Totally not a stranger, it's my MIL.... always walks through the door with some type of "oh you've gotten huge" "what's up chubby?" She topped it off the other night when she greeted me with "Hey fatso!"
like foreal? At least I'm growing a human right now, what's your excuse? Does she think it's cute, or does her mind just literally not work at all....?
& let me make note, that this is my second pregnancy, and she knows I had a lot of issues after my first about gaining weight and it made me self conscious, so is this just her using something I told her against me to feel better about herself??? & I've gained less this go around than with my first! Psycho....
This reminds me of one of my favorite comments from my previous pregnancy and one that my older sister LOVES to quote all the time!
My grandmother was visiting from Maine for my younger sister's college graduation and I graciously opened my home for her to stay over night. As MH was helping get her bags from her car, she ran up to me, grabbed my 5 month pregnant belly, *shook* it and said "Hey there, Fatty!" I was stunned as MH looked on in horror, knowing how my moods had been. He literally stopped in his tracks and froze! It was hilarious. I weighed my options, smiled and said, "Baby is happy to see you too, Grammie!" and went on with it. But now, every time my older sister sees me, she calls out "Hey there, Fatty!" It has become a running joke because my grandmother is constantly putting her foot in her mouth (like the time she asked our waiter who was clearly Middle-Eastern "Oh, do you know Ahmed?")
swaters14 must just be a grandma thing! My husband's grandmother shares a yard with my MIL and one day we went to visit MIL and grandma could see us get out of the car from her house. After visiting MIL, we walked over to grandma's house and she said "I could see big momma from across the yard but I never saw dad." Who thinks it's okay to call anyone BIG momma?
Also, my grandma has been asking me every single time she sees me how much weight I've gained. I found out at our shower this weekend, she's been updating other relatives on my weight, on a weekly basis. We hosted Christmas at our house and she and my grandpa arrived first. I was just starting to show and she wanted to feel my belly. She commented how huge it was and I laughed it off and said "yeah, I've only gained 5 pounds so far!" She responds with, "Well you were already fat before you got pregnant so you shouldn't gain much anyway." She has also made comments about how WIDE I am carrying. Not high or low, but wide. She has made so many comments about my weight and body that I haven't told her (and don't plan to ever tell her) that I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. I know she'll make a comment about how it has to be because I'm so fat, so I just don't even want to go there.
Her comments are mainly weight related, but also at my shower she said to a huge group that my baby is going to be so bad I will never have kids again (I've had a rough pregnancy so any time she gets an update she talks about how bad baby is and how rough it will be for me to be a mom).
I am already dreading the post baby body comments she's going to make!
Totally not a stranger, it's my MIL.... always walks through the door with some type of "oh you've gotten huge" "what's up chubby?" She topped it off the other night when she greeted me with "Hey fatso!"
like foreal? At least I'm growing a human right now, what's your excuse? Does she think it's cute, or does her mind just literally not work at all....?
& let me make note, that this is my second pregnancy, and she knows I had a lot of issues after my first about gaining weight and it made me self conscious, so is this just her using something I told her against me to feel better about herself??? & I've gained less this go around than with my first! Psycho....
OK IMO some names I can tolerate like preggers and I have even started to let it go when people say WOW YOUR BIG, but any nickname touching the realm of "fat" is just not ok in my book. Chunkers, chubby, fatso, tubs etc. NOT APPROPRIATE. good lord its not funny, cute or playful, its annoying and hurtful.
The assistant to my company's president works very far away from me and our paths rarely cross but she always has good candy out. Early in my 2nd trimester, right after I broke the news to everyone at work, I came by twice within the span of an hour to grab some more candy and she responded by glaring at me and saying "AGAIN?!"
Someone must have clued her in because the next day she apologized to me. Fast forward to yesterday, which is the first time I have talked to her since, and only because she has avoided eye contact ever since and we were the only ones in the break room. She is staring at me and making me uncomfortable so I stare back. She finally breaks the silence and says "So, are you like, done being pregnant yet?" (what the actual...)
I respond "No, I still have a couple more months" and add "I'm just huge because I'm having twins" because I know that's what she is thinking and would have asked next. Some people just have no filter, but then this is the same person who I've heard say she never eats unless there just happens to be food laying around. WHAT?!
Well this isn't a "comment" really, and it isn't rude or mean but I figured this would still be the place to share. I had a lady in front of me at subway a couple weeks ago absolutely insist that she buy my sandwich because "the baby needs to eat" and she was genuinely upset that I didn't get a foot long sandwich but got a 6 inch instead.
Well this isn't a "comment" really, and it isn't rude or mean but I figured this would still be the place to share. I had a lady in front of me at subway a couple weeks ago absolutely insist that she buy my sandwich because "the baby needs to eat" and she was genuinely upset that I didn't get a foot long sandwich but got a 6 inch instead.
So, I had a little old lady approach me in the grocery store parking lot. She was super sweet though, just asked the usual questions then took my hand and wished me luck. I don't mind that. I was just surprised because I thought I could still semi-hide the pregnancy when wearing my winter coat - who am I kidding!!
Totally not a stranger, it's my MIL.... always walks through the door with some type of "oh you've gotten huge" "what's up chubby?" She topped it off the other night when she greeted me with "Hey fatso!"
like foreal? At least I'm growing a human right now, what's your excuse? Does she think it's cute, or does her mind just literally not work at all....?
& let me make note, that this is my second pregnancy, and she knows I had a lot of issues after my first about gaining weight and it made me self conscious, so is this just her using something I told her against me to feel better about herself??? & I've gained less this go around than with my first! Psycho....
My MIL says "You're HUGE!!" every time she sees me right now. I'm tired of it. I think she means well, but enough already! Nobody else in my life says that to me.
Mama to Three Girls: Twins born March 2014 at 26 weeks due to preterm labor and our 37weeker born May 9th, 2016!
Had a woman at a spa ask if this was my first baby, I said "actually it's my second and third". She asked how old the first is and when I said a bit over a year and a half she responded with "oh my...I'll pray for you"
My husband and I were in a store looking at some candy. He loves sour candy. I saw some, and I say out loud, "how about some sour octopus?" Out of nowhere, a lady grabs my arm, giving me the most serious look, goes, "do you want to go into labor?!?" I turned to her with a confused look on my face, and my husband comes around the corner with a terrified look on his face. I responded, "not for me, for him." I think my husband was afraid I was going to punch her. She disappeared as fast as she appeared. The rest of our trip, we kept asking that to eachother when we would get a snack. We got a good laugh, but it was so creepy.
I've gotten a few comments beyond the typical, "you're huge!" lately. One was from a worker at Sam's Club who, seeing my son, asked if I was having a girl this time. When my husband and I told her we were having amother boy and our son will be thrilled to have a brother, she said, "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess they can't always be girls." Wtf!? DH steered me away quickly because I was giving her a death stare so all I could manage to say was, "I'm happy to have another boy, thank you very much."
The other comments were when I took DS to the zoo by myself this week. One after another, people seemed straight up shocked that a pregnant woman would take a toddler to the zoo without help. I lost count of how many people told me, "Wow. You're brave! Good luck today." Someone actually gasped when I lifted and held DS on my shoulder for a few minutes to get a better look at the gorillas through the glass. Umm. Really?
swaters14 must just be a grandma thing! My husband's grandmother shares a yard with my MIL and one day we went to visit MIL and grandma could see us get out of the car from her house. After visiting MIL, we walked over to grandma's house and she said "I could see big momma from across the yard but I never saw dad." Who thinks it's okay to call anyone BIG momma?
Also, my grandma has been asking me every single time she sees me how much weight I've gained. I found out at our shower this weekend, she's been updating other relatives on my weight, on a weekly basis. We hosted Christmas at our house and she and my grandpa arrived first. I was just starting to show and she wanted to feel my belly. She commented how huge it was and I laughed it off and said "yeah, I've only gained 5 pounds so far!" She responds with, "Well you were already fat before you got pregnant so you shouldn't gain much anyway." She has also made comments about how WIDE I am carrying. Not high or low, but wide. She has made so many comments about my weight and body that I haven't told her (and don't plan to ever tell her) that I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. I know she'll make a comment about how it has to be because I'm so fat, so I just don't even want to go there.
Her comments are mainly weight related, but also at my shower she said to a huge group that my baby is going to be so bad I will never have kids again (I've had a rough pregnancy so any time she gets an update she talks about how bad baby is and how rough it will be for me to be a mom).
I am already dreading the post baby body comments she's going to make!
With "family" like that who needs enemies. I would confront her and put an end to all this Bashing and Verbal Abuse! She clearly has no problem being viscous, and when the baby is here it won't be only you she'll target; it's apparent that the baby, who isn't even born yet, has already been the focus of some of her negativity.
Confront her and let her know if she doesn't stop, she'll be cut off. The examples of her comments are so callus I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't give a shit about being cut off. Probably try and rationalize like "this is who I am"; but as I said, you and your baby do not deserve her abuse.
I was getting a drink from Starbucks and the lady did the usual "how much longer?" (Six weeks) "and is it a boy or girl?" (Boy) and then she said "and what's his name?". Usually people ask IF we've picked a name, so I was a little taken aback. I told her what I usually say "we aren't sharing his name yet" and she looked so offended. Lady, I don't even know YOUR name!
Okay I just had to add this..... I work in s hospital so I get to interact with Loyd of strangers. I was running around the therapy gym and one patient tells his therapist I must be mid pregnancy at most....no where near close to be able to birth a kid. An hour later an old woman busts out with "are you the one having twins" I was like....what just happened here?
I was just standing with an employee talking about his benefit enrollment and he stopped mid-sentence, pointed to my stomach with both hands, and yelled "baby!"
At church yesterday we had a lot of new people (you know the C&Es - only come on Christmas and Easter) and I had this super high note in the descant during the Cantata. Baby Luna let me hit it, but then kicked/head-butted me very forcefully so I had to gracefully cut it a little short. Directly after the service, this woman I have never seen before RAN up to me before I made it out of the choir loft and said "I'm a nurse! Are you in labor? What hospital are you delivering at?! Just breathe, honey, it will be ok!" I was perfectly fine, just a little out of breath from singing for 45 minutes straight so I tried to reassure her that I was not in fact in labor, but she was so insistent that MH started getting worked up and I finally had to calm them both down and inform them that, no, I am not in labor, I do not need some random person to deliver my baby at the church, and please let me sit down because I have been on my feet for 4 hours. Thanks anyways!
I was walking through the store the other day when two women walking by asked "when's that baby due?!" I responded by saying "May 20". Their eyes got super big and one of them said "MY LORD! That's one BIG baby!" And the other said "oh my, I sure hope my belly doesn't get that big!". I walked away looking down at my belly thinking I never thought it was all that obnoxiously huge and the dr says I'm measuring perfectly. Thanks for the lowering of my pregnant-belly self esteem ladies!
I was walking through the store the other day when two women walking by asked "when's that baby due?!" I responded by saying "May 20". Their eyes got super big and one of them said "MY LORD! That's one BIG baby!" And the other said "oh my, I sure hope my belly doesn't get that big!". I walked away looking down at my belly thinking I never thought it was all that obnoxiously huge and the dr says I'm measuring perfectly. Thanks for the lowering of my pregnant-belly self esteem ladies!
People like this need a throat punch.
You should have said "Well actually I'm measuring perfectly so you really should HOPE that your belly looks exactly like this when you're 8 months pregnant." And then, follow up throat punch for emphasis.
@khochanadel - the catcalls! So gross! I live in Brooklyn in a pretty busy neighborhood (Williamsburg) and am used to catcalls, but am skeeved out by the amount of catcalling STILL happening at EIGHT MONTHS PREGNANT. I am constantly telling grown ass gross men to "f**k off". I'm fucking married, walking around with my two daughters, my giant husky, and I'm eight months pregnant. NOT AVAILABLE. People suck.
On the gross tip, my boss came up to me last week and said, "I don't mean this in a creepy way, but you really look great!" Ummmmm, if you didn't want to sound creepy, maybe leave out the part where you "don't want to sound creepy". CREEP.
Speaking of catcalls. I work at a court house so I regularly see inmates come through for trial. They aren't allowed to make comments to anyone, but they sure stare REAL hard..So uncomfortable lol
I was walking through the store the other day when two women walking by asked "when's that baby due?!" I responded by saying "May 20". Their eyes got super big and one of them said "MY LORD! That's one BIG baby!" And the other said "oh my, I sure hope my belly doesn't get that big!". I walked away looking down at my belly thinking I never thought it was all that obnoxiously huge and the dr says I'm measuring perfectly. Thanks for the lowering of my pregnant-belly self esteem ladies!
Honestly, I think so many people don't know what a woman who is 9 months pregnant actually looks like, they just assume if they see a belly the baby is due like, tomorrow.
Speaking of catcalls. I work at a court house so I regularly see inmates come through for trial. They aren't allowed to make comments to anyone, but they sure stare REAL hard..So uncomfortable lol
Stuck in a box!
My work is also courthouse related, but instead of dealing with inmates coming in for trial I regularly have to go to an all male probation center where my clients are temporarily living. I feel your pain. Constant stares. So uncomfortable!
Had my first bad one today. I was having my bridesmaids dress for my friend's wedding hemmed and went to the alterations lady I usually use, only I haven't been to see her in at least 6+ months. When I stood to the side and she saw my huge belly she goes, "ahh you're pregnant! Must be nearing the end... I could see that your face looks fatter." WOW THANKS.
Had my first bad one today. I was having my bridesmaids dress for my friend's wedding hemmed and went to the alterations lady I usually use, only I haven't been to see her in at least 6+ months. When I stood to the side and she saw my huge belly she goes, "ahh you're pregnant! Must be nearing the end... I could see that your face looks fatter." WOW THANKS.
oof, sorry about that
My parents came to visit this past weekend and like the first thing my dad said was "your face is puffy!"
THANKS DAD.
Then later he was trying to apologize and said "you're pregnant, your face is supposed to be puffy!" which is like, uh, not helping, but thanks for trying.
I had two ladies come up to me today at TJ Maxx and one was very nice, " Oh you're having a baby! When are you due? Good luck with everything" the other one " how much weight have you put on?" Uhhh can't you be nice like your friend?
Guys. It happened. A stranger said exactly the right thing!! St: "when are you due?" me: "about five weeks" st: "well you look great!" why cant EVERYONE be that awesome?
We were at the CarMax place to try and get MH a vehicle that won't crap out and require AAA every other day and the salesman almost sold me anything he wanted with one comment: Used car salesman - "You have a beautiful familiy. And you are adding on?" (this was after MH had already asked about fitting 2 carseats) Me: "Oh yes, by the end of April" Him: "No way! You look fantastic! I would never guess you were that close."
We were at the CarMax place to try and get MH a vehicle that won't crap out and require AAA every other day and the salesman almost sold me anything he wanted with one comment: Used car salesman - "You have a beautiful familiy. And you are adding on?" (this was after MH had already asked about fitting 2 carseats) Me: "Oh yes, by the end of April" Him: "No way! You look fantastic! I would never guess you were that close."
Totally not a stranger, it's my MIL.... always walks through the door with some type of "oh you've gotten huge" "what's up chubby?" She topped it off the other night when she greeted me with "Hey fatso!"
like foreal? At least I'm growing a human right now, what's your excuse? Does she think it's cute, or does her mind just literally not work at all....?
& let me make note, that this is my second pregnancy, and she knows I had a lot of issues after my first about gaining weight and it made me self conscious, so is this just her using something I told her against me to feel better about herself??? & I've gained less this go around than with my first! Psycho....
What do you say when she says these things? Come up with some comebacks so you can choose your own adventure: 1. Shut any and all comments like that down immediately 2. End the visit if she continues like that 3. Ask her questions that make her have to explain the total awkwardness to you why she feels it is ok to comment on your weight and body in a negative manner every time she sees you. How does your husband feel about his mom saying these things to his wife?
Mine also has had the rudest comment of anyone during this pregnancy and I have gotten a lot of comments since I am always out and about. I addressed it and called her out (in which more offensive comments were made). So I gave myself a blissful time out from any further communications. Aggravation and stress aren't good for the baby. In my case it was just the straw that broke the camel's pregnant back, if it was just a few mean spirited comments I could handle and write off. I also got a book called Dealing with Toxic In Laws by Susan Forward and highly recommend it.
I also actually had a good encounter! And for those in Wisconsin, here is why Kwik trip is the best! Cashier: "When is your baby due!? (May) oh just a bit longer, did you find out boy/girl (no it's a surprise) good for you! I had surprises also. Have a great day"
Put me in the best mood ever and was a great change from, "you barely even look pregnant, i was huge when I was pregnant"
I'm one of the ladies experiencing more rude comments from family/peers rather than strangers. My family is all about nicknames and is super nit-picky about weight even though the half of them are obese. I was 117 lbs prepregnancy and am now at about 170 which I know is a good bit to gain in 8 months but comments on my "double chin" and how I "won't be able to walk pretty soon" are really not helping my self-esteem issues. Apparently the nickname "Impregnito" is the only clever thing they could come up with However, the most offensive thing was from SOs ex who said, " Wow [SOs name], what is it about your babies that make women so FAT!" as she grabbed my belly and rubbed it during one of our pick ups for a visit with SOs son... I tried to hold back my prego crazy but ended with a "Bitch please don't voodoo my child and stop touching me!" Definitely not a mature response but I was so livid. She even tried to get me show her my stretchmarks as she lifted her shirt and lowered her pants to compare. So. Classy. Edited: grammar
@1mae2016 ugh, that is just so inappropriate on so many levels. Congrats on holding yourself back, that would have been the end of her if it had been me
Re: Comments from Strangers Thread
My grandmother was visiting from Maine for my younger sister's college graduation and I graciously opened my home for her to stay over night. As MH was helping get her bags from her car, she ran up to me, grabbed my 5 month pregnant belly, *shook* it and said "Hey there, Fatty!" I was stunned as MH looked on in horror, knowing how my moods had been. He literally stopped in his tracks and froze! It was hilarious. I weighed my options, smiled and said, "Baby is happy to see you too, Grammie!" and went on with it. But now, every time my older sister sees me, she calls out "Hey there, Fatty!" It has become a running joke because my grandmother is constantly putting her foot in her mouth (like the time she asked our waiter who was clearly Middle-Eastern "Oh, do you know Ahmed?")
Also, my grandma has been asking me every single time she sees me how much weight I've gained. I found out at our shower this weekend, she's been updating other relatives on my weight, on a weekly basis. We hosted Christmas at our house and she and my grandpa arrived first. I was just starting to show and she wanted to feel my belly. She commented how huge it was and I laughed it off and said "yeah, I've only gained 5 pounds so far!" She responds with, "Well you were already fat before you got pregnant so you shouldn't gain much anyway." She has also made comments about how WIDE I am carrying. Not high or low, but wide. She has made so many comments about my weight and body that I haven't told her (and don't plan to ever tell her) that I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. I know she'll make a comment about how it has to be because I'm so fat, so I just don't even want to go there.
Her comments are mainly weight related, but also at my shower she said to a huge group that my baby is going to be so bad I will never have kids again (I've had a rough pregnancy so any time she gets an update she talks about how bad baby is and how rough it will be for me to be a mom).
I am already dreading the post baby body comments she's going to make!
Someone must have clued her in because the next day she apologized to me. Fast forward to yesterday, which is the first time I have talked to her since, and only because she has avoided eye contact ever since and we were the only ones in the break room. She is staring at me and making me uncomfortable so I stare back. She finally breaks the silence and says "So, are you like, done being pregnant yet?" (what the actual...)
I respond "No, I still have a couple more months" and add "I'm just huge because I'm having twins" because I know that's what she is thinking and would have asked next. Some people just have no filter, but then this is the same person who I've heard say she never eats unless there just happens to be food laying around. WHAT?!
My MIL says "You're HUGE!!" every time she sees me right now. I'm tired of it. I think she means well, but enough already! Nobody else in my life says that to me.
Mama to Three Girls:
Twins born March 2014 at 26 weeks due to preterm labor
and our 37weeker born May 9th, 2016!
I actually found it oddly charming
I turned to her with a confused look on my face, and my husband comes around the corner with a terrified look on his face.
I responded, "not for me, for him." I think my husband was afraid I was going to punch her. She disappeared as fast as she appeared.
The rest of our trip, we kept asking that to eachother when we would get a snack. We got a good laugh, but it was so creepy.
The other comments were when I took DS to the zoo by myself this week. One after another, people seemed straight up shocked that a pregnant woman would take a toddler to the zoo without help. I lost count of how many people told me, "Wow. You're brave! Good luck today." Someone actually gasped when I lifted and held DS on my shoulder for a few minutes to get a better look at the gorillas through the glass. Umm. Really?
Confront her and let her know if she doesn't stop, she'll be cut off. The examples of her comments are so callus I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't give a shit about being cut off. Probably try and rationalize like "this is who I am"; but as I said, you and your baby do not deserve her abuse.
Um..yeah, I know. Back to your thing though...
Aaaaand the comments from the church ladies have started. My tally from Easter service yesterday:
Uuuuuugggggghhh. And I'm sure they'll still be *shocked* when I don't want to bring my baby to church for 2 months (at least).
You should have said "Well actually I'm measuring perfectly so you really should HOPE that your belly looks exactly like this when you're 8 months pregnant." And then, follow up throat punch for emphasis.
On the gross tip, my boss came up to me last week and said, "I don't mean this in a creepy way, but you really look great!" Ummmmm, if you didn't want to sound creepy, maybe leave out the part where you "don't want to sound creepy". CREEP.
My parents came to visit this past weekend and like the first thing my dad said was "your face is puffy!"
THANKS DAD.
Then later he was trying to apologize and said "you're pregnant, your face is supposed to be puffy!" which is like, uh, not helping, but thanks for trying.
St: "when are you due?"
me: "about five weeks"
st: "well you look great!"
why cant EVERYONE be that awesome?
Used car salesman - "You have a beautiful familiy. And you are adding on?" (this was after MH had already asked about fitting 2 carseats)
Me: "Oh yes, by the end of April"
Him: "No way! You look fantastic! I would never guess you were that close."
Come up with some comebacks so you can choose your own adventure:
1. Shut any and all comments like that down immediately
2. End the visit if she continues like that
3. Ask her questions that make her have to explain the total awkwardness to you why she feels it is ok to comment on your weight and body in a negative manner every time she sees you.
How does your husband feel about his mom saying these things to his wife?
Mine also has had the rudest comment of anyone during this pregnancy and I have gotten a lot of comments since I am always out and about. I addressed it and called her out (in which more offensive comments were made). So I gave myself a blissful time out from any further communications. Aggravation and stress aren't good for the baby.
In my case it was just the straw that broke the camel's pregnant back, if it was just a few mean spirited comments I could handle and write off.
I also got a book called Dealing with Toxic In Laws by Susan Forward and highly recommend it.
Put me in the best mood ever and was a great change from, "you barely even look pregnant, i was huge when I was pregnant"
Rolls over to my desk and whispers, "Has anyone told you about the mucus plug?"
"I left some cheese on your desk. Calcium is good for the baby." (It was spray can cheese)
"So... Is your husband going to film the birth?" (with a creepy smile)
"Labor hurts... Believe me."
^^^ I finally just yelled back "Oh? From personal experience or what?!?"
What is it with everyone thinking my pregnancy is as much their business as my own?! I'm not sad in the slightest that I left that job early!
However, the most offensive thing was from SOs ex who said, " Wow [SOs name], what is it about your babies that make women so FAT!" as she grabbed my belly and rubbed it during one of our pick ups for a visit with SOs son... I tried to hold back my prego crazy but ended with a "Bitch please don't voodoo my child and stop touching me!" Definitely not a mature response but I was so livid. She even tried to get me show her my stretchmarks as she lifted her shirt and lowered her pants to compare. So. Classy.
Edited: grammar