Thanks!

Octobermommy101012

:x love is the only way to live.

JunkieBrewster

this is her first child. She is entitled to a baby shower because baby showers are meant to welcome a mother into motherhood.

this is your third child, you have already been welcomed into motherhood, and people are not obligated to come to your shower and bring you gifts just because you have been on hard times.

Octobermommy101012

That is not what I'm asking. Aparrently i need better friends.

Octobermommy101012

I had one shower with my first daughter. I had everything I needed for my second since it was a girl. Gave everything to a friend in need because I didn't think I'd be having any more kids.

gimmeyronionrings

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Octobermommy101012

SLC1102 said:

Octobermommy101012 said:

That is not what I'm asking. Aparrently i need better friends.

What is your question?


Is it wrong of me to feel like what she said is a shitty thing to say to a 'friend'. It's at the end of my post.

JennaRaek

JunkieBrewster said:

this is her first child. She is entitled to a baby shower because baby showers are meant to welcome a mother into motherhood. this is your third child, you have already been welcomed into motherhood, and people are not obligated to come to your shower and bring you gifts just because you have been on hard times.

This exactly. IMO, You seem almost bitter towards her that she did everything "right". Not sure if her being able to go on a vacation every year has much to do with the story. But... Just my opinion. And a baby shower is to welcome a mother into motherhood, like PP said.

Octobermommy101012

jessblair101 said:

I think it was incredibly rude of her to say that! But at the same time to expect a shower and gifts at any time is rude as well I understand hard times I think most of us have been there me and my husband are no where near financially ready for this child but not once have we expected that anyone would buy is the things we need or want!!! Yes it's been offered to us but I made it clear we don't expect a damn thing!! We have had to make adjustments in our lifestyle and will continue to do so so that our child has everything it needs!!!

That's the thing! I don't EXPECT ANYTHING. I have a friend that is throwing me a shower and I told her she'd be getting her invite from that friend. And that's when she said her shitty comment.

leoandethansmom

MrsBriss said:

You need better friends because this friend thinks it's ridiculous you need a shower for your 3rd child? By the way, are you throwing this third shower for yourself?

I was going to ask that too. Who is throwing you the shower? In my opinion, you sound jealous of her "perfect" life.

Octobermommy101012

I have had terrible times, more so than most people. I'm 24 and didn't plan properly before having kids. But i do the best I possibly can for being a single parent and my children have NEVER went without.

leoandethansmom

Octobermommy101012 said:

I have had terrible times, more so than most people. I'm 24 and didn't plan properly before having kids. But i do the best I possibly can for being a single parent and my children have NEVER went without.

I have an unplanned child also and I've found myself upon hard times before but I have never wanted less for any of my friends because of the choices I've made. And I'm sorry but 3 unplanned children? Have you heard of birth control?

chicorojo

It is weird of her to say that, but you shouldn't be having a shower.

ambernjj

Octobermommy101012 said:

I have had terrible times, more so than most people. I'm 24 and didn't plan properly before having kids. But i do the best I possibly can for being a single parent and my children have NEVER went without.

AND you should be proud of that... Stop comparing your life to others because it will make you crazy. As long as you and your kids are happy thats all that should matter. Who cares if shes coming to your baby shower. Enjoy your life with your kids. Enjoy being a mommy.

Octobermommy101012

I am Absoloutley not jealous of her by any means! I never asked for a gift or EXPECTED a gift. I simply asked if she would attend and celebrate me bringing a life into this world. How judgemental you all are being when I'm only asking if me being upset by what she said was justified. NO i am not throwing this shower for myself.

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Octobermommy101012

leosmom25 said:

Octobermommy101012 said:

I have had terrible times, more so than most people. I'm 24 and didn't plan properly before having kids. But i do the best I possibly can for being a single parent and my children have NEVER went without.

I have an unplanned child also and I've found myself upon hard times before but I have never wanted less for any of my friends because of the choices I've made. And I'm sorry but 3 unplanned children? Have you heard of birth control?

I was on birth control. Why so judgemental?

Manateearmz

You just want a shower for diapers and wipes? But you're pissed that she thinks you should be able to buy those yourself?

I will agree that you need new friends, the kind that blow glitter up your butt.

leoandethansmom

Octobermommy101012 said:

I am Absoloutley not jealous of her by any means! I never asked for a gift or EXPECTED a gift. I simply asked if she would attend and celebrate me bringing a life into this world. How judgemental you all are being when I'm only asking if me being upset by what she said was justified. NO i am not throwing this shower for myself.

It is an internet forum and you have not been around for any of us to get to know you for the last 7 months. This one post from you has not exactly shown a super awesome character. Sorry if you feel "judged" but we are a bunch of internet strangers giving you the honest truth. My husband always says "Truth hurts."

Manateearmz

@leosmom25‌ 3 unplanned children is shocking but never unheard of. At the risk of being a WK BC can fail.

mlee116

shinycat said:

I was under the impression that you only had a baby shower for your first child.

I kinda feel like we're getting only one side of the story. I'd encourage you to try to think outside of your situation. She's having her first child, while you're a seasoned mom.

It sounds like you're having difficulty controlling your jealousy, which can be tough for sure. I hope you can come to a place where you can be content with your situation even if it looks a lot different from her's.

This.  I agree her comment was rude, but it sounds like you are really resentful of her life in general and are using this shower disagreement to justify your feelings.  

mrsrroberson

Octobermommy101012 said:

jessblair101 said:

I think it was incredibly rude of her to say that! But at the same time to expect a shower and gifts at any time is rude as well I understand hard times I think most of us have been there me and my husband are no where near financially ready for this child but not once have we expected that anyone would buy is the things we need or want!!! Yes it's been offered to us but I made it clear we don't expect a damn thing!! We have had to make adjustments in our lifestyle and will continue to do so so that our child has everything it needs!!!

That's the thing! I don't EXPECT ANYTHING. I have a friend that is throwing me a shower and I told her she'd be getting her invite from that friend. And that's when she said her shitty comment.

I wouldn't be too concerned with the opinion that was given by this friend of yours. Life deals cards differently to everyone, her opinion or problem with you isn't your problem. If you have friends that want to throw you a shower, then just go with it and enjoy time with those people.

Octobermommy101012

ambernjj said:

Octobermommy101012 said:

I have had terrible times, more so than most people. I'm 24 and didn't plan properly before having kids. But i do the best I possibly can for being a single parent and my children have NEVER went without.

AND you should be proud of that... Stop comparing your life to others because it will make you crazy. As long as you and your kids are happy thats all that should matter. Who cares if shes coming to your baby shower. Enjoy your life with your kids. Enjoy being a mommy.


You are the reason I even posted anything on here. All i have been seeking are some words of encouragement. For fucks sake! I'm a pregnant, emotional, single mother. Give me a damn break from being rude and judgemental and inconsiderate.

mrsrroberson

I just have to add in regards to "shower etiquette", in my 34 years of life both on the east coast and west coast, I've never heard of limited showers due to how many babies you already have. I've recently been made aware of it here on TB. Maybe it's a Hispanic thing to celebrate all babies. Idk.
Again just my experience, people go on and do what they want. As long as it doesn't cause any direct burden on you, I tend to not overthink stuff like that.

leoandethansmom

Manateearmz said:

@leosmom25‌ 3 unplanned children is shocking but never unheard of. At the risk of being a WK BC can fail.

Oh I know, I got pregnant with Leo while I was on birth control. It just seems like 3 times is extremely coincidental. I'm not saying it's not possible!

Octobermommy101012

MissChristineMarie said:

Octobermommy101012 said:

I am Absoloutley not jealous of her by any means! I never asked for a gift or EXPECTED a gift. I simply asked if she would attend and celebrate me bringing a life into this world. How judgemental you all are being when I'm only asking if me being upset by what she said was justified. NO i am not throwing this shower for myself.

Ummm... I think you're the judgmental one. The beginning of your original post talks about how you perceive her life. You have no clue how she struggles. She might be married and be financially secure, but I can guarantee you her life isn't perfect.

This is how her life is. Seriously. We've been friends for years. She has done everything right in her life. And i think highly of her. But the comment she made was rude and caught me off guard. I don't have and I'll wishes for her and her growing family, so this is not about her getting gifts and me not.

ssebens

My husband and I are also incredibly lucky. We have a house, good jobs, and amazing parents. We are also having a baby shower because this is our first child. If I was your friend and you were having a shower for your third child I wouldn't feel the need to attend either. I'm sorry if that's harsh or mean, I really am. But whether we are prepared or lucky or unlucky or unprepared really has nothing to do with it. I'm having my first child. You're having your third.

On the flip side of it, you aren't required to attend her shower if you feel she has been unnecessarily mean. Has she been supportive of your situation in general or does she generally act superior and flaunt her good luck around you?? If the latter then it may just be time to find a new friend.

chicorojo

Manateearmz said:

@leosmom25‌ 3 unplanned children is shocking but never unheard of. At the risk of being a WK BC can fail.

This.
And OP I don't care why or how you have had three unplanned pregnancies, and I think it sucks that you have hard times (I've been there too) but no one owes you anything, you should be buying your own diapers, and you should not be having another baby shower.

mlee116

Octobermommy101012 said:

Octobermommy101012 said:

I have had terrible times, more so than most people. I'm 24 and didn't plan properly before having kids. But i do the best I possibly can for being a single parent and my children have NEVER went without.

AND you should be proud of that... Stop comparing your life to others because it will make you crazy. As long as you and your kids are happy thats all that should matter. Who cares if shes coming to your baby shower. Enjoy your life with your kids. Enjoy being a mommy.

You are the reason I even posted anything on here. All i have been seeking are some words of encouragement. For fucks sake! I'm a pregnant, emotional, single mother. Give me a damn break from being rude and judgemental and inconsiderate.

What do you want us to say?  Should we just take your side and agree that she's a spoiled brat because her parents do nice things for her?  No, that's not fair.  Just like it wouldn't be fair for us to do the same thing to you if she posted on here about some lady she works with who keeps getting pregnant and expects people to shower her with gifts because she's had a hard life.  

Yes there are some people who seem to have things handed to them and that can be hard to see sometimes, but that's how life is.  It's not fair to trash her whole character because you perceive that she has a perfect life.

Octobermommy101012

ssebens said:

My husband and I are also incredibly lucky. We have a house, good jobs, and amazing parents. We are also having a baby shower because this is our first child. If I was your friend and you were having a shower for your third child I wouldn't feel the need to attend either. I'm sorry if that's harsh or mean, I really am. But whether we are prepared or lucky or unlucky or unprepared really has nothing to do with it. I'm having my first child. You're having your third.

On the flip side of it, you aren't required to attend her shower if you feel she has been unnecessarily mean. Has she been supportive of your situation in general or does she generally act superior and flaunt her good luck around you?? If the latter then it may just be time to find a new friend.

She does exactly that. And i believe you are correct. But despite my personal situation I DID attend her shower, as well as get a gift for her and baby. Because i support her because she is my friend. It just sucks seeing how people really are in different situations.

Disneygeek77

Listen, you aren't going to win the tragedy Olympics here.  No matter what your co-worker has gone through or not gone through, she doesn't owe you a single thing.  

Stop holding her good decisions against her.  She doesn't need to get you something simply because this baby has a penis.  Just let it go.  It sounds like you both don't really even like each other that much anyways.  

krystrist2014

Octobermommy101012 said:

I am Absoloutley not jealous of her by any means! I never asked for a gift or EXPECTED a gift. I simply asked if she would attend and celebrate me bringing a life into this world. How judgemental you all are being when I'm only asking if me being upset by what she said was justified. NO i am not throwing this shower for myself.

Sorry lady, but you can't get mad just because the other expectant Mom's on this board did not respond the way you hoped to this post. I am sure you wanted us all to say what a mean person your friend is and how you deserve to be showered with gifts because poor you, you've had a tough go at adult life. How exactly did you expect us to interpret this post? You spent the first 3/4 of it explaining how fortunate your friend is... if you weren't jealous, then I don't think you would be considering all of those things when evaluating your own emotions regarding her response to your shower invite.

All in all though, I don't think you should be focusing on this 1 friend who responded badly to your shower invite. Maybe look on the bright side of things - you have some great friends who are throwing you a shower to help you prepare for the arrival of your son. That is awesome!

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Manateearmz

Octobermommy101012 said:

ssebens said:

My husband and I are also incredibly lucky. We have a house, good jobs, and amazing parents. We are also having a baby shower because this is our first child. If I was your friend and you were having a shower for your third child I wouldn't feel the need to attend either. I'm sorry if that's harsh or mean, I really am. But whether we are prepared or lucky or unlucky or unprepared really has nothing to do with it. I'm having my first child. You're having your third.

On the flip side of it, you aren't required to attend her shower if you feel she has been unnecessarily mean. Has she been supportive of your situation in general or does she generally act superior and flaunt her good luck around you?? If the latter then it may just be time to find a new friend.

She does exactly that. And i believe you are correct. But despite my personal situation I DID attend her shower, as well as get a gift for her and baby. Because i support her because she is my friend. It just sucks seeing how people really are in different situations.

So I'm confused, is this about her one comment or that you want things to be even between you? Sounds like you're upset that you gave her a gift and she doesn't want to give you one.

How does she flaunt her good fortune around you?

If it is this important to you then move on and stop complaining. If she is that terrible move along. Nobody can control how you feel except you.

mlee116

FTR, I don't really care about someone having multiple showers as long as you aren't demanding it or hosting it yourself.  If someone wants to throw you one, go for it.  People can choose whether or not they want to go.  

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erien

OP, you are new here so I'll let you in a not-so-secret secret: D14 doesn't advocate baby showers or sprinkles after the first child.  So you aren't going to get anybody telling you that she is obligated to give you a present because she appears better off than you.  Or because you are attending her shower. 

 

To answer your question, her comment was out of line.  She can think it but never should have said it to your face.  If she doesn't approve of a shower for a  3rd baby, she should have declined the invitation and left it at that.   

 

If you leave off the back story of how "perfect" her life is (trips and gifts from her parents), you wouldn't come off as being jealous.  Those details are irrelevant unless you are jealous of her "perfect" life and you feel entitled to a little slice of it.  Be proud of the life you are providing for your children on your own.  And be grateful for the gifts you do receive from the people who really do care about you. 

 

 

LiliansMama14

mrsrroberson said:

I just have to add in regards to "shower etiquette", in my 34 years of life both on the east coast and west coast, I've never heard of limited showers due to how many babies you already have. I've recently been made aware of it here on TB. Maybe it's a Hispanic thing to celebrate all babies. Idk.
Again just my experience, people go on and do what they want. As long as it doesn't cause any direct burden on you, I tend to not overthink stuff like that.

Yeah I agree. I've never heard of only having a baby shower for baby number 1. I'm not Hispanic but my husband is and his family is the same way. I'm expecting my first but my family (and his) always throws showers for all expecting moms whether baby 1 or 10.

As for OP, I'm in no way judging you or your decisions since we all have made mistakes, but since your an adult with 3 children why would you let the rude comment she made bother you so bad? You obviously have great friends if there throwing you a baby shower, which can get expensive, so why allow one person to ruin a happy time for you.

Manateearmz

DD in 5....4.....3....2.....

AngelSong76

AJIrishMama said:

I just have to add in regards to "shower etiquette", in my 34 years of life both on the east coast and west coast, I've never heard of limited showers due to how many babies you already have. I've recently been made aware of it here on TB. Maybe it's a Hispanic thing to celebrate all babies. Idk. Again just my experience, people go on and do what they want. As long as it doesn't cause any direct burden on you, I tend to not overthink stuff like that.

It might be a Hispanic thing because I'd never heard of more than one shower until I married into a Hispanic family. They do love to celebrate every baby

Honestly, it's done a lot down here.  (south Alabama)  People regularly have baby showers for every single child.  We chose not to because we are having another boy two years after having our first, but I would have let my sister throw the one she insisted she was throwing if we were having a girl.  

But... we are probably going to have some sort of party after we get him home (no gifts) so that people can celebrate him with us too.  Every baby should be celebrated in some way.  

krystrist2014

mrsrroberson said:

I just have to add in regards to "shower etiquette", in my 34 years of life both on the east coast and west coast, I've never heard of limited showers due to how many babies you already have. I've recently been made aware of it here on TB. Maybe it's a Hispanic thing to celebrate all babies. Idk. Again just my experience, people go on and do what they want. As long as it doesn't cause any direct burden on you, I tend to not overthink stuff like that.

Haha, yep, I think it might be a Hispanic thing... Definitely know a good handful of Hispanic Mom's (family and friends) who have had multiple showers.