Multiple showers

Knottie13257900

A girlfriend is throwing me a shower with about 10-12 girls. Another friend who is more my husband's friend is offering to throw us a co-ed party--I don't think she used the word shower, more like party or celebration. I'll tell her not to call it a shower. If she asks, would it be better not to put registry information on the party invite for the co-ed party since it's not a "shower"? I've been to these types of things and people bring gifts anyway; considering that, would it be bad for me to invite couples where the girl was already invited to my all-girls shower? I would think they would just know not to bring a gift to the "party," but I'd hate for anyone to think they should bring a second gift. The social circles kind of overlap so that's why I would invite couples where I already invited the girl to my shower (i.e. the husband is friends with my husband).

PhoebeJune1984

Personally, I would find it weird to be invited to two different things. I think the first thing to do, is clarify with the other friend that is throwing the co-ed party, on exactly what type of party she is thinking of. If it is just a get-together, then no registry information should be given. And I would say to separate the groups, those who are invited to the first one, don't invite to the second one, and vice versa. 

Disneygeek77

I wouldn't overlap the guests as you will probably still get gifts at the coed party.  So the other girls will either have to buy two gifts or feel bad about showing up empty handed.  IT just puts them in a really awkward position.

bbiutmcph

Lots of times people have multiple showers but guests should never overlap. 

VOR

Quite honestly, if this party is promoted to be in your honor at all, even if the word "shower" isn't used, people will assume it's a shower.  And ESPECIALLY if registry information is listed.   Any kind of "let's celebrate the expecting parents/ baby" party is going to make people feel like they should bring a gift.  I just don't think there is any way around that, TBH. 

And I agree- people should NOT be invited to two gift-giving events for you.

[Deleted User]

Feel free to call the second one a shower, just don't have any overlapping guests at all and you're fine.  People have multiple showers all the time - maybe your coworkers throw one, one that your family throws for just family, maybe a coed bbq one... whatever.  Just don't put anyone in the position of being invited to more than one.

Knottie13257900

I see everyone's point about gifts. But it's a tight-knit community--how do I make it NOT seem weird that I didn't invite some friends to a big party that is being thrown for us, when other friends in the group are invited?? I really don't know if people are going to think "oh that's right, she already invited me to the girls shower, that's why my husband and I aren't invited to the BBQ this weekend." I'm really just trying to figure out the approach that will offend the least number of people.

dramaphile

Knottie13257900 said:

I see everyone's point about gifts. But it's a tight-knit community--how do I make it NOT seem weird that I didn't invite some friends to a big party that is being thrown for us, when other friends in the group are invited?? I really don't know if people are going to think "oh that's right, she already invited me to the girls shower, that's why my husband and I aren't invited to the BBQ this weekend." I'm really just trying to figure out the approach that will offend the least number of people.

If it's just a couple of people, you could just talk to them personally and explain that you didn't want to leave them and their husbands out of the second party, but you want to make sure they don't think they need to bring a gift.  If you're good friends, they would understand.

the other option would be to only invite them to the co-Ed party.

VOR

dramaphile said:

Knottie13257900 said:

I see everyone's point about gifts. But it's a tight-knit community--how do I make it NOT seem weird that I didn't invite some friends to a big party that is being thrown for us, when other friends in the group are invited?? I really don't know if people are going to think "oh that's right, she already invited me to the girls shower, that's why my husband and I aren't invited to the BBQ this weekend." I'm really just trying to figure out the approach that will offend the least number of people.

If it's just a couple of people, you could just talk to them personally and explain that you didn't want to leave them and their husbands out of the second party, but you want to make sure they don't think they need to bring a gift.  If you're good friends, they would understand.

the other option would be to only invite them to the co-Ed party.

Some of this too, is "you know your friends".  We can quote etiquette until the cows come home, but if YOUR friends would be more upset to not be invited to the co-ed party over being "offended" that they were invited to 2 gift giving events, well then, make your decision based on that. 

I feel etiquette is important because it's really about taking  your guests comfort into consideration and not being rude.  But there are situations where it just doesn't always apply.  or where going against the tried and true etiquette rules is actually what makes your guests happy.

[Deleted User]

Knottie13257900 said:

I see everyone's point about gifts. But it's a tight-knit community--how do I make it NOT seem weird that I didn't invite some friends to a big party that is being thrown for us, when other friends in the group are invited?? I really don't know if people are going to think "oh that's right, she already invited me to the girls shower, that's why my husband and I aren't invited to the BBQ this weekend." I'm really just trying to figure out the approach that will offend the least number of people.

I feel like a pretty decent option is to have one be family only and the other to be friends only.  I imagine your friends would want a more lively, fun time and your family would want a more sweet, traditional feel anyways.  Then there is an extremely clear line.

js8812

I like the suggestion of only family at your women-only shower and friends at the co-ed celebration.  However, I went to both a shower and a diaper party for a really close friend of mine and it didn't bother me one bit.  I think I would have side eyed it if we weren't such close friends.  Our friends went together on big-ticket items for her shower gifts and two or three of us went in on a pack of diapers for the other party.  Not a big deal at all.  Other people who weren't at her shower brought other gifts, but the invitation did not give registry info.

neverblushed

I was also thinking that if some of these friends are close enough that they would be included on a small guest list of 10-12 female friends and relatives -- and also to a co-ed shower that's mostly friends through your husband's side -- then they're probably close enough that you can talk about this candidly with them.

I agree with the reply above that it's a situation where knowing your friends may trump traditional etiquette.  

I certainly don't live to attend baby showers, but I do have a number of friends for whom I would attend both of the showers you describe.  I rarely think it's appropriate for someone to be invited to 2 showers, but this is one of the possible exceptions.

Knottie24781274

Would love to know what you ended up doing!  I'm facing the exact same situation.  

Knottie13257900

I ended up deciding not to do the second "shower" because it kind of seemed like the friend was not going to fully host it--it was like she was offering for us to throw a party at her house. Which isn't really a problem because it wasn't going to be a shower anyway. But we decided that instead, we wanted to entertain at our own house one last time before the baby comes. So we may have a potluck and call it our last hurrah or something. It will have no resemblance to a baby shower so I don't have any concerns about it.