I get a lot of "you look so cute" / "what a cute bump!"-type comments too. I don't think it's at all a humblebrag to say that -- I think that's just the nicest and least offensive generic comment that people can give to a pregnant lady (other than "congratulations," which only works the first time), so it's the one that people whip out most often.
You'd have to stretch pretty hard to take offense to that one, IMO. It's just a nice little nothing.
I'm not offended, I just know sometimes they're saying it just to say it. Like you said, it's the least offensive generic comment people can give. On days when I am definitely, in no way cute, I'd just rather they not say anything is all I'm saying.
Not pg I NEVER look at a scale or care what it says. For me, what matters is how I feel in the clothes I want to wear or how I want to look naked. Being pg, my doctor has never criticized me for my weight gain. If I've asked about it (normally I've only asked about it bc I've seen so many on here freaking out about it and thought maybe I should be?) he's said he doesn't worry but to keep in mind it just means more work for me whenever baby gets here. I'm just ecstatic that this time I'm mostly belly (and bat wings). I've gained more weight than I "should have" but I'm healthy, LO is healthy, and I like how I look in my clothes...or should I say how LO look in my clothes haha.
I think I just have a mental block to what others judge my body to look like? I'm who counts. No one else. It's important my daughters feels this way as well. You will be their example and set the tone for how they look at themselves.
YES to all of this but SO MUCH the bolded part! Being a mom is so much more than gaining 25 pounds instead of 30. It won't matter in the long run. Just let it go.
Ugh, as a FTM, I HATE THIS ASPECT OF PREGNANCY. I work as a vet and have many regular clients, all of whom feel justified commenting - clients, the ups man, sales reps, etc. All I hear is, "wow! Youre still so small." And then I immediately go into a tailspin of panic that LO isnt healthy and theres something wrong - maybe Im NOT allowed to have 1/2 cup of coffee (weak coffee at that) each day, shoot - am I allowed to eat peanut butter? Ive poisoned my baby. All day. Everyday. Weight shaming is real and for someone with a tendency toward anxiety anyway, its awful.
On a related note, my tech had a baby 2 yrs ago and was TINY all the way through - I remember commenting on it becase I thought I was being nice. I imagine she was as irked by it as I am now. So, I think people mean well but just have no idea.
I don't know what it is, but this week I've gotten a lot of "wow! You really popped!!". My bump popped like a month ago, where have these people been? one person asked if I preferred the word ballooned or blossomed. Uh...what?
I don't know what it is, but this week I've gotten a lot of "wow! You really popped!!". My bump popped like a month ago, where have these people been? one person asked if I preferred the word ballooned or blossomed. Uh...what?
The comment i hate the most: "you look swell". That one makes me feel huge every time. And given the swelling im starting to get m my feet etc, nope i hate it.
Angel baby June 2013, DD born 22 April 2014, BFP 10 Sept 2015 - Due 22 May 2016
I've always struggled with body image issues and was definitely at the heaviest I've ever been when I became pregnant. So I've been really excited about not having gained much weight at all, only 9lbs so far. Well yesterday me and some old friends were getting breakfast from the breakfast at the hotel we were all at this weekend and they had these cinnamon rolls that smelt amazing. So I grab one and one of my friends was like looks like you're giving in to all your cravings, better be careful so you don't gain a lot in this last trimester. I was taken aback, especially because her and the other two girls ate way more for breakfast than I did.
I've always struggled with body image issues and was definitely at the heaviest I've ever been when I became pregnant. So I've been really excited about not having gained much weight at all, only 9lbs so far. Well yesterday me and some old friends were getting breakfast from the breakfast at the hotel we were all at this weekend and they had these cinnamon rolls that smelt amazing. So I grab one and one of my friends was like looks like you're giving in to all your cravings, better be careful so you don't gain a lot in this last trimester. I was taken aback, especially because her and the other two girls ate way more for breakfast than I did.
Sounds like she's lucky you weren't crazing her head, because I would have bitten it off.
Only up 0.4 lbs this week! Win considering last week I was up 4.0 lbs.
I've always struggled with body image issues and was definitely at the heaviest I've ever been when I became pregnant. So I've been really excited about not having gained much weight at all, only 9lbs so far. Well yesterday me and some old friends were getting breakfast from the breakfast at the hotel we were all at this weekend and they had these cinnamon rolls that smelt amazing. So I grab one and one of my friends was like looks like you're giving in to all your cravings, better be careful so you don't gain a lot in this last trimester. I was taken aback, especially because her and the other two girls ate way more for breakfast than I did.
I've always struggled with body image issues and was definitely at the heaviest I've ever been when I became pregnant. So I've been really excited about not having gained much weight at all, only 9lbs so far. Well yesterday me and some old friends were getting breakfast from the breakfast at the hotel we were all at this weekend and they had these cinnamon rolls that smelt amazing. So I grab one and one of my friends was like looks like you're giving in to all your cravings, better be careful so you don't gain a lot in this last trimester. I was taken aback, especially because her and the other two girls ate way more for breakfast than I did.
Wow, that friend would have gotten some food thrown in their face if it was me. But not the cinnamon roll - because those are meant to be eaten.
I've always struggled with body image issues and was definitely at the heaviest I've ever been when I became pregnant. So I've been really excited about not having gained much weight at all, only 9lbs so far. Well yesterday me and some old friends were getting breakfast from the breakfast at the hotel we were all at this weekend and they had these cinnamon rolls that smelt amazing. So I grab one and one of my friends was like looks like you're giving in to all your cravings, better be careful so you don't gain a lot in this last trimester. I was taken aback, especially because her and the other two girls ate way more for breakfast than I did.
Wow, that friend would have gotten some food thrown in their face if it was me. But not the cinnamon roll - because those are meant to be eaten.
Yeah... this sounds super rude but my main take-away from that comment is that now I want a cinnamon roll really bad.
I also want a cinnamon roll. If pregnancy insomnia keeps it up I will be driving in 1 hour to the nearest donut place that opens in 1 hour to get said cinnamon roll. Maybe even 2 and freeze 1. And by freeze one I probably mean eat it too, on the way home. Because I am pregnant. And that is what pregnant people do. But maybe 1 will make it to the freezer. Who knows? In the big scheme of things it doesn't matter. But cinnamon rolls are delicious. And that does matter.
I am a small person and generally eat a healthy diet and weigh myself everyday when not pregnant.
Last pregnancy after I hit the 30 pound mark I started to stress out a lot because I was eating healthy and swimming and still gaining. My doctor said it was fine and all my vitals were fine. So I followed my friend's advice and simply stopped looking at the scale at the doctor and at home. It didn't matter and became a non issue as I did what I always did and let my body do its thing and instead focused on the baby.
Glad I took that advice as I was back at my normal weight before LO's 1st birthday. My body does its thing for growing a human being and Iife goes on.
For me hearing "you don't even look pregnant" for six months made me really sad. I assume people meant it as a compliment, but I could tell I was getting bigger and I was excited about my baby. Finally my cousin told me I looked super cute and that did make me feel better.
I can forgive most of the weight comments but what is really irritating me lately is a coworker that watches what I eat and insists that every food choice is a craving. "Oh the baby wanted a sandwich today!" And she will tell other people about what the baby wanted to eat. Really lady? I'm eating a sandwich because that's what food I had to pack for lunch, and I'm eating these chips because that was the only decent thing in the vending machine!
I'm a FTM and in the beginning of my 2nd trimester I was nervous about gaining too much weight during my pregnancy. It wasn't until I focused my thoughts off myself and on to my growing baby girl inside of me that I started to feel better and more confident about myself. I try to eat well because what I eat goes directly to my baby. I can worry and exercise as much as I want once baby isn't inside of me. I can honestly say that changing my mind frame about weight gain during pregnancy has made me so much happier and my pregnancy more pleasant. I am also very lucky to have a great husband who tells me how beautiful I look with our baby girl inside of me. Full of life! Good luck ladies and remember to love yourself because your baby is depending on you! :-)
People tell me my belly doesn't look very big for 6 months...which I guess is good, but in a way it's bad because I know I've gained 26 pounds in 26 weeks...so where exactly did all that weight go???? Must have gone to other parts of my body
People tell me my belly doesn't look very big for 6 months...which I guess is good, but in a way it's bad because I know I've gained 26 pounds in 26 weeks...so where exactly did all that weight go???? Must have gone to other parts of my body
It could also just be how you carry the weight - for some women, 26 pounds to the belly looks bigger or smaller than others.
I have had people say I am "huge" and also people say I am so tiny they couldn't even tell I am pregnant all in the exact same day.
A lot of obnoxious and rude comments could be avoided if family members, friends, co-workers, business associates, cashiers, strangers, and the public at large could just remember the only thing you should ever say to a pregnant person if you feel the need to comment about their body is "you look great."
Or if you are the significant other of said pregnant person you are allowed to choose any and all of the following statements: "You look great." "Can I get you anything to eat" "Can I get you anything to drink? " "Would you like for me to rub your feet for awhile?" "Is there anything I can do to help you in any way?" "You are great" "I love you"
I hate all the comments on appearance. I always have, even prior to becoming pregnant. We have a trainer come in to my office to work with a group of us a few times a week. I stopped going (this was pre pregnancy) because I felt uncomfortable with how attentive to my appearance the group and trainers were. It was all meant to be complimentary stuff but I don't want someone giving me the up and down and telling me they are noticing my thighs look smaller when I never had a problem with the size of my thighs to begin with. My objective in joining the class was to get strong, not to get smaller thighs. It makes me then realIze how much this person was paying attention to my thighs beforehand. Which gives me the yuckies.
So I am not thrilled about that aspect of pregnancy (the frequent unsolicited comments on appearance). It also makes me look back at every 'compliment' I gave a pregnant woman with regret. I use that recollection to remind myself that people all mean well and that this is a relatively trivial concern in the grand scheme of things. But yes, yuck.
It's so strange.... In the first trimester, I lost 5 pounds and everyone was like: you need to eat! You are feeding two! You don't look pregnant. now at 31 weeks I'm 19 pounds up, still average I would think, but people start saying, wow, you changed fast! When are you due??? just give me a break! I'm healthy, my doctor is not concerned others shouldn't be concerned either. i do feel uncomfortable, never been this big in my life, but also never carried a baby! I just want to focus on the fact that I'm a mum soon! Who cares about those weight issues then?! New life is the greatest miracle!
I am not even going to pretend I am humble-bragging and straight up brag. I weighed 275lbs at 5'5" when I got the BFP. Yup, morbidly obese. I lost 10lbs within the first month due to HG. Then I started to really focus on health and not on the scale. When I finally was able to be weighed and the nurse didn't need to go past the 250lb mark, I did celebrate, but mostly because I am feeling good overall and can do all the things I need to do without getting winded or cramping etc. It is strange to hear the different reactions people have to my changing body. Most people just say "Wow, you look great!" or "Pregnancy suits you" (which my over-sensitive hormonal brain sometimes interprets as "You looked horrible before you got KU'd" but I am starting to chill out). Some of my friends are concerned and remind me that I am pregnant and shouldn't be losing weight. I just respond that my baby is healthy and for the first time in a long time, I am getting healthy too. It just so happens that my healthy means losing extra pounds that I could more than afford to lose!
My sisters have very different body types: my older sister is tall and very slim while my younger sister is just above average height and very voluptuous. We used to joke that my older sister could be a high fashion model, my younger sister could be a Victoria's Secret Angel and...I could be a hand model (I do have nice hands!). So, for as long as I can remember, I was the fat one. My step-mother never passed up an opportunity to remind me and wonder aloud how that could've happened since my sisters are so pretty and thin. My mom has always had an athletic build, but never made a big deal about my body or appearance and would always focus on my kindness and intelligence. Also, I was not afraid to do heavy lifting and have always been very physically strong so I would joke that I was the man of the house because I did all the outside "manly" chores that my sisters were too "delicate" for. I did grappling in middle/high school and was top in my weight class, despite being the only girl. My sisters have always been super invested in my pregnancies, mostly because they are in awe of what my body has been put through and what it can withstand. My older sister is child-free by choice and I don't envision her changing her stance. My younger sister wants kids, but doesn't want to think about the logistics of being pregnant and the changes it would make to her body. They have been really supportive of my get-fit initiatives and are great motivators. I did get a little annoyed when my younger sister started going on and on about how I avoided pre-e this time by actually being healthy and dropped the knowledge on her that pre-e, like GD, are not necessarily caused by unhealthy habits or high BMI. They are diseases unique to pregnancy related to the specific hormones and stresses that come up when you are literally growing another human being inside your body.
In general, the only comments about my weight I listen to are from my OB, who has been very pleased with my overall health and the growth and development of my baby girl. Unless, of course, someone is saying that I look awesome. In that case, bring it on!
Way to go @laurenmdrn16 - that's a big accomplishment!
I think what we have to keep in mind with the weight gain guidelines is that they are based on average birth results. If someone eats more, they are more likely to get adequate amounts of nutrients to sustain fetal growth. Hence the average being 25 - 35 lbs. However, it's strictly an average and doesn't take into account a variety of things:
Your starting weight and corresponding metabolic rate. At 265 lbs you need far more calories to sustain that weight than you do at 200 lbs for example. So asking someone who is 265 to gain 25 - 35 lbs (or even 15 lbs) is already asking them to intake far, far more calories (and presumably nutrients) than someone at 200 lbs. That makes no sense to me. The baby's nutritional needs don't change from that of a slimmer person so why the much larger required intake of calories and nutrients. My gut on this is that scientific studies done delved only into a correlation between weight gain and resulting fetal weight. That doesn't really address that the nutrient intake also fluctuates based on food intake/weight gain and that the increased nutrients could actually be a bigger factor in driving optimal fetal weight. If someone does have a link to a further study on this, I would love to see it. But I haven't been able to find anything on it.
People should aim to eat BETTER rather than just more during pregnancy. Not saying we all succeed but just saying that's a better guideline that simply just eating MORE. The goal should be to maximize nutrient intake. So in your example @laurenmdrn16 you improved your eating quality, not quantity. So your nutrient intake went way up, even if your calories did not (it's harder to overeat on healthy stuff). That your doctor is supportive of this and your baby is doing well, confirms my theory that the fetal health studies and resulting weight gain guidelines are more about increasing your nutrient intake rather than an arbitrary need for the body to put on x lbs of body fat, regardless of starting weight.
Anyways, sorry for the long ramble. It's been a subject I've been doing a lot of thinking about as of late
Convo I had the other day with an older man I work with:
Him: So many women around here having babies Me: Yep Him: It's interesting...I was talking to my wife last night. The fashion has really changed. Me: IN what way? Him: Well, it used to be that women wore long, wavy shirts to hide their bump. But now, it seems like the style is to show it off. Me: [Crickets] (As a rule, I don't respond to backhanded judgey comments) Him: Well, it's just interesting! Congratulations. Me: Thanks!
Convo I had the other day with an older man I work with:
Him: So many women around here having babies Me: Yep Him: It's interesting...I was talking to my wife last night. The fashion has really changed. Me: IN what way? Him: Well, it used to be that women wore long, wavy shirts to hide their bump. But now, it seems like the style is to show it off. Me: [Crickets] (As a rule, I don't respond to backhanded judgey comments) Him: Well, it's just interesting! Congratulations. Me: Thanks!
I got a comment like that the other day. I just ignored it and walked away... Also another time DH and I were having lunch somewhere and I overheard 2 people (teenage-ish girls) commenting about how 'gross' it was for people to show off their pregnant stomach like that while looking in our direction. DH heard them and almost went over and said something but I had to remind him to be the bigger person. It also gave me some satisfaction that they'll be in for a rude awakening one day.
But yeah... I dont understand some people. It's really not hard to mind your own business and I'm sure they wouldn't like it if I commented on their physical appearance.
Convo I had the other day with an older man I work with:
Him: So many women around here having babies Me: Yep Him: It's interesting...I was talking to my wife last night. The fashion has really changed. Me: IN what way? Him: Well, it used to be that women wore long, wavy shirts to hide their bump. But now, it seems like the style is to show it off. Me: [Crickets] (As a rule, I don't respond to backhanded judgey comments) Him: Well, it's just interesting! Congratulations. Me: Thanks!
I got a comment like that the other day. I just ignored it and walked away... Also another time DH and I were having lunch somewhere and I overheard 2 people (teenage-ish girls) commenting about how 'gross' it was for people to show off their pregnant stomach like that while looking in our direction. DH heard them and almost went over and said something but I had to remind him to be the bigger person. It also gave me some satisfaction that they'll be in for a rude awakening one day.
But yeah... I dont understand some people. It's really not hard to mind your own business and I'm sure they wouldn't like it if I commented on their physical appearance.
Heh. Wonder how much they'd freak out if they saw a pregnant woman dare to wear a bikini at the beach!
I hate all the comments on appearance. I always have, even prior to becoming pregnant. We have a trainer come in to my office to work with a group of us a few times a week. I stopped going (this was pre pregnancy) because I felt uncomfortable with how attentive to my appearance the group and trainers were. It was all meant to be complimentary stuff but I don't want someone giving me the up and down and telling me they are noticing my thighs look smaller when I never had a problem with the size of my thighs to begin with. My objective in joining the class was to get strong, not to get smaller thighs. It makes me then realIze how much this person was paying attention to my thighs beforehand. Which gives me the yuckies.
So I am not thrilled about that aspect of pregnancy (the frequent unsolicited comments on appearance). It also makes me look back at every 'compliment' I gave a pregnant woman with regret. I use that recollection to remind myself that people all mean well and that this is a relatively trivial concern in the grand scheme of things. But yes, yuck.
I'm with you. I've been looking back and cringing at every 'compliment' I've ever given my pregnant co-workers, family and friends. I meant well but I clearly had no idea what it is like to be the recipient of so many comments about my body as a pregnant woman. I will be so much more sensitive from now on.
Convo I had the other day with an older man I work with:
Him: So many women around here having babies Me: Yep Him: It's interesting...I was talking to my wife last night. The fashion has really changed. Me: IN what way? Him: Well, it used to be that women wore long, wavy shirts to hide their bump. But now, it seems like the style is to show it off. Me: [Crickets] (As a rule, I don't respond to backhanded judgey comments) Him: Well, it's just interesting! Congratulations. Me: Thanks!
My father-in-law's girlfriend said something similar not too long ago, and I still have no idea what to make of it. Was I supposed to feel bad that I'm not wearing giant drapey tent clothes? Would that just be reading way too much into what was meant as a noncommittal observation?
I guess it doesn't really matter because I hardly ever see her and I'm pretty sure she didn't mean anything by it anyway, but it was a weird comment.
Convo I had the other day with an older man I work with:
Him: So many women around here having babies Me: Yep Him: It's interesting...I was talking to my wife last night. The fashion has really changed. Me: IN what way? Him: Well, it used to be that women wore long, wavy shirts to hide their bump. But now, it seems like the style is to show it off. Me: [Crickets] (As a rule, I don't respond to backhanded judgey comments) Him: Well, it's just interesting! Congratulations. Me: Thanks!
Funny you bring this up because an older female co worker said something along these lines the other day. She went on to explain how back in her day women wore REAL maternity clothes that concealed the bump and nowadays women wear tight ridiculous clothing to show it off, and how its inappropriate and looks terrible. I just stared at her .
Convo I had the other day with an older man I work with:
Him: So many women around here having babies Me: Yep Him: It's interesting...I was talking to my wife last night. The fashion has really changed. Me: IN what way? Him: Well, it used to be that women wore long, wavy shirts to hide their bump. But now, it seems like the style is to show it off. Me: [Crickets] (As a rule, I don't respond to backhanded judgey comments) Him: Well, it's just interesting! Congratulations. Me: Thanks!
My father-in-law's girlfriend said something similar not too long ago, and I still have no idea what to make of it. Was I supposed to feel bad that I'm not wearing giant drapey tent clothes? Would that just be reading way too much into what was meant as a noncommittal observation?
I guess it doesn't really matter because I hardly ever see her and I'm pretty sure she didn't mean anything by it anyway, but it was a weird comment.
LOL giant droopy tents. SORRY we arent wearing giant potato sacks or baggggggy sweatshirts. If I have to put my body thru hell and back for this pregnancy you're DAMN right im showing this bump !!!
My feeling is just that yeah, this is what it looks like, and I'm not going to be ashamed of that, and furthermore I'm pretty sure I'm in better shape than anybody who wants to say anything about it anyway, so if anybody wants to get in a fight about that, bring it. I'm seven months pregnant, what's your excuse?
(But seriously, I do think it is good and healthy to normalize what pregnant bodies look like, because why should we have to act like it's some horrible secret? Whatever. It's 2016, feminism is a thing, let's all just get over the idea that female bodies doing normal female things is something that needs to be swept under a tent.)
Convo I had the other day with an older man I work with:
Him: So many women around here having babies Me: Yep Him: It's interesting...I was talking to my wife last night. The fashion has really changed. Me: IN what way? Him: Well, it used to be that women wore long, wavy shirts to hide their bump. But now, it seems like the style is to show it off. Me: [Crickets] (As a rule, I don't respond to backhanded judgey comments) Him: Well, it's just interesting! Congratulations. Me: Thanks!
Funny you bring this up because an older female co worker said something along these lines the other day. She went on to explain how back in her day women wore REAL maternity clothes that concealed the bump and nowadays women wear tight ridiculous clothing to show it off, and how its inappropriate and looks terrible. I just stared at her .
That lady needs to shut up! At a certain point you really can't conceal the bump, back in her day women were in denial and just looked like pregnant women in huge ridiculous clothing.
Re: tent-y / flow-y maternity clothes back in the day... I think I just read a piece online (Mental Floss maybe?) that those styles were worn because to see a woman's baby bump was just a public reminder that she was having / had the sexxors (cue gasps and shame, please).
Weight wise, I've personally been pretty lucky that the only person who has commented on it directly is my FIL. 3 - 4 weeks ago when my bump wasn't quite so bump-like, he said something along the lines of "oh that's barely anything, people just think you look like me!" and then laughed and shook his large beer gut.
I mostly forgive him because he was high at the time so he was even less self-filtering than usual, but that is a whole 'nother discussion.
errm I totally wear flowy/hide-y pregnancy tops. I'm not a fan of showing off the bump. I'm fine with OTHERS showing off THEIR bumps...I just can't embrace mine
If someone made a comment to me about their generation wearing baggy tarps to cover it up, I'd probably play dumb and say something like 'Yeah it's crazy all the old fashioned ideas society used to have. Like have you seen what women's bathing suits looked like in the early 1900s? It's like everyone was ashamed about what the female body was shaped like. Crazy'.
Convo I had the other day with an older man I work with:
Him: So many women around here having babies Me: Yep Him: It's interesting...I was talking to my wife last night. The fashion has really changed. Me: IN what way? Him: Well, it used to be that women wore long, wavy shirts to hide their bump. But now, it seems like the style is to show it off. Me: [Crickets] (As a rule, I don't respond to backhanded judgey comments) Him: Well, it's just interesting! Congratulations. Me: Thanks!
Funny you bring this up because an older female co worker said something along these lines the other day. She went on to explain how back in her day women wore REAL maternity clothes that concealed the bump and nowadays women wear tight ridiculous clothing to show it off, and how its inappropriate and looks terrible. I just stared at her .
SO obnoxious. Nobody is showing off or being inappropriate, people just follow the fashion trends of the time. I am not at all fashion-forward, I just wear whatever is sold in stores, and most of the maternity clothes is more form-fitting, so that's what I'm used to seeing, so that's what I wear. If everyone was wearing droopy tents, I would too, because I'd probably be used to it and like it better. What an idiot.
Convo I had the other day with an older man I work with:
Him: So many women around here having babies Me: Yep Him: It's interesting...I was talking to my wife last night. The fashion has really changed. Me: IN what way? Him: Well, it used to be that women wore long, wavy shirts to hide their bump. But now, it seems like the style is to show it off. Me: [Crickets] (As a rule, I don't respond to backhanded judgey comments) Him: Well, it's just interesting! Congratulations. Me: Thanks!
I got a comment like that the other day. I just ignored it and walked away... Also another time DH and I were having lunch somewhere and I overheard 2 people (teenage-ish girls) commenting about how 'gross' it was for people to show off their pregnant stomach like that while looking in our direction. DH heard them and almost went over and said something but I had to remind him to be the bigger person. It also gave me some satisfaction that they'll be in for a rude awakening one day.
But yeah... I dont understand some people. It's really not hard to mind your own business and I'm sure they wouldn't like it if I commented on their physical appearance.
Not defending the comments: it's pretty darn tacky for a colleague to mention your body in any way--there's no way for it not to seem judgey or harassing.
But! I was listening to a podcast ("Stuff Mom Never Told You"--a feminist podcast from "How Stuff Works") on maternity fashion, and this is totally true, but the logic is so different from what the fogeys assume!!!
In earlier generations, women had to hide their bumps as long as possible because it was unacceptable for the general public to know what was going on underneath the folds (pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!). Hence the tent-dresses and muumuus. And women getting fired for being pregnant (my friend's mother was fired from her elementary school teaching job in 1975 when she became visibly pregnant because "the kids would ask questions"--and yes, she was married at the time). But now women are less stigmatized for normal reproductive functions (though we still have a *long* ways to go, as @dsmith211's experience shows!) which enables the fashion trends to become more bump-highlighting.
So, we're not showing off our bumps, we are showing off our feminism! Woot:)
Way to go @laurenmdrn16 - that's a big accomplishment!
I think what we have to keep in mind with the weight gain guidelines is that they are based on average birth results. If someone eats more, they are more likely to get adequate amounts of nutrients to sustain fetal growth. Hence the average being 25 - 35 lbs. However, it's strictly an average and doesn't take into account a variety of things:
Your starting weight and corresponding metabolic rate. At 265 lbs you need far more calories to sustain that weight than you do at 200 lbs for example. So asking someone who is 265 to gain 25 - 35 lbs (or even 15 lbs) is already asking them to intake far, far more calories (and presumably nutrients) than someone at 200 lbs. That makes no sense to me. The baby's nutritional needs don't change from that of a slimmer person so why the much larger required intake of calories and nutrients. My gut on this is that scientific studies done delved only into a correlation between weight gain and resulting fetal weight. That doesn't really address that the nutrient intake also fluctuates based on food intake/weight gain and that the increased nutrients could actually be a bigger factor in driving optimal fetal weight. If someone does have a link to a further study on this, I would love to see it. But I haven't been able to find anything on it.
People should aim to eat BETTER rather than just more during pregnancy. Not saying we all succeed but just saying that's a better guideline that simply just eating MORE. The goal should be to maximize nutrient intake. So in your example @laurenmdrn16 you improved your eating quality, not quantity. So your nutrient intake went way up, even if your calories did not (it's harder to overeat on healthy stuff). That your doctor is supportive of this and your baby is doing well, confirms my theory that the fetal health studies and resulting weight gain guidelines are more about increasing your nutrient intake rather than an arbitrary need for the body to put on x lbs of body fat, regardless of starting weight.
Anyways, sorry for the long ramble. It's been a subject I've been doing a lot of thinking about as of late
YES!! YES TO THIS! i was just telling my DH yesterday (during a brief freak out over my 33 pound weight gain at 30 weeks) that I understand the 25-35 pound gain recommendation, but I wish they out more focus on what foods you're eating. We all get a little lecture on what not to eat, but I at least wish at our super short "how you feeling?" Appointments they took a minute to ask us what kinds of foods we were eating and did a little nutritional counseling. maybe that's too much to ask, but I think what this pregnancy has taught me is that the weight gain/not gain issue is just a really confusing and emotional fog! It should be more clear!
Your starting weight and corresponding metabolic rate. At 265 lbs you need far more calories to sustain that weight than you do at 200 lbs for example. So asking someone who is 265 to gain 25 - 35 lbs (or even 15 lbs) is already asking them to intake far, far more calories (and presumably nutrients) than someone at 200 lbs. That makes no sense to me. The baby's nutritional needs don't change from that of a slimmer person so why the much larger required intake of calories and nutrients. My gut on this is that scientific studies done delved only into a correlation between weight gain and resulting fetal weight. That doesn't really address that the nutrient intake also fluctuates based on food intake/weight gain and that the increased nutrients could actually be a bigger factor in driving optimal fetal weight. If someone does have a link to a further study on this, I would love to see it. But I haven't been able to find anything on it.
I've been thinking about this, too!
The standard recommendations are for thin ladies are to gain more weight (25-40 lbs), for average ladies to gain (25-35 lbs), and for fat ladies to gain less (15-25 lbs).
That makes *no* sense to me!!! It seems to assume that skinny women aren't eating enough pre-pregnancy and that that's not just their normal body size, and that fat women are eating too much pre-pregnancy and that that's not just their normal body size. Like, once you start eating healthy your body is going to float back to some universal feminine "normal." Not actually how it works there.
The baby adds weight, as does the placenta, the amniotic fluid, and all the uterine extras. Those should be the same regardless of a woman's weight, right? But pregnancy also makes us more filled with fluid (blood and mucus), of which larger women will presumably have/need more and thinner women will have/need less. It literally makes no sense to me that a heavier woman should be expected to gain less, unless the doctors are using this as a sneaky way to recommend weight loss.
But I haven't been able to find any research that explains the reasoning behind those weight recommendations.
@dshannah I completely agree with your comments! I am on the obese end (was at low end of morbidly obese and lost over 62 pounds in 1 1/2 years before getting pregnant to get down to the top end of overweight). My exercise and food are in line with maintenance/slow loss from my lowest prepregnancy weight, yet I've put on 30 pounds at 30 weeks.
To say that I'm overeating at around 2,000 calories and walking 10,000+ steps a day at my height/weight would be insulting. However, by common logic, I 'must' be overeating to be gaining so much.
Ironically, most people still can't tell that I'm pregnant even though all the weight has gone to my tummy and boobs. Most ladies I've met say that they stuck out way farther at that stage.
So, somehow I'm eating at maintenance(or slightly less), gaining too much weight, and at the same time, do not really look like I'm pregnant yet.
Re: Weight Gain Shaming
On a related note, my tech had a baby 2 yrs ago and was TINY all the way through - I remember commenting on it becase I thought I was being nice. I imagine she was as irked by it as I am now. So, I think people mean well but just have no idea.
one person asked if I preferred the word ballooned or blossomed. Uh...what?
Only up 0.4 lbs this week! Win considering last week I was up 4.0 lbs.
DS: Born 5-17-16
Last pregnancy after I hit the 30 pound mark I started to stress out a lot because I was eating healthy and swimming and still gaining. My doctor said it was fine and all my vitals were fine. So I followed my friend's advice and simply stopped looking at the scale at the doctor and at home. It didn't matter and became a non issue as I did what I always did and let my body do its thing and instead focused on the baby.
Glad I took that advice as I was back at my normal weight before LO's 1st birthday. My body does its thing for growing a human being and Iife goes on.
I can forgive most of the weight comments but what is really irritating me lately is a coworker that watches what I eat and insists that every food choice is a craving. "Oh the baby wanted a sandwich today!" And she will tell other people about what the baby wanted to eat. Really lady? I'm eating a sandwich because that's what food I had to pack for lunch, and I'm eating these chips because that was the only decent thing in the vending machine!
People tell me my belly doesn't look very big for 6 months...which I guess is good, but in a way it's bad because I know I've gained 26 pounds in 26 weeks...so where exactly did all that weight go???? Must have gone to other parts of my body
A lot of obnoxious and rude comments could be avoided if family members, friends, co-workers, business associates, cashiers, strangers, and the public at large could just remember the only thing you should ever say to a pregnant person if you feel the need to comment about their body is "you look great."
Or if you are the significant other of said pregnant person you are allowed to choose any and all of the following statements:
"You look great."
"Can I get you anything to eat"
"Can I get you anything to drink? "
"Would you like for me to rub your feet for awhile?"
"Is there anything I can do to help you in any way?"
"You are great"
"I love you"
So I am not thrilled about that aspect of pregnancy (the frequent unsolicited comments on appearance). It also makes me look back at every 'compliment' I gave a pregnant woman with regret. I use that recollection to remind myself that people all
mean well and that this is a relatively trivial concern in the grand scheme of things. But yes, yuck.
now at 31 weeks I'm 19 pounds up, still average I would think, but people start saying, wow, you changed fast! When are you due???
just give me a break! I'm healthy, my doctor is not concerned others shouldn't be concerned either.
i do feel uncomfortable, never been this big in my life, but also never carried a baby! I just want to focus on the fact that I'm a mum soon! Who cares about those weight issues then?! New life is the greatest miracle!
My sisters have very different body types: my older sister is tall and very slim while my younger sister is just above average height and very voluptuous. We used to joke that my older sister could be a high fashion model, my younger sister could be a Victoria's Secret Angel and...I could be a hand model (I do have nice hands!). So, for as long as I can remember, I was the fat one. My step-mother never passed up an opportunity to remind me and wonder aloud how that could've happened since my sisters are so pretty and thin. My mom has always had an athletic build, but never made a big deal about my body or appearance and would always focus on my kindness and intelligence. Also, I was not afraid to do heavy lifting and have always been very physically strong so I would joke that I was the man of the house because I did all the outside "manly" chores that my sisters were too "delicate" for. I did grappling in middle/high school and was top in my weight class, despite being the only girl. My sisters have always been super invested in my pregnancies, mostly because they are in awe of what my body has been put through and what it can withstand. My older sister is child-free by choice and I don't envision her changing her stance. My younger sister wants kids, but doesn't want to think about the logistics of being pregnant and the changes it would make to her body. They have been really supportive of my get-fit initiatives and are great motivators. I did get a little annoyed when my younger sister started going on and on about how I avoided pre-e this time by actually being healthy and dropped the knowledge on her that pre-e, like GD, are not necessarily caused by unhealthy habits or high BMI. They are diseases unique to pregnancy related to the specific hormones and stresses that come up when you are literally growing another human being inside your body.
In general, the only comments about my weight I listen to are from my OB, who has been very pleased with my overall health and the growth and development of my baby girl. Unless, of course, someone is saying that I look awesome. In that case, bring it on!
I think what we have to keep in mind with the weight gain guidelines is that they are based on average birth results. If someone eats more, they are more likely to get adequate amounts of nutrients to sustain fetal growth. Hence the average being 25 - 35 lbs. However, it's strictly an average and doesn't take into account a variety of things:
Your starting weight and corresponding metabolic rate. At 265 lbs you need far more calories to sustain that weight than you do at 200 lbs for example. So asking someone who is 265 to gain 25 - 35 lbs (or even 15 lbs) is already asking them to intake far, far more calories (and presumably nutrients) than someone at 200
lbs. That makes no sense to me. The baby's nutritional needs don't change from that of a slimmer person so why the much larger required intake of calories and nutrients. My gut on this is that scientific studies done delved only into a correlation between weight gain and resulting fetal weight. That doesn't really address that the nutrient intake also fluctuates based on food intake/weight gain and that the increased nutrients could actually be a bigger factor in driving optimal fetal weight. If someone does have a link to a further study on this, I would love to see it. But I haven't been able to find anything on it.
People should aim to eat BETTER rather than just more during pregnancy. Not saying we all succeed but just saying that's a better guideline that simply just eating MORE. The goal should be to maximize nutrient intake. So in your example @laurenmdrn16 you improved your eating quality, not quantity. So your nutrient intake went way up, even if your calories did not (it's harder to overeat on healthy stuff). That your doctor is supportive of this and your baby is doing well, confirms my theory that the fetal health studies and resulting weight gain guidelines are more about increasing your nutrient intake rather than an arbitrary need for the body to put on x lbs of body fat, regardless of starting weight.
Anyways, sorry for the long ramble. It's been a subject I've been doing a lot of thinking about as of late
Him: So many women around here having babies
Me: Yep
Him: It's interesting...I was talking to my wife last night. The fashion has really changed.
Me: IN what way?
Him: Well, it used to be that women wore long, wavy shirts to hide their bump. But now, it seems like the style is to show it off.
Me: [Crickets] (As a rule, I don't respond to backhanded judgey comments)
Him: Well, it's just interesting! Congratulations.
Me: Thanks!
DS: Born 5-17-16
But yeah... I dont understand some people. It's really not hard to mind your own business and I'm sure they wouldn't like it if I commented on their physical appearance.
I guess it doesn't really matter because I hardly ever see her and I'm pretty sure she didn't mean anything by it anyway, but it was a weird comment.
Funny you bring this up because an older female co worker said something along these lines the other day. She went on to explain how back in her day women wore REAL maternity clothes that concealed the bump and nowadays women wear tight ridiculous clothing to show it off, and how its inappropriate and looks terrible. I just stared at her .
(But seriously, I do think it is good and healthy to normalize what pregnant bodies look like, because why should we have to act like it's some horrible secret? Whatever. It's 2016, feminism is a thing, let's all just get over the idea that female bodies doing normal female things is something that needs to be swept under a tent.)
Weight wise, I've personally been pretty lucky that the only person who has commented on it directly is my FIL. 3 - 4 weeks ago when my bump wasn't quite so bump-like, he said something along the lines of "oh that's barely anything, people just think you look like me!" and then laughed and shook his large beer gut.
I mostly forgive him because he was high at the time so he was even less self-filtering than usual, but that is a whole 'nother discussion.
Married: Oct 20, 2013
BFP 1: Aug 31, 2015
EDD 1: May 12, 2016
DD1 Emma born May 12, 2016
An Honest Account of New Motherhood (with Postpartum Anxiety, Depression, and OCD)
BFP 2: October 07, 2019
EDD 2: June 20, 2020
But! I was listening to a podcast ("Stuff Mom Never Told You"--a feminist podcast from "How Stuff Works") on maternity fashion, and this is totally true, but the logic is so different from what the fogeys assume!!!
In earlier generations, women had to hide their bumps as long as possible because it was unacceptable for the general public to know what was going on underneath the folds (pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!). Hence the tent-dresses and muumuus. And women getting fired for being pregnant (my friend's mother was fired from her elementary school teaching job in 1975 when she became visibly pregnant because "the kids would ask questions"--and yes, she was married at the time). But now women are less stigmatized for normal reproductive functions (though we still have a *long* ways to go, as @dsmith211's experience shows!) which enables the fashion trends to become more bump-highlighting.
So, we're not showing off our bumps, we are showing off our feminism! Woot:)
i was just telling my DH yesterday (during a brief freak out over my 33 pound weight gain at 30 weeks) that I understand the 25-35 pound gain recommendation, but I wish they out more focus on what foods you're eating. We all get a little lecture on what not to eat, but I at least wish at our super short "how you feeling?" Appointments they took a minute to ask us what kinds of foods we were eating and did a little nutritional counseling.
maybe that's too much to ask, but I think what this pregnancy has taught me is that the weight gain/not gain issue is just a really confusing and emotional fog! It should be more clear!
I've been thinking about this, too! The standard recommendations are for thin ladies are to gain more weight (25-40 lbs), for average ladies to gain (25-35 lbs), and for fat ladies to gain less (15-25 lbs).
That makes *no* sense to me!!! It seems to assume that skinny women aren't eating enough pre-pregnancy and that that's not just their normal body size, and that fat women are eating too much pre-pregnancy and that that's not just their normal body size. Like, once you start eating healthy your body is going to float back to some universal feminine "normal." Not actually how it works there.
The baby adds weight, as does the placenta, the amniotic fluid, and all the uterine extras. Those should be the same regardless of a woman's weight, right? But pregnancy also makes us more filled with fluid (blood and mucus), of which larger women will presumably have/need more and thinner women will have/need less. It literally makes no sense to me that a heavier woman should be expected to gain less, unless the doctors are using this as a sneaky way to recommend weight loss.
But I haven't been able to find any research that explains the reasoning behind those weight recommendations.
To say that I'm overeating at around 2,000 calories and walking 10,000+ steps a day at my height/weight would be insulting. However, by common logic, I 'must' be overeating to be gaining so much.
Ironically, most people still can't tell that I'm pregnant even though all the weight has gone to my tummy and boobs. Most ladies I've met say that they stuck out way farther at that stage.
So, somehow I'm eating at maintenance(or slightly less), gaining too much weight, and at the same time, do not really look like I'm pregnant yet.
I give up!