Sharing pregnancy with another family member

obimom

Like PP have said... Be happy for your LO that they will have a cousin so close in age that they can bond with.
My brother and his partner have no intentions of adoption. DH doesn't have any siblings. My baby will likely never have a cousin. Our closest friends will have kids some day... But definitely not soon. Our children will know each other as cousins, but likely with at least 2 yrs apart. Some people let the most ridiculous shit get in the way... Don't take family for granted, especially with baby on the way. It's about them now, not you.

kaynix21

Well since your bil/sil are already married, why don't you and your BF just decide to have a wedding? Double whammy. That will show them. 

#winning 

This thread makes my head hurt.

bellaganoush

Here is my brief story - 3 years TTC, 1 failed IVF and now 16 weeks pregnant. Yippeee! The day after we got our wonderful news, my younger SIL called to say they were expecting and they are 2 weeks ahead of us. WE ARE SO EXCITED! It's so nice to know the bubs will grow up together and to go through pregnancy together. Family dinners are so exciting! They didn't know our struggles and got pregnant very easily as soon as they started trying. Every baby is a blessing. I am, however, super thankful that we didn't receive their news after another failed IVF attempt. Be happy for them! The competition can only exist if you decide it will.

Kristaaa03

My best friend is due 5 days before me
And my sister in law is due 5 days after me

I couldn't be happier for all of us

We've all had our fair share of struggles getting pregnant (it's baby number 2 for my best friend)

And we couldn't be happier for each other!

I think everyone should think less competition, more excitement
You have people to share it with, and your kids will have other kids that they know well very close in age! Sounds amazing to me

xxstephh

I actually mentioned to my brother & his girlfriend that I slightly wish they were pregnant with us, so we could share in it together ! But their not looking to have children for Another few years lol
I think you should be happy for them , having a baby isn't a competition ! It's a blessing I'm just blessed that I'm pregnant with a healthy baby, whether ALL my family were pregnant !
Just be happy

lgsdesigner

This reminds me of when my sister was pg the same time I was (with my 2nd pregnancy, her first). She was jealous that I got pregnant right after she did, and thought I was "competing" with her and "trying to steal her spotlight". Nope. My pregnancy was 100% planned, and her's was a surprise with a guy she met at a tattoo convention.

What I did was be the bigger person and let her know I am very excited to have a niece on the way, and someone my little one can play with, and I was not trying to steal her spotlight in any manner.

We both had girls (the first girls of the family), but the rest of the family honestly didn't care what our baby's sexes were...just that they were both healthy.

Just be an adult about it, and let it go. Enjoy your pregnancy, and celebrate theirs.

ellab043

With my first we called to tell my SIL and BIL we were pregnant and the said "we are too!". We ended up having our DD 14 days after they had their first son. I had so much fun being pregnant with someone to chat/complain/whine with and our children are still best friends 7 years later. 

Put your big girl panties on and get some perspective. 

lupineaura

I have jealousy! But not for a spotlight. I am so jealous of all of you ladies who have siblings/friends who are due around the same time as you! We are the last in both our families to have children, so the cousin closest in age to these guys will be like six years older than them. The oldest cousin has already graduated from college. On the flip side, we are the first in our friends group to have kids. Finding playmates is tough!

Snapdragon750

Can I also add that with two kids who are the only grandchildren/great-grandchildren on both sides of divorced parents, the spotlight is SERIOUSLY overrated?  From everyone asking how you're feeling and how dilated you are (later on) to the revolving door of visitors ("didn't we just HAVE your dad?  What, it's been a year??  Oh yeah because we had everyone else in between."), to the constant skyping and occasional jealousy that we're skyping with so-and-so instead of so-and-so when so-and-so totally asked first and never gets to skype with us, you should be jumping for joy that you are having to share the spotlight.  Seriously.

dj99

I'm guessing that the OP is not coming back to respond here.

kac22

lupineaura said:

I have jealousy! But not for a spotlight. I am so jealous of all of you ladies who have siblings/friends who are due around the same time as you! We are the last in both our families to have children, so the cousin closest in age to these guys will be like six years older than them. The oldest cousin has already graduated from college. On the flip side, we are the first in our friends group to have kids. Finding playmates is tough!

I'm with you in this boat, only the opposite. I am much older than my siblings and DH only has one brother and who knows when and if he'll ever have kids. Makes me a little sad that my LOs will never have cousins their age! 

jraeohyeaaa

Ok I didn't ready every response here but I can probably assume I agree with most PPs...this is ridiculous.  I only wish I had close family members who were pregnant at the same time as me!  DH and I are the oldest in our families so we are the first and none of our siblings are even dating anybody so it will be awhile before LO has any cousins at all.  Even my cousins my age (who are some of my best friends) aren't anywhere close to having babies.

I grew up with around 30 cousins on each side, and had at least 6 on each side that were within a year or two of my age.  They are now some of my best friends and that is one of the things I am grieving about over this pregnancy...that we are so far ahead of anyone else in our family!  You should be grateful that your child will have cousins so close in age, instead of fussing over the fact that they are pregnant at the same time as you.

McBaby19

Geez these responses were not what I expected lol. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Here's mine:

I've got a crazy dysfunctional family and 6 siblings, so life is always a competition. I understand how you're feeling. I don't think you're crazy or selfish or whatever else. I think I'd probably have the same thought at some point too if another member of my family suddenly became pregnant. I am in the middle of all my siblings, and I'm having the first grandchild of the family. Two older sisters are lesbians and older brother is in a LDR. I take a bit of pride in it, because it's something positive in my life compared to other mishaps. When we announced, everyone was excited. After a while my older sister became kind of jealous, she really wants kids (her partner and her are waiting for financial stability). I'd be thrilled if anyone became pregnant as well because I could have someone to relate to and help each other out. It's not going to happen though. And I'm thankful for that as well because I like having a little positive attention. This pregnancy was not planned and it hasn't been easy. The support has been a blessing. I think I'm rambling.

Long story short, I see where you're coming from. The spotlight and new excitement feels good. It doesn't mean you're superior to anyone else, however. Think of it as an opportunity to get advice since she's had kids before and can relate to your feelings and whatnot. Enjoy your pregnancy, and remember, it's still YOUR first, so everyone is still excited for you two. And also, boys will be boys. Lol

McBaby19

Can anyone here honestly say they don't compete in their family? There's no jealousy or one-upping each other? And that you've ALWAYS been completely supportive of everything your siblings have done? It's not like OP has wished her SIL to miscarry or anything like that. Who actually likes sharing spotlight?
Not intending to cause drama. Just my opinions. :-\"

thegabymama

I'm due 6 months to the day after my sister in law. We started trying because I've wanted to be a mom forever and we always assumed we would have the first kiddo. It was one of the most exciting things when she got pregnant and we wanted to be able to raise our kids together. When we shared our news with them, they were beyond thrilled and we all shared a few tears. It's been so very helpful and wonderful having my SIL to talk to about being pregnant, moral support is huge right now. She is due any day and all four of us are extremely excited about both. My husband is very close in age and in spirit with his brother and this has never been about competition. It's always been about family. Rethink a few things and count your blessings.

McBaby19

I must have some backwards family then. Oh well, it works for us! :-bd

KellyFM522

My SILs are super sensitive, mostly perpetuated by my MIL. The day of my nieces baby blessing, DH and I bought a car (a car.....), my MIL made DH park it up the street away from the house so he wouldn't steal her (my SILs) day. (Big eye roll) in what world does a car trump a baby you crazies??

OP, I WISH I had a cousin close in age- my next closest is 6 years younger and the closest girl cousin is 12 years younger. Count your blessings. But accusing someone of getting pregnant on purpose, in a matter of days is BSC. No one who already has two kids takes that decision lightly.

MichelleKirkpatrick

McBaby19 said:

Can anyone here honestly say they don't compete in their family? There's no jealousy or one-upping each other? And that you've ALWAYS been completely supportive of everything your siblings have done? It's not like OP has wished her SIL to miscarry or anything like that. Who actually likes sharing spotlight? Not intending to cause drama. Just my opinions. :-\"

HONESTLY. None of that shit.  We have one that married in that probably feels that way, but the rest of us don't pay attention to her nonsense. Everyone else is peachy. Competition is for board games, sports, etc! Not for baby having and family issues. Plus only children such as myself never have to compete for attention. Contrary to most opinions on only children loving "the spotlight", I hate being in it. I wouldn't mind sharing it at all.  I share the opinion of the majority of the other posters: if I did have someone in the family (cousins in my case) that got pregnant around the same time it would be fabulous!  What a fun journey to share! 

Courtney4345

babyschild said:

so my bf and I were just told his brother and sister in law are 7 weeks pregnant (due in July). This will be their 3rd child but it seems like the started trying once they found out about us. It's always been a competition between the brothers. Well now I'm starting to feel like our pregnancy isn't as "exciting" now. Actually we both think this. Now it's the "competition" of who will have the first boy. I feel like it's not a special time anymore and just a race to see who will "win". Am I crazy for thinking these things? My bf doesn't mention it (competition) but it was a conversation the night we were told.

First, why is everyone so mean about this?

Next, I can kind of relate. But in my situation, I'm trying to avoid and dispurse any 'competition' talk. My husband and his brother have ALWAYS been incredibly competitive. Not in sports or games, but who is overall better at life and who is more successful. Most if this nonsense comes from the in-law side. They always think we are trying to be better than them when really, I couldn't care less. We lead such different lifestyles that we aren't even comparable.

That said, my husband and I did not get pregnant on purpose. As luck has it, we are only 2 weeks behind them. "How great!" I thought...not great. Not great at all. They were pissed. Not happy for us and now that it's down to finding out if we are having boys or girls, I'm afraid to know. They found out on Tuesday that they've got a girl and they are PISSED. They even voice to the parents how upset they'll be if we have the first boy. We find out on Sunday...just a few hours before we celebrate Thanksgiving. Heaven help my loud mouth if it's a boy. It will ruin their holiday.

When we found out from FIL how upset they were about the girl, he brought up all the other competitions we'll be facing. Who walks first, who talks first, who reads first, who is smarter. This will be a long journey.

Coming from the side of your SIL it seems: try not to let it be a competition. I would do anything to celebrate with them and enjoy this (or complain sometimes) with someone. Being torn over these petty 'competitions' is heart breaking and although it's a 2 way street, try to keep yours clear and positive. If they are starting the drama, don't give in.

mp03jp

I get the "family competes" thing.

My SIL is like this BAD and with every aspect of her life. school/babies/marriage/houses/relationships all of it. I try not to feed into her. But TBH sometimes it's hard. At least I feel I can't make any kind of comment on anything in life w/o her adding in something about how they are doing the same thing.

I did giggle a lot though after we said something about trying to fix our credit so we could buy a house and she decided she was going to as well. But then she complained to me about how she checks her and her DH's credit every two weeks and it keeps going down.

I tend to avoid competition and conflict and so most of the time I can just say oh well she's being AW but it does still bug me from time to time. 

Snapdragon750

About competition in familes:  Yeah.  I have an SIL who is super competitive about the spotlight to the point that (I found out after the fact) H was told not to propose to me during such-and-such time because it would take the spotlight away from her "graduation week."  Graduation.  Week.  I didn't even ask anyone to come to my graduation DAY because who cares.

My point in saying this is that SIL is kind of crazy about this spotlight thing.  So is OP.  OP is the attention-hogging SIL in my story, and everyone is calling her out as such.  The end.

Hawk&Eye

My brother and his girlfriend had a baby almost exactly a year after we had DS. It's been great watching DS and his.cousin grow up together! If I had a complaint, it would have been that they did it sooner so my future SIL and I could have shared our pregnancies together! Babies are a good thing and the order in which they come shouldn't matter in the least. It would be a shame to add competition to the mix. You all could have a great time with it and have each other to lean on if and when it's needed. I hope you can work it out because it could be an amazing blessing for your whole family!

swinslow2

@CanyonRain‌ Thank you. I have a very big family. I have 9 siblings before counting in laws and being number 9 out of 10 i was able to learn from watching them...kinda like a life long "what not to do" lesson. Im no stranger to drama but ive become an expert at avoiding it

kaynix21

I have no siblings. I'm by far the youngest in my generation, there is no competition in our family at all.

H has a sister who just got married. I would LOVE it if they were pregnant or thinking about having kids soon. Even with a huge age difference I grew up with about 20 cousins and it was awesome. I hope my child(ren) get that chance.

mhilpisch10

When I was pregnant with my son my sister got pregnant 5 months later. A very snail part of me worried we would be competitive and jealous. It turned out to be the greatest thing ever! So fun to have a pregnancy buddy and so fun to see the babies be so close in age. This is a good thing.

SassFrass

My sil and I, and my husbands cousin are all pregnant right now. I think its fun. My sil and are arr due a week apart. Our cousin is due beginning of May. All with our seconds. Sil has a 10 yo, I have an almost 6 yo, and the cousin has a under 5. We love each other and are happy we get to do this together.

abethany

My husband's brother told his girlfriend that now that we were pregnant, they needed a baby too.

It's not totally out of the question for people to be crazy like this. Just enjoy your time being pregnant and all of the moments for you, your baby and your boyfriend. You only have your first once.

Courtney4345

ajzmommy said:

Courtney4345 said:

so my bf and I were just told his brother and sister in law are 7 weeks pregnant (due in July). This will be their 3rd child but it seems like the started trying once they found out about us. It's always been a competition between the brothers. Well now I'm starting to feel like our pregnancy isn't as "exciting" now. Actually we both think this. Now it's the "competition" of who will have the first boy. I feel like it's not a special time anymore and just a race to see who will "win". Am I crazy for thinking these things? My bf doesn't mention it (competition) but it was a conversation the night we were told.

First, why is everyone so mean about this?

Next, I can kind of relate. But in my situation, I'm trying to avoid and dispurse any 'competition' talk. My husband and his brother have ALWAYS been incredibly competitive. Not in sports or games, but who is overall better at life and who is more successful. Most if this nonsense comes from the in-law side. They always think we are trying to be better than them when really, I couldn't care less. We lead such different lifestyles that we aren't even comparable.

That said, my husband and I did not get pregnant on purpose. As luck has it, we are only 2 weeks behind them. "How great!" I thought...not great. Not great at all. They were pissed. Not happy for us and now that it's down to finding out if we are having boys or girls, I'm afraid to know. They found out on Tuesday that they've got a girl and they are PISSED. They even voice to the parents how upset they'll be if we have the first boy. We find out on Sunday...just a few hours before we celebrate Thanksgiving. Heaven help my loud mouth if it's a boy. It will ruin their holiday.

When we found out from FIL how upset they were about the girl, he brought up all the other competitions we'll be facing. Who walks first, who talks first, who reads first, who is smarter. This will be a long journey.

Coming from the side of your SIL it seems: try not to let it be a competition. I would do anything to celebrate with them and enjoy this (or complain sometimes) with someone. Being torn over these petty 'competitions' is heart breaking and although it's a 2 way street, try to keep yours clear and positive. If they are starting the drama, don't give in.

There are so many things wrong here but I will only state a few..

1) No one is being mean about anything we are simply stating our opinions, and the last time I checked she asked us whether we thought she was crazy. 

2) Better at life??? More successful??? Really wow those boys need to grow up. 

4) They were pissed about a girl?? Wow, I feel so bad for these babies coming into this family. 

5) Sounds like the pettiness runs in the family since FIL is making a list of things to compete about. I wonder if you have a boy if he will come out like daddy, uncle and grandpa. 

Seesh this is ridicuolus! 

1. YOU are the exact example of how people are being rude here. You say that everyone has responded to her asking for her opinion,l; I didn't ask for yours. If you're really going to go there...

2. You need to grow up if you get off on being a bitch to strangers online

3. How dare you say that you ptty my child. I'm trying to support someone and give her an example from another perspective instead of just judging her. I pitty YOU for being such a rude, insensitive, judgmental being. If anyone's baby will struggle here, it will be yours.

4. Even though my family isn't perfect, I'll be so lucky to have my baby be anything like my husband. At least it's my child will have parents who love it and don't bully or judge it.

This board is for support and help among moms. Not taking out your built up anger on strangers. Use it right.

RustyGirl3

This happened to us when we were pregnant with DD#1, only we were the second ones to announce and DH's brother and wife made us feel like we stole their thunder and ruined everything for them because they weren't in the spotlight anymore.  When we told them SIL said "Oh you're pregnant too." 

My BIL even went so far as to saying to his mother.  "Why did they have to get pregnant?"

That was 8 years ago and it still kind of bothers me.  They had been trying to get pregnant for 5 years with no luck and needed IVF to get pregnant.  We had been married for just over a year and decided we wanted to start trying.  We had no idea that it would only take us 2 months to get pregnant.  So just because they were  going through a rough time and then were successful we had to put our plans on hold so we didn't steal their thunder.  THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU!!!!!!!!!

My other SIL ended up being pregnant a few months later and my BIL adopted a baby, so we had 4 babies on DH's side at the same time.  Three sets of parents thought it was awesome...I'll let you imagine how the 4th set felt. 

Please be happy for the fact that you have a healthy baby on the way and he or she will have a cousin/best friend to grow up with.  Forget all the nonsense and don't let people make it competition.  It will only get worse as they get older if you do.

kaseyandjen

I'm a little surprised at how harshly everyone has responded to the first post in this thread (not to mention the obvious escalation later on). This is a supportive community where women are encouraged to share their thoughts and fears, even of others don't necessarily understand where they come from. Many many families have underlying (and overt) drama and OP was voicing her feelings. I feel that responses like 'sheesh, you're crazy" or "get over yourself" are not at all productive or supportive. I'd like to thank all of the responders who encouraged OP to "rise above" and "enjoy your pregnancy"- what a lovely way to show support, even if you have a different opinion.

I've not posted here before, and unfortunately, after this thread, am hesitant to do so in the future.

kaseyandjen

My apologies for judging. I've been reading here for a long time, just not posting, and that's why I was so surprised to see such harsh comments. I usually love reading what everyone has to say! Perhaps I'm feeling more sensitive than usual too... I just felt for OP.