Benefits & Drawbacks of Coed Showers — The Bump
Baby Showers

Benefits & Drawbacks of Coed Showers

Before I was pregnant I always thought I would prefer a coed shower. But then I read this Slate article and I'm seriously reconsidering. http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2014/02/05/co_ed_baby_showers_no.html What are your thoughts?

Re: Benefits & Drawbacks of Coed Showers

  • I only skimmed the article too. I have never been to a co-Ed showers. However, there was no chaffed nipple, tearing etc talk at my shower. Maybe it was because showers in my area are typically done after the baby is born. Maybe it was because DS had colic and screamed throughout the entire thing (my aunt took him to the kitchen the whole time).

    I honestly can't think of any shower that I have been to that has centred on that type of talk. DH knows he is equally responsible for DS. He takes great care of him and is incredibly involved. He didn't need to go to a shower to know that DS is his responsibility too. By that logic, FTM who don't want / aren't offered a shower wouldn't know that the child is their responsibility.

    I have never heard of co-Ed showers before TB. I don't know how common they are. I don't specifically think they need to be a bbq so the men will enjoy. I don't like showers - at all; i find them very boring. This is why I didn't want one, but my sister really wanted to throw one. I go and sit through it and have some fun and make small talk. Men can do that too if they find it boring.

    Anyway, my advice. I think the article (and the ones referenced that say showers NEED to be co-Ed) misses the point. If you want a go-Ed shower and that works for your host, have one.
    wassuphoes
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    YogaSandy said:
     However, there was no chaffed nipple, tearing etc talk at my shower.
    That actually made me LOL.  I've never been to a shower w/ that kind of talk either.  I mean, there may be SOME women trying to pass on advice to the mom.  I don't know - i'm not right there w/ the MTB the entire time.  BUT by and large, it's usually a gathering of friends and family who are using the time to congratulate the MTB and to catch up w/ each other. 
  • We threw my sister a co-ed baby shower because she doesn't have a lot of female friends and it's what she preferred.  Personally, while the food was good and no one talked about any in-depth pregnancy/baby issues (PP bleeding, nipples, etc), I could get the vibe that some of the guys would have preferred to spend their afternoon doing something else.  

    The FTB wanted to be there but I don't think that it's necessary to make a shower co-ed if the father does want to attend.  I can see why he would want to be there (it's his child) but I don't think his friends would feel the same and be forced to attend.

    As long as the event isn't centered around specific gift requests or breaching other etiquette issues, I think showers are evolving into more casual events and I think it's fine.  If the MTB wants a more formal shower and men are invited, they sort of have to suck it up in that respect.  I don't believe they should be purposely made to be more casual just because men are there. 


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  • What a lot of these arguments against co-ed showers miss is that a shower doesn't have to be a "shower." Yes, men would be incredibly bored with shitty games and punch and opening gifts, but when you make it more of a casual get-together with good food, possibly some beer, and NO gift opening, it's not unappealing.

    We have many male and couple friends who are thrilled about my pregnancy and we can't imagine leaving them out of any "festivities." I hate the traditional pastel baby showers and am really looking forward to having some good times with ALL my friends. I don't feel like I'm sacrificing what I want just to appease the men-folk.

    Every community, family, circle of friends is different though - just do what feels right, what you and the host are comfortable with, and screw everyone else!
    BDCarterhappyhernan
  • Questions about gift opening - my SIL on DH's side is throwing my a coed baby bbq party and I didn't want to put my registry on the invites because I didn't want people to feel obligated to get a gift as it's more of just a party to celebrate not a shower. Also my other SIL is throwing me a more formal shower which will be earlier in the month and I'm sure we will get all we need at that shower. Anyways, knowing DH's side of the family - I'm sure plenty people will show up with random gifts or diapers but I'm also sure plenty will not think about it. I was thinking I would not open gifts at the party as to not put people who didn't bring gifts in an awkward position.. thoughts?
  • Maybe open the gifts off in a corner and have an acitivity going on at the same time.  This way people can leave the activity and watch you open their gifts if they choose too.  

    As far as co-ed showers are concerned, my husband has been to two and he didn't really like them and would prefer not to go to one again.
    SouthernCharmedLifewassuphoesTheliops
  • A couple of my friends hosted a co-ed shower for us. It was much more of a backyard party then a "shower". The only baby related things that took place were a pool to guess the sex and birth date, a baby themed cake, and the pile of presents which we didn't open in front of everyone (gifts weren't expected and we didn't want those that didn't bring one to feel awkward) I liked it - it was a great chance to see friends, and the conversations ranged from baby talk to work to sports, etc.

    Our mothers also threw us a more traditional shower so we got the best of both worlds. Hubby did attend that shower, and a few random men (our dads and some uncles) but it was pretty female oriented.
  • Questions about gift opening - my SIL on DH's side is throwing my a coed baby bbq party and I didn't want to put my registry on the invites because I didn't want people to feel obligated to get a gift as it's more of just a party to celebrate not a shower. Also my other SIL is throwing me a more formal shower which will be earlier in the month and I'm sure we will get all we need at that shower. Anyways, knowing DH's side of the family - I'm sure plenty people will show up with random gifts or diapers but I'm also sure plenty will not think about it. I was thinking I would not open gifts at the party as to not put people who didn't bring gifts in an awkward position.. thoughts?
      

    If it's not an actual baby shower, then I would just approach it the same as any other party.  If people bring gifts, open them privately and send a prompt thank you card.
    Because fall

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  • I think it completely depends on your situation. My husband and I had a co-ed shower and if i had to do it over i wouldn't change a thing. I am the first one in my and DHs group of friends having a kid so the "typical" shower talk was non-existent anyways. Also our plan was for my DH to stay home with DD so I felt he deserved to be a part of it. A mutual female friend was the hostess and she completely agreed. DH smoked a brisket and home brewed some beer for it and we sat around outside having a ball. Bets were placed on DD's birth date and the women fed applesauce blindfolded to the men that wanted to take place...wine and chocolate were the prizes. We are REALLY laid back people so it worked for us. I think the main thing to keep in mind is if the guy is going to be wishing he wasn't there the whole time then maybe it shouldn't be co-ed. hope this helps

    kimey1CCasey2015Sassenach1743happyhernan
  • My shower is going to be October 3rd and will be a coed, outdoor BBQ. As far as I know, the cake will be Lion King (like the nursery) and the colors of the decorations will correspond with the cake. There will be one or two games and I believe my friend is including a book raffle, as well. I never talked with my friend as to what I desired because she is being kind enough to throw it, but she must know me very well. I hate traditional baby showers, all those cheesy games and whatnot. They're boring to me. Plus, a large majority of the very important people in my life are men. Brothers, father, uncles, cousins and friends. If the shower wasn't coed, it would not be any different. Just smaller. It works for our social circle. We will be in large yard with plenty to do, I hate the thought of someone being obligated to stand around watching me open gifts and this way they won't have to. My friend had to talk me into including my registry at all.
    kimey1
  • i didn't read the article or people's responses but a big drawback to me is less gifts lol.
    Your host has pay for two meals per gift- versus one. You will probably end up inviting same amount of people but couples gift together, so you end up with less. That's my honest opinion- probably not a popular one.

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  • I hate baby showers and I'm a woman but I go to support my friend or family member. If a guy is truly your friend they should suck it up and support you. I don't see why showers need to be tailored so the men aren't "god forbid" bored.
    Showers are usually boring but it's about celebrating a new mother so it should be about her.

    I'm not having a shower but if I did it would be co-ed because all my friends are guys. Also my DH was offended by the entire concept. In his words "men are adults they should know how to behave when bored. You shouldn't need beer to entice a man to go to something. They should do it because it's a special occasion celebrating someone important in their lives."
     

    Me: 29 DH:32
    Married: 9/29/12
    BFP: 07/14/2015
    DS:3/30/2016
    TTC#2 since: Jan 2018
    happyhernankimey1BlueJuice
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