Two Week Wait

RiverSong15

josie12367 said:

Everycol0r said:

I'm Elizabeth Bennett, I am "so severe" on my own sex.



Because I don't owe anyone just because they have a vagina.

OMG!!!! MR. DARCY!!!!!!!!!!!! Lady Boner achieved. I fuckin' love him! *sighs*


Um, but clearly he is second behind Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy.

BabyIntegers

@Lulucooks and there is one for your viewing. This is what I am talking about. Nowhere was I disrespectful to her or name calling in my communication with her. I even added a disclaimer at the end so she couldn't misinterpret my tone and she replies by shaming ("none of us will have anything to do with you again") and name calling ("AWing", "obnoxious"). 

And you clicked "Love it" on her post. I'm flabbergasted. 

KristieA

BabyIntegers said:

@Lulucooks and there is one for your viewing. This is what I am talking about. Nowhere was I disrespectful to her or name calling in my communication with her. I even added a disclaimer at the end so she couldn't misinterpret my tone and she replies by shaming ("none of us will have anything to do with you again") and name calling ("AWing", "obnoxious"). 

And you clicked "Love it" on her post. I'm flabbergasted. 

I think if you reread my posts you will find they are about your BEHAVIOUR not calling you names.

Lulucooks

BabyIntegers said:

@Lulucooks and there is one for your viewing. This is what I am talking about. Nowhere was I disrespectful to her or name calling in my communication with her. I even added a disclaimer at the end so she couldn't misinterpret my tone and she replies by shaming ("none of us will have anything to do with you again") and name calling ("AWing", "obnoxious"). 

And you clicked "Love it" on her post. I'm flabbergasted. 

It wasn't unwarranted. You are. You came in here and said that we (general we) shame people. I personally asked for clarification and you said you wouldn't do that in a public space. You are willing to say it, back it up. Otherwise I truly believe you are doing it to stir the pot.

BabyIntegers

@KristieA

The only thing I will admit to in what you've decided to think about me is that I don't really lurk much and I did make posts about symptoms. That's the only truth in what you said. And yes, it would be very difficult to learn the board culture if I haven't lurked much. My bad. 

But I have learned now so that's really what matters. 

RiverSong15

BabyIntegers said:

@Lulucooks and there is one for your viewing. This is what I am talking about. Nowhere was I disrespectful to her or name calling in my communication with her. I even added a disclaimer at the end so she couldn't misinterpret my tone and she replies by shaming ("none of us will have anything to do with you again") and name calling ("AWing", "obnoxious"). 

And you clicked "Love it" on her post. I'm flabbergasted. 

Starting a ton of new threads is behaving like an AW. And we are allowed to find that behavior obnoxious, and say that we find that behavior obnoxious. That is not name calling or shaming.

ETA: clarity.

KristieA

BabyIntegers said:

@KristieA

The only thing I will admit to in what you've decided to think about me is that I don't really lurk much and I did make posts about symptoms. That's the only truth in what you said. And yes, it would be very difficult to learn the board culture if I haven't lurked much. My bad. 

But I have learned now so that's really what matters. 

Oh have you? Because you decided to come in here and call us all rude so I don't think you have.

mimi603107

@BabyIntegers do you not see that by you telling these ladies that their responses to OP and other posts are "shaming" is, in all honesty, the definition of "shaming" ? You're pointing out something you think they are doing that you think they should be ashamed/embarrassed of....or at least that's the way it comes across.

BabyIntegers

@KristieA I've actually not used the word "rude" at all anywhere in the threads I have started or in the comments I have posted here on this board. So, I'm not really sure what you are talking about. 

And yes, I do like to White Knight. That's just who I am and I won't apologize for it. 

Everycol0r

By all means, @BabyIntegers if you feel someone has been shameful or rude to an OP unwarranted please provide your examples. For the most part we have our big girl panties on and can take it. I find it rude, personally, to say you see it happening but won't identify whom you are speaking of.

BabyIntegers

RiverSong15 said:

@Lulucooks and there is one for your viewing. This is what I am talking about. Nowhere was I disrespectful to her or name calling in my communication with her. I even added a disclaimer at the end so she couldn't misinterpret my tone and she replies by shaming ("none of us will have anything to do with you again") and name calling ("AWing", "obnoxious"). 

And you clicked "Love it" on her post. I'm flabbergasted. 

Starting a ton of new threads is behaving like an AW. And we are allowed to find that behavior obnoxious, and say that we find that behavior obnoxious. That is not name calling or shaming. ETA: clarity.

Again, I think this is where adding this type of thing to the board's rules would be helpful for a newbie. Or maybe one of you could start a thread with a GIANT list of what not to do here rather than just TTC related things and make it clear. For example:

1. Do not EVER start more than one thread per week and make sure it does NOT ever contain anything about anything symptom spotting related.

2. Even though the TWW threads contain a section for noting symptoms, don't EVER put one there or at least don't make it sound like you are going overboard with symptom spotting as it is highly discouraged here.

3. Do not EVER start a thread whose topic has been done before on these boards

4. You're not allowed to AW here. Here is what we mean by AW: .. .... .....

5. These are the types of behaviors that will get you looked down upon here: .... .....

And so on and so forth

Everycol0r

BabyIntegers said:

RiverSong15 said:

BabyIntegers said:

@Lulucooks and there is one for your viewing. This is what I am talking about. Nowhere was I disrespectful to her or name calling in my communication with her. I even added a disclaimer at the end so she couldn't misinterpret my tone and she replies by shaming ("none of us will have anything to do with you again") and name calling ("AWing", "obnoxious"). 

And you clicked "Love it" on her post. I'm flabbergasted. 

Starting a ton of new threads is behaving like an AW. And we are allowed to find that behavior obnoxious, and say that we find that behavior obnoxious. That is not name calling or shaming.

ETA: clarity.

Again, I think this is where adding this type of thing to the board's rules would be helpful for a newbie. Or maybe one of you could start a thread with a GIANT list of what not to do here rather than just TTC related things and make it clear. For example:

1. Do not EVER start more than one thread per week and make sure it does NOT ever contain anything about anything symptom spotting related.

2. Even though the TWW threads contain a section for noting symptoms, don't EVER put one there or at least don't make it sound like you are going overboard with symptom spotting as it is highly discouraged here.

3. Do not EVER start a thread whose topic has been done before on these boards

4. You're not allowed to AW here. Here is what we mean by AW: .. .... .....

5. These are the types of behaviors that will get you looked down upon here: .... .....

And so on and so forth

-----

FWIW, there WAS a gigantic list pinned to the top that the BGs redid and now we have that POS welcome new members thread. And many noobs didn't read it then as they don't now.

But maybe a gigantic condescending list as you have suggested would be better.

Lulucooks

Everycol0r said:

BabyIntegers said:

RiverSong15 said:

BabyIntegers said:

@Lulucooks and there is one for your viewing. This is what I am talking about. Nowhere was I disrespectful to her or name calling in my communication with her. I even added a disclaimer at the end so she couldn't misinterpret my tone and she replies by shaming ("none of us will have anything to do with you again") and name calling ("AWing", "obnoxious"). 

And you clicked "Love it" on her post. I'm flabbergasted. 

Starting a ton of new threads is behaving like an AW. And we are allowed to find that behavior obnoxious, and say that we find that behavior obnoxious. That is not name calling or shaming.

ETA: clarity.

Again, I think this is where adding this type of thing to the board's rules would be helpful for a newbie. Or maybe one of you could start a thread with a GIANT list of what not to do here rather than just TTC related things and make it clear. For example:

1. Do not EVER start more than one thread per week and make sure it does NOT ever contain anything about anything symptom spotting related.

2. Even though the TWW threads contain a section for noting symptoms, don't EVER put one there or at least don't make it sound like you are going overboard with symptom spotting as it is highly discouraged here.

3. Do not EVER start a thread whose topic has been done before on these boards

4. You're not allowed to AW here. Here is what we mean by AW: .. .... .....

5. These are the types of behaviors that will get you looked down upon here: .... .....

And so on and so forth

-----

FWIW, there WAS a gigantic list pinned to the top that the BGs redid and now we have that POS welcome new members thread. And many noobs didn't read it then as they don't now.

But maybe a gigantic condescending list as you have suggested would be better.
--------

Make sure it's super passive aggressive too.

BabyIntegers

@EveryCol0r, I actually believe it would be helpful and I'm serious about that. To me, it's not condescending if it's the truth. If this is the board culture, why not be clear and make it a part of the rules here? 

cattlebride

Holy cow

Everycol0r

BabyIntegers said:

@EveryCol0r, I actually believe it would be helpful and I'm serious about that. To me, it's not condescending if it's the truth. If this is the board culture, why not be clear and make it a part of the rules here? 

So you're saying that you feel that the board culture is condescending?

BabyIntegers

Everycol0r said:

@EveryCol0r, I actually believe it would be helpful and I'm serious about that. To me, it's not condescending if it's the truth. If this is the board culture, why not be clear and make it a part of the rules here? 

So you're saying that you feel that the board culture is condescending?

/scratches head How did you get that from: "To me, it's not condescending if it's the truth." 

Everycol0r

@BabyIntegers here is the post you have requested. Make sure you pass your complaint on to @BumpAdmin for its removal.

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12555891/if-you-could-tell-a-newbie-anything

Everycol0r

BabyIntegers said:

Everycol0r said:

BabyIntegers said:

@EveryCol0r, I actually believe it would be helpful and I'm serious about that. To me, it's not condescending if it's the truth. If this is the board culture, why not be clear and make it a part of the rules here? 

So you're saying that you feel that the board culture is condescending?

/scratches head How did you get that from: "To me, it's not condescending if it's the truth." 

Because the nature of your helpful questions were completely condescending. And then proceeded to say you think it would be genuinely helpful for others to understand the board culture. Albeit saying you infer the board nature to be condescending.

By stating that "it's the truth" doesn't make it any less condescending nor patronizing.

BabyIntegers

That thread does not give specific instructions on how often you are allowed to start threads or that you aren't allowed to start a topic that has been started here before. What am I missing?

letyourheartbeyourguide

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12585882/calling-all-those-who-are-new-to-the-bump

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12581118/have-you-lurked

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12555891/if-you-could-tell-a-newbie-anything

Everycol0r

BabyIntegers said:

That thread does not give specific instructions on how often you are allowed to start threads or that you aren't allowed to start a topic that has been started here before. What am I missing?

There is no rule on how many posts you can make. It's using good judgement and understanding your audience. Which one learns from lurking, reading the above topics & establishing rapport through interactions.

Answer me this: How many posts do you see regs starting every day outside of the TWO/TWW, a GTKY or randoms thread?

mimi603107

@BabyIntegers I don't think it's that your "not allowed" to start a thread on the same topic, people just may not respond because they all ready did a week ago. The beautiful thing about the search function is that you can get multiple answers to your question even from people that responded to a thread years ago that are no longer on TB. And those long ago answers might be the ones that help you or give you the most insight. It's not always about the Do's or Don'ts but about common sense.

BabyIntegers

Again, those threads do not contain these guidelines or board etiquette:

1. How often someone can start a new thread (something not about themselves or not about symptom spotting)

2. That you aren't allowed to start a topic that has already been done before (i.e. "You Know Your TTC When") I honestly didn't see that thread. What page was that on? 

Everycol0r

BabyIntegers said:

Again, those threads do not contain these guidelines or board etiquette:

1. How often someone can start a new thread (something not about themselves or not about symptom spotting)

2. That you aren't allowed to start a topic that has already been done before (i.e. "You Know Your TTC When") I honestly didn't see that thread. What page was that on? 

See above reply

BabyIntegers

@Everycol0r, Oh I see what you mean. I would not have inferred that by not seeing regs doing that. Many people have so much on their minds. I'm a straight shooter. I need clear directions. I'm a very literal thinker. Maybe I have a learning disorder, idk LOL! 

Ugh, I'm sorry. I never thought what I say would be taken the wrong way so often, but I guess I'm guilty of the same here. 

/done and failed

Going to lurk for a long time before I post on these boards again. 

BabyIntegers

mimi603107 said:

@BabyIntegers I don't think it's that your "not allowed" to start a thread on the same topic, people just may not respond because they all ready did a week ago. The beautiful thing about the search function is that you can get multiple answers to your question even from people that responded to a thread years ago that are no longer on TB. And those long ago answers might be the ones that help you or give you the most insight. It's not always about the Do's or Don'ts but about common sense.

I wasn't asking a question in the "You Know You're TTC When" thread so why would I use the search feature? Again, the guidelines here need to be clearer and contain a lot more than just what's here at the top in the pinned guidelines. 

Sure that won't stop the trolls, but for the ladies truly trying to ttc and fit in here, it would be helpful. 

OK really going to lurk now. I never saw any of those newbie threads!!!!

RiverSong15

BabyIntegers said:

That thread does not give specific instructions on how often you are allowed to start threads or that you aren't allowed to start a topic that has been started here before. What am I missing?

There is some level of common sense and an understanding of social etiquette on forums that is required here. Did your parents have to spell out every single social norm IRL? Probably not. Why? You pick up societal norms just by being part of a community. There are no hard and fast rules about most things, and we don't need every detail of board culture spelled out when a little lurking and observing the community would suffice.

Besides, with all the "am I pregnant?" posts, do you really think the target audience would read it? The guidelines clearly state NOT to ask us if you're pregnant, and yet we still get these types of threads DAILY. And that is spelled out in a short, easy to read guidelines post that doesn't cover much else! No one is going to read the type of list you are suggesting.

Everycol0r

BabyIntegers said:

@Everycol0r, Oh I see what you mean. I would not have inferred that by not seeing regs doing that. Many people have so much on their minds. I'm a straight shooter. I need clear directions. I'm a very literal thinker. Maybe I have a learning disorder, idk LOL! 

Ugh, I'm sorry. I never thought what I say would be taken the wrong way so often, but I guess I'm guilty of the same here. 

/done and failed

Going to lurk for a long time before I post on these boards again. 

----

Even the most respected reg on TTGP or namely any board has at one point in time or another gotten in deep doo-doo with whatever board they first entranced on. Just ask them, they're all upfront about the virtual ass kicking they received.

I shan't ever show my face again on IF because I was the biggest insensitive jerk there and they served me a giant can of well deserved whoop ass.

We have our special snowflakes who came up in here already a pro at integration but that's far and few between. The nature of TB is honesty, snarky, straight shooters who like to be in a community of support, factual no-nonsense individuals who can dish it out as well as handle being served it right back. I find most of us love to laugh more than anything and not -at- people, with people.

mimi603107

@BabyIntegers I wasn't talking about you specifically posting that thread, just about people general and why there shouldn't have to be guidelines or rules to how often you can post things, it's more so common sense especially when it comes to questions. If anyone has a question, the search function is there for a reason and if you've lurked at all, then one would know to use it (since it's mentioned ALOT in other threads, especially Intros) Edited to tag who I was talking to

lalala2004

@BabyIntegers FWIW, I used to be on another forum, and in that forum, any duplicate thread that was started was almost immediately closed, and people were directed to the previous thread, even if it was months or years old. It was frustrating sometimes, but it kept the boards extremely organized and focused, and it kept all similar information together in one place. 

On this board, it's not even that extreme. You're expect to search if you have a question, but if your searching doesn't answer your question, it's acceptable to start a new thread, even if there is an older one. 

No one told me that, I just figured it out. Partially because I lurked a lot, and I was very hesitant to start new threads. I would search extensively to make sure I really couldn't find the answer myself. (On here and on Google). I still don't start very many threads, apart from WTO. That comes from the respect I have for the women of this community. They deserve an uncluttered environment and discussion that is going to enrich and improve the boards, not bog them down with repetitiveness. I want to be a part of what makes it better, not what bogs it down.

RachelT1234

Even as a newb:

Muggle lover

I am newish to the bump (been gone for 2 years) and I have been trying to lurk. Boy am I glad I did. I have learned to stay far away from this board. There is a lot of nastiness going on. 

I mean, someone (I'm guessing board regular) defended themselves for calling another poster obnoxious because it was about their behavior, not name calling. Yet the general consensus of the "board regulars" seemed to be that the OP was name calling because she said people were behaving rudely in their responses!!

If I am ever TTC again, I will find and give support somewhere else. It is not my goal to try to make people feel inferior.

Lulucooks

Muggle lover said:

I am newish to the bump (been gone for 2 years) and I have been trying to lurk. Boy am I glad I did. I have learned to stay far away from this board. There is a lot of nastiness going on. 

I mean, someone (I'm guessing board regular) defended themselves for calling another poster obnoxious because it was about their behavior, not name calling. Yet the general consensus of the "board regulars" seemed to be that the OP was name calling because she said people were behaving rudely in their responses!!

If I am ever TTC again, I will find and give support somewhere else. It is not my goal to try to make people feel inferior.

OK bye

Everycol0r

Muggle lover said:

I am newish to the bump (been gone for 2 years) and I have been trying to lurk. Boy am I glad I did. I have learned to stay far away from this board. There is a lot of nastiness going on. 

I mean, someone (I'm guessing board regular) defended themselves for calling another poster obnoxious because it was about their behavior, not name calling. Yet the general consensus of the "board regulars" seemed to be that the OP was name calling because she said people were behaving rudely in their responses!!

If I am ever TTC again, I will find and give support somewhere else. It is not my goal to try to make people feel inferior.

As a muggle lover I'm quite disappointed.

This topic was finally on the verge of dying & you traipse in here to pick a fight.

Whose is nasty, again?

Everycol0r

Also, why do I gotta be the oddball who picks Darth Vader as my AE & you all pick super hot, awesome chicks?

Hrrmmph

mommygrams0730

**ticker and pregnancy warning**

Muggle lover said:

I am newish to the bump (been gone for 2 years) and I have been trying to lurk. Boy am I glad I did. I have learned to stay far away from this board. There is a lot of nastiness going on. 

I mean, someone (I'm guessing board regular) defended themselves for calling another poster obnoxious because it was about their behavior, not name calling. Yet the general consensus of the "board regulars" seemed to be that the OP was name calling because she said people were behaving rudely in their responses!!

If I am ever TTC again, I will find and give support somewhere else. It is not my goal to try to make people feel inferior.

This seriously makes me so angry! You have no idea the knowledge and support that comes out of this board! If you'd lurk on the WTO and TWW threads you'd see tons of congratulations, chart stalks, and support! The support I personally received and still get was/is incredible.

If a member comes back due to a loss everyone welcomes them back with open arms and condolences. Instead of pointing out those posts, you take this one ridiculous post and are so grateful because now you can stay away. Your loss, it's not like you gave any support here anyway.

lalala2004

Muggle lover said:

I am newish to the bump (been gone for 2 years) and I have been trying to lurk. Boy am I glad I did. I have learned to stay far away from this board. There is a lot of nastiness going on. 

I mean, someone (I'm guessing board regular) defended themselves for calling another poster obnoxious because it was about their behavior, not name calling. Yet the general consensus of the "board regulars" seemed to be that the OP was name calling because she said people were behaving rudely in their responses!!

If I am ever TTC again, I will find and give support somewhere else. It is not my goal to try to make people feel inferior.

You learned to stay away? After this post, right?

didi0308

**Removed for TOU Violation**

letyourheartbeyourguide

I've been away for like an hour and ish has gone cray cray in here!