Baby Showers
DrillSergeantCat
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DrillSergeantCat
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This topic came up in a facebook group I'm a part of. The poster had planned a surprise baby shower for her best friend and invited bff's sister even though they don't get along. Sister then chose to plan her own shower on the same date as the surprise that she was invited to. Poster decided to respect sister and cancelled the surprise shower. She later found out that she was not invited to the new shower. She was told by her bff that because the shower was at her sister's house, she had no control over the guest list.
The comments are pretty much split 50/50 with half of us saying that she is wrong and should apologize, take her to lunch, get her nails done, etc. The other half of us are saying that as the guest of honor at a non-surprise shower, the bff totally has (or should have) control over the guest list and think the bff should apologize.
What do you ladies think? Who's in the wrong here?
Re: Guest list
Honestly, I find it a little shocking that the MTB is allowing her sister to treat her BFF in that way. If my sister pulled a stunt like that I would have a few choice words for her.
IMHO I think the BFF might need to do a little re-evaluating of the friendship with the MTB.
I'll speak to the MTB in a moment, but I'm still confused on the "who is wrong". What did the poster do that 50% of the people feels she should apologize?
As for the MTB - I actually don't have enough information. A) did the sister ask the MTB for a guest list and
If the sister didn't TELL the MTB that, then I'm not entirely sure what the MTB should have done. This was a party being thrown for her. She (hopefully) didn't handle the invitations herself (even if she supplied a guest list). As such, she really has no way of knowing who exactly was or wasn't invited.
The fact that her sister totally took over the shower from her best friend and then didn't invite the best friend says a LOT and I don't know that I'd trust the sister to be on the up and up about how she didn't plan to invite the friend.
I don't know that I see how it's on the MTB to apologize. With the information provided and my own personal assumptions about how showers should be thrown, the MTB wasn't in a position to have much of a say.
And again, what did the poster do that 50% of the people thinks she should apologize?
Well, in the end, I'd say it's the sister who owes an apology! She sounds like a jackass. The MTB may not have realized that her best friend wasn't invited. As far as the friend telling the MTB that she was upset... I just can't put this all in a "she was wrong". They are BEST friends, right? So I think it's natural to say "Oh, wow, I'm really upset!".
BUT she needs to not make the MTB feel bad about it/ make it out to be her fault. in the end, this wasn't the MTB choice! If she did put it on the MTB and did make her feel bad, I do think she should apologize for that. Not for saying "I'm upset" but for putting it on the MTB.
If the MTB did know ahead of time that the sister wasn't inviting her friend, I realize the MTB could have pitched a fit, refused the shower, etc. But... if family was being invited, etc, she may have been in a position where she didn't feel she could do that. AND PLUS ALSO in the end, this is JUST a shower. I understand why the poster is upset, but at the same time, this is also all over a gift giving party. it's not the birth of the child!
I'll even take it one step further - maybe I'm being unfair to the sister. If she and the MTB are close, she may have felt that it was rude of the poster to plan a shower w/o consulting the sister/the MTBs family. Don't know enough details to know about that aspect of it - but maybe the poster stepped on a lot of toes in trying to plan a surprise shower.
In the end, though, from what you've told us, if the poster was really putting it on the MTB as to why she wasn't invited, she should apologize for that. It really isn't the MTBs fault. It just isn't.