My MIL is throwing a fit that we won't let DH 8 yr old niece hold our 3week old at the family reunion today because we were afraid she'd lose her grip and drop him on the cement, when DH wouldn't budge on it she tried to sneak and do it when she thought we weren't looking and DH was busy with a family member so I was the one who had to stop her. Needless to say I was furious at her and took my child from her saying he needed a diaper change so that there wouldn't be any drama.
My FIL is a BIG smoker so when he went to visit us at the hospital we asked him to bring an extra shirt to put on before he held the baby and to wash his hands. Yesterday we went to his house and he asked me, "are you guys still germaphobes or was that just at the hospital?" Uhhh... No. We are not germaphobes. Your habit is gross and our little girl is tiny and defenseless. I don't even like smelling it or being around it and I'm an adult.
@mvargas12 my FIL is a big smoker as well. I think he's coming to visit in August. I'm not looking forward to his reaction when we tell him to change and wash his hands before holding the baby. He's rude and a huge know-it-all. I'm sure he'll pull the "my kids turned out fine, so what's the big deal?" argument. Whatever, if he doesn't agree to our requests then he can't hold the baby. Simple as that.
My ILs finally left. To sum up the entire weekend: On what planet is it OK to give a 2 year old a mini glass bottle of ketchup as a "gift"? And I'm the wet blanket for taking it away?? Thank god they're gone.
I get so frustrated with that smoker attitude that everyone used to smoke and babies lived. Genuinely do not care if you want to smoke, your decision, but do NOT tell me that it's okay for my baby to be around it because science.
And "germaphobe" has nothing to do with it! Asthma-phobe would be more accurate!
I get so frustrated with that smoker attitude that everyone used to smoke and babies lived. Genuinely do not care if you want to smoke, your decision, but do NOT tell me that it's okay for my baby to be around it because science.
And "germaphobe" has nothing to do with it! Asthma-phobe would be more accurate!
Mines driving me nuts again. She stays here all damn day. We're going to have a talk. Cause she isn't doing this shit when we go home. She had her time with her kids she isn't going to take mine.
Bleh. My mom is here for her two week visit. I'm happy she is here, I am. But already I'm frustrated. - she tells me when we pick her up from the airport and she's telling me how she has vertigo and she is feeling a little dizzy. Then we get home and she wants to hold LO and carry him upstairs! :-O - I did my time bfing him when we got home, and then it was time to pump. And she says (not half an hour after I explain why we bf, then pump, then finish with formula) "well I'll do his formula while you pump". Um, no, cause you could finish the bottle of formula while I pump and then he won't have any room for what I'm pumping right now! - she is tired so she wants to take a nap and tells us if she isn't up for dinner to not wake her, otherwise she won't be able to go back to sleep. No big deal. Fine by me, actually. But I tell her that we (LO and I) will have to leave the house briefly tomorrow morning to take DH to work, so she would probably hear us in the morning moving around and LO probably crying. And she says she will watch him while I take DH to work. To which I reply that there isn't a point, because he will just cry the whole time, being hungry. So I would have to wake up early to feed him anyway, and its good practice for me to go out with him kinda by myself. She says if he gets hungry, she'll just give him some formula. Ugh. Again - breast milk is what we want him to have, and if you start with feeding him formula at the beginning of his feeding session, by the time I am back he will be too full for breastmilk, even the paltry amount I produce. Also, you're not helping me encourage my boobs to produce more milk that way, either.
Bah. Help me by bringing me my pump parts when I forget them, not by always stuffing my kid with a bottle when you know how hard I am trying to increase my milk production. Or by carrying him up and down stairs! Yikes!
I get so frustrated with that smoker attitude that everyone used to smoke and babies lived. Genuinely do not care if you want to smoke, your decision, but do NOT tell me that it's okay for my baby to be around it because science.
And "germaphobe" has nothing to do with it! Asthma-phobe would be more accurate!
I've stopped going to a friends house because she smokes in the garage but with the connecting door open so trchnically in the house. She told me I'm just a tfn who is paranoid because it doesn't effect the kids/babies... As her 4 & 6 year old turn blue every time the air gets cold.. They are constantly horribly sick but these morons can never link there lack of clean air to the illness. Ergh
Not MIL this time, but SIL. Yesterday I went to hand LO to her and she said "Ah! Come to mama!". I've never snatched my daughter away from someone so quickly. ~X(
Thankful for this thread this AM. My baby girl is 8 weeks today, she's great, was 3 weeks early. No issues though at all. We have had so many issues with my MIL and SIL during our relationship, marriage, etc. my husband and I really thought things were better/getting better. Not the case. My MIL always putS my SIL's son-1year old- before our daughter. She didn't care about our daughter. Doesn't ask about her, see her unless it's when she's seeing her grandson. I could go on and on. My SIL is just as bad, and I don't have my own sister right around the corner like I do my SIL. I wish they would both love on our little girl and be a part of her life. Doesn't seem like that's going to happen. We try to see them, but it seems like they will not work around my husband's work schedule or come to our place. It's too much everytime to go to someone else's house where they have animals they yell at and treat poorly. Plus everything for our daughters at our place. It's easy for me here and I should be comfortable. Hopefully this made sense.
Ok let's do this...my MIL has been very supportive and generous and I appreciate it, BUT she is driving me insane!!! She said she would drive me to the hospital on Saturday morning but she wanted to go and grab bagels first. That is fine, but when it hit the hour mark of her being gone I asked my husband to take me...no biggie since he had not seen the baby in 3 days (he is trying to finish our renovations before baby comes home) he let her know that he would be taking me and she lost her s$&t. She got really mean and was on a bitch fest rampage. No reason...but she stopped talking to me and spoke through my hubby...telling him that I need to find my own ride to the doctor on Monday...she was suddenly unable to take me. I was ignored for a few days. On another note - she shares all our private stuff with the world and it really grinds my gears...she is like the paparazzi loitering around where she is not welcome (I told her I only wanted my husband with me when I deliver - she pushed her way in and got all up in our business - she had to be told off by a nurse to go to the waiting room when I was rushed into an emergency c-section) she broadcast an issue the baby had before we had a chance to let the doctors investigate, and shared a really personal detail that she had listened in on when the doctor came to talk to me. I just need her to cool her roll a little and let us share our own news in our own time. I understand that he is her first grandchild and she is excited, but it is too much to deal with her creating drama over every little thing while we have a baby in the NICU.
Wow. I feel for everyone with problems with their inlaws. I got so lucky with mine but sadly my mil passed away 4 years ago before we got married. She was amazing and we had a great relationship. It is so hard her not being here to meet my son. My fil and sil are the best. They both live 2 minutes from me and are so helpful.
Crazily it's my parents that drive me nuts. They live 2 and a half hour away and I get extreme anxiety when they come visit. They are anything but helpful ( with the exception of finances). I would not let them stay at the house the week after my son was born because I knew I would need them to leave at points so I could have s break from them. I was proven right in my need when 2 days after being home they so kindly bought dinner in. They are and then my husband and I had to clean up everything after them!
They are coming to visit this weekend. Monday I drive up there because a very good friend of mine was in from out of town who I really wanted to meet my son. I surprised my parents by visiting them. The first thing my mom said was, " oh you came up for her but not for us?" I wanted to yell, crazy lady I am technically here for her but I am seeing you girst even though I will see you again this weekend!!!! Agh. I hate to say it but I am always so glad I live close to my in laws and not my parents
I have the BEST MIL - she is so helpful, BUT (there's always a but), not only is she worried I'm reading/researching too much, I'm feeling like all I'm doing while they're here is feeding my baby. Her, my SIL, & a cousin came to visit & help this week & they all "want a turn" (their words - which my baby isn't a fair ride), thank goodness I'm EBFing or I wouldn't be holding my baby this week. The one bottle I am giving her, I'm asking just my DH to do it so he gets time with her. I am LOVING the help, but I'm resisting the momma urge to snatch her up and go snuggle in my bedroom. I just keep reminding myself they live 10 hours away & I'll have her for DH and I again next week.
I have officially joined the club of meddling MILs. She messaged DH today on Facebook and says 'I know you didn't ask, but here's some advice' and proceeds to tell him we need to start giving LO bottles because one day I might want to go out without him and he needs to be 'trained' to take a bottle. Stabby stab stab. If she starts giving me shit about EBF and not pumping, I'm going to lose it. I understand there's a bit of a culture difference because she's American and I'm Canadian and due to different mat leaves it seems to be kind of expected to pump/feed from a bottle at least a bit in the States (from what I've gathered, I don't really know), but I am in no rush to leave my baby, and I have the luxury of not having to for awhile. So lay off, lady!
My mom is driving me crazy. She hasn't sat down all day. She spent almost half an hour in the kitchen earlier running the water - for what, I don't know as I had already done the dishes. She keeps wanting to wash some of LOs clothes, but its like a quarter load of laundry at best, and I don't need what's in that load to warrant wasting the water washing it. I keep telling her I'm waiting until there is more laundry to be done. I've had to tell her like 5 times. A run to the grocery for 3 items (bell peppers, potatoes, chicken) that should have taken 8 minutes start to stop (even with a baby) took almost an hour cause she wanted stuff but wouldnt tell me what so I could tell her where in the store it was located (ended up being coconut water and some ensure drinks). She hasn't sat down all day, but I don't know what the hell she is doing. We squared away the house before she came, so there is nothing really to do. Also, her ankles are mad swollen and bruised but every time I try to get her to sit the hell down she finds some reason to get up again.
I realize she is trying to be helpful and I do appreciate her intent, but the help I need right now is someone to hand me my bottle of water off of the coffee table cause I forgot to put it within reach before I started nursing LO. Other than that, just sit down and watch some damned tv with me!
so.. MIL came to visit.. and she just like sat down and started relaxing in the room we're recovering in.. she just like.. sits there laid back (which i understand as LO was sleeping) he wakes up and gets a check and a diaper change and then DH asks if she wants to hold him.. and the first thing she does is stick her finger in his mouth.. wtf. YOUR FINGER IS NOT MY NIPPLE DONT STICK IT IN HIS MOUTH!!
so.. MIL came to visit.. and she just like sat down and started relaxing in the room we're recovering in.. she just like.. sits there laid back (which i understand as LO was sleeping) he wakes up and gets a check and a diaper change and then DH asks if she wants to hold him.. and the first thing she does is stick her finger in his mouth.. wtf. YOUR FINGER IS NOT MY NIPPLE DONT STICK IT IN HIS MOUTH!!
This this this this!!!! My MIL and BIL both stuck their fingers in my baby's mouth. WHAT IS THAT??!!!! [-X
Mines driving me nuts again. She stays here all damn day. We're going to have a talk. Cause she isn't doing this shit when we go home. She had her time with her kids she isn't going to take mine.
Yeah, my mil is has nothing to do except be with grandkids, who she spoils and raises however she wants, and I'm more independent and am enjoying 1:1 bonding with my 4 week old. Once a week visit us fine. She came over yesterday when I wasn't here--unannounced, let herself in.
In trying to establish firm clear boundaries that I am calling the shots, I love her but let me have my space She's very generous and caring but this us my first baby and her third grandchild.. Let me enjoy my time with her and go develop your own life already.
I feel awful saying that but I feel like she's overwhelming and never lets anyone else hold the baby when she's around and is just.... It's hard to describe but she needs to back off. My own mom knows to give be space, why can't she just sit back already.
I have officially joined the club of meddling MILs. She messaged DH today on Facebook and says 'I know you didn't ask, but here's some advice' and proceeds to tell him we need to start giving LO bottles because one day I might want to go out without him and he needs to be 'trained' to take a bottle. Stabby stab stab. If she starts giving me shit about EBF and not pumping, I'm going to lose it. I understand there's a bit of a culture difference because she's American and I'm Canadian and due to different mat leaves it seems to be kind of expected to pump/feed from a bottle at least a bit in the States (from what I've gathered, I don't really know), but I am in no rush to leave my baby, and I have the luxury of not having to for awhile. So lay off, lady!
Mine gave the baby a bottle of expressed milk while I was napping on day 6, even though I specifically said to bring me the baby when she wakes up to nurse. I was fucking pissed. I tried out the pump and put milk in the fridge in case of an emergency. I didn't ok that. And did she let her son/show her son how give the baby the first bottle OR did she decide to do it herself?
Right. Broke my heart. This is our baby, not yours.
I have officially joined the club of meddling MILs. She messaged DH today on Facebook and says 'I know you didn't ask, but here's some advice' and proceeds to tell him we need to start giving LO bottles because one day I might want to go out without him and he needs to be 'trained' to take a bottle. Stabby stab stab. If she starts giving me shit about EBF and not pumping, I'm going to lose it. I understand there's a bit of a culture difference because she's American and I'm Canadian and due to different mat leaves it seems to be kind of expected to pump/feed from a bottle at least a bit in the States (from what I've gathered, I don't really know), but I am in no rush to leave my baby, and I have the luxury of not having to for awhile. So lay off, lady!
No no no no no. Meddling a-holes transcend culture. Don't excuse her for being American. It's a personality thing, not an American thing.
I have officially joined the club of meddling MILs. She messaged DH today on Facebook and says 'I know you didn't ask, but here's some advice' and proceeds to tell him we need to start giving LO bottles because one day I might want to go out without him and he needs to be 'trained' to take a bottle. Stabby stab stab. If she starts giving me shit about EBF and not pumping, I'm going to lose it. I understand there's a bit of a culture difference because she's American and I'm Canadian and due to different mat leaves it seems to be kind of expected to pump/feed from a bottle at least a bit in the States (from what I've gathered, I don't really know), but I am in no rush to leave my baby, and I have the luxury of not having to for awhile. So lay off, lady!
No no no no no. Meddling a-holes transcend culture. Don't excuse her for being American. It's a personality thing, not an American thing.
Oh, I definitely didn't mean the meddling was an American thing! I was just trying to think about why she might expect me to do so! I'm sorry if it came across that way!
My MIL continues to make me feel guilty about what I eat and drink now that I'm BF. Just because when she was BF SO And he had serious colic and everything effected him doesn't mean you need to make me feel guilty about eating 1 piece of damn chocolate.
Mine made a comment about how I researched WAY too much. I COMPLETELY understand how she had 4 & my SIL is preggo with her 3rd, & they're all lax about everything now, but don't people remember what it's like to be a new mom?!? I'm on edge and cautious about a lot & thats 100% okay! It's my baby.
I did have a friend's mom today ask me how I felt about not holding my baby since she's been passed around with family in town, & I said okay since I can feed her (EBF), & she agreed this was a good thing & my special time. It was awesome to hear after hearing, "why don't you pump a bottle for me to feed her?"
I have officially joined the club of meddling MILs. She messaged DH today on Facebook and says 'I know you didn't ask, but here's some advice' and proceeds to tell him we need to start giving LO bottles because one day I might want to go out without him and he needs to be 'trained' to take a bottle. Stabby stab stab. If she starts giving me shit about EBF and not pumping, I'm going to lose it. I understand there's a bit of a culture difference because she's American and I'm Canadian and due to different mat leaves it seems to be kind of expected to pump/feed from a bottle at least a bit in the States (from what I've gathered, I don't really know), but I am in no rush to leave my baby, and I have the luxury of not having to for awhile. So lay off, lady!
No no no no no. Meddling a-holes transcend culture. Don't excuse her for being American. It's a personality thing, not an American thing.
Oh, I definitely didn't mean the meddling was an American thing! I was just trying to think about why she might expect me to do so! I'm sorry if it came across that way!
No need to apologize! I just meant that's giving her too much benefit of the doubt, or the wrong benefit of the doubt. I don't think it's a culture thing. (And I have no problem criticizing U.S. culture.) Or if it is, it is perhaps a "type" within the culture. Just my $0.02, obviously I don't speak for all U.S. Americans.
I like this example because here I'm Germany in always wondering how much to attribute things to culture vs. individual personalities.
My MIL is great but last night she made a comment to my mom who has been in town from out of state for the last couple of weeks that really bothered me. LO started getting fussy in her rocker so my mom picked her up to soothe her. MIL tells my mom to put her down and the proceeds to say "good thing you don't live here or she would be spoiled rotten."
I have officially joined the club of meddling MILs. She messaged DH today on Facebook and says 'I know you didn't ask, but here's some advice' and proceeds to tell him we need to start giving LO bottles because one day I might want to go out without him and he needs to be 'trained' to take a bottle. Stabby stab stab. If she starts giving me shit about EBF and not pumping, I'm going to lose it. I understand there's a bit of a culture difference because she's American and I'm Canadian and due to different mat leaves it seems to be kind of expected to pump/feed from a bottle at least a bit in the States (from what I've gathered, I don't really know), but I am in no rush to leave my baby, and I have the luxury of not having to for awhile. So lay off, lady!
No no no no no. Meddling a-holes transcend culture. Don't excuse her for being American. It's a personality thing, not an American thing.
Oh, I definitely didn't mean the meddling was an American thing! I was just trying to think about why she might expect me to do so! I'm sorry if it came across that way!
No need to apologize! I just meant that's giving her too much benefit of the doubt, or the wrong benefit of the doubt. I don't think it's a culture thing. (And I have no problem criticizing U.S. culture.) Or if it is, it is perhaps a "type" within the culture. Just my $0.02, obviously I don't speak for all U.S. Americans.
I like this example because here I'm Germany in always wondering how much to attribute things to culture vs. individual personalities.
It's more that the poor American moms have to be back to work in six weeks so are having to pump and bottle feed almost right away so their babies can eat at daycare. In Canada, we have a year off, so there's no rush or even need to bottle feed if we don't want to. I think that's what OP meant.
Ugh. Someone said this before. My SIL just stuck her finger in LO's mouth. I'm pretty sure she hasn't washed them at all today & she changed a diaper. STABBY. She also keeps laying out clothes & wants to change her after she spits up a little. If we changed her after every spit up, we'd have no clothes left. [-(
So weird. I've seriously learned so much about how to help, really help, a new mom these past few weeks. Should we write it down? It seems like these people forget what they needed/what was okay with a newborn.
We live with my MIL for the time being while we look for apartments and it's literally the worst thing ever. I can't have my baby sleep downstairs or else he wont sleep because she hovers over him and waits til I leave the room and she will wake him up! Then she complains that he's grumpy and makes up every excuse as to why else he's mad. No woman! He's tired! And she ALWAYS thinks that he's hungry even after 5 minutes of him eating. Like he does not want on my boob every minute of the day. And she is always asking if he's awake now that we keep him upstairs to sleep and every noise she hears him make on the baby monitor she will try and race to him... He talks in his sleep for God's sake. Leave MY baby alone! And my FIL likes to curse every other word to him. Like who in there right mind things of talking to a newborn like that?! So ready to move out. I can't handle it.
@bartonolivia - This sounds terrible and I am having visions of sheer horror as the feeling inside me reminds me that my house renovation may not be complete by the time baby comes home...if we are still with my in laws I can totally see this being my fate. Even if the house is done I can see my MIL spending every waking hour at our house...you have me in a complete panic. Yesterday I was having my kangaroo time with baby and MIL came and sat so close that I could feel her breath...she was inches from being in the armchair with us and she stayed there...looming over us during one of the few times I get to spend holding him out of his "isolette" incubator.
Things said by my mom during her visit so far - ~ you shouldn't have him on your chest like that without clothes on (skin to skin). He's going to overheat ~ he's getting a rash right here on his face, did you see that? (Its baby acne, and what are you implying... That I don't ever look at my baby's face?) ~ when you take DH to work you leave LO here with me and I'll give him a bottle (for the 50th time - we are trying to bf. That is why you keep seeing me sitting here with my boobs out. Stop trying to torpedo my efforts to increase supply by always jumping to give him a bottle) ~ (in response to my reply to above about bfing) but you're not making enough anyway so what does it matter? He's going to end up with a bottle anyway. (Yeah. That's super encouraging. Thanks for that) ~ he likes it best when you hold him like this and pat his back like this (so, you're an expert on what my kid likes the best, now?) ~ AND continues to try to get up from sitting or walk around holding LO while super unsteady on her feet. I love you, mama, but if you can't walk from the car to the door to the restaurant without needing to hold onto myself or other vehicles in the parking lot or a fence railing for support, then I'm not letting you stand or walk with my son in your arms.
This makes me sound super ungrateful, I know, cause she is just trying to help in her way, but I'm going cray over here.
Can I have a FIL complaint? My father in law is very in love with LO. You can tell he's extremely excited to be a grandpa. Well, yesterday he and his girl friend were hosting a party. It was time for LO to eat so I grabbed a bottle out. I offered to let him feed her since he hadn't seen her in a week or so. I thought he would enjoy some bonding with her. He takes her and brings her inside without asking me (completely out of my view) and passes her off to his girlfriend to feed her! While I like this woman and trust her, I have only met her 3 times! Your taking away my baby, taking her out of my line of sight, and giving her to someone I barely know who's had a couple drinks!
I didn't say anything because I didn't want to seem an over controlling psycho mom, but I sent DH in there every minute or so to check on her.
Update on my MIL problem: i posted a facebook status yesterday saying "It's so crazy to think that I'm in change of this tiny(sure didn't feel tiny) floppy thing that has no immune system and could get sick from like anything. you kinda realize how germy people are and the importance of washing your hands." MIL ended up commenting on it saying "I agree that people should ask to be able to hold him. Yes people carry germs but germ exposure is how little ones gain a strong immune system. Plus how you take care of yourself, feeding him, and keeping him clean, and your own environment." to which i dont respond, but 2 other people commented saying that happens down the road not at this point blah blah blah (hooray people who get it) so anyways DH brings LO over to their house (which I absolutely did not want him going inside, they have a bunch of cats (now dont get me wrong i love cats) but they dont clean up after them. the cats own the house. theres pee stains everywhere crusted vomit and so on and it's disgusting, like everytime i go there, there is a fresh pee somewhere thats just being ignored (which is comical seeing as she said "and keeping him clean, and your own environment.") but besides the point, when DH went there she said something about lots of people reaching out to touch LO. AND THEN SHE SAID SHE WONT PUT HER FINGERS IN HIS MOUTH ANYMORE! success! the Facebook status works!
I have officially joined the club of meddling MILs. She messaged DH today on Facebook and says 'I know you didn't ask, but here's some advice' and proceeds to tell him we need to start giving LO bottles because one day I might want to go out without him and he needs to be 'trained' to take a bottle. Stabby stab stab. If she starts giving me shit about EBF and not pumping, I'm going to lose it. I understand there's a bit of a culture difference because she's American and I'm Canadian and due to different mat leaves it seems to be kind of expected to pump/feed from a bottle at least a bit in the States (from what I've gathered, I don't really know), but I am in no rush to leave my baby, and I have the luxury of not having to for awhile. So lay off, lady!
No no no no no. Meddling a-holes transcend culture. Don't excuse her for being American. It's a personality thing, not an American thing.
Oh, I definitely didn't mean the meddling was an American thing! I was just trying to think about why she might expect me to do so! I'm sorry if it came across that way!
No need to apologize! I just meant that's giving her too much benefit of the doubt, or the wrong benefit of the doubt. I don't think it's a culture thing. (And I have no problem criticizing U.S. culture.) Or if it is, it is perhaps a "type" within the culture. Just my $0.02, obviously I don't speak for all U.S. Americans.
I like this example because here I'm Germany in always wondering how much to attribute things to culture vs. individual personalities.
It's more that the poor American moms have to be back to work in six weeks so are having to pump and bottle feed almost right away so their babies can eat at daycare. In Canada, we have a year off, so there's no rush or even need to bottle feed if we don't want to. I think that's what OP meant.
Yes, I know what she meant. But I'm still saying you Canada moms are using American stereotypes/truisms to give a pass to behavior that is rude despite the stereotype. And it's nice of you to do, and normal and kind to make exceptions for another culture... but I'm just saying in this case, you don't need to do that. Your first reaction of "Lay off, lady!" is totally fine and you don't need to be "understanding of her culture". Her culture also has the "you should know better than to meddle with a mom and her breastfeeding decisions" aspect.
Just trying to give you a pass to feel how you feel!
DH, myself, and DS are on vacation with his parents and older sister and my MIL is driving me craaaaazy! We were on the beach yesterday and sent her a picture (they were still driving in) and the first thing she asks is if DS has on sunscreen...umm, no, we lather him up in oil and lay him out in the sun. Seriously? Then at the condo, she has told me I need to trim his nails while he is asleep (I was doing it while he was awake and he was FINE), that his pajamas were too warm for him to be outside on the balcony in, and that I need to make sure I don't roll over on DS while we are in the bed together since his pack and play doesn't fit in the room for him to sleep in. And, all of these things she tells me in a baby voice pretending to be my son taking. (Eg: "Mama, you're "'posed" to "twim" my nails while I'm "asweep".). I'm going nuts! He is my child and I CAN take care of him. Oh, and she calls his paci a binky. I don't care what other families call it, DH and I call it a paci and that's what we want DS to learn. Stop calling it a damn binky! Last complaint...I'd love a glass of wine by the beach or on the balcony, but the judgement I'd get isn't worth it....and I haven't had a sip of anything since finding out I was pregnant, so I just want to enjoy one evening on the flipping balcony!!!
Rant over, thank you for listening...I have 3 more days of this "relaxing" vacation left.... #-o
And, all of these things she tells me in a baby voice pretending to be my son taking. (Eg: "Mama, you're "'posed" to "twim" my nails while I'm "asweep".)
Oh yeah, that would totally make me cringe - super annoying
Me-37, DH-38
Married in 2006, TTC #1 since Jan 2012
Baby Boy born June 1, 2015
He settles her in her home as a happy mother of children, praise the Lord! (Psalms 113:9)
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understand, will guard your heart and mind in Jesus Christ (Philippians 4:7)
DH, myself, and DS are on vacation with his parents and older sister and my MIL is driving me craaaaazy! We were on the beach yesterday and sent her a picture (they were still driving in) and the first thing she asks is if DS has on sunscreen...umm, no, we lather him up in oil and lay him out in the sun. Seriously? Then at the condo, she has told me I need to trim his nails while he is asleep (I was doing it while he was awake and he was FINE), that his pajamas were too warm for him to be outside on the balcony in, and that I need to make sure I don't roll over on DS while we are in the bed together since his pack and play doesn't fit in the room for him to sleep in. And, all of these things she tells me in a baby voice pretending to be my son taking. (Eg: "Mama, you're "'posed" to "twim" my nails while I'm "asweep".). I'm going nuts! He is my child and I CAN take care of him. Oh, and she calls his paci a binky. I don't care what other families call it, DH and I call it a paci and that's what we want DS to learn. Stop calling it a damn binky! Last complaint...I'd love a glass of wine by the beach or on the balcony, but the judgement I'd get isn't worth it....and I haven't had a sip of anything since finding out I was pregnant, so I just want to enjoy one evening on the flipping balcony!!!
Rant over, thank you for listening...I have 3 more days of this "relaxing" vacation left.... #-o
I'd effing lose it. Kudos to you for keeping your head.
Re: mil problems...post them here
And "germaphobe" has nothing to do with it! Asthma-phobe would be more accurate!
- she tells me when we pick her up from the airport and she's telling me how she has vertigo and she is feeling a little dizzy. Then we get home and she wants to hold LO and carry him upstairs! :-O
- I did my time bfing him when we got home, and then it was time to pump. And she says (not half an hour after I explain why we bf, then pump, then finish with formula) "well I'll do his formula while you pump". Um, no, cause you could finish the bottle of formula while I pump and then he won't have any room for what I'm pumping right now!
- she is tired so she wants to take a nap and tells us if she isn't up for dinner to not wake her, otherwise she won't be able to go back to sleep. No big deal. Fine by me, actually. But I tell her that we (LO and I) will have to leave the house briefly tomorrow morning to take DH to work, so she would probably hear us in the morning moving around and LO probably crying. And she says she will watch him while I take DH to work. To which I reply that there isn't a point, because he will just cry the whole time, being hungry. So I would have to wake up early to feed him anyway, and its good practice for me to go out with him kinda by myself. She says if he gets hungry, she'll just give him some formula. Ugh. Again - breast milk is what we want him to have, and if you start with feeding him formula at the beginning of his feeding session, by the time I am back he will be too full for breastmilk, even the paltry amount I produce. Also, you're not helping me encourage my boobs to produce more milk that way, either.
Bah. Help me by bringing me my pump parts when I forget them, not by always stuffing my kid with a bottle when you know how hard I am trying to increase my milk production. Or by carrying him up and down stairs! Yikes!
Crazily it's my parents that drive me nuts. They live 2 and a half hour away and I get extreme anxiety when they come visit. They are anything but helpful ( with the exception of finances). I would not let them stay at the house the week after my son was born because I knew I would need them to leave at points so I could have s break from them. I was proven right in my need when 2 days after being home they so kindly bought dinner in. They are and then my husband and I had to clean up everything after them!
They are coming to visit this weekend. Monday I drive up there because a very good friend of mine was in from out of town who I really wanted to meet my son. I surprised my parents by visiting them. The first thing my mom said was, " oh you came up for her but not for us?" I wanted to yell, crazy lady I am technically here for her but I am seeing you girst even though I will see you again this weekend!!!! Agh. I hate to say it but I am always so glad I live close to my in laws and not my parents
I realize she is trying to be helpful and I do appreciate her intent, but the help I need right now is someone to hand me my bottle of water off of the coffee table cause I forgot to put it within reach before I started nursing LO. Other than that, just sit down and watch some damned tv with me!
he wakes up and gets a check and a diaper change and then DH asks if she wants to hold him.. and the first thing she does is stick her finger in his mouth.. wtf.
YOUR FINGER IS NOT MY NIPPLE DONT STICK IT IN HIS MOUTH!!
ETA: congrats on baby!!
In trying to establish firm clear boundaries that I am calling the shots, I love her but let me have my space
She's very generous and caring but this us my first baby and her third grandchild.. Let me enjoy my time with her and go develop your own life already.
I feel awful saying that but I feel like she's overwhelming and never lets anyone else hold the baby when she's around and is just.... It's hard to describe but she needs to back off. My own mom knows to give be space, why can't she just sit back already.
I was fucking pissed. I tried out the pump and put milk in the fridge in case of an emergency.
I didn't ok that. And did she let her son/show her son how give the baby the first bottle OR did she decide to do it herself?
Right. Broke my heart. This is our baby, not yours.
I need to have variety in my food!
I did have a friend's mom today ask me how I felt about not holding my baby since she's been passed around with family in town, & I said okay since I can feed her (EBF), & she agreed this was a good thing & my special time. It was awesome to hear after hearing, "why don't you pump a bottle for me to feed her?"
I like this example because here I'm Germany in always wondering how much to attribute things to culture vs. individual personalities.
Ugh.
So weird. I've seriously learned so much about how to help, really help, a new mom these past few weeks. Should we write it down? It seems like these people forget what they needed/what was okay with a newborn.
~ you shouldn't have him on your chest like that without clothes on (skin to skin). He's going to overheat
~ he's getting a rash right here on his face, did you see that? (Its baby acne, and what are you implying... That I don't ever look at my baby's face?)
~ when you take DH to work you leave LO here with me and I'll give him a bottle (for the 50th time - we are trying to bf. That is why you keep seeing me sitting here with my boobs out. Stop trying to torpedo my efforts to increase supply by always jumping to give him a bottle)
~ (in response to my reply to above about bfing) but you're not making enough anyway so what does it matter? He's going to end up with a bottle anyway. (Yeah. That's super encouraging. Thanks for that)
~ he likes it best when you hold him like this and pat his back like this (so, you're an expert on what my kid likes the best, now?)
~ AND continues to try to get up from sitting or walk around holding LO while super unsteady on her feet. I love you, mama, but if you can't walk from the car to the door to the restaurant without needing to hold onto myself or other vehicles in the parking lot or a fence railing for support, then I'm not letting you stand or walk with my son in your arms.
This makes me sound super ungrateful, I know, cause she is just trying to help in her way, but I'm going cray over here.
I didn't say anything because I didn't want to seem an over controlling psycho mom, but I sent DH in there every minute or so to check on her.
i posted a facebook status yesterday saying "It's so crazy to think that I'm in change of this tiny(sure didn't feel tiny) floppy thing that has no immune system and could get sick from like anything. you kinda realize how germy people are and the importance of washing your hands." MIL ended up commenting on it saying "I agree that people should ask to be able to hold him. Yes people carry germs but germ exposure is how little ones gain a strong immune system. Plus how you take care of yourself, feeding him, and keeping him clean, and your own environment." to which i dont respond, but 2 other people commented saying that happens down the road not at this point blah blah blah (hooray people who get it) so anyways DH brings LO over to their house (which I absolutely did not want him going inside, they have a bunch of cats (now dont get me wrong i love cats) but they dont clean up after them. the cats own the house. theres pee stains everywhere crusted vomit and so on and it's disgusting, like everytime i go there, there is a fresh pee somewhere thats just being ignored (which is comical seeing as she said "and keeping him clean, and your own environment.")
but besides the point, when DH went there she said something about lots of people reaching out to touch LO.
AND THEN SHE SAID SHE WONT PUT HER FINGERS IN HIS MOUTH ANYMORE! success! the Facebook status works!
Yes, I know what she meant. But I'm still saying you Canada moms are using American stereotypes/truisms to give a pass to behavior that is rude despite the stereotype. And it's nice of you to do, and normal and kind to make exceptions for another culture... but I'm just saying in this case, you don't need to do that. Your first reaction of "Lay off, lady!" is totally fine and you don't need to be "understanding of her culture". Her culture also has the "you should know better than to meddle with a mom and her breastfeeding decisions" aspect.
Just trying to give you a pass to feel how you feel!
Rant over, thank you for listening...I have 3 more days of this "relaxing" vacation left.... #-o