Baby Showers
Erinka
member
Benefits & Drawbacks of Coed Showers
Erinka
member
in Baby Showers
Before I was pregnant I always thought I would prefer a coed shower. But then I read this Slate article and I'm seriously reconsidering.
https://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2014/02/05/co_ed_baby_showers_no.html
What are your thoughts?
Re: Benefits & Drawbacks of Coed Showers
First, my opinion on it- I feel that coed showers really are often "forcing" men to participate. And it's often a flurry of "how do we change the shower so that the guys will enjoy it?". to me that loses the point, TBH (although, I DO fully agree that some shower traditions can easily be done away with). While a truly 100% traditional woman's shower would bore the bejusus out of me, when you now HAVE to make it a BBQ w/ beer and make it a "party" because otherwise, the men will hate it... um, really?
Past that, this one comment I can't agree with more:
The real cultural change that would encourage dads to be equal partners in parenting is not including them in some lame baby shower. It’s paternity leave.
Attending a shower isn't going to magically make the dad an involved dad. Yes, it's his kid too, but here's the other reality of life- PLENTY of things are going to be done by only one parent in their child's life. I don't see why the SHOWER is the all important event that both parents HAVE to be at.
Plus also, as I get older, I really do find that I enjoy having good WOMEN only time sometimes. I like my girlfriends, I like hanging out with them. SOmetimes men being there changes the dynamic. Sometimes I like the EXCUSE to get out w/o my DH!
Now, all that being said, if a soon-to-be dad really wants to be involved and wants to be at the shower, then great. Go for it! Make it co ed. But if there is going to be any degree of "making" him go - why force it? There will be much more important events down the road where his attendance really matters. A baby shower just isn't it.
I honestly can't think of any shower that I have been to that has centred on that type of talk. DH knows he is equally responsible for DS. He takes great care of him and is incredibly involved. He didn't need to go to a shower to know that DS is his responsibility too. By that logic, FTM who don't want / aren't offered a shower wouldn't know that the child is their responsibility.
I have never heard of co-Ed showers before TB. I don't know how common they are. I don't specifically think they need to be a bbq so the men will enjoy. I don't like showers - at all; i find them very boring. This is why I didn't want one, but my sister really wanted to throw one. I go and sit through it and have some fun and make small talk. Men can do that too if they find it boring.
Anyway, my advice. I think the article (and the ones referenced that say showers NEED to be co-Ed) misses the point. If you want a go-Ed shower and that works for your host, have one.
We have many male and couple friends who are thrilled about my pregnancy and we can't imagine leaving them out of any "festivities." I hate the traditional pastel baby showers and am really looking forward to having some good times with ALL my friends. I don't feel like I'm sacrificing what I want just to appease the men-folk.
Every community, family, circle of friends is different though - just do what feels right, what you and the host are comfortable with, and screw everyone else!
BUT the one area I disagree with you is the gift opening. If you are going to have a shower, which means it's a gift-giving event, you need to open your gifts. And yes, this is steeped in tradition too, but there are a LOT of people (YOUNG and old alike!) who do actually want and expect to see the gifts opened.
is it kind of boring? Sure. But if you're having a party where you're basically saying "Hey- come and spend your tiem AND money on me", yeah... you should do the polite and expected thing and open the gifts.
I'll even say- if you throw any kind of baby related party before the baby is born, even if you don't call it a shower, many people will still assume it's a shower and will show up w/ a gift.
If you just want to have a casual party and that's all it is and once people show up, you're all "Yay - I'm glad yo ucame. I wanted one last kid-free hurrah!", great. But once you say "come celebrate our baby!!!", people will immediately think "shower" and therefore "gifts".
But I don't think this one aspect of the shower experience should be skipped just so that the MEN aren't bored.
ETA but of course gifts should be opened there.
Our mothers also threw us a more traditional shower so we got the best of both worlds. Hubby did attend that shower, and a few random men (our dads and some uncles) but it was pretty female oriented.
If showers were still what they used to be, ALL THIS ANGST wouldn't exist.
Your host has pay for two meals per gift- versus one. You will probably end up inviting same amount of people but couples gift together, so you end up with less. That's my honest opinion- probably not a popular one.
Showers are usually boring but it's about celebrating a new mother so it should be about her.
I'm not having a shower but if I did it would be co-ed because all my friends are guys. Also my DH was offended by the entire concept. In his words "men are adults they should know how to behave when bored. You shouldn't need beer to entice a man to go to something. They should do it because it's a special occasion celebrating someone important in their lives."
BFP: 07/14/2015
DS:3/30/2016