Highly annoyed, rant!

naka92

So, this morning I get a text from my mother, saying she just heard my cousin is pregnant. Again. 
Now, dont get me wrong, I have 0 issues with people having back to back pregnancies, but this girl.. Oh gosh. She got pregnant on purpose at 14/15 to get out of school, then when the little guy was born she'd literally forget about him all the time. As in, leave him behind places because she'd just forget about him existing, crap like that. And not just once, no, this was a weekly occurance. She has no job, no money, and the guy she was with left her pretty quickly. She lives in a house that the government pays for and gets by on welfare. Then, a few years later, she got pregnant again, unplanned this time. She wasnt even using protection. Still isnt sure who the father is to this day. She had this little girl last year.. and now she's 6 weeks pregnant again. With twins this time. She has not a dime to her name and now she'll have 4 kids?! Oh my god its not that damn difficult. Take your pill (free because of health insurrance) and use a condom. Those poor kids dont deserve to be brought into such a messed up situation. 

It makes me feel so incredibly sad for women that are completely ready to have a child, that have their lives in order and that have been trying for ages to concieve. I've never even had to deal with that myself, but it just makes me so incredibly angry that there's so many of you that had to try so hard for so long, and then this slut comes around and gets herself knocked up by god knows who, because she's too dumb to use protection. She cant even afford to give these kids good lives.. Its so unfair  

Sorry, I really had to rant. This girl has been pissing me off pretty much for the last 10 years straight. 

FirstTimeMamaAricka

I dont blame you i know people like that and it pisses me off too. its even worse when they are able to make their lives better and choose not to but plan on having 7-8 kids

katanasai

I know girl who is in a similar situation, only she's actually at a homeless shelter with a toddler and a baby because she refuses to get a job, even though people have offered to babysit for her. It's very frustrating to see children in such a position.

PrimRoseMama

MelMel92 said:

So, this morning I get a text from my mother, saying she just heard my cousin is pregnant. Again. 
Now, dont get me wrong, I have 0 issues with people having back to back pregnancies, but this girl.. Oh gosh. She got pregnant on purpose at 14/15 to get out of school, then when the little guy was born she'd literally forget about him all the time. As in, leave him behind places because she'd just forget about him existing, crap like that. And not just once, no, this was a weekly occurance. She has no job, no money, and the guy she was with left her pretty quickly. She lives in a house that the government pays for and gets by on welfare. Then, a few years later, she got pregnant again, unplanned this time. She wasnt even using protection. Still isnt sure who the father is to this day. She had this little girl last year.. and now she's 6 weeks pregnant again. With twins this time. She has not a dime to her name and now she'll have 4 kids?! Oh my god its not that damn difficult. Take your pill (free because of health insurrance) and use a condom. Those poor kids dont deserve to be brought into such a messed up situation. 

It makes me feel so incredibly sad for women that are completely ready to have a child, that have their lives in order and that have been trying for ages to concieve. I've never even had to deal with that myself, but it just makes me so incredibly angry that there's so many of you that had to try so hard for so long, and then this slut comes around and gets herself knocked up by god knows who, because she's too dumb to use protection. She cant even afford to give these kids good lives.. Its so unfair  

Sorry, I really had to rant. This girl has been pissing me off pretty much for the last 10 years straight. 

X_X

So poor people aren't supposed to have kids? Young people? People on government assistance? Who is allowed to procreate? I'm confused.

That's basically what I got from your post. This girl sounds like she could use some help & guidance. The judgement makes me sad & uncomfortable.

Sbrouwer0706

PrimRoseMama said:

MelMel92 said:

So, this morning I get a text from my mother, saying she just heard my cousin is pregnant. Again. 
Now, dont get me wrong, I have 0 issues with people having back to back pregnancies, but this girl.. Oh gosh. She got pregnant on purpose at 14/15 to get out of school, then when the little guy was born she'd literally forget about him all the time. As in, leave him behind places because she'd just forget about him existing, crap like that. And not just once, no, this was a weekly occurance. She has no job, no money, and the guy she was with left her pretty quickly. She lives in a house that the government pays for and gets by on welfare. Then, a few years later, she got pregnant again, unplanned this time. She wasnt even using protection. Still isnt sure who the father is to this day. She had this little girl last year.. and now she's 6 weeks pregnant again. With twins this time. She has not a dime to her name and now she'll have 4 kids?! Oh my god its not that damn difficult. Take your pill (free because of health insurrance) and use a condom. Those poor kids dont deserve to be brought into such a messed up situation. 

It makes me feel so incredibly sad for women that are completely ready to have a child, that have their lives in order and that have been trying for ages to concieve. I've never even had to deal with that myself, but it just makes me so incredibly angry that there's so many of you that had to try so hard for so long, and then this slut comes around and gets herself knocked up by god knows who, because she's too dumb to use protection. She cant even afford to give these kids good lives.. Its so unfair  

Sorry, I really had to rant. This girl has been pissing me off pretty much for the last 10 years straight. 

X_X

So poor people aren't supposed to have kids? Young people? People on government assistance? Who is allowed to procreate? I'm confused.

That's basically what I got from your post. This girl sounds like she could use some help & guidance. The judgement makes me sad & uncomfortable.

I don't believe that is what @MelMel92 is saying at all. She said that this woman is not a responsible parent is isn't making good choices regarding her children right now.

There is a huge difference between a loving parent in a difficult financial situation and a person making poor life choices without any thought to how it effects their children.

Anyone is allowed to have a child, not everyone should though.

morganabyrd

"Anyone is allowed to have a child, not everyone should though."

Amen.

amsylvia

this post really kinda made me feel bad about myself. this is my first pregnancy (unplanned). my boyfriend (who is the father) just got arrested and is facing a 7 month sentence. i am homeless and currently trying to get into a halfway where i am allowed to bring the baby once he is born. i do not have a job or steady income so i am going to get government assistance. i was completely unprepared for this pregnancy and child. but just because i am in this situation does not mean that i will not do my absolute best to give my son the best life that i can provide. i often sit and reflect on my life, and have considered adoption, for the fact that as a mother you want to be able to provide for you child/children and give them the world. and i thought maybe my son would be better off getting adopted into a family that can give him everything he wants in life. and it took me a while to realize, i am his mother. his chance at the best life possible is with me. nobody can ever love my baby the way i love my baby. idk, maybe i am just being sensitive and emotional (which seems to be a lot lately) but i did find this post a little offensive. my heart definitely goes out to everyone trying to conceive who has their lives together, and is ready to provide for a baby. but i know i already love this little boy, who i haven't even met yet, with all of my heart, and i am willing and ready to do anything and everything i can to take care of him, even if that means government assistance! 

katanasai

@amsylvia Good luck with your baby! I can't say I've been in the same position, but I had an extremely difficult time trying to afford the things I needed for my first two children. There were many times when I had to forego any food on my count to buy diapers and formula. Government assistance is a lifesaver in that situation. There's a difference between being in an unfortunate situation and doing things to make it better, and just wallowing there. You have no reason to feel badly!

BoomBarian

amsylvia said:

this post really kinda made me feel bad about myself. this is my first pregnancy (unplanned). my boyfriend (who is the father) just got arrested and is facing a 7 month sentence. i am homeless and currently trying to get into a halfway where i am allowed to bring the baby once he is born. i do not have a job or steady income so i am going to get government assistance. i was completely unprepared for this pregnancy and child. but just because i am in this situation does not mean that i will not do my absolute best to give my son the best life that i can provide. i often sit and reflect on my life, and have considered adoption, for the fact that as a mother you want to be able to provide for you child/children and give them the world. and i thought maybe my son would be better off getting adopted into a family that can give him everything he wants in life. and it took me a while to realize, i am his mother. his chance at the best life possible is with me. nobody can ever love my baby the way i love my baby. idk, maybe i am just being sensitive and emotional (which seems to be a lot lately) but i did find this post a little offensive. my heart definitely goes out to everyone trying to conceive who has their lives together, and is ready to provide for a baby. but i know i already love this little boy, who i haven't even met yet, with all of my heart, and i am willing and ready to do anything and everything i can to take care of him, even if that means government assistance! 

I found the post offensive, too, and I am financially stable and planned this pregnancy. Something about "...

and then this slut comes around and gets herself knocked up by god knows who, because she's too dumb to use protection." doesn't sit right with me. Good luck to you, it sounds like you are a self-aware young lady who will make the best decision for yourself.

@MelMel92, maybe try some compassion instead of judgment? I have never met a young mother of four living on government assistance who was happy about it. Your post didn't seem rant-y to me, it seemed harsh and made me feel sorry for you more than your cousin. Just my 2 cents.

DeeGreer

There's a difference between being in a tough spot and trying and just having kids and not giving a shit about them. I don't think she meant to down anyone who's in a less fortunate situation or whose pregnancy was unplanned. The fact that her cousin LEFT her son places speaks volumes.

bbiutmcph

It sounds like your cousin could benefit from some solid role models who don't talk crap about her especially on a public forum. I'm not saying she hasn't made mistakes but for gods sake she was 14 when she had a kid. It sounds like her situation hasn't gotten better but worse since. How are you guys trying to help better her? Are you trying to involve her in things, encourage her to seek support etc? Believe me I live in a very rough city as we moved her for jobs many years ago. I see all sorts of sad situations and young people who don't stand a chance but rather than talk poorly about them, judge them for situations they can't escape and complain about them being sluts, I feel bad for them and try to help them any way I can. If she doesn't have support how is she supposed to improve herself. Your post came across very Judgey and no one here is saying she is making the right choices but perhaps think about that up there on your high horse.

bgriest

Sounds like my cousin. He has 6 or 7 kids (most of them do not have the same moms) and he has nothing to do with any except the 2 he has with his wife. His oldest daughter was taken away by the state because he and his then girlfriend were fighting over her and broke her legs. So she was adopted.

Neither his wife or him work. He collects from the government when he is MORE than capable of working he just doesn't want to. In order to get money from the government his mom told him to act as dumb as possible to get approved. His wife collects but I think she actually has a disability reason. They are always posting pictures of new cars and flat screen TV'S that they buy with this money. They live in a government funded apartment.

He pisses my side of the family off. His mom tried to compare him and his sister to me and my brother saying we weren't very different. Excuse me? My brother and I both work TWO jobs and have for years! We work hard for everything we have, need and want. We aren't lazy slugs who collect government money and have children that we have nothing to do with.

naka92

@PrimRoseMama There's a big difference between poor, young people having kids and loving and caring for said kids, and those same people becoming parents and literally leaving their children out at the store because they cant be arsed to remember they have them. This girl has children she doesnt care about, thats a whole lot different than a loving parent that happens to not have much money. I'd not mind her having more kids at all if she were able to care for them and love them. 

@amsylvia Theres a giant difference between having an unplanned pregnancy and being in a bad place during it, and having that happen 3 times in a row with no regard for your current children. Things happen, totally! But when it's the 3rd time and she's quite literally neglecting her kids.. Thats a completely different story. There's a big difference (in my opinion) between a mom in a bad situation and a mom thats refusing to get herself and her children out of that bad situation. Wish you all the best, I'd definitely not be upset if my cousin were like you.

@BoomBarian You've not met my cousin. She IS happy about it, its a lifestyle choice shes made. She's gotten a million opportunities thrown at her to provide better for herself and her children but she's refused all of them. She doesnt give a shit about her kids and has said so. Where I'm from though, every child you have earns you more money, and all said money she's spending on herself, not her babies. I also very much dont need your pity, thanks.

Birdee212

Perhaps her choice of words could have been better, but I understand that she's angry and venting right now about a situation that anyone would be upset by. Based on her description (because it's all we can go by), the cousin has exhibited behavior that is intentionally careless and could be a detriment to her children. I don't think this was an indictment of all mothers who struggle financially or personally for whatever reason. At least they actually care about their children and want to provide for them even if they aren't able to. This woman doesn't seem to give a shit about her kids or her situation, and that's the biggest difference to me.

naka92

@bbiutmcph A public forum where I've not named her, nor given any information about her other than her situation. She PLANNED her first pregnancy at 14. She comes from a priviliged life, she definitely stood all the chances in the world. We've offered to babysit for her so she could work, we've offered to help pay for education, we've literally found her jobs that she's refused, we've offered to pay for emotional help, we've offered her the damn world but she wants none of it. She has no reason to stay in this situation, let alone be in it for this long (Shes 24 now). Her choice is literally to sit on her ass and get more welfare for each child she keeps. I'm not a damn high horse, I've tried my best to help this girl despite disliking her, and she wont help herself. Instead, she goes out every friday and saturday night, comes home with different guys every time (the home her current two kids are sleeping in I might add) and spends most of her days high as a kite. 

bbiutmcph

While her behavior may be "reckless" also think she was 14. What were you (collective you meaning anyone) like at 14? Imagine having a baby zero support other than government and trying to be a parent. You don't even have a chance unless you have an amazing support system. She has continued to make mistakes it seems but what else does she know? This is likely the environment she is around and knows. She has family bashing an talking poorly and if they are this open they probably don't hide it in person. Judging someone is easy. Helping, encouraging them and supporting them is what they need.

bbiutmcph

So why aren't you reporting her then? If she has drug problem and leaves her kids in dangerous situations and you all know this then no one is being responsible. @melmel04

It's ok to be upset at her choices but if she has all this wonderful supportive family with money why isn't anyone stepping in. You just come across very judgmental and it makes you look no better as a person than her

naka92

@bbiutmcph Quite some assumptions you're making. At 14, she was living with her mom who took care of everything for her. She had plenty of support. Its not the environment shes around and knows, she actually has a house in quite a good neighbourhood (right where my own mom lives.) and get's lots of help from the entire family. Just because I need to vent somewhere about being sick and tired of her screwing up her own life and her childrens lives, doesnt mean I wont do my part. Again, did I name her? No. Would I tell her off to her face? No. Do I do anything I can to help her children? Yes. All the bloody time. Dont assume you know my every action just because I needed a place to vent. This girl gets all the help me and my family can afford to give her. But yeah, thanks for assuming im a horrible person, that was very nice of you

DeeGreer

@MelMel92 my mom has 7 brothers and sisters. They all grew up in the same home, were given the same opportunities. 2 have been in jail the majority of their lives. No matter how much support they got they continued to screw up. My aunt was GIVEN a house when she was homeless...and she sold it for crack. Some people can't be fixed. Is there any way any relatives can keep her kids at least? That's a terrible situation for little ones to be in.

naka92

bbiutmcph said:

So why aren't you reporting her then? If she has drug problem and leaves her kids in dangerous situations and you all know this then no one is being responsible. @melmel04 It's ok to be upset at her choices but if she has all this wonderful supportive family with money why isn't anyone stepping in. You just come across very judgmental and it makes you look no better as a person than her

Because weed is legal in said country. She doesnt have a drug problem (as weed isnt considered adictive), it's just what she chooses to do. For her neglect she's been reported many times, but our equivalent of CPS doesnt so a damn thing. My step-sisters son has to endure weekly beatings by his father because they simply wont step in. Extremely frustrating, but sadly there's not a damn thing thats being done about such situations.

naka92

DeeGreer said:

@MelMel92 my mom has 7 brothers and sisters. They all grew up in the same home, were given the same opportunities. 2 have been in jail the majority of their lives. No matter how much support they got they continued to screw up. My aunt was GIVEN a house when she was homeless...and she sold it for crack. Some people can't be fixed. Is there any way any relatives can keep her kids at least? That's a terrible situation for little ones to be in.

She often ditches the kids at our other cousins house, who keeps them for as long as it lasts. Sadly, legally there is no way to get those kids out of there currently. I know there's at least 4 family members that'd love to give those babies a safer place to be, without even restricting her access to them.. but she wont go for it and we cant legally force it.

Wigglesx2

I understand what you meant. And even IF you are being judgmental everyone is judging you too so it's on everyone. You just wanted a moment to share a situation that you are frustrated with. No matter what, you can't win.

It's frustrating and you know the situation better than anyone else. I'm sorry. I feel bad for her kids if she's really just not trying.

BoomBarian

      @MelMel92, you are obviously upset with your cousin. I agree with the PP about offering up support and guidance if you feel so strongly. If it's too late for that, then why let her life bother you? Slut-shaming and complaining about 'welfare-queens' on a public forum will always make me think the OP has some deeper issues.

bbiutmcph

MelMel92 said:

@bbiutmcph Quite some assumptions you're making. At 14, she was living with her mom who took care of everything for her. She had plenty of support. Its not the environment shes around and knows, she actually has a house in quite a good neighbourhood (right where my own mom lives.) and get's lots of help from the entire family. Just because I need to vent somewhere about being sick and tired of her screwing up her own life and her childrens lives, doesnt mean I wont do my part. Again, did I name her? No. Would I tell her off to her face? No. Do I do anything I can to help her children? Yes. All the bloody time. Dont assume you know my every action just because I needed a place to vent. This girl gets all the help me and my family can afford to give her. But yeah, thanks for assuming im a horrible person, that was very nice of you

Pot meet kettle. You are no better judging and bitching about your cousin on a forum. Talk to your family about this but judging and essentially talking poorly about people on assistance doesn't make you look like a great person.

naka92

BoomBarian said:

      @MelMel92, you are obviously upset with your cousin. I agree with the PP about offering up support and guidance if you feel so strongly. If it's too late for that, then why let her life bother you? Slut-shaming and complaining about 'welfare-queens' on a public forum will always make me think the OP has some deeper issues.

Her life bothers me because I see her little ones suffer because of it. I'd not say any of this to her face because we all DO try so hard to help her. Sorry for being human and thinking I could let some annoyance out on a forum where she cant ever read it, because she doesnt even know the language?  :-?  

naka92

bbiutmcph said:

@bbiutmcph Quite some assumptions you're making. At 14, she was living with her mom who took care of everything for her. She had plenty of support. Its not the environment shes around and knows, she actually has a house in quite a good neighbourhood (right where my own mom lives.) and get's lots of help from the entire family. Just because I need to vent somewhere about being sick and tired of her screwing up her own life and her childrens lives, doesnt mean I wont do my part. Again, did I name her? No. Would I tell her off to her face? No. Do I do anything I can to help her children? Yes. All the bloody time. Dont assume you know my every action just because I needed a place to vent. This girl gets all the help me and my family can afford to give her. But yeah, thanks for assuming im a horrible person, that was very nice of you

Pot meet kettle. You are no better judging and bitching about your cousin on a forum. Talk to your family about this but judging and essentially talking poorly about people on assistance doesn't make you look like a great person.

Where did I talk poorly about people on assistance? She's abusing the assistance system and refusing to get a job, thats very different from legitimately needing the assistance. And uhm, it would appear you're judging me, wont that make you look like a bad person as well then?

naka92

As per popular request, I'll just not butt in and let all 4 of her children starve. There, happy?

/thread. Dont expect me to ever hold back when I feel strongly about anything ya'll post. Nice days are over. Thanks for showing me your true colours, girls.

BoomBarian

MelMel92 said:

As per popular request, I'll just not butt in and let all 4 of her children starve. There, happy?

/thread. Dont expect me to ever hold back when I feel strongly about anything ya'll post. Nice days are over. Thanks for showing me your true colours, girls.

A bit dramatic. I said if you feel that strongly, to offer support and I meant it. Support does not have to be enabling. If you are worried about her children, tell her. That's REAL support. If she continues to receive handouts from the entire family with no repercussions for her actions, that is not support. 

My true colors will always be anti-slut-shaming. You got me. 

What does 'Nice days are over' mean? That you are going to attack the people who pointed out that you were being a bit harsh? Take a break, take a breath, it's the internet. Who gives a fuck what I say?

BoomBarian

PS:If you ever do feel strongly about anything I post, feel free to comment. I love opposing views, it helps even an oldie like me continue grow.

naka92

BoomBarian 

I've been supporting her for 10 years. We've told her that whats shes doing is affecting her childrens health many times. SHE DOESNT CARE. We can do quite literally nothing but try and protect her kids as much as possible, because she doesnt listen to reason. 

BoomBarian

MelMel92 said:

BoomBarian 

I've been supporting her for 10 years. We've told her that whats shes doing is affecting her childrens health many times. SHE DOESNT CARE. We can do quite literally nothing but try and protect her kids as much as possible, because she doesnt listen to reason. 

Sorry, guess I misunderstood. Thought you said you don't say any of this to her face.

    Anywho, it seems to get you pretty worked up. Maybe it's time to cut her out of your life?

naka92

BoomBarian

Sorry, guess I misunderstood. Thought you said you don't say any of this to her face.

    Anywho, it seems to get you pretty worked up. Maybe it's time to cut her out of your life?

I dont say it quite in this tone, and I dont go off on rants in her face as I know that'll just make her walk away. I dont mean that we dont have these conversations with her though. We try best as we can =/

Cutting her out of my life means one less person thats there for the kids, and those kids need anything they can get.. I put up with her as is just because I cant stand to see those children go hungry or without clothes. Yeah it gets me worked up, those children are my family and they are suffering because their mother doesnt love them in the slightest. That gets me real darn desperate.

bbiutmcph

MelMel92 said:

bbiutmcph said:

MelMel92 said:

@bbiutmcph Quite some assumptions you're making. At 14, she was living with her mom who took care of everything for her. She had plenty of support. Its not the environment shes around and knows, she actually has a house in quite a good neighbourhood (right where my own mom lives.) and get's lots of help from the entire family. Just because I need to vent somewhere about being sick and tired of her screwing up her own life and her childrens lives, doesnt mean I wont do my part. Again, did I name her? No. Would I tell her off to her face? No. Do I do anything I can to help her children? Yes. All the bloody time. Dont assume you know my every action just because I needed a place to vent. This girl gets all the help me and my family can afford to give her. But yeah, thanks for assuming im a horrible person, that was very nice of you

Pot meet kettle. You are no better judging and bitching about your cousin on a forum. Talk to your family about this but judging and essentially talking poorly about people on assistance doesn't make you look like a great person.

Where did I talk poorly about people on assistance? She's abusing the assistance system and refusing to get a job, thats very different from legitimately needing the assistance. And uhm, it would appear you're judging me, wont that make you look like a bad person as well then?

Why even bring up welfare more than once? I don't need to really judge you. You are laying it all there and getting very worked up showing you true colors. A few posters disagreed with your wording and obvious shaming of your cousin. You posted it and people will have opinions based on what you wrote. I simply tried to say maybe vs judging and shaming her you should try support based on your OP. You continue to go off about her. Two choices continue reporting her because I can assure if enough legit things are recorded it doesn't matter what she wants her kids will be taken. Or two cut her out. Done. Your colors have soon already.

naka92

bbiutmcph 

Why even bring up welfare more than once? I don't need to really judge you. You are laying it all there and getting very worked up showing you true colors. A few posters disagreed with your wording and obvious shaming of your cousin. You posted it and people will have opinions based on what you wrote. I simply tried to say maybe vs judging and shaming her you should try support based on your OP. You continue to go off about her. Two choices continue reporting her because I can assure if enough legit things are recorded it doesn't matter what she wants her kids will be taken. Or two cut her out. Done. Your colors have soon already.

Oh and you know this how? Are you an expert on the CPS system in other countries? Because you can assure me all you want, that wont change the fact that "de kinderberscherming" doesnt do jack shit. Like I said, my step-sister's son is enduring weekly beatings, some of which caught on tape, and they still do nothing at all. The system is majorly flawed and often times doesnt intervene until it's too late. They do not take kids away because they do not do their jobs. And cut her out? What comes of the kids if we all just leave them be and cut them out? Those children deserve better, much better. 

I keep mentioning welfare because she is ABUSING the welfare system. She could be a fantastic mom, on welfare, if she wanted. But she doesnt, and she takes the money that legally belongs to those children to go out and party. 

You're right, I am showing my true colours, for once. By not allowing some judgemental people on these boards to walk all over me and telling me I'm a bad person for wanting these babies to have a better life. Awful of me, I know.

bbiutmcph

It's not the right place to keep bitching. Use all this angry to help the kids. I worked with government programs up until a few months ago when I decided to SAH. Yes the system is flawed but if everything you are claiming is happening on situations then I can yes say that the situation can change. Seriously I think you need to step away from here and relax. No one here is walking all over you as you say. Simply having a conversation about how your wording got taken a certain way and how it made you appear.

naka92

bbiutmcph said:

It's not the right place to keep bitching. Use all this angry to help the kids. I worked with government programs up until a few months ago when I decided to SAH. Yes the system is flawed but if everything you are claiming is happening on situations then I can yes say that the situation can change. Seriously I think you need to step away from here and relax. No one here is walking all over you as you say. Simply having a conversation about how your wording got taken a certain way and how it made you appear.

No offense but you worked with an entirely different system and an entirely different government. I agree that if the same thing was happening in the US, it would likely get handled from what I see around me where I currently live, but sadly its entirely different back home. I cant use the anger to help the kids, because what am I going to do with it? Call the appropriate instances for the 60th time this year? And tell them what, the same old story? Show them the same old pictures? Make them talk to the same witnesses? They dont care. 

Thats the kicker: I came on here to vent so I could relax, instead I am now even more pissed off and emotional because no one seems to get that sometimes, you just need to vent somewhere. 

English is also not my native language, so yes, wording things while I'm fuming with anger isnt the easiest thing in the world. My English is still better than any Dutch I've seen attempted though.. so doesnt leave me with a choice as to what language to use. 

bbiutmcph

Your OP could have provided more details that obviously would have presented better. We only know what you post. Your OP painted a picture that got responses. Welfare and judging posts never go over well on public forums. These are more vents for people who you know IRL and know the story.

nianicho777

I completely agree. I know so many ppl with 1 or even 2 incomes sometimes, who still struggle to get by...and perfectly able bodies who sit there and collect welfare and pop out babies like that's their job. It's unfair and just pathetic. I totally get where you're coming from. I don't feel that you're attacking those in unfortunate situations who are doing their best, but more of the ones who don't give 1 crap about the lives they are bringing into the world or about making their best effort to do better for themselves and their kids!!

JaqiDec04

I'm sorry you are dealing with this cousin. BIL has a dead beat "baby mama" and she consistently runs out on my niece and BIL. And every time she runs off, DH and I were there to pick up the pieces for niece. She was 3 months old the first time. 3 years later, she finally is gone and it's a relief. It's awful and it's hard and it's easy to be angry at someone who hurts those you love.

I understand you are in a different country than the U.S., where most of our experiences would be based, but have you all spoken to a lawyer? You mention your cousin routinely dumps her kids with your family. Have you thought of filing court docs? Here, this qualifies as physical and financial abandonment, and is grounds to sue her for custody of her children.

I'm so sorry. I completely understand how hopeless it is when you just want to protect the children.

tracij12

@MelMel92 stories like this make me so sad. I was just talking to my mom today about a family member in a similar situation. It's frustrating when you try and there is nothing you can do. Keep trying to support when you can and try not to let it get you down.

BoomBarian

@MelMel92, I'm honestly curious-what response were you looking for with your OP? You changed your tune to make it seem as if you needed help dealing with her, but you started out by simply saying you had a slutty cousin who neglected her children and you didn't like that. What did you expect, honestly? No one is walking all over you, I think you are over-reacting and for what it's worth, I have no intentions of arguing or making you feel angry. If you originally would have stated you wanted help, I would have offered help. (While still recommending you lay off the slut remarks.)