DH/SO rants and raves 7/20-7/26

DolphinLover2002

It's that time for a new thread. What have they done that is just super? What have they done to piss you off?

DolphinLover2002

My DH has weekends off. I know he was super tired from lack of sleep during the week. Yesterday he helped me with the twins' 5am feeding. Then one twin woke up at 8:00 to eat again, but the other one was still asleep. I figured to let my DH get some sleep, I wouldn't wake the sleeping twin for once. Well I had to go wake them up at 11:00. I figured he needed it! So last night the girls woke at 4am for a feed. Normally we have them back down within an hour (slow eaters). Well this morning one twin was down, but the other would not go back to sleep. I went back to bed at 6:10. My husband has to be up by 7:00 for work. He stayed up with our awake lo. So he's been up since 4:00. He knew he got way more sleep yesterday, so he was returning the favor today. He's such an amazing support. I couldn't ask for a better husband and father to our 3 kids.

klkonwi

Rave. Our LO screamed for 3 hours straight last night.
DH dealt with it the entire 3 hours.....
Thank God for him.
I don't have that kind of patience. I knew his annoying patience would come in handy at some point .....

devyns2nd

Thank god DH has five children. He knows exactly what to do and is so hands on. Bad thing is...he thinks he knows it all. Pfft.

ksimo6

I had a concert Friday night and a bachelorette on Saturday Night... DH rocked it both nights with the kids. And DS pulled his first 6 hour stretch overnight for his daddy. It was nice to be out with the girls knowing the home front was totally under control.

KaLikeAWind

The other night after a middle of the night breast feed session for LO, as I'm laying there afterward, not sleeping yet, waiting to see if LO was going to go to sleep or start fussing - DH reached over and gently grabbed my boob. The next day he told me I was beautiful because I was a mom. This weekend I brought him some groceries at work and he gave me a mega kiss before I left (not really his style when he is at work, even if we are in the parking lot and no one else is around), and just now as I was changing clothes he grabbed my ass.

After a *very* sexually dry pregnancy, it's nice to know he still finds me sexy and attractive despite my saggy post baby belly, even bigger ass, and boobs that are now bigger than the 'handful' he prefers. I still have a little over 2 weeks before I can get the all clear for some action, tho

krystleshel

@mellymar I'm with you. DH has been super vocal & physical to show he still finds me sexy & appreciates me as a mom. It's little gestures that makes me feel balanced (if that makes sense). I have one week until I'm cleared & he's been counting down the days.
edited to add - I'm not "counting down the days" per say, but I am not as terrified as I was about pain.

bethanne09

DH is driving me crazy these last few days. Maybe I got spoiled with him taking a baby shift so I could sleep some and being really supportive and just all around nice... I don't know. This week has been the total opposite side. I feel so drained because it's just been me with LO. DH leaves us at home to go run some errand all day, comes home, watch LO long enough for me to pee, and goes to sleep. I don't think I've ever felt so tired, emotionally and physically.

krystleshel

So DH had a rough day at work & came home upset. I made his favorite dinner & (frozen) apple pie & ice cream (didn't want y'all to think I was some fancy-smancy cooking lady). While it was finishing, I asked if he wanted to hold LO while she was awake (I always have to ask). He does, but plays on his phone. He says he doesn't know what to do with her this young. So later I ask him to change her & do night routine (their thing) while I shower. She is screaming when I get out & I feel bad cause that can't help this situation. I take her and feed her. He then takes her back to snuggle. She spits up & gets upset, so I take her again. Come to find out she's hungry again, so I'm in the bed feeding her. He come in to go to bed & brings me my things & props a pillow up for me (which was sweet).
I know most men feel strange at the point with a baby so young, but I feel bad when I know how to comfort her & get the smiles & interactions from being home all day & he doesn't bc he doesn't take the time.
Anyone have any advice for breaching this subject or should I just let it be? I know when she can interact more he'll be great & more involved, so I'm not worried he'll end up being detached.

esampson1983

DH had been great but now he is just pissing me off!

LO got his 2 month shots yesterday and had been fussy and had a slightly elevated temperature. He is doing better but we were going to take turns staying up too monitor him.He preferred that I hold LO all night because I am "so good at comforting him" when he had mentioned earlier that he would do shifts with me. It was his flipping idea! Then he was disappointed when I wouldn't stay in the bedroom holding him because I felt I would be able to stay awake more easily in a chair and did not feel safe in the bed if I did fall asleep. And DH is sleeping in there anyway so it's not like we are going to talk or do anything! He also knew that I was going to run into work in the morning to check on a student. He mentioned last night that he didn't want me going in. Dude, it's an hour, maybe 2, totally manageable. And I need to get this done so it is not hanging over my head when I return from maternity leave. He's getting to the point where he can't handle when LO is fussy and passes him off to me when he isn't happy. As an educator he should know that he will never be able to comfort little one if he keeps passing him off every time he is fussy. He needs to figure out what he can do to comfort him because I can't stay home all the time and he also needs to form a relationship with LO where he is there in the bad and good times.

I think I may sit down with him tomorrow after I am properly caffeinated and when I can get LO settled in for a nap to have a heart to heart or come to Jesus chat.

He is a good dad and a good husband and I know he loves us, but tonight I am totally pissed at him.

virginiaunicorn11

@krystleshel I give my DH some "subtle" (LOL!) direction. Like, "do you want to take the burp-him-and-hold-him-upright-for-20-minutes shift right now"?
Or, "do you want to snuggle the baby by the stove fan til he goes to sleep right now?"
Or, "The baby is awake and it's a really nice time to engage him. He really likes when I do X. Do you want to do that with him right now while I shower?"

Often I will finish this with, "but if you're tired or busy, I can do this." Works every time, and DH is a "don't tell me what to do" kind of man!

kkdb14

Literally every time I ask boyfriend to do something with LO he says no because he's just sooo tired from being at work all day. Sometimes he doesn't even want to hold her, and he sees her maybe 2 days a week. I'm at my wits end. He acts all involved and lovey when we aren't around, but as soon as he's available to help he refuses. I don't even know what to do at this point. I feel like a single parent and I feel so hurt and angry. This is not fair in any way, shape, or form. He comes off all involved to everyone else but it is such bullshit. He needs to man up, and every time I tell him so he flips out and threatens to break up because "he's helping by making the money". What money?? He's not bought one thing with his own money for her since LO was born 8.5 weeks ago. We don't live together, and he's not supporting me in any way. He's making the money, sure, but not for me or LO, but for himself and his bills. I really don't know what to do and it's stressing me out so badly. I just want the man I knew back..

janat1717

I'm sorry @kkdb14. That sounds like a tough situation

carajeanp37

I shouldn't give this advice because I haven't been able to follow it yet (hoping to get the courage soon), but it sounds like a lot of your DH/SOs would benefit from a night of baby-daddy time - I think it would be good for them to see what it's like to not have us to pass the baby off to, I feel like I'm functioning as his safety net and it sounds like lots of you ladies are in the same boat.

Also @virginiaunicorn11 you are clearly a communication guru, I wish I had the patience but whenever I try to calmly say "would you mind doing this diaper change so I can pee" it comes out sounding more like "clearly you should be changing her right now since I haven't even gotten to pee in 9 hours".. Not the same effect

bethanne09

I know it's not ideal, but we got into a fight as we were unpacking the kitchen in front of my mom and aunt. I was just so tired that I couldn't handle him talking about how tired he was anymore. We got home (old home), and our big dog jumped straight on my incision (which hurts, btw). DH made me shower and take a pain pill, which knocked me out, and watched LO all night. He didn't even wake me up to feed, which is a mixed blessing this morning. I got a full nights sleep, y'all, and when I woke up it was to my boys sleeping hard on the couch. Apparently LO a d DH both fell asleep mid-bottle.



They sleep in the exact same way. Dear God, it's enough to melt the most frigid of hearts.

kkdb14

@carajeanp37 I've done that already. He wussed out around 2:30 and had his mom take care of her until 3 when she fell asleep until 8:30. It helped for maybe a week.

JessHeppell

this isnt a rant or a rave. just a funny funny instance.
i was up late last night cause i couldnt sleep/just wanted to make sure LO was still okay. all of a sudden DH starts mumbling in his sleep so i ask him to speak up. this is what we exchanged while he was asleep

DH "i hate this stupid library"
me "what? why?"
DH "because its f***ing potato"

that was it. he doesnt even like reading. we have had so many little talks like this while he is asleep. funny as hell.

edit: censor

rrcameron21

Fiancé cleaned the living room before LO and I woke up this morning. My mom was coming to babysit and I was dreading cleaning when I woke up. I didn't even have to ask!

KaLikeAWind

Right now I hate my husband, who is at work until Friday morning. Just the very fact that he is out of the house and not here dealing with a screaming kid all day, and will get to sleep (admittedly, on probably the most uncomfortable bed I've ever seen... Its little better than a wooden cot) tonight. I just hate him right now. That is all

hswan26

Here's my rant

Our older DD goes to camp 3 days a week. 99% I take her to and from camp due to DH work schedule. LO hates the car ride. When DD is back there it isn't terrible because she will give LO her pacifier back. But one direction of the ride it's just LO in the back so she screams for 20 min every ride. Today 5 minutes after I leave to get DD DH texts me that he's home. I was pissed. He never bothered to tell me he was on his way so we could plan for him to keep LO or get DD so that niether her nor I were subjected to the 20 min of screaming. I swear he did it on purpose.

aresee

LO has been really fussy from around 11pm to 1am, and DH has been awesome about taking that shift so I can get some sleep. In return, I basically let him off the hook for the rest of the night (he'll help with the diaper change then go right back to bed while I do the feedings). This has been working great for the last few nights, until last night.

We both said we hoped LO was tired enough to just go down after the 11pm feeding. Next thing I know, DH is asleep in bed at 11:15, leaving me alone to finish the feeding and try to get LO to sleep. I was fuming. LO didn't go down until 12:30.

Also, DH is able to sleep through LO's restless grunts and farts and I'm not, so now I'm up for the day and DH is still sleeping. Ugh. I love the man, but at this point I hate when he gets a real amount of sleep.

virginiaunicorn11

DH does the cooking because he hates my cooking. He criticizes everything I make. But lord help us all when he gives me a potato to try, ASKS IF I LIKE IT, then throws a temper tantrum because I am honest and tell him it's not done.

I get that some people like crunchy broccoli or rare meat or whatever. But potatoes? I have never in my life had undercooked potatoes in a restaurant.

I wouldn't fight it if potatoes weren't my favorite and this wasn't a chronic issue. And if he was nicer about my cooking. SMH.

mindaa

krystleshel said:

So DH had a rough day at work & came home upset. I made his favorite dinner & (frozen) apple pie & ice cream (didn't want y'all to think I was some fancy-smancy cooking lady). While it was finishing, I asked if he wanted to hold LO while she was awake (I always have to ask). He does, but plays on his phone. He says he doesn't know what to do with her this young. So later I ask him to change her & do night routine (their thing) while I shower. She is screaming when I get out & I feel bad cause that can't help this situation. I take her and feed her. He then takes her back to snuggle. She spits up & gets upset, so I take her again. Come to find out she's hungry again, so I'm in the bed feeding her. He come in to go to bed & brings me my things & props a pillow up for me (which was sweet).
I know most men feel strange at the point with a baby so young, but I feel bad when I know how to comfort her & get the smiles & interactions from being home all day & he doesn't bc he doesn't take the time.
Anyone have any advice for breaching this subject or should I just let it be? I know when she can interact more he'll be great & more involved, so I'm not worried he'll end up being detached.

Does he change diapers? At about 5-6 weeks, our LO suddenly flipped from hating to loving diaper changes - suddenly becoming all smily and cooey for DH. Made life better/more connected for both of them.

moz3518

JessHeppell said:

this isnt a rant or a rave. just a funny funny instance.
i was up late last night cause i couldnt sleep/just wanted to make sure LO was still okay. all of a sudden DH starts mumbling in his sleep so i ask him to speak up. this is what we exchanged while he was asleep

DH "i hate this stupid library"
me "what? why?"
DH "because its f***ing potato"

that was it. he doesnt even like reading. we have had so many little talks like this while he is asleep. funny as hell.

edit: censor

Mine does the same. I go from shooting daggers with my eyes at him be he's sound asleep and I'm stuck being up all night to cracking up with the "conversations" we have.
My fave so far:

DH: mumble,mumble... Sign the documents...mumble,mumble
ME: what?? What documents??
DH: sign!! For the wire transfer....
ME: what transfer ...for who ?
DH: mumbling....SPONGEBOB!!!

8-}

krystleshel

@mindaa - yeah, but at night it's usually awake when he's home for about 10 min then nap. After she wakes up, he changes her & they do their night time thing, but if she's really hungry - she's hangry & diapers aren't happy like normal.
BUT Saturday we planned a family day, so he can see her happy "day time" self & he's staying home with her while I work on my classroom in 2 weeks, so that'll help {I think}.

JessHeppell

moz3518 said:

JessHeppell said:

this isnt a rant or a rave. just a funny funny instance.
i was up late last night cause i couldnt sleep/just wanted to make sure LO was still okay. all of a sudden DH starts mumbling in his sleep so i ask him to speak up. this is what we exchanged while he was asleep

DH "i hate this stupid library"
me "what? why?"
DH "because its f***ing potato"

that was it. he doesnt even like reading. we have had so many little talks like this while he is asleep. funny as hell.

edit: censor

Mine does the same. I go from shooting daggers with my eyes at him be he's sound asleep and I'm stuck being up all night to cracking up with the "conversations" we have.
My fave so far:

DH: mumble,mumble... Sign the documents...mumble,mumble
ME: what?? What documents??
DH: sign!! For the wire transfer....
ME: what transfer ...for who ?
DH: mumbling....SPONGEBOB!!!

8-}

one time he piped up out of a dead sleep and just said "what would you do if you were stuck in a whale's blowhole?" then asked "would you kick it?"

mvargas12

Rave: DH has been SO lovey dovey. He's kissing me a lottttttt, telling me he loves me a trillion times a day, wants to snuggle all the time, reaches over to touch me in the middle of the night, constantly telling me I'm beautiful, endlessly thanks me for being on top of things at home and taking such great care of the baby.

It's super sweet, and a little bit fishy.

Rant: LO and I are at my parents' this weekend. DH has been very tired, he doesn't get up with the baby at night for any reason but I know her crying still wakes him and he has also been working A LOT. I've felt really bad for him. Anyway, he's been complaining about how tired he is but tonight, our first night out of town, he suddenly got a good nights rest last night and is out with his friend. I call BS and I don't feel bad anymore.

rrcameron21

.

mvargas12

@rrcameron21 Write it on his forehead. No time to be subtle, girl!

apeschka

I hate my Dh right now. He has 7 weeks off and keeps going into work and leaves most days so he can have time out of the house alone because he can't handle being home with us 24/7. Seriously wth have I been doing since our kid was born oh yeah staying with both our kids 24/7. I called my mom and told her I wanted plane tickets to come home because he is being a selfish jerk. He is now super pissed that I want to take the kids and leave for 2 weeks. Well I wouldn't feel that way if you weren't a selfish ass.

rrcameron21

.

esampson1983

I talked to DH after Tuesday night about how I felt he was picking and choosing his times to be with LO. He said he understood and appologized. Yesterday he went out of his way to be with LO and me. I was able to run into work for a few hours. When I came home he said he had a good time with LO. They read books, did some tummy time, and listened to music, and was able to get a lot of vocalizations out of him. He said LO was a little fussy toward the end but he was able to deal with it. He kept mentioning how this was the best day he had with LO

At one point LO was just vocalizing away on the swing. DH turned to me and asked if it was common to love someone's voice that much. My heart melted to see all the love he had for LO!

virginiaunicorn11

After the "potato incident" yesterday, DH gave me a nice little speech about how tired he knows I am (ya think? I had a meltdown about POTATOES!), and how I'm a great mom, great wife, etc.

Poor dude really tries, and none of us are perfect, but I feel bad when I take my baby stress out on him. He got up today and went to the grocery store to get all my favorite breakfast foods. No potatoes though ;-)

aliciaspinnet

Rave: LO had his 6 week shots yesterday and got really upset in the evening. DH cuddled him and got him to sleep on his chest for a few hours, after which the worst of the fussiness was over. Seeing DH with LO just makes me love him even more.

Rant: We're from Ireland originally but live in Australia. We're planning on going home in December to visit our parents. As it's such a long journey we decided to stop in Dubai for a night to make it easier. I assumed that we'd just check into a hotel near the airport and spend the time resting, but DH thinks we have to stay with his aunt & uncle who live there. I really don't love the idea of getting off a 14 1/2 hour overnight flight and travelling across the city with a 6 month old when it'd be much easier for us to stay in a hotel and have his relatives visit us. Plus we'll have to figure out transport, car seats etc. But DH gets really defensive when I try and have a discussion about where we'll stay.

Maybe I'm not being sensitive to DHs situation- I know there's a lot of family/cultural pressures at play. But I also need to look out for the three of us, and I also need to know that DH can listen to my point of view and take it on board.

KarasTwin

Rave: DH took LO at about 7:30 last night and I took a shower and was in bed before 8. He got up with him both times last night and at 6:30 this morning. At around 8:15 he came back in our room, put sleeping baby in the pack and play and asked what I wanted for breakfast from this really yummy family cooking restaurant. LO is still asleep and I'm just laying in bed looking at the bump.

lovethatcolosun

Just some words of comfort for those of you who have DH's that aren't bonding with LO, my husband was the same way with our son at first. We both were unaware of how parenting would affect us or what to do with a newborn. He often would just leave DS in the bouncy seat instead of hold him, or instantly pass him off when lo would cry, and I still remember the first time I left DS with DH while I went grocery shopping. DS cried the whole time and it freaked DH out who called me hastily with a "when will you be home?" I wasn't even gone an hour. Fast forward to a time when DS would interact more intently with DH (around 3-4 months old), they became best homies and light up around one another. They love their trips to Home Depot and the auto parts store. DH is also more comfortable with the newborn phase the second time around. A little practice does go a long way. Point being...everyone bonds in their own time and way. There's also a huge learning curve to this whole parenting thing. Be forgiving and patient with one another. We're all newbies here.

ETA: spelling and sentence structure.

dancegurl1118

I'm a nightmare and my husband hasn't even mentioned it. He lets me criticize every move he makes with a "yes, dear" attitude.

He stayed up all night with our poor dog twice in the past 2 weeks. God I love this man even though he doesn't know the meaning of being quiet.

rrcameron21

@lovethatcolosun thank you for that.

HoosOnFirst

Rant: DH is "tired". I get it. He works all day. I GET IT.

But he's also not sleeping at night. I am still handling all the night shifts, and even though he CAN sleep, he's not due to anxiety or something. Last night, Friday, I took the 10 pm feeding/bed prep shift. He offered to take the next shift but then said he could not fall asleep due to the anxiety of knowing that he'd be getting up "soon".

I tried to tell him that that's a stupid reason to not sleep. She's sleeping 5 hours sometimes at night so he could probably get a few hours in. I tried to nicely tell him to grow a pair and go the eff to bed.

Cut to this morning. He was up with her at 3 am (hey, 5 hours, like I said!). Meanwhile I took the 7 am and 10 am shifts because he was asleep. But he claims he 'didn't sleep at all". I call bull. Yeah maybe it wasn't great sleep, but you were asleep, dude. I know this because I stared at you at both 7 and 10 am, hoping you'd get up to take care of LO. Nope.

And now LO wants to be in happy awake mode, which is awesome, but I would like if he could take this shift please so I can eat some damn breakfast. I poked him and passive aggressively said we were going out to a farmers market "because Evelyn wants to be awake". I think he's annoyed that we aren't waiting for him. But holy crap it's noon, sorry I can't just sit around with a bored infant all day.

I haven't followed through on that threat though - Bumpin' with a cup of coffee in my hand while LO stares into space in her swing. I feel guilty, I'll pick her back up in 2 minutes...

/rant.

Nikelizabeth

kkdb14 said:

Literally every time I ask boyfriend to do something with LO he says no because he's just sooo tired from being at work all day. Sometimes he doesn't even want to hold her, and he sees her maybe 2 days a week. I'm at my wits end. He acts all involved and lovey when we aren't around, but as soon as he's available to help he refuses. I don't even know what to do at this point. I feel like a single parent and I feel so hurt and angry. This is not fair in any way, shape, or form. He comes off all involved to everyone else but it is such bullshit. He needs to man up, and every time I tell him so he flips out and threatens to break up because "he's helping by making the money". What money?? He's not bought one thing with his own money for her since LO was born 8.5 weeks ago. We don't live together, and he's not supporting me in any way. He's making the money, sure, but not for me or LO, but for himself and his bills. I really don't know what to do and it's stressing me out so badly. I just want the man I knew back..

This sounded exactly if I had written it myself. I am in the same exact situation, except we live together. I pay the small bills and he covers the mortgage. He says I shouldn't be mad he is working more than 15 hours a day because he is making money, well we don't share money so I don't care. He hasn't done anything with us as a family (we have 4 kids) since the new baby was born. He completely changed after this baby, not sure what happened to him but I'm sick of having the conversation about it and nothing changing. He did two nights shifts the first week and not one since. It's just me and the kids now. I'm completely alone. Sorry youre in your situation. I hope you get it worked out!

Sammy K

Rant: DH constantly complains about how tired he is.

Rave: After I had a little meltdown, DH took the afternoon so I could nap and also the first nighttime feeding. After dinner he told me I'm doing a good job, he appreciates being able to sleep at night and everything I've been doing hasn't gone unnoticed. It was nice to hear. And nice to get 6 hours of sleep.