Multiple showers

Re: Multiple showers

• PhoebeJune1984 member

  March 2016

  Personally, I would find it weird to be invited to two different things. I think the first thing to do, is clarify with the other friend that is throwing the co-ed party, on exactly what type of party she is thinking of. If it is just a get-together, then no registry information should be given. And I would say to separate the groups, those who are invited to the first one, don't invite to the second one, and vice versa. 

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• Disneygeek77 member

  March 2016 edited March 2016

  I wouldn't overlap the guests as you will probably still get gifts at the coed party.  So the other girls will either have to buy two gifts or feel bad about showing up empty handed.  IT just puts them in a really awkward position.

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• bbiutmcph member

  March 2016

  Lots of times people have multiple showers but guests should never overlap. 

  
  
  

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• VOR member

  March 2016

  Quite honestly, if this party is promoted to be in your honor at all, even if the word "shower" isn't used, people will assume it's a shower.  And ESPECIALLY if registry information is listed.   Any kind of "let's celebrate the expecting parents/ baby" party is going to make people feel like they should bring a gift.  I just don't think there is any way around that, TBH. 
  
  And I agree- people should NOT be invited to two gift-giving events for you.
  
  
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  March 2016

  Feel free to call the second one a shower, just don't have any overlapping guests at all and you're fine.  People have multiple showers all the time - maybe your coworkers throw one, one that your family throws for just family, maybe a coed bbq one... whatever.  Just don't put anyone in the position of being invited to more than one.

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• Knottie13257900 member

  March 2016 edited March 2016

  I see everyone's point about gifts. But it's a tight-knit community--how do I make it NOT seem weird that I didn't invite some friends to a big party that is being thrown for us, when other friends in the group are invited?? I really don't know if people are going to think "oh that's right, she already invited me to the girls shower, that's why my husband and I aren't invited to the BBQ this weekend." I'm really just trying to figure out the approach that will offend the least number of people.

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• dramaphile member

  March 2016

  Knottie13257900 said:

  I see everyone's point about gifts. But it's a tight-knit community--how do I make it NOT seem weird that I didn't invite some friends to a big party that is being thrown for us, when other friends in the group are invited?? I really don't know if people are going to think "oh that's right, she already invited me to the girls shower, that's why my husband and I aren't invited to the BBQ this weekend." I'm really just trying to figure out the approach that will offend the least number of people.

  If it's just a couple of people, you could just talk to them personally and explain that you didn't want to leave them and their husbands out of the second party, but you want to make sure they don't think they need to bring a gift.  If you're good friends, they would understand.
  
  the other option would be to only invite them to the co-Ed party.

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• VOR member

  March 2016

  dramaphile said:

  Knottie13257900 said:

  I see everyone's point about gifts. But it's a tight-knit community--how do I make it NOT seem weird that I didn't invite some friends to a big party that is being thrown for us, when other friends in the group are invited?? I really don't know if people are going to think "oh that's right, she already invited me to the girls shower, that's why my husband and I aren't invited to the BBQ this weekend." I'm really just trying to figure out the approach that will offend the least number of people.

  If it's just a couple of people, you could just talk to them personally and explain that you didn't want to leave them and their husbands out of the second party, but you want to make sure they don't think they need to bring a gift.  If you're good friends, they would understand.
  
  the other option would be to only invite them to the co-Ed party.

  Some of this too, is "you know your friends".  We can quote etiquette until the cows come home, but if YOUR friends would be more upset to not be invited to the co-ed party over being "offended" that they were invited to 2 gift giving events, well then, make your decision based on that. 
  
  I feel etiquette is important because it's really about taking  your guests comfort into consideration and not being rude.  But there are situations where it just doesn't always apply.  or where going against the tried and true etiquette rules is actually what makes your guests happy.
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  March 2016

  Knottie13257900 said:

  I see everyone's point about gifts. But it's a tight-knit community--how do I make it NOT seem weird that I didn't invite some friends to a big party that is being thrown for us, when other friends in the group are invited?? I really don't know if people are going to think "oh that's right, she already invited me to the girls shower, that's why my husband and I aren't invited to the BBQ this weekend." I'm really just trying to figure out the approach that will offend the least number of people.

  I feel like a pretty decent option is to have one be family only and the other to be friends only.  I imagine your friends would want a more lively, fun time and your family would want a more sweet, traditional feel anyways.  Then there is an extremely clear line.

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• js8812 member

  March 2016

  I like the suggestion of only family at your women-only shower and friends at the co-ed celebration.  However, I went to both a shower and a diaper party for a really close friend of mine and it didn't bother me one bit.  I think I would have side eyed it if we weren't such close friends.  Our friends went together on big-ticket items for her shower gifts and two or three of us went in on a pack of diapers for the other party.  Not a big deal at all.  Other people who weren't at her shower brought other gifts, but the invitation did not give registry info.
  

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• neverblushed member

  March 2016

  I was also thinking that if some of these friends are close enough that they would be included on a small guest list of 10-12 female friends and relatives -- and also to a co-ed shower that's mostly friends through your husband's side -- then they're probably close enough that you can talk about this candidly with them.
  
  I agree with the reply above that it's a situation where knowing your friends may trump traditional etiquette.  
  
  I certainly don't live to attend baby showers, but I do have a number of friends for whom I would attend both of the showers you describe.  I rarely think it's appropriate for someone to be invited to 2 showers, but this is one of the possible exceptions.

  High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

  
  

  DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade

  DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade

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• Knottie24781274 member

  April 2016

  Would love to know what you ended up doing!  I'm facing the exact same situation.  

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• Knottie13257900 member

  April 2016

  I ended up deciding not to do the second "shower" because it kind of seemed like the friend was not going to fully host it--it was like she was offering for us to throw a party at her house. Which isn't really a problem because it wasn't going to be a shower anyway. But we decided that instead, we wanted to entertain at our own house one last time before the baby comes. So we may have a potluck and call it our last hurrah or something. It will have no resemblance to a baby shower so I don't have any concerns about it.

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