husband did nothing for mothers day. Am I wrong for being upset — The Bump
September 2015 Moms

husband did nothing for mothers day. Am I wrong for being upset

I know the baby isn't here yet but I feel that he should have done/gotten something. I've had a slightly complicated pregnancy and I'm feeling a little under appreciated. Am I over reacting??
kbrisker3
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Re: husband did nothing for mothers day. Am I wrong for being upset

  • I'm so sorry. You deserve acknowledgement in some type of way, let him have it girl lol my husband went golfing and he doesn't understand why I'm upset about it either
    porchialpiscesmommy222
  • Mine told me happy mothers day but no gifts or anything, a card would have been nice. I dont think men really understand what hard work it is to be pregnant especially i youve had a hard time.
    porchialpiscesmommy222aishachalitazavtra
  • kbfashkbfash
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    Same here...and he even asked me what's for breakfast. I get the feeling it's not nearly as real for them yet. Better make it up next year! My MIL and SIL both made up with it by getting me cute outfits for the LO. Hope you had a great day anyway, Happy Mothers Day!
    barrelocarolpiscesmommy222
  • SemattiSematti
    500 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments 5 Answers
    member
    I honestly wouldn't be too hard on him. My husband did some nice things for me but only because I put the idea in his head. Lol I honestly don't think he would have thought of it on his own. Not because he's a bad guy but just because he wouldn't have. I'm sorry you're upset though!! Just talk to him about it. I hope it gets better for you. :)
  • You're not overreacting and I am not making excuses, but some guys have to be reminded AKA told what to do. Is he like that in other ways? My husband told me today, "You have to tell me when you want to hear something sweet." Then it sounds insincere! Just know that you're not alone, look at the replies to your post and tell him to at least go get you dessert! The day's not over yet.
    porchialSematti
  • melco19melco19
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary Photogenic
    member
    I wouldn't be upset about that. Sadly guys just don't think the way we do. He likely never even thought that it would be something you would like. They just aren't wired that way

     

    realsquirrel
  • I'm glad I'm not the only one. I've gotten texts from lots of friends and his cousin even brought me a card and a candle...it's like everyone thought of me today but him....he did say happy mothers day but a card or some flowers would have been nice. I just told him that I was disappointed and now he wants to go get me something but I don't wanna be an after thought.
  • I wouldn't stress too much about it. It's not as real for most men until the baby is actually here so I think they feel it's not your first Mother's Day until baby is actually here. It's not uncommon and like a previous person said some guys do need to be told or reminded of what we want/expect
    realsquirrel
  • I explicitly told boyfriend I wanted him to send me flowers at work. I work as a concierge, and every time residents come by the front desk and see flowers, they ask who they're for (nosy old people, haha). I was planning to use it as my announcement to those of them that I saw today, since I'm 20 weeks and barely showing at all. He said okay...and today...nothing!

    I'm blaming the fact that he's getting a cold, haha, although really I should blame our boss. They're pretty close and he's been BF's sounding board for all things baby-related. BF asked him if he did anything for his wife for Mother's Day (they've got two adorable kids), and his response was "I gave her children." HA!

    I knew I wasn't going to get anything special. I've kind of resigned myself to the fact that my boyfriend does not have a romantic bone in his body. It doesn't help that the one time he spontaneously got me flowers, I automatically assumed he had done something wrong (this was early on in our relationship, after he hadn't even gotten me flowers for my birthday). I ruined it for myself haha. 

    barrelocarol
  • Mine left at 9 o'clock this morning to go be with his sister who had her 7 month old twins dedicated today (I refused to go because they wanted me to drop all my plans with my own mother so the day could revolve around SIL). I spent the day with my mom planting flowers and then baked her a cake and cooked dinner. I did get a text around 3 o'clock that said Happy Mother's Day but that's all he'd done. He finally shows back up at 8:30 tonight and I was sitting on the porch with my mom and he wished us a Happy Mother's Day and gave me a card which he probably only got cuz he knew I wasn't to happy. He also made sure to point out that he went and made his mother dinner (crab legs) but obviously forgot about me...that's okay the cheeseburgers I had with my mommy were just as good! Just makes you feel a little under appreciated when your going through all this crap and carrying their child and they can't even acknowledge all that we are doing...and I don't care what anyone says because we are most definitely mothers...without us our children literally couldn't survive.
    piscesmommy222kk727
  • Well you can't help how you feel; if you're upset, you're upset. A second perspective though, is that most guys need a little direction before recognizing some of this stuff, so try not to let it ruin your whole day. He probably doesn't even consider you a mom yet because the baby isn't here, and I'm sure it was a simple oversight and not to be taken personally. Holidays don't mean anything to me, so if my husband forgets and doesn't give me a card or flowers, no big deal. He knows I like thoughtful gifts and attention, but I don't require it on specific days. If it's really important to you, you're going to have to make it clear to him ahead of time. For what it's worth, Happy Mother's Day from a fellow first time mommy!!!
    barrelocarolnikkidavis421str13
  • ElecinElecin
    Seventh Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    member
    I think we should cut guys a break on this one. I think men are way more literal and if the baby isn't here yet they dont think of us as mothers just yet. I dont really agree but I would do my best to remind myself that it's probably not coming from a bad place.

    Now, you're completely justified to feel what you feel but I just think I'd cut him a little slack on this one. Maybe talk to him about it. He might have a 'DOH' moment and feel really bad.

    Just my opinion. :)
    schwens3shelbydd
  • barrelocarolbarrelocarol
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    edited May 2015
    I agree with @mrscaterosales Your feelings are never ever wrong. Never invalidate your feelings.

    Now, I also agree that men need guidance. Hints, subtlety, non-explicit directions...that stuff doesn't work.

    I don't think my husband sees me as a mom yet and it's probably because it's still so new to us. Not that you need to think this way, but I thought...I'll take this to mean he still sees me as his sexy wife. THAT is what I always always want and hope never changes. Yesterday, he gave me the gift of showing me how sexy he thinks I am. :x \:D/

    Edited always and forever for auto correct. When can we stop writing this?
    PrincessPiperstr13
  • ^^this last section!! =))
    PrincessPiperElecin
  • J0C0TXJ0C0TX
    Long-Lasting Membership 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    member
    edited May 2015
    Turd muffins! Wow! Love it!!

    When I was on my first pregnancy I got nothing, no card, nothing. I didn't expect it. And to be fair my husband has taken years to figure out I love a nice card / that'll do :)

    When it was Father's Day that year I got him a card and a book from baby but that was it. Not a guilt thing, just coz I wanted to. We have 2 very different ways of expressing ourselves.

    It's different now of course but don't get wound up would be my advice. Guys look at stuff differently. The Venus/Mars thing has some truth behind it!
    barrelocarol
  • Well mine had to work a 12 hour shift today. Texted me happy Mother's Day. He is up and gone for work before I get up. When he got home he asked me if I want to go to his moms so he could tell her happy Mother's Day! I'm kinda irritated but he is terrible with anything like this.

    barrelocarol
  • IzziesIzzies
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    I'm sorry your not having a good day! When I was pregnante with DD I literally had to tell my husband to not screw up my first Mother's Day because he was adamant that we not celebrate MD until after baby was here. I was particularly mad because we always celebrated before I was pregnante with our fur babies. He did get me something that year but I literally threatened him.
    Sometimes men are just stupid and need to be told, explicitly!
    I hope your day gets better!!
  • "A gold plated pony"! That's awesome!

    If there's something I really, really want my husband to do for me, sometimes I'll send him a text message but announce that it's really his conscience that's texting him. I know it's silly, but the humor helps it stick sometimes.
    Izziestheglitteredpterodactylbarrelocarolholmeslindsey
  • So I definitely expressed that it was important to me. He asked what I wanted and I showed him some ideas. Then he said it wasn't a present if I picked it out!
    So far nothing from him, he says we are doing something Tuesday. Not sure if he forgot/didn't care or truly spent the time researching. I just can't really believe that he needs to be walked through it since that had definitely been addressed.
    But our families gave me cards, etc.
    So I guess we will see Tuesday.
  • All I asked for was a Sunday paper this morning while he was getting an arrangement for his mom. He forgot. Wouldn't be the first time! Oh well!
  • Mousemama said:

    "...it's really his conscience that's texting him. I know it's silly, but the humor helps it stick sometimes.

    I love it, that's a cute idea. We've been working on communicating because I get frustrated spelling everything out for him and he gets frustrated feeling like he never gets things right. This might help :-) Thanks!
    Mousemamabarrelocarol
  • str13str13
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    I agree with that guy are "turd muffins"!!! Lol I love that term!! Haha
    I had work today, but when I was getting ready to walk out the door I said, "it's my special day...." DH said, "okay, I love you." So I announced again that it was my special day!! Finally he said happy mothers day to me! I didn't get anything, but I figured that, I didn't expressly ask for anything!! I love DH, and we're used to each other now. I know that if I want something, I'm going to have to specifically say in agonizing detail exactly what I want!!
    *note: I'm pregnant with our freaking third!!

    I'm with @mrscaterosales never apologize for your feelings!!
    barrelocarol
  • I didn't think I should be celebrated ad a mom this year because I haven't delivered/earned it yet, but dh surprised me w flowers tonight after work!!
  • My husband asked me a few times if he had to do anything for Mother's Day yet. I let him off the hook. He doesn't see that I'm already "mommy" to two needy furbabies lol so he wouldn't have done anything for that. Id rather have next year be super special celebrating my first Mother's Day with my baby girl.
    image
  • ardmj80ardmj80
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Photogenic
    member
    So we are a blended family with this baby being #7... What did I get for Mother's Day... I got to wake up early with the kids, get breakfast while DH slept in. He came upstairs to breakfast on the table, and I asked " is this Mother's Day or Father's Day?" He then replied happy Mother's Day. I played with the kids for a little while then got up and got ready. I asked him very pissed off if he could have the kids dressed before I came back home. He proceeds to ask where are you going, and I said I'm going to get flowers for your late wife's grave, her mom, and my grandma..... Happy f-ing Mother's Day to me. All the while trying hard not to cry. How screws up is that? Everyone else got Mother's Day gifts except me. I'm soooo over it. I'm not doing shit for Father's Day.
    kjjellybeanv1wwoIzziesRoseRios15
  • You're entitled to feel however you feel, even if not everyone will agree that this mothers day was the time to have expectations. I get why you feel the way you do, it sounds like you've had a rough time. I hope you'll give him a break, though. Not everyone see's us as mothers yet and they're not wrong. And you're not wrong for already feeling like a mom.

    I personally had no expectations for mothers day. I haven't been through any of the hardships of becoming a mother, I haven't gone through labor or given birth, I haven't done 2am feedings or diaper changing.. you get my point. There will be other mothers days once the babies are here.
    image
    Peony1982irenejeanberticus87
  • I think you're overreacting but only if you don't have any kids yet. I see it as you are pregnant and technically not a mother yet, so there is no need for celebration.
    Peony1982soberrysweetberticus87wassuphoes
  • @ardmj80 I'm sorry you had such a lousy Mother's Day. I don't have any insight, but I just wanted to offer my sympathy.
    barrelocarol
  • mnhugomnhugo
    First Comment Photogenic
    member
    My question is what did you want him to do? I'm a mom and got a hanging basket after he let his mom and ex-wife pick out which one they wanted. Was I annoyed-yeap! But then again I didn't speak up on what I wanted!! So if you don't tell him what you want he will NEVER know!
  • I mean I guess.  I'm not sure.  I grew up with my dad jokingly saying to my mom every year, you aren't my mom.  My mom or dh or no one gave me anything for mother's day.  THe family got together for a cookout with all the moms doing all the cooking and we had a fun time.  It's just what we've done every year for 30 years.  We don't do much for mother's day or father's day, so I didn't feel bad at all.

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  • I think it's fair to say that everyone's experiences, growing up and now, are different. People celebrate differently and all of us are connecting to our pregnancies and growing babies in different ways. I see nothing wrong with someone finding this mother's day as a way of getting connected to the huge changes going on in their world and body, and it can feel frustrating to have a partner who isn't on the same page. Can there also be a level of entitlement? Occasionally, I guess, but snarking on that isn't going to enlighten anyone. Sharing common experiences and different interpretations of how we've all experienced the holiday/pregnancy expectations in general is a lot more likely to help someone who might be evaluating their own feelings and what level of expectation is appropriate for them.
    squigles28Mousemama
  • amyandpeanutamyandpeanut
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper Photogenic
    member
    edited May 2015
    I can commiserate with you ladies... I was hoping for a little recognition on mother's day too, and didn't get it. Even just a card, and an "I think you're gonna be an awesome mom" from him would have been great. I am a FTM, but I consider myself a mom... Being pregnant, we've already sacrificed for our LOs and carry them with us 24/7. I was upset, but I guess men just think about these things differently. He's normally pretty thoughtful, and he knows pregnancy has been hard on me. So much for our first MD. Better luck to all of us next year... If he doesn't do a better job then, he's definitely going to hear about it.

    Edited for autocorrect
  • v1wwov1wwo
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    member
    I for one got really upset yesterday! I am an easy cryer and my hormones are not helping this situation either.
    Tho this is my first child and technically she still unborn, I am a mother of some kind!!
    Some of us went through hell and back in our first trimester and by now I bet we all feel the baby taking its toll on our bodies. I for one look like a pregnant cow in my new dress... And my right hip is killing me!
    Some of us may not deserve macaroni necklace just yet, nor are we our husbands' mothers (well that could be negotiable sometimes ) but we do deserve some sort of pat in the back! We do deserve the cards, chocolates, flowers, breakfast in beds!
    So it's ok to be upset this time and let them know that they screwed up this very special day for us! As for us mommas/mommas-to-be, lets love ourselves and do what will make us happy this week because we earned respect.
    As for the daddies let's show them a good fathers day because they somehow deserve it as well.

    >:D<
    squigles28barrelocarol
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