Sharing pregnancy with another family member

babyschild

so my bf and I were just told his brother and sister in law are 7 weeks pregnant (due in July). This will be their 3rd child but it seems like the started trying once they found out about us. It's always been a competition between the brothers. Well now I'm starting to feel like our pregnancy isn't as "exciting" now. Actually we both think this. Now it's the "competition" of who will have the first boy. I feel like it's not a special time anymore and just a race to see who will "win". Am I crazy for thinking these things? My bf doesn't mention it (competition) but it was a conversation the night we were told.

Pintobean39

Seriously???? You really think they found out you are pregnant so they had unprotected sex and bam got pregnant to compete with you? Because it's seriously that easy all the time.

This is one the craziest things I've heard!!!

babyschild

I don't care that she's pregnant it's how the family has responded to it and how they are acting about it.

VeganOnTuesdays

WOW. Just wow. That's all I have to say. Check your priorities OP. 

rivers714

I mean I don't think they got pregnant on purpose but I guess I can see " boy competition" - I never got why boys are such a big deal.

kac22

AlwaysLastZZ said:

Now your baby has a cousin to grow up with! How fun

This. Shouldn't you just be happy for them and happy that your LO will have a cousin their age to play with? 

It all sounds completely ridiculous. 

babyschild

Has nothing to do with priorities.... It's about two brothers very close in age who's family has always compared them to each other so everything is a competition.

Pintobean39

Selfish much?

kac22

babyschild said:

Has nothing to do with priorities.... It's about two brothers very close in age who's family has always compared them to each other so everything is a competition.

Sounds like they need to grow up. 

rels09

Wait, you're not married, but you're concerned that a married couple (with children) in your boyfriend's family having a baby around the same time means that they are stealing your thunder? I have ZERO problem with people having babies outside of marriage (really!), but that seems like an odd perspective to me.

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thehills1983

babyschild said:

so my bf and I were just told his brother and sister in law are 7 weeks pregnant (due in July). This will be their 3rd child but it seems like the started trying once they found out about us. It's always been a competition between the brothers. Well now I'm starting to feel like our pregnancy isn't as "exciting" now. Actually we both think this. Now it's the "competition" of who will have the first boy. I feel like it's not a special time anymore and just a race to see who will "win". Am I crazy for thinking these things? My bf doesn't mention it (competition) but it was a conversation the night we were told.

Snapdragon750

If I learned that someone else in the family were pregnant with me I would be thrilled. I guess you're not because now there is less attention on you? And you're trying to justify your jealousy by assuming they got pregnant JUST to compete with you? What is wrong with you.

MichelleKirkpatrick

Maybe pregnancy hormones have you jumping to conclusions.  Try to take a step back and really think about why you're having these feelings.  In all seriousness, maybe speaking to a therapist may help you and your BF with family issues.  

smashbaby111

So, I'm not touching a response to what is going on in your head...
BUT! I will say, and I might be making myself seem crazy, but I definitely suggested my brother and his wife start trying right away once we found out so that our kids could have cousins the same age... It wasn't pushy and was accepted well as we had always talked about trying to have kids at the same time so they could have cousins in similar ages. (my brother and I have cousins that are 15 years older and 15 years younger so they were never in our peer group).
I think it will be nice that your kiddo will have a cousin almost the same age.

sarahchrismck

You have someone to share a pregnancy with and then have a playmate in the family! You're making this all about you - stop that.

thehills1983

smashbaby111 said:

So, I'm not touching a response to what is going on in your head...
BUT! I will say, and I might be making myself seem crazy, but I definitely suggested my brother and his wife start trying right away once we found out so that our kids could have cousins the same age... It wasn't pushy and was accepted well as we had always talked about trying to have kids at the same time so they could have cousins in similar ages. (my brother and I have cousins that are 15 years older and 15 years younger so they were never in our peer group).
I think it will be nice that your kiddo will have a cousin almost the same age.

Why would you suggest this? You have no idea if they have been trying for some time now and it could be upsetting to them. That's a decision only they can make. If I was your Brother or SIL I would be offended.

Edit: mobile bumping.

mpower0606

Just try to enjoy YOUR pregnancy and worry about YOUR baby. No matter what, it is an exciting time for you and your bf. The day we told my SIL & BIL, they let it slip that they "might" be expecting also......DH and I were SO excited and couldn't stop talking about it (we have 1 daughter-they don't have any kids yet). Our baby was going to have a cousin almost the same exact age to grow up with!....she ended up miscarrying at 8 weeks and we are heartbroken for them (and also kinda sad for our baby-we were so happy they were going to have a cousin the same age)

Don't let the "competition" that your in-laws create ruin this happy time. Just try to think of all the happy times your child will have with their cousin. My cousin and I are 11 months apart and he is still my best friend to this day

staccajaye

If I were you I'd pray to have a little girl so brother and his wife will give you all those hand me down clothes.
You need to be positive OP.
You don't know how long they have been trying for a 3rd child.
And really who cares, rise above it, your pregnant with your first baby!!!! YAY

famousa88

Just to be clear... You're not sharing a pregnancy with her, you are both pregnant.
And what previous posters have said, wether it is you or the family making this a competition is irrelevant and silly. You should probably nip it in the bud now, nothing like feeling less than for whatever reason straight from the womb.
My husbands family is very competitive and w/ my MIL every fucking baby is compared to my nephew, who is amazing.... But it is weird.
Just put it in its place and move along.

LimaD

Wow you sound like a relative of mine who thinks people getting married before her is "stealing her thunder" and getting pregnant at the same time does the same thing. 

No one should have a baby to make themselves the center of attention or to win some nonexistent competition. If that's what you're doing you need to grow up.  If that's what your bf's family is doing, they need to grow up. Just be thankful for your baby and focus on your family

stark01938209

My sister and I have kids that are 6 weeks apart. They are best friends. And we live three hours away. They hold hands and always have big hugs and smiles when they see each other. Couldn't be a more perfect scenario for vacations, holidays and family visits. They always entertain each other. They may have been trying for months.

Poppy715

Babies are always exciting. So sorry you will have to share your spotlight. You really think they are a serious life choice to compete with you? Do you see how absurd that sounds? And oh we'll of they did. Nothing you can do about it.

With my daughter I was surrounded by other pg's. h's cousin was due the day before. A gal at work the day after I was due. The real bummer was being around them after our loss but that's neither here nor there.

Long story short you are acting like a spoiled princess dick. Again, so sorry they stole your baby thunder.

dj99

I would love if my SIL and I were pregnant at the same time to share this experience together, and for our children to grown up together. You think they got pregnant just to compete with you and now you aren't as "excited" about this pregnancy, that is ridiculous! Talk about being selfish!

emilyanimals15

It is entirely possible that some people in the family see it as a competition but as pp have said- you can try to rise above that (though that can be hard if the family harps on it all the time). I have a SIL in France who is 6 weeks ahead of me (due mid-March). I am sad that our kids won't grow up close to each other. So, to repeat a common theme, it's a wonderful thing that your baby will have a cousin and playmate his/her age.

smashbaby111

smashbaby111 said:So, I'm not touching a response to what is going on in your head...
BUT! I will say, and I might be making myself seem crazy, but I definitely suggested my brother and his wife start trying right away once we found out so that our kids could have cousins the same age... It wasn't pushy and was accepted well as we had always talked about trying to have kids at the same time so they could have cousins in similar ages. (my brother and I have cousins that are 15 years older and 15 years younger so they were never in our peer group).
I think it will be nice that your kiddo will have a cousin almost the same age.

Why would you suggest this? You have no idea if they have been trying for some time now and it could be upsetting to them. That's a decision only they can make. If I was your Brother or SIL I would be offended.

Edit: mobile bumping.

We have a very close and open relationship, so actually, I do know they aren't trying. As I said it was something we had discussed in advance. Perhaps I should have stated that they asked us to let them know when we were pregnant as they weren't going to start until we did. Not that you can plan when you want to get pregnant, but she didn't want to be the first one and said "let me know when you are pregnant and we will hop on it"
Not that I need to share all this with you, just didn't the situation to be misunderstood. I absolutely would not have blindly told someone to get pregnant without knowing the full situation. My point was that I think it will be great that they can have cousins close in age.

swinslow2

I of course agree with these posts that you and your bf should be excited for your baby and worry about nothing else. Coming from someone who has lost 2 babies, things could be so much worse i mean how minor is the amount of attention youre getting. However i do want to mention that i understand what it feels like to have the jealousy coming from another direction. My stepsister is pregnant right now due in Dec. NEXT MONTH we are close and talk as often as possible but when i told the family i was pregnant she had nothig to say. She is the only one who has not said a word to me, not answered a text, comment on fb, nothing. Its painful and quite pathetic. Tho we have a beautiful 4yr son. She knows all about my 2 losses over the past few years and how badly we've wanted him to have a sibling. I guess we arent friends now tho and her baby will be 6months old when ours is born so she has 6months of ppl going gaga over the baby before we "steal the show". She also lives by family and we are across country with no one we know. So shame on her and shame on them if they are making this difficult for you but its not about anyone else.

Also when i told my sister years ago our son would be Landon. She named her son Landon born before ours. Rude. However i didnt let it affect us. I still got my Landon because i got my adorable nephew. Years later, knowing she wont be having more kids, i told her what we were naming our baby if shes a girl. Not a week later she got a cat and named her that exact name. My husband says we're still using that name. Whether we do or not doesnt matter to me. If anything i feel pitty for those who are so unsatisfied with what they have that they have to live through or try to get to someone else. Dont stoop to that level and enjoy your happiness and your gift because with or without attention or competition thats what it is.

samiamagirl

Step back and realize that you are not the center of their world. I'm highly skeptical they got pregnant just because you did, my guess is they've probably been planning on it for a while and you were the one that happened to fall into their family planning time frame. All it is is coincidence.

If it's the rest of your family that is "stealing" your excitement and turning this into a competition, that's all on them. Learn to smile, laugh, and treat it all with a grain of salt. Who knows, maybe your SIL feels the exact same way- she too probably is dreading all the competition that you think is popping up in the family.

swinslow2

@IFinTN‌ Oh trust me that's putting it lightly. We used to be close but now she's something else. My family says she was born angry at the world haha Always has been but i have 4 other sisters who are quite amazing so it works out.

CamoBride2010

My husband and I had been trying for a while when my SIl found out she was pregnant. Three months later we managed to get pregnant and everyone was thrilled. I love that our kid has a cousin who is only 3 months older than her and my SIL thought it was great too.  Oh and no one in the family knew we were actively trying for a baby. So, maybe you don't know the whole story. Either way, it's not a competition. Everyone wins, you both get a baby and both children get playmates that is close to their age.

smkfoot

I hear your concern bc I hve seen people do that before. Just know that despite how they are acting that this is your special one. Hopefully they don't make it a competition the rest of the time. Maybe if you act like it's so exciting for both of you to be pregnant together it can turn into a great bonding time. And you can get pregnant that quick. I got pregnant after a week and half of trying. It's possible. You aren't crazy.

CoPilot2012

I'm sure you and your fb want your spot light. I get it, I do want my spot light too for my first baby. But.....

I don't know how old you are, I, however, and at the age where all my friends and family will be pregnant too. And at first this thought bugged me. But I had to grow up and acknowledge that other people don't plan their lives/proposals/marriages/babies era around my life. Meaning I had to get over that two weeks after my engagement, DH's brother announced they were engaged and pregnant. Or that at my wedding my brother announced his and SIL first pregnancy. Did it suck to not have the spotlight, yup, but guess what...I'm a big kid now, and as an adult we have to get over it. It's an internal challenge to yourself.

My BIL wife got pretty big while she was pregnant the first time. (She's usually a tiny gal so it was surprising to a lot of people who saw her) Now she is pregnant again and due at the end of the month. She gained another 60+ pounds. When we told BIL/SIL we were expecting, BIL's first comment was "I can't wait to see you get fat too!". What I wanted to say was "don't ever compare pregnant women you f-ing douche!" Instead I laughed and said "every body is different, it's not smart to compare handsome!".

People will compare pregnancies or babies. It's inevitable, even if they don't say it to your face.

Prepare for it now and come up with a few nice answers. And remember to tell yourself and your fb that your proud of what you guys have and your happy for "x y or z" not what his brother has.

I'm pregnant with in 6 months of 2 of my closest girlfriends, one who's on the bump, my SIL #2, and sil #1's sister. And I'm pretty sure SIL #1 will start trying in dec/jan for their second.
Now this is pretty cool, because no matter what event we go to, this little girl will always have someone to play with!

Nita2603

When we announced this pregnancy, one of my SIL's broke out in tears and sobbed 'now I have to go trough that AGAIN. We all have two, why can't you people stop fucking?!'

So, in some families there is some weird competition going on. No idea if that's the case for you, OP, but do what I do: just ignore it and enjoy your life. You can't change them and trying to engage only makes you miserable.

Snapdragon750

Ugh I am side eyeing everyone in this thread who sympathizes with OP about having to share the spotlight. I can't even believe this is a thing.  Attention from relatives wasn't even on my radar of things to worry about when I got pregnant, and I can't believe it's high on anyone's list. (I know this is judgmental but I don't care.)

annerz22

My sister and I were due on the SAME EXACT DAY when I was pregnant with ds1. It was my 1st and her 2nd. It took her 2 seconds to get pregnant and it took me over a year. This is after my other sister got engaged 3 weeks after me and married 2 months before me along with soooo many times where I could have felt like my thunder was "being stolen". I could have pouted but then I remember the world doesn't revolve around me. So was I upset about it? Nope. Because they are seperate prgnancies and seperate babies. When it comes down to it, your baby is most important to you and you only. If people want to make it a competition, it says a lot more about them than you.

CoPilot2012

I wouldn't say I sympathize, but I do recognize. Is it because it's my first baby....probably. Am I saying it's ok to be a spotlight whore...absolutely not.

lakingsfan2015

This is my first pregnancy that I will not be sharing with one of my sisters. My older sister and I joke and tease each other about having the favorite grandchild but it has never been a competition. My sons have cousins they can relate to and have close relationships with. It is more of a blessing then anything.

Snapdragon750

HalePop said:

My sister in law is due about 4 weeks before me and it has brought us so much closer.  Our husbands are only 14 months apart and it's always been competitive between the two of them, and yet nothing about our pregnancies have been competitive for us.  If it has been for the guys, then I haven't seen it.  

I'm assuming you all are adults, so be happy for them and keep it moving.  Like someone else said, they have two kids already...so they won.

No because they didn't have a boy, which is obviously superior to having a girl!

Nita2603

marybeth080710 said:

Nita2603 said:

When we announced this pregnancy, one of my SIL's broke out in tears and sobbed 'now I have to go trough that AGAIN. We all have two, why can't you people stop fucking?!'

So, in some families there is some weird competition going on. No idea if that's the case for you, OP, but do what I do: just ignore it and enjoy your life. You can't change them and trying to engage only makes you miserable.

This is the most bizarre thing I've ever heard in my life.

Yeah well, BIL has chosen a real winner.

nellybellycat

My SIL/BIL have 2 kids and were "done".  When DH told BIL we decided we were finally ready to start TTC, my SIL decided she wanted a 3rd. We couldn't care less, have as many kids as you want. She got pregnant right away and then my MIL told DH we had to stop TTC because bil/sil were pregnant. We of course did not let any of this dictate our life decisions and now we are due 2 months after SIL. Wether or not bil/sil are upset I don't know. It doesn't bother me that we are so close but apparently it does bother some people. The holidays should be fun this year  8-|

CanyonRain

swinslow2 said:

I of course agree with these posts that you and your bf should be excited for your baby and worry about nothing else. Coming from someone who has lost 2 babies, things could be so much worse i mean how minor is the amount of attention youre getting. However i do want to mention that i understand what it feels like to have the jealousy coming from another direction. My stepsister is pregnant right now due in Dec. NEXT MONTH we are close and talk as often as possible but when i told the family i was pregnant she had nothig to say. She is the only one who has not said a word to me, not answered a text, comment on fb, nothing. Its painful and quite pathetic. Tho we have a beautiful 4yr son. She knows all about my 2 losses over the past few years and how badly we've wanted him to have a sibling. I guess we arent friends now tho and her baby will be 6months old when ours is born so she has 6months of ppl going gaga over the baby before we "steal the show". She also lives by family and we are across country with no one we know. So shame on her and shame on them if they are making this difficult for you but its not about anyone else. Also when i told my sister years ago our son would be Landon. She named her son Landon born before ours. Rude. However i didnt let it affect us. I still got my Landon because i got my adorable nephew. Years later, knowing she wont be having more kids, i told her what we were naming our baby if shes a girl. Not a week later she got a cat and named her that exact name. My husband says we're still using that name. Whether we do or not doesnt matter to me. If anything i feel pitty for those who are so unsatisfied with what they have that they have to live through or try to get to someone else. Dont stoop to that level and enjoy your happiness and your gift because with or without attention or competition thats what it is.

OP - let the positive attitude and outlook of @swinslow2 guide you. @swinslow2 - so sorry you have this BS to deal with! Very immature! So amazed with the grace you've handled it all with.