Guest list

DrillSergeantCat

This topic came up in a facebook group I'm a part of. The poster had planned a surprise baby shower for her best friend and invited bff's sister even though they don't get along. Sister then chose to plan her own shower on the same date as the surprise that she was invited to. Poster decided to respect sister and cancelled the surprise shower. She later found out that she was not invited to the new shower. She was told by her bff that because the shower was at her sister's house, she had no control over the guest list. 

The comments are pretty much split 50/50 with half of us saying that she is wrong and should apologize, take her to lunch, get her nails done, etc. The other half of us are saying that as the guest of honor at a non-surprise shower, the bff totally has (or should have) control over the guest list and think the bff should apologize. 

What do you ladies think? Who's in the wrong here?

bbiutmcph

Usually whoever is hosting asks the MTB about a guest list but regardless of all that the sister is a giant twat and it sounds like she did everything just to be a bitch.

VOR

What is the poster wrong about?  As I read this - the sister basically commandeered the shower and didn't even invite the BFF (meaning the poster).  What did the BFF supposedly do "wrong"??

beStillbeBright

Honestly, I find it a little shocking that the MTB is allowing her sister to treat her BFF in that way.  If my sister pulled a stunt like that I would have a few choice words for her.

IMHO I think the BFF might need to do a little re-evaluating of the friendship with the MTB. 

DrillSergeantCat

VOR said:

What is the poster wrong about?  As I read this - the sister basically commandeered the shower and didn't even invite the BFF (meaning the poster).  What did the BFF supposedly do "wrong"??

I'm asking who you feel is in the wrong. I feel the MTB should have insisted her best friend be there. 

VOR

KittyCatKCCO said:

VOR said:

What is the poster wrong about?  As I read this - the sister basically commandeered the shower and didn't even invite the BFF (meaning the poster).  What did the BFF supposedly do "wrong"??

I'm asking who you feel is in the wrong. I feel the MTB should have insisted her best friend be there. 

I'll speak to the MTB in a moment, but I'm still confused on the "who is wrong".  What did the poster do that 50% of the people feels she should apologize?

As for the MTB - I actually don't have enough information. A) did the sister ask the MTB for a guest list and whether she did or not is almost a moot point because the other question is did the sister out and out tell the MTB that she wasn't inviting the MTBs best friend?

If the sister didn't TELL the MTB that, then I'm not entirely sure what the MTB should have done.  This was a party being thrown for her.  She (hopefully) didn't handle the invitations herself (even if she supplied a guest list).  As such, she really has no way of knowing who exactly was or wasn't invited. 

The fact that her sister totally took over the shower from her best friend and then didn't invite the best friend says a LOT and I don't know that I'd trust the sister to be on the up and up about how she didn't plan to invite the friend. 

I don't know that I see how it's on the MTB to apologize.  With the information provided and my own personal assumptions about how showers should be thrown, the MTB wasn't in a position to have much of a say.

And again, what did the poster do that 50% of the people thinks she should apologize?

DrillSergeantCat

@VOR  gotcha

They felt she was wrong for being upset and vocalizing it. She posted screen shots of the conversation and she never was rude, but she definitely let it be known that she was hurt.

I can only assume the sister asked for a guest list because everyone that was invited to the original shower was invited to the one the sister is throwing except the poster. The sister did say that she wasn't inviting the friend because they don't get along.

VOR

Ah, o.k. 

Well, in the end, I'd say it's the sister who owes an apology!  She sounds like a jackass.  The MTB may not have realized that her best friend wasn't invited.  As far as the friend telling the MTB that she was upset... I just can't put this all in a "she was wrong".  They are BEST friends, right?  So I think it's natural to say "Oh, wow, I'm really upset!".

BUT she needs to not make the MTB feel bad about it/ make it out to be her fault.  in the end, this wasn't the MTB choice!  If she did put it on the MTB and did make her feel bad, I do think she should apologize for that. Not for saying "I'm upset" but for putting it on the MTB. 

If the MTB did know ahead of time that the sister wasn't inviting her friend, I realize the MTB could have pitched a fit, refused the shower, etc.  But... if family was being invited, etc, she may have been in a position where she didn't feel she could do that. AND PLUS ALSO in the end, this is JUST a shower.  I understand why the poster is upset, but at the same time, this is also all over a gift giving party.  it's not the birth of the child!

I'll even take it one step further - maybe I'm being unfair to the sister.  If she and the MTB are close, she may have felt that it was rude of the poster to plan a shower w/o consulting the sister/the MTBs family.  Don't know enough details to know about that aspect of it - but maybe the poster stepped on a lot of toes in trying to plan a surprise shower. 

In the end, though, from what you've told us, if the poster was really putting it on the MTB as to why she wasn't invited, she should apologize for that.  It really isn't the MTBs fault.  It just isn't. 

MrsFL2015

The mom-to-be's sister is the one in the wrong here.  What she did was rude, manipulative and malicious.  If she wanted to host a separate shower for her sister, she could have chosen any other day.   The only person that needs to apoligize here is the sister, but that will probably never happen. 

The MTB doesn't really owe her BFF an apology.  If someone is hosting a shower, they have the ability to dictate the guest list.  We don't know the relationship or the family dynamic between the MTB and her sister.   The sister sounds like a very manipulative person and who knows what type of drama she would start if the MTB demanded her friend be there/declined the shower.   It's possible the MTB is just trying to keep the piece within her own family first.   

neverblushed

Wait, I don't get it... Is the debate over whether the MTB has been rude, the friend who was planning the surprise shower, or the sister?

There's so much missing info here that I can't even weigh in.

Did sister know that friend was canceling the surprise shower?  Did MTB know who was on a guest list?  Did sister know that the friend was someone close enough to the MTB to be planning a shower for her, i.e., someone who should be included on a guest list?  Did sister ask for input on the guest list from the MTB?

My sense is that the real jerk in the situation is the sister.  MTB may have been unaware that the friend wasn't on the guest list.  No matter how you slice it, the whole thing sounds like a bunch of drama queens.

ETA: now I've read the update.  I think the sister was rude for not inviting the friend.  However, the friend was silly and immature for going public to others with a bunch of screenshots of the conversation.  She should not have made the MTB feel like it was her fault.  It was between the friend and the sister.  And it's no one else's business, certainly not a bunch of people on FB or on a mass text or email with screen shots of the whole conversation.