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Daycare dilemma

Starlight32Starlight32 member
edited March 2016 in June 2016 Moms
Deleted because the thread went a bit off topic....
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Re: Daycare dilemma

  • Bear14+Bear14+ member
    Not the director. Maybe I'd be a little more worried about my infant caretaker though. But really, I don't think it's that big of a deal if you are happy with everything else. 
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  • Mamabraun7911Mamabraun7911 member
    I agree with @Bear14+ as long as she wouldn't be working with LO But then again there comes a point where sometimes directors have to step in and help or just choose to visit (I worked as a day care teacher) so maybe you could write an anonymous letter stating this was a concern. Then hopefully by your next visit she would do something about it. If I were in that profession I wouldn't want parents basing their decision based on that. Even in every day life I wouldn't want people thinking I smelt! 
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  • samsonatorsamsonator member
    I would say if she is the director it wouldn't bother me much because she will probably have limited contact with LO (unless they run shorthanded a lot). I would definitely go for another visit though. It's helpful to see more of the care providers. 
    Married July 2014
    DD born June 2016
    Second due August 2020 (team green!)
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  • HBamama2BHBamama2B member
    It would for me hands down. But I see the dilemma. The reality is that she may be more permissive of workers who smoke as well as occasional contact with your LO. Either way, where does she take her smoke breaks? Near the building? I'm super anti-smoking though so a very personal bias is in what my response would be.
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  • LilwatzLilwatz member
    It would be a deal breaker for me.  But I wouldn't judge anyone sending their kid there.  Also, we switched daycare centers after a few months with my first (for a variety of reasons). The first was tiny--less than 40 kids, newborn to 5 years old.  Our current one is HUGE (several hundred kids).  In both cases, the director steps in to meet the ratio requirements all the time.  That's why I wouldn't be ok with it.

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  • peaceinnaturepeaceinnature member
    It would be a deal breaker for me personally.  I feel like the director sets the tone for the center so I kind of hold them to closer scrutiny than the room workers. 

    We had a tour with a director that first mocked how DS said three ("free") and then got down to eye level with him and said something like, "we don't allow crying here so you can't be sad when mommy and daddy say goodbye!"  I know she was trying to be cute and she did all this right in front of us so she must have thought it was what we wanted, but I found it not very respectful.  So even though the place had no wait list, was reasonably priced, had nice brand new rooms, was well reviewed, etc we chose to remain on the wait list for the few we did like 100%.
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  • Starlight32Starlight32 member
    edited March 2016
    Would it be appropriate to address our concerns about smoking with the director or another daycare worker when we go for another visit? I don't want to be rude, but I have questions, such as, does she ever work with the infants? and where are any smoke breaks are taken? I would also like to ask a more general (but smoke related question) like if any of the infant care workers smoke? I didn't smell anything on the ones we met during our tour, but we did not specially ask. 
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  • Bear14+Bear14+ member
    @Starlight32 I would certainly feel comfortable asking about & requesting a smoke free caregiver. Another visit to ease your worries may be very helpful...or encourage you to find a new place. Hopefully, there isn't more of the same though! 
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  • Starlight32Starlight32 member
    edited March 2016
    We are in another wait list but it's a long wait list and the place seems disorganized based on their communication. We haven't visited it yet because the chances of us getting a spot is slim. I'm planning on calling again this week. 

    There me is also a home daycare I was thinking about calling, but I don't like the idea of a home daycare. I like centers for more oversight. 

    The place we like (besides the director smoking situation) is so close/convenient with good hours, and I could visit her at lunch to breastfeed (or to just visit). They have a communication system online that shows when baby was last fed, changed, etc, which I thought was nice. It makes me angry that the director smokes because everything else seems so perfect.  
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  • mebaby333mebaby333 member
    I think that's over reacting... unless she is blowing smoke or smoking around the baby I don't understand the struggle.... smelling like smoke doesn't hurt the baby in any way that I'm aware of.

    I will say though, my daughter works in a daycare and I would never take my babies to one from this point forward unless I was forced. When my other 3 were babies I stayed home or they went to friends or in home childcare and her experience working for one has reinforced my belief. 

    Smelling like smoke does not determine if someone can or can not take care of a child. People make bad choices and have other issues that far outweigh that.


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  • meggymemeggyme member
    My husband laughed at me for saying "third hand smoke" until the infant/ child cpr and first aid teacher brought it up. It can also be the cause of a lot of ear problems, she had said.
    DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
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  • Bear14+Bear14+ member
    They have even proven that homes that people smoke outside of are still covered in particles indoors.
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  • Starlight32Starlight32 member
    edited March 2016
    My main concern is third hand smoke if there is a chance she ever works with the infants. I don't think third hand smoke is as invalid concern, however, we like everything else about the daycare so I don't want to write it off it she never works with the children (and of course the infant room workers don't smoke etc). 

    Anyone know how to ask my smoking related questions in my above post in a 'classy' way so I don't come off as rude?
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  • MrsAlliKatMrsAlliKat member
    I think you could ask what the director's interaction with children is like and how often she fills in for the infant classroom and classrooms in general.  Ask if smoking is allowed during the work day, if so where the smoke breaks occur, and what is the procedure for after smoke breaks (e.g., they must wash hands, etc.).  I would want to make sure that if smoking is allowed, it does not occur near the building, outdoor play areas, or in vehicles used to transport kids.

    I don't think that you could ask about if specific teachers smoke  (but I may be wrong here) but make sure you get to meet the infant teachers and go with your gut.
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  • lalavglalavg member
    To be honest I think people are overreacting about the third hand smoke. My whole family smoked inside the house with me my whole childhood and I came out just fine. Same for people born in the 60s and 70s . Doesn't mean I'm going to let my kid be inside a house with smokers but just saying. 

    Besides are you sure she smells like smoke or can it just be the way she smells or her clothes smell. Maybe she has dogs and that's what your smelling or maybe her bo.

    anyways if it's just that I wouldn't worry about it
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  • almostpricelessalmostpriceless member
    OP, my honest opinion is to keep looking for a different center. I say this because it clearly bothered you enough to seek the thoughts of others. You already know this isn't ok. I don't think your concern is even remotely invalid. A daycare employee shouldn't be smoking before work. It just seems so selfish. FWIW, I have a few friends who are teachers and nurses that smoke. They don't do it in their cars, homes or even before work without showering because you never know who you are affecting. 

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  • mebaby333mebaby333 member
    Well for me and my family it seems a bit over the top... but if you have that much concern then I would do what is best for you... 

    The daycare my daughter works at is a larger chain and bigger brand, they wold supposedly fall into a more trusted category... third hand smoke is the least of your concerns... 

    You always have a choice, I think if you could find an in home one it would be better health wise. 

    I have 3 living children and they also were at some points exposed and they never got sick. I do think sometimes people beef up the "evidence" based on their own bias. No heavy ear infections, no asthma, nothing.... my 13 year old is developing some allergies but her dad is a walking allergy. my 18 year old has never been sicker than when she started working at this daycare... 

    Again we all do what we feel is best for our family and I respect that for sure. I just think the hype surrounding the smoking is growing out of hand... I'd be more concerned about other things like fake sugar and gmo products.
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  • Starlight32Starlight32 member
    mebaby333, what other worries are you talking about? Just curious, as I do have the option to stay at home.
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  • mebaby333mebaby333 member
    Just this last episode, my 18 year old has been sick.she has had 103 fever, throwing up, etc they still expected her to come in and treated it as if they did her a favor for giving her one day off. They guilted her to go in and she pushed it and it got worse and worse until I stepped in by that time she ended up with a busted ear drum. I am trying real hard to let her start making choices and that one backfired big time. 

    There are other incidents, like kids left on playgrounds and super high turn over, kids with food allergies getting the foods....I could go on but I will leave it at that. 

    Having a young child exposed to illnesses like that... no thanks...
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  • mebaby333mebaby333 member
    I guess I just couldn't believe what was happening. .. and definitely if they don't handle food allergies with care of you have food preferences they may or may not be honored. .. 

    I'm sure there may be good ones out there but just be careful and don't get stuck on one thing and let it become so big you look past every other danger... 

    My opinion. .. which is only that
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  • mebaby333mebaby333 member
    In all fairness for as many negative stories as people can pull out others can pull out stories that offset it.... 

    My dad died of lung cancer ya know the kind we blame asbestos for not smoking, I've seen people in their 90's still puffing away and others who smoked for decades and as soon as the quit they began getting sick and yet they still made it to their 80's.... I've seen complete health buffs die of cancer even though they followed all of sciences "rules"... so while I agree smoking does not help and can play a role in illness not sure if you approach is all that "scientific " either... the reality is our bodies are complex and our weaknesses within our body tends to be hidden among the DNA that makes us individuals and this is too complex to make any type of actual scientific fact based off of  a thousand folks... we can only comment on perceived dangers based on groups of people... 

    This is why we have to make choices based off our individual beliefs and others should be careful.... I mean if you have seen that many in your family die from what you perceive cigarette related then your best choice would be protect your family... you share their dna... hence family history impacts medical future in most cases. But keep in mind if high blood pressure and strokes run in my family and kills people but smoking seems to not be as life threatening then my focus will be doing things to offset that first because it's more of a danger to me and my family.... 

    You can't use your scary stories to persuade others to do what is bed for your family... fear driven change never last...
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  • mebaby333mebaby333 member
    Best not bed
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  • mebaby333mebaby333 member
    And just for the record I'm a non smoker... I just think the whole thing is a bit over done but again that's my perception..
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