Poll: Push Presents

MarxieVonTrapp

I told DH after the birth of our daughter that I preferred one bigger gift when we were done having kids.  I'd like three, this is 2, so I'll wait.  I have no issue with them, and think it's a nice idea.

TXUltraRunner

I asked DH if I was getting a push present and after explaining to him what it was he laughed at me and told me the $10,000 we spent on IVF means the baby is a push present. All I really wanted to request is a bottle of Pappy Van Winkle waiting for me when I get home from the hospital. LOL 

EmilyA724

@ACH831‌ My BIL used to be the head brewer at Victory. He left two years ago to work at a different brewery and I am definitely missing all that free Victory

amiej1227

I talked to my husband about this so we'll see what or if I get anything. I know he has a surprise for me that I have no idea about but I don't think it's a "push present". I told him something with the birthstone might be nice

LaBellaVida

New boobs and a tummy tuck in a few years is all I'm asking for. We're done having kids and 4 pregnancies, 4 babies who have nursed has really done a number on my body.
I'll lose all the weight I want to loose first though.

It will seriously be way down the road, that shit is expensive! I'll be happy with a new body.

bigbobdole

I just realized I'm entitled to all the presents this year! I get Hanukkah, Christmas, push present, valentine's day, AND first wedding anniversary(2/22)

Hubs betta start workin some OT... Momma wants all the stuff!


ETA:

/sarcasm

NatureLovers

liladelphia215 said:

Didn't get one with DD... Don't expect one this time. It's unnecessary to me. 

The greatest push present is a DH who gets up with the baby as much as I have to (if I pump like last time); changes diapers as much as I do; and does as much general work to raise the kids as I do. DH did that last time, and as long as he does that again - push present not needed  

Plus with Christmas the prior month, and DD's birthday two weeks after my due date and my birthday the month after that.. not necessary

ETA: I guess a case of Twisted Tea Light would be nice to have in the fridge when I get home, too.

I find it sad that you believe that the fact that he's an equal partner in raising your children is a gift for which your husband should be celebrated. He does not deserve praise for raising his kids any more than you do.

P.S. @ghostof5letters‌ I hate you.

SheHulk723

@luckylady18 It is a Scottish craft beer aged in oak barrels and it is the most delicious thing ever haha.  They have a few different finishes, one is aged in rum barrels, one in whiskey barrels and they have a few seasonals as well.  It's been getting more and more popular in my area at least so it's a little easier to find now and it is sooooo freaking good.

larahouseman

I am getting a push present.  It is a beautiful rose gold ring.  I picked it out and then H and I went to the store together to try it on and make sure we liked it.

BUT, since it's expensive, I told him not to get me anything for our anniversary or my birthday.  

Trek3

YaMrWhite said:

I fucking hate the term "push present." I fucking fucking fucking hate it. Loathe.

Ugh me too! I am not at all against someone giving or getting a gift after birth, but I hate the term and the huge expectations. It just makes me think of the trophy wives in reality shows expecting a giant diamond to show off.

My DH and I are not big gift givers... my "gift" is that he stays in the hospital chair for the whole time we are there, and holds the baby in between feeds and the 5 seconds that they stay asleep in the bassinet so that I can get some rest & recovery. This (and the baby of course) is better than any present IMO.

LadyXaverian

BookitBoo said:

I didn't get a push present with DS (DH has never heard of it). I doubt I will get one with this LO (she's due right beside my birthday). For Mother's Day or my birthday I would like jewelry with both birthstones on it, but DH is kinda dense. I see no problem with push presents and would be very happy if he brought me fudge to the hospital. Or a book. Not that I'll get to relax and read the book, but I'm pretty easy to buy gifts for and a book is always a win IMO

This. It's 8 months away, but I've already told my husband what I'd like. I really wanted a new ring to go with my wedding set for our 10th wedding anniversary last year, but since we'd decided at that point we wanted another child, I put it off and said I'd like to get a band with both kids' birth stones in it once #2 was here. So for Mother's Day next year, I will hopefully be getting a band similar to my wedding band that has alternating garnets and diamonds (January and April).

britb618

ok not sure if I made this clear, it think it was sweet my husband got me a mothers day ring, it wasn't a push present (I too hate the term for a few reasons, one of them being I didn't get to push because I had an emergency c and that is always a little touchy subject for me) it reminds me of that special time. of course my daughter is enough of a gift and reminds me of that time too but it more reminds me of my husband and I. anywho, to each their own. I don't need one nor do I expect one but I thought it was sweet me husband thought of me on the mothers day while I was pregnant and got me something special. I'm not a complete bitch during pregnancy at all to be honest and in general pull the most weight around the house with my daughter because my husband works a lot so I show my appreciation by buying him little things through out the year (whether it be groceries that he loves on a weekly basis or new shirts etc.) He doesn't shop so for him to do something special I think is wonderful and appreciated. I haven't really heard anyone on here say that they are giving birth solely for the presents so not sure what the issue is with a gift from a husband if he wants to do it. 

britb618

edited: posted twice so deleting second post

ChelCChargers

My husband and I have been planning on getting tattoos for our daughter after she's born, something simple. That's enough of a push present for me. I don't wear jewelry other than my wedding ring, and I'm not big on anything else material. Tattoos are one of the things I collect.

sparksfly22

I had never heard of the term until this thread. And I'm not fond of it either. It's like giving a present for having sex? Awkward. Like the balloon in 'friends with benefits' lol

My hubby just thought it would be a nice mommy gift to celebrate the baby's birth after the 9 months of carrying the baby.

liladelphia215

ghostof5letters said:

BabyStandish said:

@ACH831 just looked up that beer. It looks divine! 

All Victory beer is amazing. Must drink all of it at all times. Mmmmmmmmm 

We live about 45 minutes from their brewery. We go once or twice a year. I'm not a beer drinker but DH loves it! Plus they have good food!

Kyleedawn08

Honestly I have never understood the idea.. I don't need a gift for bringing my child into the world. The day of my child's birth is really about my new baby, not me. The joy of having the new baby is present enough!
I had a really hard miserable pregnancy and delivery last time around, followed by a really tough couple months with a baby who would not thrive with my first, I still don't think I needed a present for that situation..

liladelphia215

NatureLovers said:

Didn't get one with DD... Don't expect one this time. It's unnecessary to me. 

The greatest push present is a DH who gets up with the baby as much as I have to (if I pump like last time); changes diapers as much as I do; and does as much general work to raise the kids as I do. DH did that last time, and as long as he does that again - push present not needed  

Plus with Christmas the prior month, and DD's birthday two weeks after my due date and my birthday the month after that.. not necessary

ETA: I guess a case of Twisted Tea Light would be nice to have in the fridge when I get home, too.

I find it sad that you believe that the fact that he's an equal partner in raising your children is a gift for which your husband should be celebrated. He does not deserve praise for raising his kids any more than you do. P.S. @ghostof5letters‌ I hate you.

Oh boy.

FWIW - What I meant was not that he would be praised for being an equal partner - but in a world where you hear more of men shirking duties typically thought of as things women do (I was at a birthday party the other week where an expectant father flat out said "I will not change any diapers" - whether he will live up to that I don't know), I am not afraid of saying that I am proud to have a DH that doesn't leave every duty to me. That doesn't necessarily mean I'm giving him a gold star, but there's nothing wrong with recognizing that you have a pretty amazing husband and that you don't need an extra gift from him just because you pushed out an already amazing gift you received from him. 

ETA: And as I reread this, I realize I am giving him credit for being an equal partner.. but I still stand by the idea that in a world where many men are not equal - there's nothing wrong with recognizing your husband is not one of them and loving him for it.

Mdm159

I think the term "push present" is hilarious! After my c-section with DS1, my husband and I called it my "gash gift" instead

ghostof5letters

NatureLovers said:

. P.S. @ghostof5letters‌ I hate you.

efujan

Mdm159 said:

I think the term "push present" is hilarious! After my c-section with DS1, my husband and I called it my "gash gift" instead

I just spit water all over my keyboard!!!
)

SandraRDH

britb618 said:

Yes @ladyamanuet‌ although I looked at it more as a gift for entering motherhood, carrying the baby for 9 Months and celebrating the exciting occasion - I smile every time I look at My ring because it reminds me of that special time

This. You deserve something special to mark the occasion!! I don't know what's with all the talk about "I want one but I know my husband won't get me one b/c he doesn't think like that"... LADIES!!! TELL HIM you want one! It's that simple in my house. Communication is key

marvan5

I just explained to my husband about this thread and he said: "You know what you get?" And we both said at the same time, "A BABY!" Good enough for meeee But I would never deny such a gift, either

YaMrWhite

SandraRDH said:

britb618 said:

Yes @ladyamanuet‌ although I looked at it more as a gift for entering motherhood, carrying the baby for 9 Months and celebrating the exciting occasion - I smile every time I look at My ring because it reminds me of that special time

This. You deserve something special to mark the occasion!! I don't know what's with all the talk about "I want one but I know my husband won't get me one b/c he doesn't think like that"... LADIES!!! TELL HIM you want one! It's that simple in my house. Communication is key

That kind of sense of entitlement just...no...The birth of your child is not a qualifying gift-giving event. Really, nothing is a gift-giving event and if it is a gift, you shouldn't have to TELL someone what it is you want. Let them be thoughtful on their own. If not? Buy yourself something and be happy. But please just don't call it a push present.

Edit: grammar

BookitBoo

The point of a gift (IMO) is that the person thought it would be a kind and loving gesture. That's why, while I would love a gift, I would never be so presumptuous as to let my husband know I want him to get introspective and thoughtful, and basically demand that he has to research and think of a gift. It seems rude to me. /shrug

I agree, communication is key but this isn't deciding what kind of ice cream to buy.

YaMrWhite

emmyg65 said:

YaMrWhite said:

[smn

That kind of sense of entitlement just...no...The birth of your child is not a qualifying gift-giving event. Really, nothing is a gift-giving event and if it is a gift, you shouldn't have to TELL someone what it is you want. Let them be thoughtful on their own. If not? Buy yourself something and be happy. But please just don't call it a push present.

Edit: grammar

To be fair, it doesn't always work to hope someone is thoughtful on their own. I learned long ago to let my husband know what I want if something is important to me. That's not being entitled; that's communicating my desires. Otherwise, he'd have no idea, I'd feel hurt, he'd feel hurt, and it would just be no good. Different people have different values (for example, commemorating major milestones with gifts is one of mine) and different relationship dynamics.

But you did not use the word deserve. Desiring something and feeling like you deserve something are two different things.

Maebb

liladelphia215 said:

ghostof5letters said:

BabyStandish said:

@ACH831 just looked up that beer. It looks divine! 

All Victory beer is amazing. Must drink all of it at all times. Mmmmmmmmm 

We live about 45 minutes from their brewery. We go once or twice a year. I'm not a beer drinker but DH loves it! Plus they have good food!

_________

I am late on this thread, but Victory Golden Monkey is one of my favorite beers ever, and they just came out with a new one (maybe a tripel?) that is really good too. I would love if we lived near the brewery!

SandraRDH

DH and I will pick something out together, that's just the way we work. Everything is done this way for us. I went with him to pick my own wedding band, he helped me pick my wedding dress, etc. We'll do the same for this and likely make a romantic day/date of it. I get that gifts are thoughtful gestures the person does on their own point but I guess we enjoy the process together more and it's always nice to know the other person is getting what they really wanted. So many times we end up donating true "gifts" from others because they just sit around the house for years (like from Christmas or Birthdays) because they weren't practical or 'weren't our style'. Sounds bad but I'm sure we all do it, I'm just putting it in words.. DH and I have just figured when it comes to the two of us going together and making that an adventure of its own is just as much fun and turns out a bit more practical.

misslizzy82

HappyMonkey817 said:

Maebb said:

ghostof5letters said:

BabyStandish said:

@ACH831 just looked up that beer. It looks divine! 

All Victory beer is amazing. Must drink all of it at all times. Mmmmmmmmm 

We live about 45 minutes from their brewery. We go once or twice a year. I'm not a beer drinker but DH loves it! Plus they have good food!

_________ I am late on this thread, but Victory Golden Monkey is one of my favorite beers ever, and they just came out with a new one (maybe a tripel?) that is really good too. I would love if we lived near the brewery!

I am late to this, too. I am a huge fan of beer- the darker and weirder, the better. 

We live not too far from the Weyerbacher brewery, and going there was one of our most favorite day trips so far. You walk in the door and just a few feet in, there is a huge, glorious bar. The lady at the door checked our IDs and gave us bracelets, and then we were able to taste anything we wanted, for free, as many times as we wanted. They even had different versions of each beer (same ingredients, different production process), and let us taste them side-by-side so we could learn about the differences. Then, right before the tour, the bartenders made sure that everyone had their "tour beer", which is a full-sized glass of the beer of their choice. The tour leader wore a viking helmet. They also have "Brewmaster's Specials" that are available ONLY at the brewery.

The tasting/tour are totally free, but anyone who can taste their beer and not buy any, is better than we are. We spent about $150 :-)

ETA- I forgot to mention that we also brew our own. We brewed special wedding beers for our big day ("I Do Brew")- vanilla porter and ginger Belgian. They were a big hit. I made special labels for them that matched the invitations I made. I'll add a photo if I can find one.

Seriously... can we be friends IRL?

liladelphia215

emmyg65 said:

@HMonkey817, we must live near each other! Weyerbacher is awesome, as is Troegs. We live in such a wonderful area for beer.

We go to Troegs once a year when we go to Hershey Park! That's another one we enjoy going to. But that one is more in the area of 2 hours away lol

Stargirlb

A sense of entitlement is often pretty effective if you play your cards right

MrsTucker2011

amt1983 said:

I thought mode of delivery did matter? My husband is getting me one but only if I actually push, and no epidural.

Lurker from F15 here.

I just imagined your husband sitting next to the bed like this

And then you get an epidural and he's like

rachel+family

I don't get how you can't feel somewhat entitled to at least flowers and a love note and take out of your choice for a week or so. a man's reactionto childbirth should be wonder and Awe! So much that he considers doing something special/thoughtful for you.
When you cross a finish line at a race you get a medal and usually food. Why is it wrong to expect something sweet from your SO after you birth a child?

(A car is expecting a lot IMO but if you can afford one, go for it).
But expecting flowers and food- not wrong at all.

Stargirlb

We live in patriarchy. If your partner is a dude, you are entitled to be entitled. Up that entitlement level if you are puttering around in selfless altruism

Beauxbaton

Meh, I feel like I deserve something for carrying a small human in my body for 9 months, then pushing it out, then raising it. For me it takes a huge toll on my body and my mind. I'm barely halfway through this pregnancy and I can barely walk because of how bad my SPD is. Not to mention my thyroid levels being all kinds of fucked up. Then there is the fact that during pregnancy (and immediately following) I have extreme depression. Like, to the point of not wanting to live anymore. I can deal with it because I know the pain of actually losing a friend to suicide so I'd never act on those thoughts and so that to my family. But still, it sucks spending hours at a time crying.

Roxycc55

CuppyCakes721 said:

Meh, I feel like I deserve something for carrying a small human in my body for 9 months, then pushing it out, then raising it. For me it takes a huge toll on my body and my mind. I'm barely halfway through this pregnancy and I can barely walk because of how bad my SPD is. Not to mention my thyroid levels being all kinds of fucked up. Then there is the fact that during pregnancy (and immediately following) I have extreme depression. Like, to the point of not wanting to live anymore. I can deal with it because I know the pain of actually losing a friend to suicide so I'd never act on those thoughts and so that to my family. But still, it sucks spending hours at a time crying.

I'm with you. (((Hugs)))

Beauxbaton

Just so you know @ladyamanuet‌, I hold onto a hug a little bit to long. So be prepared. :P

Beauxbaton

ladyamanuet said:

CuppyCakes721 said:

Just so you know @ladyamanuet‌, I hold onto a hug a little bit to long. So be prepared. :P

Oh, we'll have a hug it out contest then

--------------------QF

It'd be the hug that never ends.

Until I had to pee.

12chachacha

A while ago (before we started trying) I mentioned to my husband that this was something my dad did for my mom when we were born, and that I thought it was a nice gesture. I hate the term "push present". Pretty sure they didn't call it that in the 80s when I was born. For me it's a nice gesture that acknowledges what you went through and the physical sacrifices you made to have the baby. Mine is going to end up being something practical, but given that our money is joint, I'll be paying for half of it anyway so it's more symbolic.

Beauxbaton

HappyMonkey817 said:

(((hugs))) @CuppyCake721 (that is, if you don't mind getting hugs from me, after seeing my gross post this morning, lol)

I'll always take a hug. But like I said, I hold on a little long.