Thanks!

weezy29

1. It wasn't nice of her to be so blunt. Even if my friend weren't having a shower, I would still get her a gift. It's just what I do for friends who are pregnant.

2. You aren't wanting to be judged, yet you are judging other people. Have you had hard times in your life? Yep, it sounds like it! Are you responsible for the decisions that led to the hard times in your life. Yep, I think so!! You can't "expect" people to help you just because you have fallen in tough times with choices you have made.

I grew up POOR! Single mom raised me with no child support from my dead beat dead. My mom continued to make bad choices in men and because of this, I was exposed to drugs, physical and emotional abuse(not me, my mom) and so much more. At one point, we were living in government housing and were kicked out because of my step dad's drug use.

Current day: I live in a very nice house, drive nice cars, take nice vacations, but nice clothes, ect. I'm guessing people like you could judge me without knowing my past thinking " I have it all". You need to let go of your whoa is me attitude and do the best you can with what you have.

If you don't think she is a good friend, find another one.

Shortstack06

Octobermommy101012 said:

I had one shower with my first daughter. I had everything I needed for my second since it was a girl. Gave everything to a friend in need because I didn't think I'd be having any more kids.

I am confused.  You gave everything away BUT you are having a boy and don't want your boy using girl stuff?  At least that's what I take away from your OP and this Post.

krystrist2014

gimmeyronionrings said:

Also, @gimmeyronionrings - this is the best cat GIF I have ever seen! Lol. And also, because of your username, I now want onion rings!

JunkieBrewster

Octobermommy101012 said:

Octobermommy101012 said:

That is not what I'm asking. Aparrently i need better friends.

What is your question?

Is it wrong of me to feel like what she said is a shitty thing to say to a 'friend'. It's at the end of my post.

Yes, you are wrong for being mad that she, rightfully so, is refusing to attend your gift grabbing shower for your 3rd baby and vocalized it.

JunkieBrewster

mrsrroberson said:

I just have to add in regards to "shower etiquette", in my 34 years of life both on the east coast and west coast, I've never heard of limited showers due to how many babies you already have. I've recently been made aware of it here on TB. Maybe it's a Hispanic thing to celebrate all babies. Idk. Again just my experience, people go on and do what they want. As long as it doesn't cause any direct burden on you, I tend to not overthink stuff like that.

This is my second baby, and we're allowing family to throw a BBQ for the baby. That said, I don't care if anyone refuses to come, thinks it's tacky, or gift grabby, because, it is all of those things.

I can guarantee that no one I invited will think that, because its not uncommon in my circle and it's all family.

JunkieBrewster

MissChristineMarie said:

Not gonna lie, I would probably go to a baby shower for a second or third baby because I just love going to baby showers (period).

My family loves buying and giving gifts. I like getting them. Fuck naysayers, haha.

I was constantly getting IM's and text about "There was no registry info on the BBQ invite, what can we buy yooouuu" so I gave out the registry info we had for our own use.

They have been buying the ridiculously expensive shit that we were planning to buy, like the swing, $300 glider, etc. Whatever, they want to do it. I'm not asking them to.

Though, I do acknowledge it's tacky. I just don't care.

leoandethansmom

JunkieBrewster said:

MissChristineMarie said:

Not gonna lie, I would probably go to a baby shower for a second or third baby because I just love going to baby showers (period).

My family loves buying and giving gifts. I like getting them. Fuck naysayers, haha.

Yeah I was totally against the ILs throwing me a shower this time because I'm having boy number 2 not long after boy number 1 but I realized I was being a bish. If they want to do something nice for me and baby, why should I stop them? I didn't ask for it but I'm also not going to be mad about what I may or may not get. Who doesn't like presents?

JunkieBrewster

SLC1102 said:

JunkieBrewster said:

MissChristineMarie said:

Not gonna lie, I would probably go to a baby shower for a second or third baby because I just love going to baby showers (period).

My family loves buying and giving gifts. I like getting them. Fuck naysayers, haha.

And cake....

I dont even like cake, haha! I am kind of anti-sugar. Though I would love a cake if they could make it out of ramen...

beachy6

Was cake mentioned? Aw crap. I think I have brownie mix in the pantry. Close enough...

Manateearmz

I fall in the middle. I said no shower, I saved everything from DD and have another girl on the way. I received a text informing me of a celebration date and no gifts requested. I think I can live with cake with my friends and no extra baby crap!

nopegoat

First you sound very jealous. I get it. I did things very unconventional as well and sometimes get jealous of friends that have done it right and had things much easier. It's human nature. Get over it. Her life has no effect on yours.

As far as the baby showers, you don't have to get her a gift or go to hers and she doesn't have to get you a gift or go to yours. She didn't have to be so rude about it, but both of you seem extremely immature and gift grabby.

ETA: This is my third and we are starting over as well because we got rid of everything after #2. It sucks, but you do what you have to do.

bowlwoman

I'm finding it hard to find the sympathy here, because while I have several elements of my life that parallel both you and your friend, I would never act or react the way either of you have. Both of your behaviors are coming off as entitled, IMO.

No, your friend wasn't showing the best of tact when she said that to your face. And while you may or may not have solicited a third shower for your baby boy, asking her about it was kinda rude, IMO. 

I am currently having my third child, a boy, when I already have two girls. There is an age gap between our kids, I've already given away all of our baby stuff to friends and family in need, and I didn't know most of my friends when I was pregnant before (and my old friends are no longer in the picture). That being said, I didn't want a shower. Didn't want to deal with the hoopla, gift-giving grabbiness perception, etc. DH and I made this bed, we can for damn sure provide for the kid. Even though DH has been unemployed for 10 months and we've had to drastically reduce our spending and cut back on some fun lifestyle choices, you just suck it up and do it when circumstances warrant. I've been trolling Craigslist for good condition used gear and hitting up the yard sales. I've spent very little money this pregnancy and gotten just as good stuff as I had new with DD1.

Since my best friend wanted to do something special to celebrate the baby, I elected for a pedicure and lunch with a few close friends and my girls, kind of a girls day out. Then, I found out that another friend decided to throw me a surprise shower that same afternoon, and many of my new friends came out and celebrated with me. It was very nice. Completely unplanned on my part. And I didn't feel bad about the gift-grabbiness at all at that point. And for the friends I know were invited that didn't come? So what. They've shown me they're excited for me in other ways, and who am I to judge that they didn't want to or couldn't come?

So, TL;DR, suck it up, figure out a way to provide for your baby, and if you have friends that want to celebrate, great. If they don't, great. Move on with life.

Manateearmz

tairairat said:

Now I want cake, but I have no cake mix. Nor do I want to get off my ass and go to the store...or go through the effort of baking it myself. This is a serious FWP problem here.

Maybe we can all score an invite to OP's baby shower?

leoandethansmom

@bowlwoman plus...you had alien baby garland...hands down best shower ever. That was you, right? My pregnancy brain sucks today.

bowlwoman

leosmom25 said:

@bowlwoman plus...you had alien baby garland...hands down best shower ever. That was you, right? My pregnancy brain sucks today.

Yes. The alien baby garland is currently in a heap on the dining table. I may hang it up in my closet for a while just for the ambiance.

Shortstack06

I want to throw this in here because I relate to your said friend. My husband and I lived together for 2 years before we got married, I declined all bridal shower offers because we had everything we needed for our house.  I did accept my mom to throw me a baby shower because I obviously don't have any baby gear.  My husband and I are stable enough that we could buy everything we need but my mom is excited to be throwing us a shower and this is my FIRST.  My parents also have paid for me to go visit them Florida (just to throw in my background of parents paying for a vacation). I have had friends that have had a second and third child,  if  they are having a "sprinkle" I would buy a pack of diapers and wipes, maybe a book (depending on if it was thrown by a family member or the friend).  I have gotten them a stuffed animal and went to visit at the hospital and that is more than they expected.  I feel you are being gift grabby for expecting her to buy you something.  You did not state in your original post that it was to "celebrate" your baby.  You later said you donated what you have, so therefore it is more than just celebrating your baby, it is you getting items you no longer have and are jealous that you are having to come up with the items on your own while she is having a shower.  Who cares if it was an unplanned pregnancy, you had sex regardless of if birth control was used.  After two children, you obviously know sex causes a child.  You don't want an unplanned pregnancy, don't have sex. Grow up and get over yourself.

leoandethansmom

bowlwoman said:

leosmom25 said:

@bowlwoman plus...you had alien baby garland...hands down best shower ever. That was you, right? My pregnancy brain sucks today.

Yes. The alien baby garland is currently in a heap on the dining table. I may hang it up in my closet for a while just for the ambiance.

Alien babies in the closet...cuz that's not creepy.

ebilbao

I think her telling you bluntly, if that's what she did, that she won't be coming or buying you anything is rude. If you guys really are friends, neither of you would resent the other for your life situations. You'd each go to the other's shower, happy her friend was having a baby.

allfalldown14

A lot of things bothered me about your posts, but the biggest thing was that you kept playing the "single mother, hard times" card. You aren't the only single mom on here, nor are you the only one that has hard times. 

ColeyCannoli

Rileymom1 said:

1. It wasn't nice of her to be so blunt. Even if my friend weren't having a shower, I would still get her a gift. It's just what I do for friends who are pregnant. 2. You aren't wanting to be judged, yet you are judging other people. Have you had hard times in your life? Yep, it sounds like it! Are you responsible for the decisions that led to the hard times in your life. Yep, I think so!! You can't "expect" people to help you just because you have fallen in tough times with choices you have made. I grew up POOR! Single mom raised me with no child support from my dead beat dead. My mom continued to make bad choices in men and because of this, I was exposed to drugs, physical and emotional abuse(not me, my mom) and so much more. At one point, we were living in government housing and were kicked out because of my step dad's drug use. Current day: I live in a very nice house, drive nice cars, take nice vacations, but nice clothes, ect. I'm guessing people like you could judge me without knowing my past thinking " I have it all". You need to let go of your whoa is me attitude and do the best you can with what you have. If you don't think she is a good friend, find another one.

And your kids won't struggle thanks to this effort but someone may come along and judge them for all the kind things you worked so hard to give them... ugh

Gonna be a bit harsh here, OP, but really this attitude bugs the shit out of me. I get it. I grew up as an abused poor kid among very rich private school kids (woo scholarships!) and it sucked. But when you get to know someone's life for more than what they own or where they go on vacation, you'll see that they often have their own issues. And even if they don't? Even if their lives really are all puppies and rainbows? Tough shit. No one said this life would be fair. There are gonna be plenty of people who will always have more than you with less effort and they won't "deserve" it. But there are also plenty of people in the world who work a shit ton harder than you and would kill for the luxuries of your life. That's just how life works.

Even though your friend is lucky now, there's no telling what life has in store for her later. Don't let resentment eat you alive and please don't pass it on to your kids. Be proud of what you've accomplished in your own life and don't look at other people as a measure of what you want or need. I agree that your friend was rude to come out and say what she did and if I believed there was a real friendship there, I'd back you up. But from what you've shared, you don't like this girl at all. Why waste your time even being mad?

Kmm1023

Op your friend could of handled it better. But I am kind of wondering if maybe your third shower is a way to steal thunder from your her.

Also I hate when people get jealous of how someone else's parents can help them out! You better damn well believe that if I can pay for vacations or help my kids out as adults

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

ColeyCannoli

Also, your little boy can survive in pink onesies for a while. Just throwing that out there.

AngelSong76

ColeyCannoli said:

Gonna be a bit harsh here, OP, but really this attitude bugs the shit out of me. I get it. I grew up as an abused poor kid among very rich private school kids (woo scholarships!) and it sucked. But when you get to know someone's life for more than what they own or where they go on vacation, you'll see that they often have their own issues. And even if they don't? Even if their lives really are all puppies and rainbows? Tough shit. No one said this life would be fair. There are gonna be plenty of people who will always have more than you with less effort and they won't "deserve" it. But there are also plenty of people in the world who work a shit ton harder than you and would kill for the luxuries of your life. That's just how life works. Even though your friend is lucky now, there's no telling what life has in store for her later. Don't let resentment eat you alive and please don't pass it on to your kids. Be proud of what you've accomplished in your own life and don't look at other people as a measure of what you want or need. I agree that your friend was rude to come out and say what she did and if I believed there was a real friendship there, I'd back you up. But from what you've shared, you don't like this girl at all. Why waste your time even being mad?

Oh man, is this so true.  You absolutely never know what's going on in other people's lives or what is in store for them.  Six years ago, I met this young woman who was beautiful and smart and the mother to two gorgeous girls.  Her husband was smart and handsome and traveled all over the world writing for a prestigious magazine.  At first, I was intimidated by her.  Then I admired her.  Then I wanted to be her friend.  We did become friends, and it was the most beautiful and wonderful friendship I've ever had.  A few weeks ago, she died from ovarian cancer.  She had EVERYTHING just six short years ago.  And I envied her so much at first.  So much that I maybe didn't even like her at first.    You never know what's going to happen to people.  

Another example.  Another friend I met around that same time.  Stay at home mom of two (a boy and girl, just what I wanted) a handsome husband who doted on her.  Turns out she was having an affair with another man, who was also married.  She and her husband split up when the affair came out and it fractured an entire community of people.  The other man stayed married to his wife, so this woman who seemed to have it all was left alone.  She is remarried now (to someone else) and seems happy, but there were some very difficult years for her and her family due to this thing that nobody knew about.  Envied for her perfect life, but it was not perfect on the surface.  

Or me.  My ex husband and I were high school and college sweethearts.  He was the minister of music at our church.  Everyone thought we were so happy, including me.  We had it all.  Until he told me he was gay and left me for a man.  We were all blindsided.  

You just never know.  That's why resentment and comparing yourself to others are such bad ideas.  You never know what's really going on.

CandEChicago

Anyone else surprised that OP has been quiet for a bit and also has not DD?

Mousy345

I think she has stopped listening. We may safely return to the subject of cake. Or pasta.

nesenotes

Oh my god this reminds me I went to the worst baby shower ever this weekend.

Side note: Multiple showers has to be a Hispanic thing because even though I would rather crawl in a hole and die than be the center of attention they are forcing another one on me.

Anyway, get this. I went to "bring pampers" lady's babyshower. Everyone was drunk but us two pregnant chicks, her mom who was supposedly throwing the party kept arguing during all the games about people cheating because she wanted to win them all, and they made us play the raunchiest cucumber between the legs limbo game. Seriously I was mortified. Then there was no opening of the gifts or cake!!!!! WTF kind of babyshower has no cake?!

Eora3

OP, I hate to break this to you but you and this woman are not "friends".

Also, your bitter is showing.

Manateearmz

jengallagher said:

Manateearmz said:

You just want a shower for diapers and wipes? But you're pissed that she thinks you should be able to buy those yourself?

I will agree that you need new friends, the kind that blow glitter up your butt.

Where can I find friends like this?


Figuratively? Baby gaga
Literally? The red light district

Mousy345

@MissChristineMarie‌, here's one for you: I am just about to make a spicy lemon garlic chicken pasta for supper with handfuls of fresh basil tossed in at the last moment.

Your thoughts?

nesenotes

SLC1102 said:

nesenotes said:

 Then there was no opening of the gifts or cake!!!!! WTF kind of babyshower has no cake?!

I hope you had your husband get you cake after, this is just tragic.  (If I recall correctly he was the only reason you were going...his coworker or something...)


I made him get me a milk shake. But yeah. Total dissapointment.

gimmeyronionrings

krystrist2014 said:

gimmeyronionrings said:

Also, @gimmeyronionrings - this is the best cat GIF I have ever seen! Lol. And also, because of your username, I now want onion rings!




-------------QBF------------


"Que? cat" holds a very special place in my heart.

Also, sorry about the onion rings.

JRod13

I'm jealous of your friend...those vacations sound pretty awesome. I think you are too OP. Suck it up and move on yo.

arynras

mrsrroberson said:

I just have to add in regards to "shower etiquette", in my 34 years of life both on the east coast and west coast, I've never heard of limited showers due to how many babies you already have. I've recently been made aware of it here on TB. Maybe it's a Hispanic thing to celebrate all babies. Idk.
Again just my experience, people go on and do what they want. As long as it doesn't cause any direct burden on you, I tend to not overthink stuff like that.

Same here. I'm a white girl, but I grew up in a predominantly Hispanic area and have never heard of it being frowned upon to have more than one shower until I became active on TB. I will say that in my own family it has been more common to have a shower for the first one and then have diaper parties for the subsequent children. But in my boyfriend's family, they had showers for each child. I think it is more about the celebration of the babies coming, not the expectation of gifts.

That being said, I think what your friend said is hurtful. She should want to celebrate with you if she is a true friend, however you decide to celebrate. I also think you should want to celebrate her first child regardless of how she grew up or lives. It sounds like there is a lot of resentment between the two of you, and I'm not sure that's a necessary friend you need at this point in your life. I've been there too...you just have to know when to let go of some "friendships."

Manateearmz

katylou91 said:

Mousy345 said:

@MissChristineMarie‌, here's one for you: I am just about to make a spicy lemon garlic chicken pasta for supper with handfuls of fresh basil tossed in at the last moment.

Your thoughts?

Omg that sounds amazing! *drools heavily*

I would suffer the heartburn that the "spicy" would bring. Yum!

rshamos

Late to the game...

Why doesn't she start stocking up on wipes and diapers now? We go buy some every pay check and have since 4 months. I have a pretty nice stash. 

Also, I am really hungry now!

efgallarday

But guyz she's a pore single mother!!!!

mamacomeau876

I'm a first timer here, and I'm just excited for the company and food at my shower. Anything else is just extra and appreciated but not necessary!!!

talianza

I struggled a bit with shower ettiquette this time around since baby #1 and #2 are only 16 months apart and they are both boys... But like @mrsrroberson‌ mentioned earlier, I was never aware of any "limits" to baby showers. It could be just a Hispanic thing, we love parties, lol.

That being said, if someone is throwing you a shower... Enjoy it & don't mind those who don't want to be a part of it or whatever. Her excuse for not going to your shower sounds lame anyway. If a friend of mine was having a baby shower for her 5th kid, no matter what her age, I'd still go. Just because I love my friends and want to celebrate their new little addition!

sarasarat

I find that usually whenever I think to myself "I might be an asshole about this..." I am usually right.