Two Week Wait

yogahh

You mean I finally get to be my childhood hero? JEM!

KristieA

BabyIntegers said:

RiverSong15 said:

BabyIntegers said:

No, we provide support for people who actively become part of the community. Emphasis on community. It is not my job to empower others if they are being stupid (note, I mean this in general terms. I am not calling anyone on this thread stupid). Just in general, I do not need to empower someone else just because I am the same gender. No, just no. 

_____________________________________________

Yes, these quote boxes are stupid, I agree with you lol

I wish you would reconsider that, but fair enough. That is your choice. I believe you and a lot of the women here are extremely intelligent. It would be a great service to others if you used that to empower women rather than shaming them. P.S. I wouldn't be a proper feminist if I didn't say that. 

-----

Sorry are you somehow suggesting because we are blunt and tell people the truth we somehow aren't feminists? Really?!

We expect people to follow the rules here and when they don't we call them on it. When I pointed out that the original post was OP using round about way of asking if she pregnant, her response was everyone is out to get her. We aren't out to get people, we simply expect them to be polite and respect us. We do the same.

And before you go off on one about how we don't respect people, no that is not the case. We just don't respect people who call us names or are rude to us.

Lulucooks

BabyIntegers said:

RiverSong15 said:

BabyIntegers said:

No, we provide support for people who actively become part of the community. Emphasis on community. It is not my job to empower others if they are being stupid (note, I mean this in general terms. I am not calling anyone on this thread stupid). Just in general, I do not need to empower someone else just because I am the same gender. No, just no. 

_____________________________________________

Yes, these quote boxes are stupid, I agree with you lol

I wish you would reconsider that, but fair enough. That is your choice. I believe you and a lot of the women here are extremely intelligent and have a lot to offer. It would be a great service to others if you used that to empower women rather than shaming them. P.S. I wouldn't be a proper feminist if I didn't say that. 

It's not empowering to give false hope or to pander to silly ideas. If that's empowering to you, that's fine, there are plenty of communities that do this. It's insulting to me. No one originally shamed OP. They told her the truth and directed her to post in other threads. Then she decided to start trolling so we've had fun since.

BabyIntegers

@Lulucooks that's not what I meant. 

BabyIntegers

@KristieA That's not what I meant either.

/failed miserably lol

You so have the wrong idea about me. Completely wrong. If you knew me IRL, you would think your own response to me was funny.

No snark or PA in my tone, just so you know. 

mrsespigreen

yogahh said:

You mean I finally get to be my childhood hero? JEM!

OMG YES! JEM!!!!

PugsandKisses

Lulucooks said:

Claimed Edit to change gif cause that one was twitchy and a little much

Damn, I should have done this.

Can I be Luna? Or Jupiter/Lita?

Lulucooks

@Lulucooks that's not what I meant. 

I'm not sure how I misinterpreted

I believe you and a lot of the women here are extremely intelligent and have a lot to offer. It would be a great service to others if you used that to empower women rather than shaming them. 

But if so, then you'll need to be more clear because I've seen almost everyone on this board offer amazing support and correct information which *to me* is very empowering.

Lulucooks

PugsandKisses said:

Lulucooks said:

Claimed



Edit to change gif cause that one was twitchy and a little much

Damn, I should have done this.

Can I be Luna? Or Jupiter/Lita?

----qbf----

YES!

Everycol0r

I'm Elizabeth Bennett, I am "so severe" on my own sex.



Because I don't owe anyone just because they have a vagina.

letyourheartbeyourguide

PugsandKisses said:

Lulucooks said:

Claimed



Edit to change gif cause that one was twitchy and a little much

Damn, I should have done this.

Can I be Luna? Or Jupiter/Lita?


----------------------------
Ohh y'all are picking such badass ladies. I want to change alter egos!

Because sword, flying unicorn, and hot brother (???).

BabyIntegers

@ALittleCountry I agree with you. I don't think people should name call or waltz in here, disrespect and disregard the culture totally. I don't think that ANY of you should hand hold or coddle someone (myself included) when they are behaving like that. I believe everyone should apologize for the wrongs they commit in life. 

That's why I was making a general statement, honestly. There are many on here who go right to shaming when no name calling or disrespect has happened. I've seen it dozens of times on threads here (not speaking to you). So, I was making a statement about that.  

RiverSong15

BabyIntegers said:

@KristieA That's not what I meant either.

/failed miserably lol

You so have the wrong idea about me. Completely wrong. If you knew me IRL, you would think your own response to me was funny.

No snark or PA in my tone, just so you know. 

@BabyIntegers
You said you wouldn't be a proper feminist if you didn't point out that we should empower other women. That, by definition, implies that I am not a feminist. In fact, I view YOUR opinion as anti-feminist. The female stereotype is that we need to be calm, supportive, nurturing peacemakers. Have you seen any stereotypical 1950s pop culture? I do not need to keep a sunny disposition when people are deliberately trolling or causing trouble. I expect more of people than that, no matter their gender.

All of this is beside the point though. This all started because we called OP on her thinly veiled attempt to ask if she was pregnant. She was then politely directed to more appropriate threads. She then went off the deep end of troll bridge. Telling her yes, you totes could be pregnant because of vivid dreams and night sweats sets her up for disappointment and heartache, and THAT is anything but empowering. Coddling people empowers no one. Assuming I'm not a feminist because I expect more of others is just flat-out wrong.

letyourheartbeyourguide

Honest info and reminding people about board guidelines/etiquette =/= shaming.

BabyIntegers

@Lulucooks

You said, "It's not empowering to give false hope or to pander to silly ideas. If that's empowering to you, that's fine, there are plenty of communities that do this. It's insulting to me. "

I wasn't suggesting that empowerment meant this. Giving false hope or pandering to silly ideas is anything but empowering, imo.

Jizzill

Shaming??? Really? Can we leave these buzz words out of here. Letting a person know this is not the appropriate forum for their comment is in no way shaming. Get a grip. My way of being a feminist is by treating women as people, not fragile little beings that cannot possibly be expected to be strong enough to handle truth.

BabyIntegers

@Riversong15 I'm sorry. I wasn't implying that you weren't a feminist in my own thoughts. Sorry it came out that way in my words. 

Also, I'm a part of the wave of feminism that believes: Women can be calm, supportive, nurturing peace makers while still standing up, advocating and speaking the truth. 

I'm just trying to interact with you, no harm or offense intended. 

Lulucooks

BabyIntegers said:

@Lulucooks

You said, "It's not empowering to give false hope or to pander to silly ideas. If that's empowering to you, that's fine, there are plenty of communities that do this. It's insulting to me. "

I wasn't suggesting that empowerment meant this. Giving false hope or pandering to silly ideas is anything but empowering, imo.

Yeah, you're going to have to be more clear. Because you throw out words like shaming and empowerment when no shaming has happened (without reason) and empowerment happens all the time. It seems like you're saying we should be sugar coating everything, but then you say that's not what you mean without actually saying what you did mean.

LadyMillil

Claimed

lalala2004

BabyIntegers said:

At the end of the day, this board is still how I stay sane during ttc as much as not everyone is going to see eye to eye. Women need each other in my honest opinion. I think what's difficult is that there are "swift kick in the butt" ers and then there are "sensitive coddle" ers. I have always found it difficult to interact with "swift kick in the butt" ers and I know that those types have a very difficult time with us sensitive types. 

My sister is the swift kick type, but to her credit, she alters her communication style when she knows she is dealing with a sensitive type. She offers a gentle approach and it works marvelously. It's kind of like having two kids: one responds better to negative reinforcement than the other. I think we are all different and it's beautiful. We all have our strengths and we all need each other. Women are way too hard on one another. Life is hard enough to not have women that we can rely on to empower us or vice versa, no matter how long we've been on these boards and no matter what we "think" of each other on virtual internet. 

By that logic, sensitive people should probably just avoid the Internet altogether.

And IRL sensitive people should wear a badge saying "Sensitive Person! Please coddle me!"

Or, people could just deal with the world as it is....

BabyIntegers

@Jizzil, I agree with you. Strong enough to handle the truth.... that's the end result. First, I believe it's necessary to acknowledge that fragility rather than expressing disappointment and treat them as equals. It's only then that we can nurture strength and encourage growth in that woman. 

So many women come from a background of abuse of all kinds. They have no idea that they are strong. They have no idea that they are worth something until someone comes along (another woman) and takes interest in them, asks questions and listens to their story. 

What are your thoughts? 

KarenBeth714

I'm kinda bloaty, so I feel like this..



(hope that works)

BabyIntegers

@Lulucooks, thanks for the feedback. You're not the first person who has told me that. I will try to be more clear next time  

PugsandKisses

Not a GIF, but still.(How do I shrink it)

Lulucooks

BabyIntegers said:

@Lulucooks, thanks for the feedback. You're not the first person who has told me that. I will try to be more clear next time  

But not clear this time..... ok.

KarenBeth714

Yay!! I figured it out!

BabyIntegers

Lulucooks said:

@Lulucooks, thanks for the feedback. You're not the first person who has told me that. I will try to be more clear next time  

But not clear this time..... ok.

So you don't think I'm just trying to hide behind that, please look at what I wrote to ALittleCountry on page 4 or 5 of this thread. I have seen people here shame right away when a poster isn't being disrespectful or name calling. If you'd like, we can move to a private message and I can show you what I mean. I don't feel comfortable doing that in public. And who knows, it's possible that I've misinterpreted even them, but I don't believe so. 

Jizzill

BabyIntegers said:

@Jizzil, I agree with you. Strong enough to handle the truth.... that's the end result. First, I believe it's necessary to acknowledge that fragility rather than expressing disappointment and treat them as equals. It's only then that we can nurture strength and encourage growth in that woman. 

So many women come from a background of abuse of all kinds. They have no idea that they are strong. They have no idea that they are worth something until someone comes along (another woman) and takes interest in them, asks questions and listens to their story. 

What are your thoughts? 

O Gawd, I can't with the with the abuse.
Can we also discuss in length bullying & privilege cause those both I'm sure are contributing factors that we haven't touched on yet.

(Edit to add quote)

Lulucooks

BabyIntegers said:

Lulucooks said:

BabyIntegers said:

@Lulucooks, thanks for the feedback. You're not the first person who has told me that. I will try to be more clear next time  

But not clear this time..... ok.

So you don't think I'm just trying to hide behind that, please look at what I wrote to ALittleCountry on page 4 or 5 of this thread. I have seen people here shame right away when a poster isn't being disrespectful or name calling. If you'd like, we can move to a private message and I can show you what I mean. I don't feel comfortable doing that in public. And who knows, it's possible that I've misinterpreted even them, but I don't believe so. 
----qbf----


I saw that. I've not seen anyone do that and I'm pretty frequent on this board, even if I go days between posting. If you're willing to call it out and say we have it wrong in public, then please be willing to back it up in public.

letyourheartbeyourguide

BabyIntegers said:

@Jizzil, I agree with you. Strong enough to handle the truth.... that's the end result. First, I believe it's necessary to acknowledge that fragility rather than expressing disappointment and treat them as equals. It's only then that we can nurture strength and encourage growth in that woman. 

So many women come from a background of abuse of all kinds. They have no idea that they are strong. They have no idea that they are worth something until someone comes along (another woman) and takes interest in them, asks questions and listens to their story. 

What are your thoughts? 

There are plenty of women on this board who are new (hell, I still consider myself pretty new here), but still manage to take the time to understand the board and how it works. Obviously that doesn't mean everyone needs to have the same personality or approach.

Being a sensitive person, or a shy person, or someone who has been the victim of abuse, doesn't give anyone a free pass on observing how to behave in a public setting and doesn't justify waltzing in as though the rules don't apply. And it also sounds like you're assuming a whole lot about us women who supposedly shame everyone.

As other people have said over and over again, there is a TON of support on this board and genuine caring for people. But respect is a two-way street. We are all adults here and the rules apply to everyone.

jsassy

I thought we turned this into an awesome gif party...

DutchLucyLu

I have decided that I am Severus Snape. I shall sit behind my curtains of greasy hair, judging each and every one of you. Ten points from Gryffindor!

mimi603107

Just my two cents...how is anyone supposed to know if someone is sensitive, shy or a victim of abuse on a Internet forum? And I would think if someone was, they wouldn't want to be treated as such....maybe that's just me though.

letyourheartbeyourguide

jsassy said:

I thought we turned this into an awesome gif party...

Gahhh sorry I got distracted. Sometimes I can't help myself. Back on track.

BabyIntegers

@letyourheartbeyourguide I agree it doesn't give anyone the right to name call or be disrespectful, but that isn't what I was talking about. There are victims of abuse who don't understand that their behavior is wrong. When they've grown up with behavior patterns that are dysfunctional/abnormal/unhealthy and haven't learned any differently, I think it's necessary to be patient with them and to be sensitive to that possibility.

Of course, we can't possibly know that about them starting off, but that's what getting to know someone is all about. I know we don't all have time for that. I'm not suggesting that. What I'm suggesting is rethinking our approach, not changing who we are or changing our personalities. Not knowing who is a victim of abuse and who isn't means it's even more important to alter approach as it could cause revictimization and retraumatization. 

This is a subject I am extremely passionate about as you can probably tell. 

Aside from all of that, I think it would be so beneficial if The Bump admins would add your established board etiquette to the rules pinned at the top. 

KristieA

BabyIntegers said:

@KristieA That's not what I meant either.

/failed miserably lol

You so have the wrong idea about me. Completely wrong. If you knew me IRL, you would think your own response to me was funny.

No snark or PA in my tone, just so you know. 

You know what @BabyIntegers its probably a good thing I don't know you in real life because I find your constant AWing and stirring up drama obnoxious. Just stop, really, because you have made sure that none of us will have anything to do with you again.

BabyIntegers

@KristieA how is that AWing? I just want to converse and interact with you ladies. I enjoy relationships. Why is that wrong in your mind? 

KristieA

BabyIntegers said:

@KristieA how is that AWing? I just want to converse and interact with you ladies. I enjoy relationships. Why is that wrong in your mind? 

Every single time you have a symptom you start a new thread. We had the whole You know your TTC when thread last week and so you start a new one? You jump in to random threads to White Knight when honestly, you are not adding anything to the conversation and you are just further offending the people you WANT to have a relationship with. What is your problem? I used to think you were trying too hard but you know what, I don't think that now. I think that you have not bothered to learn the culture of this board at all and you don't ever lurk, you don't know what the search button is and you think we are your personal google.

I am so over it and you.

josie12367

Everycol0r said:

I'm Elizabeth Bennett, I am "so severe" on my own sex. Because I don't owe anyone just because they have a vagina.

OMG!!!! MR. DARCY!!!!!!!!!!!! Lady Boner achieved. I fuckin' love him! *sighs*

lalalorelai

BabyIntegers said:

Aside from all of that, I think it would be so beneficial if The Bump admins would add your established board etiquette to the rules pinned at the top. 

But even if it were, I don't know if all new posters would read it. I'm still fairly new and not a super frequent poster, but it took me maybe an hour of lurking to realize that questions like "I have X symptom... what can it mean???" are not only looked down upon here but are also pretty useless questions to ask in the first place.

This isn't an issue of a poster being a victim of abuse or especially sensitive. It's pretty clear what the OP, and many others like her, are looking for when they post questions such as this one. It's validation and attention. There's nothing wrong with wanting those two things. But the fact is, there are multiple posters a day who are seeking validation and attention but not wanting to give any in return. That's selfish.

I have learned more on this board about my body in the last few weeks than I have in my entire 28 years of life. If you're not looking for scientific advice and blunt, honest answers to questions, this is not the board for you. Any responsible poster should take time to learn the culture of a board before posting. Especially those who are sensitive. That's on them if they don't. I've found posters on here to be intelligent, kind, and supportive. But if this isn't the board for you (general you, not referencing any particular person), there are other boards out there.