Low AMH Level

Kp214

Thank you @Hopeful_mom and @c-town18. 

Day 3 update: The normally fertilized embryo is growing is rated the best on their scale. They are going to let it grow until Tuesday to see how it looks before taking a biopsy. The abnormally fertilized one is growing also and is rated second best. The unfertilized one is growing also. I don't understand about the abnormal and unfertilized ones but am relieved about the first one. has anyone had this happen with an abnormal one or an unfertilized one?

andreamm31

@kp214 praying for your little embryo to go all the way! 

@hopeful_mom It probably took me about an hour and a half to put it all together. But a lot of that time was recapping needles that came separated from their protective cover.  I wanted to also do a picture with the baby surrounded by all the needles....but considering im having twins and how long this took me, I decided not to do that.  I'm done being artistic with these needles.  haha

@c-town18. thanks girl!

hopefuljj

@andreamm31 I’m so so excited for you lady! I’ve been following along quietly. What a wild ride you have been on! Sending all the positive vibes to you and your girls every day. I’ve been meaning to send you a DM to congratulate you but haven’t :-/ I’m sorry 

I literally just finally did my photos with needles and medicine bottles from all the years of IVF with my girl who is clearly far to old to lie safety in the center!! Hahahahaha!  I really needed to get rid of them all so I was like, ok fine we just have to do this now!! 

So I had to keep all the needles in their sharp containers (which I had many of) and let her play with all the tiny medicine bottles which were set up in a heart.  They came out cute.  And hilarious. And she didn’t get hurt cuz those sharp containers stay safely shut!  

@Kp214 crossing everything for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

andreamm31

@hopefuljj. Awwww thanks friend!!! So happy to hear from you.   I'd love to see this picture! I was thinking of that too, like i should have also saved all the bottles of pills I had to take for the full effect. Haha

Afm

I had another ultrasound on Monday and oh my goodness,  I have a wild child.   I snuck a peak Friday at work using our ultrasound machine and baby A was like break dancing in there while Baby B was like, chill, im trying to grow over here.   Hahaha. Same exact scenario at the doctors office, she is just crazy and all over the place.   Will not stay still at all.  We were all cracking up .  It was the funniest and cutest thing ever.  I finally feel like I'm able to breathe a little and enjoy this.   I even have a belly already!! Im 14 weeks tomorrow.   I made a few more pics for my announcement I'll do in a few weeks.   I'll share below.  I decided I'm going to tell my whole story and share my journey.  I feel like it might help other people struggling right now that need support.  Ultrasound next in 2 weeks,  which I think is an early anatomy scan with MFM.

Kp214

@hopefuljj I’d love to see the picture. I’m sure it was overwhelmingly happy and empowering to see the results of your hard work and journey. 

@andreamm31 that is so cute!! Love how they are already showing their personalities. 

Afm, day 6 6BA embryo was biopsied and frozen. The other two arrested. Now, the waiting game. 

Imajin99

@kp214 everything crossed for you girl and the precious embaby.
@andreamm31 Lovely picture, will be a great announcement.  Gosh your furbaby is so adorable. How is he doing now?  2nd trimester for you - I am glad you are able to relax and enjoy this now.  The girls are definitely showing you their personalities already.  I am so so ecstatic for you

mbradfo2

Whew, trying to catch up a little bit so if I miss people, I'm sorry!!

AFM (pregnancy, complications, child)

Sorry I've been off the radar -- it's been a rough couple of months for me as we watched all of my plans go up in flames and we're back on lockdown here until DD gets a shot since no one seems to care about protecting kids. I feel like this is never going to end and no one seems to care (at least where I am). I'm upset because I think DD should be in school, playing with her friends, and it breaks my heart to tell her she's not going back to preschool for a bit (at least until things plateau). Everything my end has been fine, baby girl has been trucking along just like her sister did. I'm a little upset though that I failed my glucose challenge and the 3 hour test so I'm now being monitored for GD along with pre-eclampsia. I've had to start on some meds for that which is stressful since I know it would be better if I could have just controlled with diet.
I'm not sure if I said this before, but I have bipolar type 2 and we've been trying to just stay on the meds safe for pregnancy...but it's getting harder with my feeling of complete isolation at home all day with occasional walks or scootering (DD got a scooter this past summer and loves showing off).  So I've been trying to get back into my online communities so I have some connection during the day. The thing that actually helps the most now is DD; she's such a character and keeps us laughing all day! She was feeding her favorite cabbage patch doll mashed bananas (her idea) a few days ago and the doll got quite messy. I was able to get most of it off but the doll still has icky dried banana bits in her mouth and on a cheek. So last night, DD announced that her doll has "gross-banana-osis" LOL  And I've been working on sewing linens (pillows, blankets, towels) for her Christmas present which is a MASSIVE barbie dollhouse. 

@JamieH2000
I'm so so sorry to hear about the scan results. I know you are likely not returning to these boards but just in case...

I am thankful, however, that you found out about it now. This way they will be able to plan delivery so your baby can be quickly stabilized and meds to keep the DA open started until surgery can be done. I know the surgeries all sound really scary. If it helps at all, I think pediatric cardiac surgeons are possibly the best trained surgeons of all and you sound like you have a good team. As for the future -- so much can happen in 20-40 years. To put it in perspective, my uncle had just started college when the first successful heart transplant was done (1967) and he ended up getting a heart transplant himself 40 some years later (and he is still doing well!). I was born about 6 years after the first IVF baby was born and obviously, 30 some years later, I used IVF to conceive my own child. Medicine advances SOOOOO quickly.

@Kp214
Fingers crossed!

@andreamm31
There was some quote I posted once on my IG about how we'll understand the difficulty of the mountain we're dealing with when we see the size of the blessing that's coming. I'm so delighted for you!!! I can't wait to hear your updates! They are really like their behaviors in the womb, I think. I remember DD moving and sleeping in ways that were familiar to me from having her in my belly. I am praying that all goes smoothly for you from here on.... (we know it never works like that, but we can hope!). Do you have a home doppler? I remember being super obsessed with mine with DD -- this time I sorta do it when I think about it or get nervous but with having a preschooler home all day, there isn't much time for that!

Kp214

@Imajin99 thank you. How are you?

@mbradfo2 that’s really tough. I hope everyone is able to go back to “normal” soon. I had covid back in February and it was rough on me. DS had it and was bouncing on his trampoline while I was lying on the couch, feeling awful. Hang in there. We are here for you. 

Imajin99

@kp214 Thank-you, did you get your PGS results back as of yet?  I am doing okay, to be honest, having a few bad days right now but I am sure I will get through it. Everything is at a standstill for now until my cycle returns and I can do some of that testing, hoping I can get it done this month so we can travel in November and enjoy the holidays before starting back up in January.
@mbradfo2 Sorry about the gestational diabetes that has always been a big worry for me as I am overweight and diabetes runs in my family.  The good thing is that they are able to treat you early on, how far along are you?  I know with COVID and restrictions it can be so difficult especially for kids.  If you ever want to chat or Facetime to help with connections send me a PM and we can set that up for days you are not getting out too much.

andreamm31

@lmajin99  Teddy is doing great, all healed up from surgery and the tumor was scar tissue ultimately, so no cancer! Woohoo!  thanks for asking.  Im still dealing with nausea and a little vomitting, but hopefully it goes away soon.  

@mbradfo2  That is a beautiful quote.  Thank you for sharing.  I do have a home doppler, but I couldn't find anything at 12 weeks and my tech at the MFM basically said to stop trying.  One of the twins is towards my spine, so it will only stress me out not being able to find her.  But I do work in an ICU, so I took a sneak peek yesterday with the ultrasound machine and could see the girls and their heartbeats.  Again, its hard seeing baby B as she is posterior, they are like laying on top of each other.  But it was a great way to ease my mind till next  Fridays ultrasound.  Im so sorry you are dealing with both GD and Pre-E. Hopefully they won't cause you too much trouble before baby gets here.  I know its really tough feeling isolated and disconnected during this time.  I think keeping yourself busy with DD and sewing is a great idea.  Cant wait to see how the barbie house turns out!

@kp214. any news yet?? The wait must be torturous.

Kp214

@Imajin99 it’s hard when you have to wait. I think the hard days happen for me in the midst of waiting. No results yet. Maybe next week. I’m waiting for AF as well. Btw, if we get a normal embryo, we won’t be transferring until January at the earliest. I’ll be there with you. What tests are you doing?  If you want to talk, send me a pm. 

@andreamm31 it’s great that you were able to see them on the u/s. Glad you’re able to do that. No news yet. Thanks for thinking of me. 

Kp214

The embryo is abnormal. Still waiting on AF. 

andreamm31

@kp214 I am so sorry girl.  Will you try again?

Kp214

@andreamm31 we did a two cycle package, so we will do one more retrieval and then call it quits. Waiting on AF. It’s been 15 days since retrieval and would like to get started. How are you?

c-town18

Kp214 - I'm so sorry, friend.  Hopefully you can get started again quickly.  

Imajin99

@kp214 I am so sorry girl, I know how heartbreaking this can be but glad you will give it one more go.  Yes I will send you a PM and we can connect personally.  Honestly I do not know exactly what tests as I have to wait for AF but I know they are going to take a scrape of the uterus and then the blood tests for various blood clotting or autoimmune issues. I will look at the lab requisition and can let you know. Hope your AF comes soon.

blacksnoww

Kp214 - I am so sorry to read. However, it's good to know before the procedure, anyway.

andreamm31

@Kp214. Im so glad you will try again and hopefully it builds off of this cycle.  I hear the follow up cycle usually has better results.

AFM. TW (complications)

Baby A and Baby B (Lily and Charlotte) got their first anatomy scan today at 16 weeks.  They do them early with identical twins.  Both babies are looking great!  Everything is measuring on target and fluids look good.  They are within 5% of each other which is great.  BUT!  Baby C (our fetal demise triplet) has blood flow on doppler and is growing.  At 9 weeks she last measured 6 weeks 5 days, but now at 16 weeks she measures 10 weeks.  She has no heart beat, she is called an ACardiac Twin and the condition is called TRAP (Twin reversed arterial perfusion).  Basically she is pulling blood from one or both of the twins and if we leave it be, Baby C will continue to grow in size and she will compromise the other 2 babies and could send one or both into heart failure.  This is like the rarest of rarest complication.  We were being referred to Los Angeles specialist, but he didnt feel like I fit his criteria for intervention....he wants a baby to already be in danger, heart failure, and fluid issues.  All 3 MFMs at my practice and my OB all talked and they all want to stop this before it becomes a problem and be proactive, which I completely agree with.  So we are now being referred to a specialist at UCSF, who actually had their nurse call me at 6pm tonight on a Friday night to make sure I didnt stress over the weekend.  We are waiting on Insurance Authorization (which can take like a week) and then we will need to go up there asap.  They would ideally like us up there next Friday or the beginning of the following week so we can have an ultrasound and then the next day do the procedure.  Basically they will ablate the blood flow to Baby C so she stops pulling blood from the twins.  Im worried, but I know the girls will be ok.  We have to do this to save them and I will do anything to save them.  Im just so scared about having sedation while preggo and worried about complications or risk to the other babies.  But statistically, the articles we have read, show that doing nothing is wayyyyy more risky and dangerous and more likely to have a fetal demise from it.  So we will do whatever we can to make sure the girls are protected and given the best chance.  Seriously, I should write a damn book.  WTF!??!?!?!  This is just so crazy.  So that's where we are at! My poor hubby is freaking out.  I think im the calmer of the two....but seeing all their little body parts and 3D images today, he is like super overprotective daddy mode now. 

Kp214

@andreamm31 I know it is scary. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. It sounds like you have a good plan and I pray all goes smoothly and quickly. Waiting is so tough. 

Thank you all for your support. I start priming today and go for baseline on Thursday. I’m afraid the birth control will oversuppress me, but I can’t control it. Lots of prayers for everyone. 

Hopeful_mom

@andreamm31 WTH!!! Holy geez I swear if it not one thing it’s another! Hoping you got things squared away and you’re on the way to getting this fixed. I’m so sorry this is happening sending you so much strength and love! You’ve got strong girls cooking just like their mama! Best of luck friend!! 

@Kp214 hoping this next round brings you success!! 

AFM: some TW below but all ok! 

Just past the 1/2 way mark woohoo! Had my anatomy scan and thank gd so far so good! Then that following weekend I had spotting all day (luckily brown but still not cute), thank goodness I was still feeling the baby periodically moving and was able to hold off going to the hospital.  After visits to the OB and MFM and finally everything tapered off things look good and they don’t know why I had the issue. Want me to take it easy and no sex, which is funny as that’s the first thing they jumped on hoping that was the cause of the spotting in the first place.  Single or not this is so a no fly zone  . Hoping things can now just continue on to go smoothly! Next up is the fetal echo! 

andreamm31

@kp214 and @Hopeful_mom thanks ladies.  

We are going to UCSF next Wednesday for diagnostics.  It will be an 8 hr day of scans including fetal echos.  We had another ultrasound yesterday and things felt more encouraging.  The acardiac fetus only grew 0.5cm and definetly had doppler flow, but it wasn't super strong.  So that was encouraging.  Girls looked great still. Acardiac is also located at very top of my uterus in fundus and cord is anterior so easy easy access to get to it If they were to do procedure, which it doesn't look like they will need to do.  Acardiac is a smidgen smaller than baby B head, so that's relatively small and currently not causing a ton of problems, so watching and waiting is likely going to be our course,  and I'm ok with that.   We will be weekly monitoring from now on. I feel like for as shitty a situation we are in, this is the best case scenario for a shitty situation.  So my mama heart is calmer and more at peace now than I was for the past week. 

Hopeful_mom

@andreamm31 this sounds like a great plan, hoping things continue along the same lines and everything just improves and moves in the best direction for you! You’re Constantly in my thoughts and keeping you all in my prayers! 

Hopeful_mom

@andreamm31 thinking of you best of luck tomorrow! 

Kp214

@andreamm31 thinking of you and wishing the best outcome possible. 

@Imajin99 how are you?

@Hopeful_mom that would be scary. Glad it’s better. Can’t wait for another update!

AFM, started injections last night and go for monitoring on Friday. Hoping for synchronous growth. 

andreamm31

@kp214 So happy you are getting started!  Come on lil eggs, grow!
@hopeful_mom thanks for all the prayers, we love them!

Our trip to UCSF was a whirlwind.  The girls looked great! There was a 25% difference in size, but no one seemed overly concerned and they definetly were not that different 2 weeks ago, but we will just watch that.  Their hearts are in good shape and the Acardiac fetus is only 10% of the size of the girls, so they will not need to intervene at this time.  They hope it stays at that ratio, because it could be that we never need treatment if it doesn't grow too fast and blood flow stays at this level.  For such a shitty, rare diagnosis, we are definetly in the best case scenario and hope to keep it that way until they get here.  half way there! 18 weeks today!

Hopeful_mom

@Kp214 funny we get excited for injections hoping everything grows together and you get many golden eggs! Hope you’re feeling good too! 

@andreamm31 I can’t believe you’re 18 weeks, I love that we’re rocking and rolling together! So glad everything is looking great or as you said best case senecio and really stays on track! So you’ll be getting checked every week now? Hopefully the girls continue to grow together.  For me less then 2wks ago baby was in the 30% range and today was 22% they still said all was great! Of course I get concerned but I’m trying to listen to my drs and stay relaxed! How are you feeling otherwise.  I still have my good days and bad days. 

My unexpected update below:

AFM: I had some discharge which is never fun but since I had an appt with my OB the following day I was content... until I was told my OB was away and I had to see someone else. AND they don’t do US they only use the Doppler which I was not happy with, which then led me to have to go see the high risk dr.  I was really trying to just to one stop shopping but not so much.  At the end of the day all is good so I’ll take it.  The dr saying maybe a piece of the placenta broke away but didn’t effect the baby didn’t sound exciting but she explained it’s completely normal. Really hoping I can go the one week without revisiting them and onto the fetal echo!

Imajin99

@andreamm31 WOW is all I have to say, sorry for being MIA as I had been busy with work and a few other things.  I just caught up on the latest posts and can't believe this is occurring as I had not heard of it before.  Glad you are in such good hands and that out of all the situations you and the girls are in the best situation.  Beautiful names you have picked out!  Cheers to half way there girl!
@kp214 How you doing and feeling with the stims?  I am fine on my end, still playing waiting game. **TW** It is funny how I was only pregnant for less than 2 weeks and 9 weeks late my cycle has still not returned **end TW**
@Hopeful_mom It never is easy eh?! Would be nice to take a magic pill and sleep away the 9 months so we dont have to worry but happy all is good with you and lil one.

andreamm31

@Hopeful_mom How scary to have them say that.  But glad everything is ok.  Yup, we will get weekly monitoring.  My OB called me yesterday to chat about my experience at UCSF and I just love her so much.  She is an angel, but I was so sad when she said since they are going to see me weekly, there really is no reason to see her and because I am still considered a triplet pregnancy, the MFMs completely take over my care.  I was sooooo bummed because we have such an amazing relationship. She told me MFM she wants to be part of my C-section and of course, she will see me for all my postpartum care.  

@lmajin99, I know, right?? Who would have thought a dead baby could still pull blood and have a circulation.  Its bonkers.  Thank you.  So happy to be halfway there!  

I finally had the courage yesterday to post my pregnancy announcement and share my WHOLE story of infertility.  I have to say, the response has been sooooo overwhelming.  People are messaging me privately and texting me that they were bawling reading my story and couldn't believe what I have been through. Im not gonna lie, I re-read it yesterday after I sent it and I started crying all over again reading my story in one sitting.  Its really long because its 3 years of struggles.  But I felt the need to share it here because only you ladies really understand what this journey is like.   I will post it in a spoiler as it's triggering talking about all my losses.  

I am an Infertility Warrior.  This journey has been a life altering, soul crushing, and humbling journey.  When Burke and I got married in 2018, we never once thought we would have trouble getting pregnant.  I was so healthy, doing energy work regularly, and was 37 years old.  3 months after our wedding, we got our first positive pregnancy test.  We were so excited and so naive!  We immediately thought once that second line on the stick turned up, then we were on our way to having a baby.  But a few days later, I started to have my first miscarriage which is called a “chemical pregnancy”.  It is where you become pregnant but quickly the baby stops growing, usually due to a chromosomal abnormality.   I was so incredibly sad.  I never thought it would happen to me.  Many people know that when I first met Burke and started doing Healing Touch and Reiki on him, he turned out to be an intuitive person.  While in his altered state during the treatment, he would have visions of our future.  He saw me holding our daughter with light blue eyes and saw me with a pregnant belly that was translucent and held twins.  He saw this vision over and over again.  He saw our 3 kids at various ages, growing up, us getting married, and what our future house would look like.  So for me to have a miscarriage felt so out of alignment with what Burkes visions held.  That winter we had our second chemical pregnancy.

    In March of 2019, we saw a Fertility Specialist (called an RE, a reproductive endocrinologist) who told us that I had severe diminished ovarian reserve.  Basically, I was running out of eggs and was inching closer to menopause.  But a week later, we got a positive pregnancy test again and we laughed at that silly doctor who clearly didn’t know anything.  We went for our 9 week ultrasound to see our baby with so much excitement and anticipation.  But the doctor could not find a heart beat and our baby was only measuring 6 weeks along.  We were having a Missed Miscarriage, where the baby stops growing but the body still thinks you are pregnant.  A week later, I had my first D&C, where they surgically remove the baby from your uterus.  I was devastated.  I became extremely depressed and realized we had a much bigger problem than we thought.  We went back to see our RE and she basically told us that our only chance at having babies would be to try 3 back to back rounds of IVF to see if we can get as many eggs out of me as possible and bank them to have the 3 children we were praying for.  It was going to be an incredible task as my Antral Follicle Count was 4-5.  Meaning, each month my body only called up 4 or 5 eggs each cycle to potentially allow one to grow and mature to be released when I ovulate.  A typical girl my age, usually had 20-25 eggs pop up each month. When your numbers drop as low as mine, it typically means they are the “bottom of the barrel” and generally all poor quality and chromosomally abnormal. 

    Our first round of IVF, we were so hopeful and excited.  I never once contemplated that this process wouldn’t work.  Everyone would tell me stories of friends who did IVF and now they have their babies, so why wouldn’t it be successful for us.  Oh how naive we were.  Our first round, the doctor retrieved 1 egg and it literally fell apart as it came out of my body.  She said my egg quality was absolutely terrible.  So I went on a special diet, I took all the supplements imaginable, I cleaned up any toxins in my life, I only used green, non toxic makeup and skincare products, I stopped using plastic and aluminum.  I did ALL of the things.  I got acupuncture weekly.  Our next round of IVF in the summer of 2019 failed once again.  We took a break after my body stopped cooperating and had to wait until November of 2019 for our next round of IVF.  The cost was astronomical as IVF is not covered by insurance here in California and each round of just the IVF medications cost us $5000 out of pocket.  When we did our next round of IVF in Mid November of 2019, this time the doctor retrieved 2 eggs and neither of those eggs even fertilized.  The next day we received calls from both our RE and the Embryologist who told Burke and I that I would never have my own genetic children, that my egg quality was one of the worst they had ever seen.  My only hope for having a baby would be to use donor eggs.  I fell into the deepest hole of my entire life.  I literally could not. stop. crying.  I had to go on disability as I couldn’t get out of bed.  How could someone as healthy as I was, not be able to have my own children?  How could I be so defective?  I couldn’t envision a life where I wouldn’t have my own babies.  None of this was fair.  There are women accidentally getting pregnant every day and here I was completely incapable of that.  I was so incredibly depressed. I stopped connecting with friends, I couldn’t find joy in life.  I had missed weddings, baby showers, and other events because our lives had to stop when you are doing IVF.

   But at the same time, we had to keep moving forward.  We decided to move forward with donor eggs  in another country as the cost of donor eggs in San Diego was $65,000 and we just didn’t have that type of money.  We decided on traveling to the Czech Republic where they had a large database of donors and it only cost $7k.  We did a mock cycle with my RE here to biopsy my uterus and make sure we knew when my uterus was receptive to an embryo.  We were glad we did that extra step as it showed we needed an extra 24 hours of progesterone for my uterus to be receptive.  The month before we were going to Prague, I had yet another accidental chemical pregnancy.  It was the only time I was happy it went away quickly as we didn’t want anything to mess up our plans for Prague.  In February, we went to Prague for our donor cycle and spent a week exploring the country, while I gave my self medications 3 times a day (sometimes in restaurant bathrooms and on the airplane) to prepare my body for the embryo transfer.  We were convinced this was it!  Our donor didn’t have a great cycle and we only ended up with 2 embryos.  One went on ice and one went inside me.  We traveled back home the next day to the Coronavirus pandemic exploding everywhere.  10 days later, we got a negative blood test that showed the embryo did not stick and California went into lockdown.  

   Burke and I had a long conversation about what we were going to do as we couldn’t go back to Prague with the world being shut down.   We decided that maybe my body hated the IVF meds and we should try again and see if we can get our miracle baby. Covid may have happened to force us to try again.  The very next month, once again, we were pregnant.  And this time, I felt so sick!  We finally got a beautiful heart beat at 7 weeks and again at 9 weeks.  This was it, this was our baby!  My 39th birthday weekend, I was over 10 weeks, and out of nowhere, my nausea was just gone.  I started to panic.  I knew right then and there something happened to my baby and I could not stop crying the whole weekend.  On Monday, the day after my birthday, we had an ultrasound, and my fears became reality, our baby died once again.  I was crushed.  This was supposed to be our miracle, and the baby even had a due date of Christmas Day. How could this miracle die?  Our last hope at having my own genetic child was gone forever.  In June of 2020, I had my second D&C.  But this time when I woke up from surgery, I was in excruciating pain, all by myself (as Burke wasn’t allowed in the building with covid restrictions) and my doctor came to tell me that I had suffered a terrible complication during my procedure.  I had a uterine artery rupture and exsanguinated well over a liter of blood in less than 2 minutes.  She had to give me life saving medications and put a massive balloon in my uterus to tamponade the artery.  She may need to send me to the surgical ICU, where I work, and I might need a uterine artery embolization in interventional radiology.  I knew exactly what she was saying as I used to work in that department and took care of patients all the time just like me.  Fortunately, the balloon and medicine did its job for 24 hours and I didn’t need further intervention.  I spent an extremely painful night in the hospital, all alone, and was so fortunate to have had amazing nurses.  We sent our babies remains for testing and it confirmed that our baby boy had chromosomal abnormalities that explained why he didn’t survive.  It once again proved that my eggs were not going to give us a living child.  It was quite a sobering reality to face yet again, and I fell further into my depression after losing my 5th baby.  It was at this time that I officially closed my energy healing practice Healing Nurses.  I realized I was on this rollercoaster of a journey and was constantly recovering from severe bouts of depression and then trying to help others heal. I realized I needed to focus solely on my own healing and infertility journey.

   The summer of 2020, I had a sweet friend on one of my online IVF forums share information about her clinic in Utah that had an excellent database for donor eggs and also was a 1/3rd of the cost of donor eggs here.  I asked another friend on my support group if she was open to sharing a donor cycle with us, to decrease the costs, as we both looked similar and both couldn’t go to Prague as we had planned.  So in September, our donor cycled and we were blessed with 6 perfectly healthy, genetically normal embryos. 3 girls and 3 boys.  My friend was blessed with 5.   In October, I traveled to Utah to have the embryo transferred into me and we used our first girl embryo.  Once again, I never doubted that this time, it was going to work.  We were going to get our babies.  Sure enough, we got a positive pregnancy test!! It worked!!  But over the next week, my repeat blood draws were showing that there was a problem.  My numbers were not doubling as they should and suddenly there was a very real possibility that the embryo floated into one of my fallopian tubes.  I spent another night in the emergency room and left with the diagnosis of “pregnancy location unknown”.  We waited a week for my body to natural miscarry our 6th baby and once again, down the depression hole I went.  I completely lost excitement and joy for any activity.  It was at this time that covid exploded in San Diego and the thought of traveling back and forth to Utah for another cycle felt impossible.  We decided to begin the process of shipping our remaining embryos back to San Diego to work with my original RE and make our lives easier, as you need a lot of monitoring when you are preparing your body for an embryo transfer.  It took 2 months for our 2 clinics to get their acts together to finally get our embabies here to San Diego.  Once they got here, I was started on steroids to try and calm my immune system down as we worried my body was having an inflammatory or immune response to my embryos.  It turned me into a crazy, emotional wreck (as if I wasn’t already one to begin with).  My poor husband got the brunt of this part of the journey!

   In late February of 2021, we transferred our 2nd girl embryo.  And this time, it worked!! We saw a heartbeat at 6 weeks and we were so thrilled.  This was it!  When we went back for our 8 week ultrasound, my doctor found an extremely weak heart beat and our baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks 5 days.  She told me we needed to wait a week to see what happens, but she wasn’t feeling hopeful.  I immediately scheduled my D&C later that day for the following week as I knew what was going to happen.  I had to continue to inject myself with my IVF medications for a whole week knowing my baby was going to die.  It was pure torture.  When our fears were confirmed and her heart stopped beating, I had my 3rd D&C a few days later.  My doctor legitimately developed PTSD from my previous D&C and had me blood banded, had blood in the OR, had a balloon ready for my uterus, and gave me medicine preemptively to help my body clot just in case my uterus decided to bleed out again.  Fortunately, everything went smoothly this time. 

   No one could figure out why these healthy babies weren’t growing in my body.  A functional medicine doctor found inflammation in my body and had me go on a gluten and dairy free diet.  After my D&C, my trusted acupuncturist and Chinese herbalist started me on Chinese Herbs to help my body be more receptive to these embryos.  After my body decided not to cooperate with fluid in my uterus for my next transfer, we finally got things rolling again the following month in July of 2021 for my next transfer.  I didn’t mind our delay in getting started as I knew it was only helping my body have a few extra months of getting it as healthy as possible. 

We decided we needed more coin flips as we were told we were just on the wrong side of a coin flip with embryo transfers being successful 60% of the time.  This time we were going to put 2 embryos in. Our last girl and a boy embryo.  The day before my transfer, I had a session with a spirit baby communicator.  Sarah is an intuitive woman who connects with your unborn children and spirit.  It was the most healing and peaceful thing I could have done the day before my transfer.  She told me that she saw me getting pregnant from this transfer with AT LEAST one baby.  At the end of the session, she said she saw my babies coming to me as a coupling of 2 and a single.  Which is exactly what Burke always saw, twins and 3 babies total.  This time, I didn't drive myself crazy with taking home pregnancy tests.  I just trusted that this was it.  This was our time.  

    

     When I had my first blood draw, it was a good number. But when we had our follow up blood tests, which you should see double every 48 hours, our numbers were QUADRUPLING!!!  We were so excited as we have never had numbers this amazing.  We were sure both embryos took and we were gonna have our boy/girl twins.  When we went in for my 6 week ultrasound we were not expecting what my RE saw…..3 BABIES!!!!!  She immediately said this was over her head and we needed to see a specialist.  A week later, my OB did an ultrasound and confirmed that there were 3 heart beats.  Burke and I were floored!  How on earth did we just get pregnant with TRIPLETS!  We spent 3 weeks thinking about how our lives would look, how we were going to make this happen, how my poor body would respond to growing 3 humans. When we saw the MFM (specialist), she once again saw all 3 babies, but Baby C had stopped growing and no longer had a heart beat.  And even crazier, that all 3 babies were IDENTICAL TRIPLETS.  One of our embryos split into 3 babies!!  One of the rarest things ever to happen, just happened to us and now we lost one.  I was extremely sad I was losing my 8th baby, but it was such a strange feeling because I still had 2 healthy babies and logically we knew this is the safest thing for both the remaining babies and I.  I had so much anxiety because I felt like I was reliving all of my other losses.  How many more of my babies were going to die?  Getting to the next ultrasound was a torturous wait.  But they were wiggling and moving around at our next one and they had excellent heart beats.  We finally made it to the point where we could do a blood test to find out our babies sex.   5 days later, we found out that our very last girl embryo was the magical embryo that split and was giving us our IDENTICAL TWIN GIRLS!!!   We were beyond thrilled.  

    Because our girls share a placenta, my pregnancy is watched extremely closely, so every 2 weeks we get to see our girls doing somersaults, cuddling, pushing each other and growing stronger every day.   At 16 weeks, we had our anatomy scan.  The girls looked amazing and were both growing right on track.  But the technician kept imaging Baby C, the one we lost.  I could tell something was wrong.  When our MFM came in to see us, we got the scariest news imaginable.  Baby C was continuing to grow, receiving blood flow from one or both of the girls, and this could cause our girls to go into heart failure and die.  Baby C was called an Acardiac fetus and the condition was called TRAP sequence.  It is one of the rarest complications and our doctor had only seen it twice before in his 25 years, but never in a triplet pregnancy.  We were referred to UCSF fetal treatment center in San Francisco to specialists up there to evaluate the girls and this Acardiac fetus to see if we needed a very specialized treatment called a Radio frequency ablation (RFA) where they locate the cord to Baby C and ablate the blood flow going to the baby.  We spent a solid week in absolute terrifying fear for our girls and the danger they were now in as this condition has a 50% mortality rate.  The team at UCSF was amazing and after 6.5 hours of ultrasounds and fetal echocardiograms, it was determined that both of the girls are in perfect condition and the rate of growth of the Acardiac fetus is slow enough and small enough that no intervention is needed at this time.  We were so relieved to know our girls are safe for now and we will be watched very very closely.   

 I finally feel like this is really happening as my baby belly gets bigger and bigger (which is happening way earlier than normal since there are 2 of them in there).  We are officially at the halfway point for a twin pregnancy, 18 weeks!.   Ive waited so long to announce a pregnancy and its finally here.  3 rounds of IVF, 4 donor egg transfers with 2 different donors in 2 different countries, 7 miscarriages, 8 babies lost, 3 D&Cs, a whole lot of tears, and here I am.  I am an infertility warrior and I never gave up.   Going through this infertility journey has been the most exhausting, draining, emotionally devastating thing I have ever experienced.  And my friends know I have been through my fair share of trauma and crazy things happening to me in my life.  With the help of my therapist and my energy care team, I realized that all along I have always been resilient and always searched for the self care activities that I knew would help me to heal.  I suffered some pretty serious PTSD and depression during this journey and was so fortunate to have such an understanding husband who supported me all along the way and let me be a mess when I needed to be a mess.  I know that I am strong and a warrior.  But also, I held so strongly onto my husbands vision of our children.  He knew our babies existed.  That our children were predetermined for us.  We have a soul contract with them.  They are our soul children and were always meant to be with us.  It didnt matter that they genetically are not the same as me, their souls are already connected to me and always have been.  And these babies will be loved more fiercely than any other babies in this world.  Because we fought so very hard to bring our babies earth side.  I want our girls to know that I loved them enough to never give up on bringing them into this world.  Baby girls you are already loved so very much and we cant wait to meet you in February or early March of 2022.  

Kp214

@andreamm31 that is great scenario. So glad things are looking good for both babies. 

@Imajin99 the waiting is awful. Is your re going to give you something to start your period?  I hope you start soon. 

@Hopeful_mom that would be scary. Glad the doctor isn’t worried.  After everything, you need a smooth pregnancy from now on. 

Afm, I have 2 follicles growing somewhat close together. As this is the last cycle in the multi-cycle package we paid for, I guess they’ll go to retrieval with just the 2. I go back Monday.  I am hoping another follicle decides to make an appearance, but I would be satisfied if both are my golden eggs. 

***tw***

my sister is being induced today.  While I’m so happy for her, I feel terribly sad and let down for myself. I had just wanted a few more follicles. I am giving myself today to feel sad, but I need to have myself under control by the time I meet my niece. 

hopefuljj

@andreamm31 thank you for sharing your announcement post, it was so beautiful and powerful to read all you have been through. Talk about a warrior!

@Kp214 I’m so so hoping those will be your golden eggs friend. I am sorry there aren’t more but maybe another will pop up.   I know exactly what it feels like to be in the situation you are with your sister.  Sending love and strength and many congrats in advance Auntie 

@Hopeful_mom oh goodness I’m so glad everything is ok! Enough with the scares!!!  Hoping for an uneventful week for you

mbradfo2

@Imajin99
I'm now 35 weeks now and have my repeat c-section scheduled for 37 weeks due to GD and some pre-e symptoms. MFM figures baby looks great so why not just take her at term, heh. GD has been a bit of a ride for me but so far it seems to be under control with meds. BP is going up but nothing dramatic yet (fingers crossed)

@Kp214
I keep following your updates and have my fingers and toes crossed for you. This is such a crap journey but the best thing I've heard yet is 'to have faith in the road'  -- which was from my therapist. I guess it's just about realizing there are ups and downs but you will arrive at your destination, whatever that looks like for you. I know how it feels to become an auntie while you are on this path -- my younger sister who married several years after me had two babies before I had one! But being an auntie is so awesome and I really got to get some of my baby-crazy out with all sorts of gifts and being the cool auntie. 

@andreamm31
I love your announcement/story. These babies are so hard-won and while I'm not putting down anyone else's experience of motherhood, I do think it changes your experience of being a mom quite a bit. I have faith that the medical complication with the acardiac twin will be handled by your team (although jeez, really, when can the crazy ride stop? lol ). I've never really been able to be open to my family and friends about my own journey because I was asked to keep it on the downlow by my parents as we have some very conservative family members who do not agree with ART [against the will of god, etc]. But most of them realize there's a bit more to things then us just waiting 11 years of marriage to have a baby.

Imajin99

@mbradfo2 That seems like it went fast just a few more week which is great.  If you are able to still walk and move around just try to walk after your meals will help with the GD & BP hopefully.

AFM: Got my first period over the weekend and booked for a hysteroscopy & endo biopsy next week.  Blood results for lupus, blood clotting, and other things they checks have all come back normal.  Excited to finally be travelling in a few weeks, its been 2 years!

Kp214

@mbradfo2 wow!  35 weeks!!  So close!!  I know you’re excited. Sorry you’ve been dealing with GD and pre e. But it’s almost over!

@Imajin99 yay for getting started!  It’s nice to feel like you’re actively doing something. 

@hopefuljj thank you so much. 😊

afm, it’s been pretty good news. Monday she saw 3 to 4 follicles. Today, she saw 5 but one was already 20 mm. So, I told her I’m okay waiting to let the smaller two catch up, at the risk of the 20 mm being too big. They think retrieval will be Sunday or Monday. I pray it’s Sunday since there’s an appointment that we’ve waited months for scheduled that morning for our son. 

Imajin99

@Kp214 Best of luck with the retrieval and hope you are able to have it tomorrow!

Kp214

Thanks. It wasn’t today. They wanted to have me do retrieval for Monday and that wasn’t possible. So, I went back today. Things looked good. The 20 mm was 27, so I figure that one won’t be good but the other two grew to over 15. There was also a 6th one to pop up, but it’s 11. We will se what Tuesday brings. They wanted me to do another ganirelix tonight before trigger but I don’t have one.  That’s making me anxious. 

Kp214

they retrieved 3 mature eggs. I was so disappointed that two others were empty. But now the wait for them to grow begins. Come on golden embryos!

Kp214

Only 1 out of the 3 fertilized. I’m heartbroken. 

andreamm31

@hopefuljj thank you friend!

@mbradfo2 thank you so much for your kind words.  I have a girlfriend who also does not share her journey and I think its so personal to each person to choose what is right for them.  

@lmajin99 so glad some of the testing came back negative.  Now we need those other tests to be smooth sailing and lets get you back in the game after your travels!  Enjoy!

@kp214 Oh girl, I am so very sorry.  I know that heartache oh too well.  I will pray for your embryo to go the distance .  This just is so unfair.  

AFM

We had a scan today (I will be 20 weeks tomorrow) and the girls looked SO GOOD!  And the best news ever, the acardiac fetus only grew 0.3cm this week whereas she was growing a cm a week before that so we are so pumped she is slowing down her growth.  And the doppler flows looked way different (at least to me) and it seems like she is getting less blood flow, so I am thinking maybe the flow will stay really minimal and growth will stay slow and we will stay out of danger!   We felt so encouraged and it helped us to feel relieved and reassured.  My belly is growing exponentially at this point. Its kinda scary to be honest, every day its bigger and bigger, I didnt realize it would grow this fast!  But its exciting!  I think I feel little movements here and there, but nothing consistent yet.  

Hopeful_mom

*TW (child mentioned) I don't know where the time goes...its like one long day over here...baby bumpkin has yet another ear infection..I'm just constantly at the drs lately.  Just hopeful that only one ear is infected and not both this time so hoping it stays that way!

@kp214 ugh sorry I missed this important week for you, praying this golden embryo is your lil miracle friend!  Congrats on your niece, hope everything went smoothly!!

@mbradfo2 wow you're getting so close, best of luck with everything!  I'm sure the obstacles of preE and GD is a roller coaster!  I have my test next week for GD and I'm certainly nervous about it but trying not to think about it too much!  How has Anne been doing?  she must be getting so excited!!

@Imajin99 happy to hear good results are coming through and hope it continues!  Need to get you back on track!  Its crazy and amazing how the body works!  Think of you often and always sending good vibes!

@andreamm31 yay 20 weeks, each milestone is priceless!  Gd bless you have a lot going on in that lil tummy of yours, but I do think you'll start to feeleven more movments as the weeks progress.  I start laughing as my lil one starts to tickle me out of no where.  I'm still no feeling everything as the baby was doing flips during th echo and the tech asked me if I was feeling it and I wasn't feeling any of it.  Have you been having any cravings.  Finally 24wks and I'm now starting to have some better days and I even had a cup pf decaf it was great!  You're announcement is truly a work of art and I'm so glad you were able to share it and its been received well!  It's chilling still how much you have gone through and continue too but you got this, and your kids are super lucky!  Did you mention the names?  I must've missed it.  BTW  How is the dibling doing?  I think thats the right term? Really just hoping this can just be an exciting time for you!  I hope you're taking bump pics...I'm way behind with those!!

AFM:  huge milestone!

hello viability week!!  I've thought about 24 weeks for the longest time, I'm thrilled....now come on 28 and beyond!!  With all these appointments and seeing the lil one you think I'd feel great...but still always nervous.  So glad I can feel the movements to give me some piece of mind for the moment.

andreamm31

@Hopeful_mom. Yay!! For viability!! So pumped for you girl. I'm so sorry your lil one had all these ear infections.  Your poor mama heart. 
No major cravings here which I'm surprised by.  Also the whole second trimester supposed to be more "eager" for your hubby never came either!  I was having terrible terrible reflux 24/7, but my MFM just prescribed Prevacid and yesterday was my first full day on it and not one episode of reflux, I was happy dancing by the end of the day.  It was miraculous!!  Thank you for your sweet comments!! And yes,  we do have names!  Lily and Charlotte!!  As for a bump pic...I did one at a wedding last week and I'm already wayyyyyy bigger in just a week,  but this one came out cute,  so I'll put it below .  I'm trying to do them at least every other week....but its so hard.