Need some mil advice....

slipsintothesea

I'm having a lot of trouble with my mother in law. She constantly tries to correct how I do things with my son because it's not the way she did it. She also does not listen to my husband and I when we tell her the way we do things when it comes to our son. I had to yell at her to get her to not feed him something she made when he first starting eating pureed foods bc she kept ignoring me when I told her no. I have sternly spoken to her about the way she constantly corrects me but she still continues to do it. I've also had to speak to her about referring to me by my first name and not calling me mommy when she talks about me to my son. I've had to correct her severel times when she called herself mom to my son. She also has grabbed my son from my arms a couple of times. I was so stunned the first time it happened. My son was a couple weeks old and it made me very upset. The next time she tried to do this he was a couple months old. He was colicky and it was one of his "witching hours" and she kept saying Oh I will calm him and reached in to grab him and I told her no. I wasn't frustrated and was just doing my thing with my son to calm and soothe him. He is now 8 months old and she came over on Christmas and yanked him from me. I was holding him and said ummm why are you ripping my child from my arms? She just grabbed him and said yup I'm taking him and tried to walk away. He looked at me panicked. I took him back and said he needed to be fed and left the room. He always wants me back when she tries to hold him and is clearly uncomfortable with her. She constantly makes jokes about how she could be a "wetnurse" to him and I tell her how disgusting of a comment that is. I could go on but I think you get the gist. I don't keep my son from her because I think he should know his grandmother but I'm really at my wits end. I need some suggestions on how to handle this because I feel a blow up coming between us.

borgie05

I'm so sorry!! I don't know how you put up with it. Honestly if it were me, I would have her sit down with me and my husband (baby somewhere else completely like with a friend) and let her know what is upsetting me and that her behavior is not ok. I would let her know that as much as I would hate to do this, if things don't improve then she won't get to see her grandson. Then the next time you see her if she still does it then she's not taking you seriously. I would then distance myself and the baby from her for a while so that she hopefully gets the hint. Now I'm not saying cut her out completely... Just enough so she hopefully realizes that she needs to be respectful of the baby's parents.

slipsintothesea

Thanks! Yea it's really hard. My parents are awesome and see him a lot. I don't go out of my way to see her and lately I've been trying to keep some distance but she lives 20 minutes away and thinks nothing of announcing she is coming over. My husband has said stuff to her about that but she just doesn't listen. It's so frustrating.

borgie05

Yeah it sounds really hard. You can try to talk to someone until you are blue in the face, but can't really control how receptive they will be. You're nicer than I am... I would just stop answering the door! Lol

slipsintothesea

Haha, Oh trust me, I'm not as nice as I sound about it. I make my husband answer the door and sometimes I will leave to run errands with my son when I know she is on her way over.... I also don't always answer the phone because if I don't try to create some distance I will go nuts.

slipsintothesea

Oops, I meant to say I will leave if she announces she is coming over and we don't have prior plans with her.

Disneygeek77

 Look, you can't think of it as you keeping your son from her.  She is keeping him from herself. Besides, I personally would have no problem keeping my child from someone who disrespected me.  A child needs their parents to show them how to stand up for themselves more than they need a crappy grandparent in their life.  Trust me, I speak from experience.

Have your husband tell her once again she needs to respect you.  If she doesn't then you both will get up and leave.  Then do just that.

  Don't let her come to your home unannounced anymore.  If she shows up at your door say " oh, I'm sorry you came out all this way, but we are not ready for guests today" then close the door  and walk away.  Ignore any knocking or ringing the doorbell.  

If you are at her home and she is disrespectful have your husband say " mom, I talked to you about this, we have to leave now."  

Do this every single time.  Eventually she will get it.

jacquelineemma

Wow im sorry you have to go through this. I would lock the doors so she cant come in and invite herself over then grab the nappy bag abd baby and say "sorry we're just on our way out, should have let me know you were coming" so soon enought hopefully she'll stop doing that. Id also have a sit down with you husb and her and try tay level headed and have an open convo about what kind of relationship you all want. Maybe she wants to visit more? Ok never call yourself mum again. Deal. More cuddles. Deal dont feed my child things unless i say. Deal. Break the deal and you wont see him for a certain amount of time. Break it a again and you wont see him for longer. And again an you wont see him ever. Try make her see your side. "I know you love him to death how could you not but if i was your mil and was doing this to you and your baby youd be so sick of me etc. Please let us parent how we want"