I.Can't.Stop.Crying. I feel like such a baby. I've never been a crier, but when it comes to IF stuff...I can't control it.
AF decided to come early. And now my IUI will run in to when MH will be out of town on a business trip, so my RE canceled my cycle. After I was already benched last cycle.
I get it. I can do it next cycle. But damnit I just want to move forward. I know it's not true (or healthy) but I just keep having this awful self-blaming feeling and keep feeling like I don't deserve this. And I'm just a blubbering mess about it. Multiple people have texted/asked when my injections will be starting and I just cry. Every. Time.
I'm ready for the weekend. I feel bad because I'm supposed to be going to a bday party, and MH has his fantasy football draft sunday so I'm supposed to help host that, but I think I'm just going to hole myself up in my room with wine for the weekend until I feel better.
end rant. Thanks for listening/reading ladies. I'm too upset to talk to MH about it right now, and I just needed to get it out in the hopes that I would stop crying about it.
March 2008 - DD born - no issues conceiving (surprise). Limited issues during pregnancy/delivery.
June 2011 - Married DH.
June 2013 - Diagnosis of Endometriosis and PCOS (approximate).
December 2013 - First cycle of Clomid - Positive OPK. BFN
January 2014 - 2nd Cycle of Clomid - Positive OPK. BFN
February 2014 - 3rd Cycle of Clomid - Positive OPK. BFN
March 2014 - Took month off to prep for surgery
April 2014 - Laporoscopy for endo. Unable to remove endo due to too close of proximity to ureter. HSG done as well. Fillopian tubes open.
May 2014 - 1st round of Femara. Positive OPK. BFN.
June 2014 - 2nd round of Femara. Moved to RE to have CD10 Follicular U/S. No Follies in left ovary. 5 follies in right. Largest follie 8mm, 1 7mm, 2 3mm, 1 2mm. Positive OPK on day of U/S. BFN. DH has SA done at this time - All results within normal limits.
July 2014 - 3rd round of Femara. CD10 Follicular U/S. No follies in left ovary. 7 follies in right. 1 20mm, 1 12mm, 1 10mm, 4 <5mm. Scheduled for IUI. Canceled due to low estrogen level of 145. TI this month. Prepping for Injectables next month. BFN.
August 2014 - CD3 BW Normal. Injectables not happening because of stupid miscommunication about "required injectables class." Taking class this month. No medication. TI for the month. SIS scheduled for 8/7/14. SIS results - "I have a beautiful uterus." Huzzah!
September 2014 - Cycle cancelled due to stupid AF coming early and making my IUI run in to DH's business trip. Try again next month.
October 2014 - Injects with IUI cycle. 75U 5 days. Estrogen at 36. Bumped up to 125 for 4 days. Estrogen 105. Bumped up to 225. Ganirelix for 2 days. 4 mature follies. Triggered 10/9. IUI 10/10.
BFP 10/24/2014. Beta #1 - 178 Beta #2 - 398. U/S 11/7/14- TWINS!!!!