Of course it's important to be considerate of others, but assuming your guests are grown adults, if they are truly that offended in being invited to a party then they have every right to politely turn down the invite. The whole point of these parties is to celebrate fatherhood just like showers celebrate motherhood. Since 99% of guys (and probably most girls) don't care about shower games/baby themed parties, the way to give the party a baby theme is suggest bringing diapers if they so choose.
When we go to a party that says BYOB, or a potluck, we know the couple isn't being greedy and trying to stock their fridge with leftovers, and we certainly don't think "well if they can afford to host a party then they can buy their own beer, ya know, since its THEIR party" As invitees, we're within our rights to either a) bring stuff b) don't bring stuff c) don't attend.
Let's be honest here, NO one is under the delusion that they won't have to buy anymore diapers after a beer and diaper party. Anyone attending knows the couple will be spending hundreds more on diapers throughout the year, so it's not like the couple is avoiding some big expense with these parties.
I personally sometimes feel obligated to go to these types of parties (ie. "gender" reveal parties) when we are close to the people.
I understand wanting to celebrate fatherhood, but truly the only baby related thing about the diaper parties my husband has gone to is the bringing of diapers. Literally nothing else. Showers are a little more baby-centric which I why I think people don't have a problem with them.
Sometimes people truly do just feel obligated to go to things, and you don't really want to be the only boner that shows up without diapers.
Of course it's important to be considerate of others, but assuming your guests are grown adults, if they are truly that offended in being invited to a party then they have every right to politely turn down the invite. The whole point of these parties is to celebrate fatherhood just like showers celebrate motherhood. Since 99% of guys (and probably most girls) don't care about shower games/baby themed parties, the way to give the party a baby theme is suggest bringing diapers if they so choose.
When we go to a party that says BYOB, or a potluck, we know the couple isn't being greedy and trying to stock their fridge with leftovers, and we certainly don't think "well if they can afford to host a party then they can buy their own beer, ya know, since its THEIR party" As invitees, we're within our rights to either a) bring stuff b) don't bring stuff c) don't attend.
Let's be honest here, NO one is under the delusion that they won't have to buy anymore diapers after a beer and diaper party. Anyone attending knows the couple will be spending hundreds more on diapers throughout the year, so it's not like the couple is avoiding some big expense with these parties.
In my experience, any gift giving event I've been to has never been a potluck. That would be way over the top rude, as you're asking for a gift AND for someone to bring food. Regular potlucks, sure, but those aren't gift giving events. And no shower has ever been BYOB. When we go to a friends' house, we usually bring alcohol anyway but we're also not told to do so.
And that's my point: if people want to give you something, they will out of their own volition and without being asked to do so. And if they choose to generously give a gift, they should be able to purchase what they want and not be subjected to demands. After all, it's their money and it's rude to tell someone how they should spend their money.
Of course, no one would ever be turned away from a party for not bringing the requested gift. But they'll probably feel uncomfortable if they are one of the few that didn't. What if they are living on a strict budget and can't afford to spend the money on diapers? Now they get to feel awkward that they weren't able to get said gift while watching other guests walk in the door, diapers in hand.
Why would you ever want to put someone in that position?
I mean, of course, do whatever you (general you) feels comfortable with. This is just my opinion.
I'm sorry, I just can't fathom asking people to come to a baby shower, and then an additional party for a baby. That's the whole point of a baby shower.. why make up another form of a party for more gifts?
Maybe I'll have a birthday party, and then have an additional "I'm getting old" party? It just doesn't make sense.
If the guys want to get together while the girls do, go for it! It just doesn't make sense to have a fee for attending, in my opinion.
I think it depends on the people invited. With our first, I had a shower with my female friends/ family members. It was at my moms house. During the party my DH invited his buddies to our house for a "man shower". Basically it was a BBQ and hanging out/ drinking with friends. All his friends (except like 1) are single so I didn't have like the wives at my party or anything. There was no "overlap". He also didn't invite anyone who would feel obligated to come, like my dad/brother his cousin, etc. It was just like his buddies. He invited them via text or Facebook so there was nothing included about gifts. He ended up getting a cooler and a whiffle ball set. Ha. The guys had a good time and a bonus was they were here to help unload all of the gifts from the girls shower.
I think it depends on the people invited.
With our first, I had a shower with my female friends/ family members. It was at my moms house. During the party my DH invited his buddies to our house for a "man shower". Basically it was a BBQ and hanging out/ drinking with friends. All his friends (except like 1) are single so I didn't have like the wives at my party or anything. There was no "overlap". He also didn't invite anyone who would feel obligated to come, like my dad/brother his cousin, etc. It was just like his buddies. He invited them via text or Facebook so there was nothing included about gifts. He ended up getting a cooler and a whiffle ball set. Ha. The guys had a good time and a bonus was they were here to help unload all of the gifts from the girls shower.
I think this is a cool idea! That way if the guys want to bring a gift, it's up to them.
What if you are one baby #2 & not having a 2nd baby shower but friends and family are asking when we are having a party?! We have recently bought a new house not even a year ago and never had a "house warming party" because we were planning a wedding at the same time. We know we don't want another baby shower because we had one with kid #1.. Our first is a boy & now we are pregnant with a girl! We were thinking of throwing a football/diaper party. I was going to order tons of pizzas and get some beer (even the ladies in our family/friend groups love them some beer) & do it on a football Sunday.. However, I feel it is kind of tacky to throw our own diaper party... Is there a way to not sound tacky about it lol?
What if you are one baby #2 & not having a 2nd baby shower but friends and family are asking when we are having a party?! We have recently bought a new house not even a year ago and never had a "house warming party" because we were planning a wedding at the same time. We know we don't want another baby shower because we had one with kid #1.. Our first is a boy & now we are pregnant with a girl! We were thinking of throwing a football/diaper party. I was going to order tons of pizzas and get some beer (even the ladies in our family/friend groups love them some beer) & do it on a football Sunday.. However, I feel it is kind of tacky to throw our own diaper party... Is there a way to not sound tacky about it lol?
Nope. I think throwing yourself a party like that sounds tacky. I have a lot of people asking me when we are having our "sprinkle" or if we are having another shower because we had 2 boys previously, and are now having a girl. I keep politely telling them we had our shower, so we are all set! IF they were to throw us a party then I think that changes things. It's hard to say "no don't throw me a party!" So personally, I think if you throw yourself a diaper party then that's weird.
@jgregory0215 I just said, I already had a shower with my first and don't need another. For this one, a girl, I am being asked again and my response is the same. People who really want to buy you gifts will. Also I don't beleive there is a way to throw yourself a party without it being tacky.
@MyCousinVinny I think you're misreading here. I'm absolutely not talking about a potluck and beer/diaper party in one. That would be ridiculous. I'm simply comparing the two, as both are informal gatherings where guests can bring something.
Again, if I were invited to a party that said BYOB, I wouldn't think it's a "fee" for attending. I'd either show up with beer or I wouldn't. If I feel obligated to bring beer, that's on me, as I'm responsible for my own feelings and how it affects me. I just can't see a guy getting butthurt about these little things, I think they care far less than women do about perfect giving
@jgregory0215 If you have a party keep it to just that- a party. If anything use the "housewarming" as an excuse. But I wouldn't ask for anything or put registry info. It's completely normal to host a football party at your house, just leave the gift part out of it. If someone wants to bring something they can.
If it is rude to ask for gifts by having a diaper/beer party then wouldn't logic say that it is rude to have a shower at all? Just one is for men and the other is for women? It seems a bit sexist to think that a shower for women is perfectly fine but having the same kind of thing for men isn't. I get that people don't generally ask for a specific type of gift for a shower, but most still provide the registry places and most people would never go to a shower without a gift. Also specifying diapers for the "man shower" kind of makes it easier on the guys because I don't think a lot of men really enjoy shopping for baby items for someone else so they can just go grab a pack of diapers and call it good. My husband has attended one of these types of parties and I've heard a few guys at work talking about attending them and none of them seemed put off by it at all. They were just happy to be able to celebrate with their dad-to-be friend.
If it is rude to ask for gifts by having a diaper/beer party then wouldn't logic say that it is rude to have a shower at all? Just one is for men and the other is for women? It seems a bit sexist to think that a shower for women is perfectly fine but having the same kind of thing for men isn't. I get that people don't generally ask for a specific type of gift for a shower, but most still provide the registry places and most people would never go to a shower without a gift. Also specifying diapers for the "man shower" kind of makes it easier on the guys because I don't think a lot of men really enjoy shopping for baby items for someone else so they can just go grab a pack of diapers and call it good. My husband has attended one of these types of parties and I've heard a few guys at work talking about attending them and none of them seemed put off by it at all. They were just happy to be able to celebrate with their dad-to-be friend.
1) A baby shower does not require specific gifts. Yes, it's a gift giving event but one that's acceptable because someone else throws it in honor of the MTB.
2) A diaper party asks for a specific gift.
3) Diaper parties are made-up, trendy parties which are just another way to squeeze more gifts out of your loved ones.
4) Men don't have to be excluded from baby showers, There is no rule that they cannot attend one, however the host would have to accommodate extra guests and it's up to the host if he/she can afford that.
5) Isn't assuming men can't pick out a baby gift also sexist? Why would you assume they'd want to be included in the shower part of fatherhood but not with purchasing a gift? Their brains work just as well as ours do.
1) The diaper/beer party my husband attended was actually thrown by the FIL of the dad-to-be, so they are not always thrown by the person receiving it. I don't know if the OP is intending to have her SO throw his own or if it is being offered by someone else.
2) The party doesn't necessarily have to ask specifically for diapers, just a lot do because it makes things easier and it's a way to tie in the baby theme without going overboard. You could just call it a man shower instead if that sits better with you, but the idea is the same.
3) Sure, diaper parties are made up, but so were showers when they first started.
4) I never said men had to be excluded from the shower. However, I know many men (my husband included) who are uncomfortable at a more traditional shower. The last shower I attended was for men and women and my husband was dreading going until we realized it was right during DS's naptime so he got to stay home. I also heard a few comments from some of the men that were there that they weren't super comfortable with the whole thing, and they all just kind of sat in the back and didn't really participate in the games and seemed like they couldn't care less about what gifts the couple was opening.
5) I did not say or assume that men are not able to pick out baby gifts. I just said that many men do not enjoy picking out baby gifts. This is based on personal experience from interactions with the men in my life.
I think it just comes down to what the dad-to-be is comfortable with and what he thinks the men in his life would enjoy. They can do a co-ed shower, do separate showers/parties, or just leave it all to the women. In the end it doesn't really matter and most people are not going to be offended no matter what they choose to do.
To your first two points, either way, it's asking for gifts. If you call it a Diaper Party, any logical person will think it's for diapers and not any type of gift.
Buying a gift is simple: walk into store, pick up an outfit/toy/Bumbo/whatever, pay for outfit, leave store, give to FTB. Most stores even make it real easy: now they have labels at the beginning and end of aisles so you know exactly what's in each aisle! It doesn't get any easier than that.
Look, guys can't have it both ways. They can't cry boo hoo if they don't want to attend a baby shower and they don't get to be above standard etiquette and ask for specific gifts because they can't be bothered to pick out a gift on their own accord. What it basically sounds like is guys crying foul because no one is giving them presents.
Newsflash: the gifts the MTB gets at the shower also belong to the FTB as well!
@ccoleeman the difference between a BYOB party/ potluck and a diaper party is that you are eating/drinking the thing you bringing. You will not be wearing the diapers at the party so you can not compare them.
Again, I never said buying a gift was difficult for men. In extreme generalizations, men often do not enjoy shopping, especially when it is not for them and they also do not enjoy sitting around watching people open gifts and ooh and ahh over all the cute little baby things. That was my point.
The main point of these kind of parties is to get together, celebrate becoming a dad, and enjoy some time with the guys before baby comes along and life gets chaotic. The gifts, diapers, or whatever else is just kind of a side note to make it baby themed and give them an excuse to have the party in the first place. I don't know why people have to get so bent out of shape over something that is just supposed to be fun.
Again, I never said buying a gift was difficult for men. In extreme generalizations, men often do not enjoy shopping, especially when it is not for them and they also do not enjoy sitting around watching people open gifts and ooh and ahh over all the cute little baby things. That was my point.
The main point of these kind of parties is to get together, celebrate becoming a dad, and enjoy some time with the guys before baby comes along and life gets chaotic. The gifts, diapers, or whatever else is just kind of a side note to make it baby themed and give them an excuse to have the party in the first place. I don't know why people have to get so bent out of shape over something that is just supposed to be fun.
@Monilee1017 haha of course! But it also stocks the hosts fridge, saves them lots of money, gives them left overs, etc. I'm just comparing that to the beer/diaper party because in both cases guests are invited to bring something, and in both cases it's not the end of the world if they don't bring something, because the host isn't going to sit there and open the diapers in front of everyone, just like they wouldn't call out each food item or beverage from everyone at a potluck. I just think in terms of guest awkwardness, an informal party with the casual suggestion to bring something if they want isn't as rude as throwing yourself an extra shower to get another shot at landing that crib skirt lol.
@ashs88 I agree about the guys gift giving thing. My DH would much rather give someone a necessity or money, and the clearer the request the better. He can be super thoughtful with gifts but in general he doesn't get a lot out of picking the perfect combo of stuff from a registry.
I'm confused why people are getting so upset. Isn't the point of both a diaper party and a shower that it is thrown by someone as a gift to you not something you throw for yourself? I think if you plan and throw both yourself you are definitely gift grabbing but if hubby's friends want to throw it for him, and he has not input in the development of the plan, how is it a gift grab? In the same way that throwing your own shower would be a gift grab. This discussion is getting really judgy and ridiculous. Also, I've gone to shower's where it was a pot luck and it was fine. It was more like a gift that us as a group of girls put together for the mom, not her asking for all of these things. We want to help her out with this precious little one and make it as easy for her as possible!
I'm confused why people are getting so upset. Isn't the point of both a diaper party and a shower that it is thrown by someone as a gift to you not something you throw for yourself? I think if you plan and throw both yourself you are definitely gift grabbing but if hubby's friends want to throw it for him, and he has not input in the development of the plan, how is it a gift grab? In the same way that throwing your own shower would be a gift grab. This discussion is getting really judgy and ridiculous. Also, I've gone to shower's where it was a pot luck and it was fine. It was more like a gift that us as a group of girls put together for the mom, not her asking for all of these things. We want to help her out with this precious little one and make it as easy for her as possible!
Please read numerous posts about why parties asking for specific gifts is rude.
Thanks everyone for your opinions! l really appreciate them! I do want everyone to know though that this was never a party I planned on throwing for my husband.. It would be our parents... With that said I think we may just do a diaper Raffle at the shower.. That way if they want to bring a thing of diapers they can be entered into a drawing to win a a pretty basket filled with some fun stuff... And my husband will just attend the shower so he can thank everyone and be there to help out!
Thanks everyone for your opinions! l really appreciate them! I do want everyone to know though that this was never a party I planned on throwing for my husband.. It would be our parents... With that said I think we may just do a diaper Raffle at the shower.. That way if they want to bring a thing of diapers they can be entered into a drawing to win a a pretty basket filled with some fun stuff... And my husband will just attend the shower so he can thank everyone and be there to help out!
::::sigh:::::
Why is it always about asking for extra stuff? How is your guest bringing you a gift and coming to your shower not enough?
Thanks everyone for your opinions! l really appreciate them! I do want everyone to know though that this was never a party I planned on throwing for my husband.. It would be our parents... With that said I think we may just do a diaper Raffle at the shower.. That way if they want to bring a thing of diapers they can be entered into a drawing to win a a pretty basket filled with some fun stuff... And my husband will just attend the shower so he can thank everyone and be there to help out!
What if your guest was already planning on bringing diapers as a gift? This is a genuine question and something to think about, because (in my opinion only, do with it what you will) diaper raffles seem to imply that diapers are an "extra" gift; however, there are people who make it their main gift. It feels like telling them well, the diapers aren't good enough, you need those for the raffle so you will also need an additional gift.
I lurk. I snark. I offer sound advice if you're not BSC. You may not like me. I'm okay with it.
Nope if diapers are there main gift then they still receive a raffle ticket.. And that is more than enough! I know my family well enough to know that nobody will be offended by it.. And it's not about anything extra.. And I assure you that the total $$ amount of the basket will add up to more than what a box of diapers cost.. Every baby shower I have been to does something like that and personally I never had an issue with it.
Thanks everyone for your opinions! l really appreciate them! I do want everyone to know though that this was never a party I planned on throwing for my husband.. It would be our parents... With that said I think we may just do a diaper Raffle at the shower.. That way if they want to bring a thing of diapers they can be entered into a drawing to win a a pretty basket filled with some fun stuff... And my husband will just attend the shower so he can thank everyone and be there to help out!
OP glad you got to hear both sides to figure it all out I've been to a couple showers with diaper raffles and when I showed up sans diapers, my self esteem recovered just fine
S/O to the pro-party girls (and the anti-party girls) who have been able to argue their side without resorting to being rude. A bit ironic thought that the more callous/rude comments are coming from the people arguing for etiquette.
I'm confused why people are getting so upset. Isn't the point of both a diaper party and a shower that it is thrown by someone as a gift to you not something you throw for yourself? I think if you plan and throw both yourself you are definitely gift grabbing but if hubby's friends want to throw it for him, and he has not input in the development of the plan, how is it a gift grab? In the same way that throwing your own shower would be a gift grab. This discussion is getting really judgy and ridiculous. Also, I've gone to shower's where it was a pot luck and it was fine. It was more like a gift that us as a group of girls put together for the mom, not her asking for all of these things. We want to help her out with this precious little one and make it as easy for her as possible!
Please read numerous posts about why parties asking for specific gifts is rude.
No one is upset. People are just disagreeing.
I did read the entire post. I believe the premise behind a 'beer and diaper' party lies in the fact that most men appreciate simplicity. They don't want to have to search through a registry or worry about getting 'the perfect gift'. Most men in my would rather just be told exactly what to gift and get it, hence the diaper party.
I'm confused why people are getting so upset. Isn't the point of both a diaper party and a shower that it is thrown by someone as a gift to you not something you throw for yourself? I think if you plan and throw both yourself you are definitely gift grabbing but if hubby's friends want to throw it for him, and he has not input in the development of the plan, how is it a gift grab? In the same way that throwing your own shower would be a gift grab. This discussion is getting really judgy and ridiculous. Also, I've gone to shower's where it was a pot luck and it was fine. It was more like a gift that us as a group of girls put together for the mom, not her asking for all of these things. We want to help her out with this precious little one and make it as easy for her as possible!
Please read numerous posts about why parties asking for specific gifts is rude.
No one is upset. People are just disagreeing.
I did read the entire post. I believe the premise behind a 'beer and diaper' party lies in the fact that most men appreciate simplicity. They don't want to have to search through a registry or worry about getting 'the perfect gift'. Most men in my would rather just be told exactly what to gift and get it, hence the diaper party.
That's understandable but asking for specific gifts is still rude. There's no getting around that.
Thanks everyone for your opinions! l really appreciate them! I do want everyone to know though that this was never a party I planned on throwing for my husband.. It would be our parents... With that said I think we may just do a diaper Raffle at the shower.. That way if they want to bring a thing of diapers they can be entered into a drawing to win a a pretty basket filled with some fun stuff... And my husband will just attend the shower so he can thank everyone and be there to help out!
Why are you so worried about getting diapers from people. Good grief.
I don't think there's anything rude about posting opinions or disagreeing. I think the rude part was that after OP listened to everyone's input and made her decision, people STILL needed to get the last word in (and specifically the eye roll gif Vinny). Just let her do her thing. She's not even requesting a specific gift, she's having a diaper raffle, meaning anyone who wants to participate in the raffle can bring diapers. If her guests feel "pressured" to bring them, then that's on them for being overly sensitive to social pressures.
Plus, I've been to some showers with diaper raffles (didn't participate though)and the raffle prizes actually pretty cool, the host made a "movie night" themed gift basket with 2 movie passes, popcorn, candy, and some random lottery tickets. The host was so creative, it was very sweet.
So just to reiterate, it's totally possible to attend a party with a diaper raffle, decide not to participate and just bring a gift, and feel just fine as a human being afterward. I didn't feel pressured, I didn't feel awkward.
I don't think there's anything rude about posting opinions or disagreeing. I think the rude part was that after OP listened to everyone's input and made her decision, people STILL needed to get the last word in (and specifically the eye roll gif Vinny). Just let her do her thing.
She's not even requesting a specific gift, she's having a diaper raffle, meaning anyone who wants to participate in the raffle can bring diapers. If her guests feel "pressured" to bring them, then that's on them for being overly sensitive to social pressures.
Plus, I've been to some showers with diaper raffles (didn't participate though)and the raffle prizes actually pretty cool, the host made a "movie night" themed gift basket with 2 movie passes, popcorn, candy, and some random lottery tickets. The host was so creative, it was very sweet.
So just to reiterate, it's totally possible to attend a party with a diaper raffle, decide not to participate and just bring a gift, and feel just fine as a human being afterward. I didn't feel pressured, I didn't feel awkward.
That seems very dismissive, not only for the millions of people who live with anxiety issues, but in general.
Omg! I'm not worried about getting diapers... Trust me when I say we are fine in the financial area of our lives! It is just something extra at the shower... I have actually never been to a baby shower without some sort of bring this and be entered to win! I was asking people's opinions and I am thankful for everybody who responded... I was never asking to be judged for a decision that my family made! And I guess I am a very giving person and come from a giving family.. Because I would never think twice about participating in a diaper raffle! Like I said I know my family and what will offend them.. And if they did feel offended I also know my family well enough to know they simply won't participate in the raffle... Look at what I get for trying to be nice and genuinely thank people... If you disagree with my decision there is not a reason to keep posting especially since your opinion was already stated, and I read all of them!
@wassuphoes I have anxiety and clinical depression. I'm not being dismissive of anxiety issues, but I also don't believe in coddling. Whoever hosts the baby shower isn't responsible for someone getting upset over participating in an optional game. I don't expect the host to worry about my feelings every time I'm invited to a party. I think you're just looking for something to disagree with me over.
If I attended a shower with a diaper raffle, I would feel like I needed to take diapers as well as another gift. Since I'm on a limited budget, I would have to spend less on the real gift.
Re: Beer & Diaper Party
Low progesterone
Baby boy born 01/2016
Currently: NTNP
Maybe I'll have a birthday party, and then have an additional "I'm getting old" party? It just doesn't make sense.
If the guys want to get together while the girls do, go for it! It just doesn't make sense to have a fee for attending, in my opinion.
With our first, I had a shower with my female friends/ family members. It was at my moms house. During the party my DH invited his buddies to our house for a "man shower". Basically it was a BBQ and hanging out/ drinking with friends. All his friends (except like 1) are single so I didn't have like the wives at my party or anything. There was no "overlap". He also didn't invite anyone who would feel obligated to come, like my dad/brother his cousin, etc. It was just like his buddies. He invited them via text or Facebook so there was nothing included about gifts. He ended up getting a cooler and a whiffle ball set. Ha. The guys had a good time and a bonus was they were here to help unload all of the gifts from the girls shower.
DS1 2010
DS2 2013
DD1 2016
I think you're misreading here. I'm absolutely not talking about a potluck and beer/diaper party in one. That would be ridiculous. I'm simply comparing the two, as both are informal gatherings where guests can bring something.
Again, if I were invited to a party that said BYOB, I wouldn't think it's a "fee" for attending. I'd either show up with beer or I wouldn't. If I feel obligated to bring beer, that's on me, as I'm responsible for my own feelings and how it affects me. I just can't see a guy getting butthurt about these little things, I think they care far less than women do about perfect giving
@jgregory0215 If you have a party keep it to just that- a party. If anything use the "housewarming" as an excuse. But I wouldn't ask for anything or put registry info. It's completely normal to host a football party at your house, just leave the gift part out of it. If someone wants to bring something they can.
@MyCousinVinny
1) The diaper/beer party my husband attended was actually thrown by the FIL of the dad-to-be, so they are not always thrown by the person receiving it. I don't know if the OP is intending to have her SO throw his own or if it is being offered by someone else.
2) The party doesn't necessarily have to ask specifically for diapers, just a lot do because it makes things easier and it's a way to tie in the baby theme without going overboard. You could just call it a man shower instead if that sits better with you, but the idea is the same.
3) Sure, diaper parties are made up, but so were showers when they first started.
4) I never said men had to be excluded from the shower. However, I know many men (my husband included) who are uncomfortable at a more traditional shower. The last shower I attended was for men and women and my husband was dreading going until we realized it was right during DS's naptime so he got to stay home. I also heard a few comments from some of the men that were there that they weren't super comfortable with the whole thing, and they all just kind of sat in the back and didn't really participate in the games and seemed like they couldn't care less about what gifts the couple was opening.
5) I did not say or assume that men are not able to pick out baby gifts. I just said that many men do not enjoy picking out baby gifts. This is based on personal experience from interactions with the men in my life.
I think it just comes down to what the dad-to-be is comfortable with and what he thinks the men in his life would enjoy. They can do a co-ed shower, do separate showers/parties, or just leave it all to the women. In the end it doesn't really matter and most people are not going to be offended no matter what they choose to do.
DS1 2010
DS2 2013
DD1 2016
Again, I never said buying a gift was difficult for men. In extreme generalizations, men often do not enjoy shopping, especially when it is not for them and they also do not enjoy sitting around watching people open gifts and ooh and ahh over all the cute little baby things. That was my point.
The main point of these kind of parties is to get together, celebrate becoming a dad, and enjoy some time with the guys before baby comes along and life gets chaotic. The gifts, diapers, or whatever else is just kind of a side note to make it baby themed and give them an excuse to have the party in the first place. I don't know why people have to get so bent out of shape over something that is just supposed to be fun.
@ashs88 I agree about the guys gift giving thing. My DH would much rather give someone a necessity or money, and the clearer the request the better. He can be super thoughtful with gifts but in general he doesn't get a lot out of picking the perfect combo of stuff from a registry.
Why is it always about asking for extra stuff? How is your guest bringing you a gift and coming to your shower not enough?
I lurk. I snark. I offer sound advice if you're not BSC. You may not like me. I'm okay with it.
S/O to the pro-party girls (and the anti-party girls) who have been able to argue their side without resorting to being rude. A bit ironic thought that the more callous/rude comments are coming from the people arguing for etiquette.
I did read the entire post. I believe the premise behind a 'beer and diaper' party lies in the fact that most men appreciate simplicity. They don't want to have to search through a registry or worry about getting 'the perfect gift'. Most men in my would rather just be told exactly what to gift and get it, hence the diaper party.
I don't think there's anything rude about posting opinions or disagreeing. I think the rude part was that after OP listened to everyone's input and made her decision, people STILL needed to get the last word in (and specifically the eye roll gif Vinny). Just let her do her thing.
She's not even requesting a specific gift, she's having a diaper raffle, meaning anyone who wants to participate in the raffle can bring diapers. If her guests feel "pressured" to bring them, then that's on them for being overly sensitive to social pressures.
Plus, I've been to some showers with diaper raffles (didn't participate though)and the raffle prizes actually pretty cool, the host made a "movie night" themed gift basket with 2 movie passes, popcorn, candy, and some random lottery tickets. The host was so creative, it was very sweet.
So just to reiterate, it's totally possible to attend a party with a diaper raffle, decide not to participate and just bring a gift, and feel just fine as a human being afterward. I didn't feel pressured, I didn't feel awkward.