comfortable with others.
Some things we do are let him play alone on the floor while we sit in chairs - scatter a bunch of toys around to keep him occupied (he especially loves Play Mobile doll houses or Fisher Price doll houses - they keep him occupied for like 30 minutes). Get him comfortable with someone and then hand him over, facing him out towards us. If he cries, we tell him he's ok, and then take him back, explain who the person is, let him get a little more comfortable then try again (obviously it's not like he understands the words, but he can tell from our tone and attitude what we are expecting). We give people his favorite toys and show them how to engage him, if they need a little help.
We also take him out into public a LOT and encourage him to engage people and don't mind when others engage him (touch him, sometimes hold him, whatever is appropriate for the situation). He seems to know when we are comfortable, which makes him moreso. I also just let him cry in the playpen sometimes if I really need to get ready. I talk to him and tell him he's ok, etc. Again, not like he understands, but hearing me reassure him at least makes ME feel better!
I am sure you do many or all of these things, and a baby's personality has a lot to do with it. Just offering my experience in case any of it helps. Obviously it's also a developmental stage, too, so hopefully it passes soon. It can be so awkward when the baby doesn't show love to that family member who is so excited to see the baby!!
Exactly as everyone has said! It is 100% normal at this age. Some babies get it sooner, some later. My son was this way from 6-9 months. He would scream bloody murder if anyone took him but my dh or I. It was hard and people had hurt feelings that he didn't like them. We just had to explain that it was totally normal for babies at that age. As @virginiaunicorn11 said, just try using calm tones around lo. Give people their favorite toy when they hold them. Make sure lo can see you at first, so you can reassure them that they're ok. Once they're calm, try to sneak away and let them be. They'll see that people are only loving them. It'll pass, you just have to try and be as supportive as you can at this stage.
My LO has been going through a bit of this the last few weeks too. I've been trying to decide the best method for saying goodbye to LO when I drop her off at family, friends or daycare. I don't leave when she's crying if possible. I like to sneak out when she's calm & distracted. Is it better to do that or tell them "bye bye" & allow them to watch you leave? Sometimes if she sees me leave she starts crying. Anyone have input on what's best for baby? I feel particularly sensitive to this because it was where I struggled growing up. I was so afraid to leave my parents and that continued for years. I don't want my LO to have that kind of fear as she gets older. I know it's normal now but I guess I'm hoping she will be more securely attached than I was as she gets older.
My LO has been going through a bit of this the last few weeks too. I've been trying to decide the best method for saying goodbye to LO when I drop her off at family, friends or daycare. I don't leave when she's crying if possible. I like to sneak out when she's calm & distracted. Is it better to do that or tell them "bye bye" & allow them to watch you leave? Sometimes if she sees me leave she starts crying. Anyone have input on what's best for baby? I feel particularly sensitive to this because it was where I struggled growing up. I was so afraid to leave my parents and that continued for years. I don't want my LO to have that kind of fear as she gets older. I know it's normal now but I guess I'm hoping she will be more securely attached than I was as she gets older.
Same here, I had terrible anxiety about being left anywhere. Added to it was pretty bad OCD, to the extent that if my mom didn't say "I'll pick you up at 2:30" exactly 15 times on the way to school Id be hysterical and not get out of the car. Anyway I'm hoping since LO goes to daycare that will get him used to it (my mom was a SAHM) but I also am confused whether it's better to do a quick drop off and leave so as to not drag it out or should I stay and comfort him until he's not crying? Aaaarrrgh momma guilt!!
@klirwin82 my mom was a SAHM until I started first grade. I think that has something to do with it for me too. My LO seems a lot more outgoing/less sensitive than I am so I'm sure part of it is just the temperament you're born with too. Hoping she'll have an easier time than I did because of that.
I wish I had advice. Just wanted to say that I am going through the same. It is nice to know that it is common. I was starting to feel really down about my parenting. It's so hard finding that balance and trying not give into their every cry. This first year is hard. Things that worked to calm him a week ago, don't work today. But at least that is confirmation that our children are always changing and this situation is only temporary.
Re: HELP!! Cries when I put him down
I hope things get better for you soon. In those rough moments try to remember it's just because they know you are mom!
DD is so bad about this! She has been in the same phase for a few weeks now, and it's hard to get anything done, whether I'm holding her or she's down, and I'm trying not to get a headache from the screaming. I'm glad to know she's not the only one, but for crying out loud (lol), I hope it ends soon! I used to think I had a pretty well adjusted kid
Some things we do are let him play alone on the floor while we sit in chairs - scatter a bunch of toys around to keep him occupied (he especially loves Play Mobile doll houses or Fisher Price doll houses - they keep him occupied for like 30 minutes). Get him comfortable with someone and then hand him over, facing him out towards us. If he cries, we tell him he's ok, and then take him back, explain who the person is, let him get a little more comfortable then try again (obviously it's not like he understands the words, but he can tell from our tone and attitude what we are expecting). We give people his favorite toys and show them how to engage him, if they need a little help.
We also take him out into public a LOT and encourage him to engage people and don't mind when others engage him (touch him, sometimes hold him, whatever is appropriate for the situation). He seems to know when we are comfortable, which makes him moreso.
I also just let him cry in the playpen sometimes if I really need to get ready. I talk to him and tell him he's ok, etc. Again, not like he understands, but hearing me reassure him at least makes ME feel better!
I am sure you do many or all of these things, and a baby's personality has a lot to do with it. Just offering my experience in case any of it helps. Obviously it's also a developmental stage, too, so hopefully it passes soon. It can be so awkward when the baby doesn't show love to that family member who is so excited to see the baby!!
https://www.parents.com/baby/development/intellectual/the-value-of-solo-play/