Cautiously Optimistic About Joining

SeaParrot

Hi PGAL.

I've lurked over here a little since my last loss since I was hoping to 'graduate' from TTCAL before long. I have two kids, both school-age, and a very depressing history of losses due to PCOS and low progesterone. My last loss was in September and was another CP so it was safe to try again right after. I just started getting BFPs today (12 DPO) so I'm still very nervous. My EDD would be 2015-07-14, though I'd probably be delivered before then.

My plan is not even to tell my husband for a couple weeks. He doesn't even know I had a confirmed O this cycle, and I'm so irregular he won't notice AF being late. The last loss was really hard on him and I don't want to get his hopes up if we just have another CP.

This was our last cycle TTC until next year, since the timing wouldn't work otherwise. I'm currently in university, hopefully starting a professional program next year, and won't be able to defer an acceptance if I get in. We really wanted a third child so agreed we'd try, so long as I'm due between academic years.

Right now, I just HAD to tell someone, and it seemed best to talk to people who know what this horrible, stomach-churning mix of abject terror and absolute joy is like.

I hope I'll be welcome here, and I hope to get to know you all.

K

SeaParrot

Well, I was also hoping to surprise him since we have a short trip (just the two of us) coming up in 2 weeks. It's not only that I don't want him to be hurt again, but it does work out nicely that way.

kate6214

Welcome and congrats. I agree it might be good to tell your husband. He can help be the real life support for you.

peggels24

Congratulations and welcome! I too think that you might want to rethink not telling your husband.

HawaiianSunset09

Congratulations but I agree that you really need to tell your husband. Its not just your weight to bear. If I didnt tell my husband and something like a loss happened he would be so livid with me..not to mention broken hearted. 

footprint

Congrats and welcome!

I agree with all of the PPs, you need to tell your husband now. I think my h would truly be heartbroken if I kept it from him, regardless the reason. And I am a huge blabber mouth so I would probably blurt it out after three hours anyhow!

SeaParrot

He has expressed before that he wished I'd wait longer to test because he'd rather not know about CPs because it's such a roller coaster. I told him before that I wouldn't tell him since he feels that way, and he was in agreement, so this is not something I'm deciding unilaterally.

I have lost 5 early pregnancies, plus my youngest's twin. This is a road we've been down many times before so I'm respecting that he'd rather not know.

mrsjg2013

Welcome and congrats!

Samuelismomma

Congrats and welcome!

natalie115

Welcome and congratulations!

SeaParrot

Megdowntheshore said:

Welcome and congrats. I've had a lot of CO's so I understand not having much confidence in the early weeks. Could you see your doctor to get betas drawn to see if things are progressing? Can you handle the pain of a CP alone, if it were to happen again? I couldn't go through that without my DH's support. I hope things work out and it won't be an issue!

I'm going to see my new family doctor hopefully soon to get a couple requisitions for serial betas. She knows we are TTC, fortunately, and I saw her last week and mentioned I had ovulated the week before and would call her if/when I get a BFP. For now, I'm just glad I have a big stash of tests because I love seeing that faint but very much there second line.

BookishMomma

Congratulations! I'm sorry for your losses and I hope this will be your take home baby.

Mel&John2013

Congratulations! Good luck with your betas! 

There is no way I could go through this without the support of my husband. I hope  you're able to find some support here or with someone else in your life, there is no reason to go through the waiting and anxiety alone.

rox825

Congrats and welcome!

pblge

Welcome and congratulations!

Emren

Thanks for sharing with us! And congratulations. I am sorry for your losses. Ill keep you in my prayers for a healthy pregnancy!

((Hugs and Love))

Emren0316 

blackbird818

:::lurking:::

So are you not going to tell your H if you have another loss? Just hide it from him completely? This rationale makes no sense to me. It's his baby too. From your earlier response, he said he wished you wouldn't test so early....but you DID test so that negates that opinion.

nikiswimr

*lurking* I'm glad to see you intro here, congratulations!

stinybean

Congratulations and welcome.

RNMoMmy17

Welcome and Congrats on your BFP! It's a scary time but the best thing for you and your baby is to stay positive. Everything else is out of your hands. This is your time and your life so you should know best but If it were me I'd tell my husband. Y'all can enjoy this time together and should the worst happen, you can lean on him and each other. This is a happy and scary time and you do not want to do this alone. My DH has been my rock of positivity during all of my times of doubt and meltdowns over fears of loss. But for today, you are pregnant! Enjoy this, you are pregnant!

SeaParrot

I will probably tell him after the fact if we lose this one too - frankly my hopes aren't very high to begin with, given my history. I have a hard time even talking about it in certain terms. Everything is qualified with "if we're lucky," "if this one sticks," "if this time works out...." even in my thoughts.

My husband has expressed to me that he'd rather not know about CPs (realize I didn't make that very clear, sorry!) when we discussed it and I am respecting that. While I realize this is different than what most would do, I don't need any of you to understand it or agree with my decision to delay telling him. It's not like I'm planning to not tell him, I'm waiting a couple of weeks so that I can both surprise him (if things go well, centre myself before telling him if they don't) and avoid having to drag him through the roller coaster of uncertainty with me which, again, is seething he has expressed a wish not to do.

@justanotherphotographer‌ Yay! I agree, we should both stick around here!

NoeliaV

Welcome, congrats and FX that you get to tell your H good news in the coming weeks.

blackbird818

SeaParrot said:

I will probably tell him after the fact if we lose this one too - frankly my hopes aren't very high to begin with, given my history. I have a hard time even talking about it in certain terms. Everything is qualified with "if we're lucky," "if this one sticks," "if this time works out...." even in my thoughts.

My husband has expressed to me that he'd rather not know about CPs (realize I didn't make that very clear, sorry!) when we discussed it and I am respecting that. While I realize this is different than what most would do, I don't need any of you to understand it or agree with my decision to delay telling him. It's not like I'm planning to not tell him, I'm waiting a couple of weeks so that I can both surprise him (if things go well, centre myself before telling him if they don't) and avoid having to drag him through the roller coaster of uncertainty with me which, again, is seething he has expressed a wish not to do.

@justanotherphotographer‌ Yay! I agree, we should both stick around here!

Well good for you. If that's the case, why even mention that in your intro? Do whatever the fuck you want. No skin off my back.

     My plan is not even to tell my husband for a couple weeks. He doesn't even know I had a confirmed O this cycle, and I'm so irregular he won't notice AF being late. The last loss was really hard on him and I don't want to get his hopes up if we just have another CP.

You are entitled to your fucked up logic.

Poppy715

This baby you are pg with is half his. You need to tell him. I don't think it's your choice not to let him know. I couldn't imagine if something did happen and my H had no idea we were even expecting. I strongly believe this is not ok.

Congrats on your pg, op. I wish you the best.