@BoomBarian I gathered she just needed to vent and then people started jumping down her throat for poor wording. The compassion people are telling her to show has not been shown to her so yes I can see why she would be defensive. She is right, there is no reason for people to get assistance if they aren't helping their children. Assistance was designed to help get people back on their feet, not support them for years on end. By having individuals living off assistance instead of getting jobs when they are more than capable but see it's easier to live off the states aid; it stops those who need it temporarily from being able to get it.
The woman who said she is homeless about to have a baby, assistance is there to help people like her get on her feet so she can help better her life for her child.
There are people who take advantage of the system and it should outrage people, because of them it's not available to those who need it temporarily.
Yeah, that's the thing about venting on a public forum: you're gonna get responses. Some will commiserate, some will have a different opinion.
FTR, I don't buy the poor-wording angle, she worded it fine. She thinks her cousin is slutty and abusing the system. I'm not confused about that. That is what I responded to. When she said she wanted to help the children, I responded to that, too. I really don't think she wanted any advice, she just wanted other people to say her cousin sucks as bad as she thinks she does, so she can feel better about herself. Because that is the whole point of calling people names: to feel better about yourself.
That is an over explanation of my comments and thoughts on the post. I don't know why I have to spell it out so. It makes me sound like a bitch when I was simply replying to a post I found offensive.
Anyone who defends irresponsible people bringing new life into the world because slut shaming is mean is just ridiculous. Some people don't need a friend or a good example, they just need to be sterilized.
Anyone who defends irresponsible people bringing new life into the world because slut shaming is mean is just ridiculous. Some people don't need a friend or a good example, they just need to be sterilized.
This, all this!!!
Married DH 08.28.10
Pregnancy #1: BFP 04.10.11 EDD 12.23.11 DD1 Born 12.4.11
Pregnancy #2: BFP 5.12.14 MC 5.20.14 @ 5wk4d
Pregnancy #3: BFP 11.1.14 EDD 7.5.15 MC 11.13.14 @ 6wk4d
Pregnancy #4: BFP 1.31.15 EDD 10.5.15 DD2 Born 9.23.15
@MelMel92 I've been in similar situations and have close friends in similar situations. It's hard! You get stuck in a weird limbo of what is supporting and what is enabling? When do you report to the authorities and when are you over reacting? And cutting them out of your life just negatively affects the children which is the last thing you want. Ug! It's an all around bad situation to deal with
I also get very worked up about people taking advantage of public assistance because assistance is there to ASSIST- Temporarily!!! And when people take advantage they make it harder for those who really need it to get that help.
I think some posters are missing the part about your cousin isn't in the US and laws are different there.
I hope some day SOON your cousin decides to care more for her children or they can be placed with relatives that want them. It hurts to think of babies not getting the care they deserve
I don't like the word "slut" though. I get upset by that word. I totally agree that bringing home random men is not safe around the kids and that being sexually active with multiple partners without using protection is terribly irresponsible! "Slut" is considered a pretty nasty word to a lot of Americans, especially feminists, so it's a dangerous word to use sometimes. It implies a lot of negative judgment of a woman based on her having multiple sexual partners. I think I would have used the phrase "irresponsibly promiscuous." It might still upset people but I think it's less inflammatory and maybe shows more what you meant as in the problem isn't that she likes sex but that she engages in high risk sex with multiple partners. I don't ever keep tabs on who sleeps with whom or with how many people, but I'll sure get upset if I hear about friends or family sleeping around without protection cause that's dangerous! And I really, really, really dislike strangers being allowed around children. So bringing a stranger or a very new boyfriend home to have sex when your children are there seems like a potentially dangerous situation for the children. - I hope I managed to say that right.- I don't judge consenting adults for having sex. Just use protection unless you are in a committed relationship or trying to procreate and don't endanger your children.
Anyone who defends irresponsible people bringing new life into the world because slut shaming is mean is just ridiculous. Some people don't need a friend or a good example, they just need to be sterilized.
I assume this is directed at me? I'm a meanie? I defended nothing. I called someone out on slut-shaming, among other things, because I found the post offensive. I offered compassion as an option. It's not like I volunteered someone for sterilization or anything having never met them. Relax.
ETA: I misread. I'm not mean, I'm ridiculous? That's very true.
Tried to get pregnant at 14 to get out of school? Oy! It sounds like she needs a swift kick in the butt...it is terribly sad that the kids are put in the middle of this. It honestly sounds like she has some real underlying issues that have never been dealt with and her kids will probably suffer because of it. The whole situation is heartbreaking. Oh and people need to stop getting so butt hurt on here....she was venting. There..now you can all whine that I offensively used the term 'butt hurt' and lay off the OP a bit
@tuinstrab "Butt hurt" is one of my favorite all time phrases! Lol! It's so crass and ridiculous and inappropriate but for some reason it makes me laugh. I'm actually terrified that I'll slip up and say it in front of my kid! It's not a curse but I still consider it "bad" language in that I wouldn't want my child to say it. But I say it all the time! "Butt hurt." )
this post really kinda made me feel bad about myself. this is my first pregnancy (unplanned). my boyfriend (who is the father) just got arrested and is facing a 7 month sentence. i am homeless and currently trying to get into a halfway where i am allowed to bring the baby once he is born. i do not have a job or steady income so i am going to get government assistance. i was completely unprepared for this pregnancy and child. but just because i am in this situation does not mean that i will not do my absolute best to give my son the best life that i can provide. i often sit and reflect on my life, and have considered adoption, for the fact that as a mother you want to be able to provide for you child/children and give them the world. and i thought maybe my son would be better off getting adopted into a family that can give him everything he wants in life. and it took me a while to realize, i am his mother. his chance at the best life possible is with me. nobody can ever love my baby the way i love my baby. idk, maybe i am just being sensitive and emotional (which seems to be a lot lately) but i did find this post a little offensive. my heart definitely goes out to everyone trying to conceive who has their lives together, and is ready to provide for a baby. but i know i already love this little boy, who i haven't even met yet, with all of my heart, and i am willing and ready to do anything and everything i can to take care of him, even if that means government assistance!
From what you posted on other threads, it sounds like you're working to get your life in order. The girl in question here seems to have zero interest in doing so. Don't let someone's rant about her cousin, a completely different person, make you feel bad about YOU.
There's nothing wrong with accepting assistance to help you move forward in life. You may be where you are because of bad choices, but you don't have to stay there. People may judge your past, but you have control over your future.
Re: Highly annoyed, rant!
The woman who said she is homeless about to have a baby, assistance is there to help people like her get on her feet so she can help better her life for her child.
There are people who take advantage of the system and it should outrage people, because of them it's not available to those who need it temporarily.
You are so sweet to be there for those babies. Sounds like support from you and your family is the only fighting chance those little ones have.
You get stuck in a weird limbo of what is supporting and what is enabling? When do you report to the authorities and when are you over reacting? And cutting them out of your life just negatively affects the children which is the last thing you want. Ug! It's an all around bad situation to deal with
I also get very worked up about people taking advantage of public assistance because assistance is there to ASSIST- Temporarily!!! And when people take advantage they make it harder for those who really need it to get that help.
I think some posters are missing the part about your cousin isn't in the US and laws are different there.
I hope some day SOON your cousin decides to care more for her children or they can be placed with relatives that want them. It hurts to think of babies not getting the care they deserve
I don't like the word "slut" though. I get upset by that word. I totally agree that bringing home random men is not safe around the kids and that being sexually active with multiple partners without using protection is terribly irresponsible! "Slut" is considered a pretty nasty word to a lot of Americans, especially feminists, so it's a dangerous word to use sometimes. It implies a lot of negative judgment of a woman based on her having multiple sexual partners. I think I would have used the phrase "irresponsibly promiscuous." It might still upset people but I think it's less inflammatory and maybe shows more what you meant as in the problem isn't that she likes sex but that she engages in high risk sex with multiple partners. I don't ever keep tabs on who sleeps with whom or with how many people, but I'll sure get upset if I hear about friends or family sleeping around without protection cause that's dangerous! And I really, really, really dislike strangers being allowed around children. So bringing a stranger or a very new boyfriend home to have sex when your children are there seems like a potentially dangerous situation for the children. - I hope I managed to say that right.- I don't judge consenting adults for having sex. Just use protection unless you are in a committed relationship or trying to procreate and don't endanger your children.
There's nothing wrong with accepting assistance to help you move forward in life. You may be where you are because of bad choices, but you don't have to stay there. People may judge your past, but you have control over your future.