Ugh...today is not a good day.

Chasity08 · August 2014

I.Can't.Stop.Crying. I feel like such a baby. I've never been a crier, but when it comes to IF stuff...I can't control it.

AF decided to come early. And now my IUI will run in to when MH will be out of town on a business trip, so my RE canceled my cycle. After I was already benched last cycle.

I get it. I can do it next cycle. But damnit I just want to move forward. I know it's not true (or healthy) but I just keep having this awful self-blaming feeling and keep feeling like I don't deserve this. And I'm just a blubbering mess about it. Multiple people have texted/asked when my injections will be starting and I just cry. Every. Time.

I'm ready for the weekend. I feel bad because I'm supposed to be going to a bday party, and MH has his fantasy football draft sunday so I'm supposed to help host that, but I think I'm just going to hole myself up in my room with wine for the weekend until I feel better.

end rant. Thanks for listening/reading ladies. I'm too upset to talk to MH about it right now, and I just needed to get it out in the hopes that I would stop crying about it.

shirleymaeby · August 2014

I'm so sorry. I have no advice. I only have hugs.

Hollowvic · August 2014

Sorry, I've been having a rough time too. Feel better.

BKBABY3 · August 2014

Cry all you want. No shame in that at all.

ematheis · August 2014

{HUGS} so very sorry you're coping with this difficult time. Cry all you need to. We're sending you love vibes!

lovesmonkey · August 2014

I have no advice, but I am sorry you are having a rough day. It's ok to cry. Hope things start looking up for you soon!

.Mrs.Matt. · August 2014

((hugs)) just know that you're not alone. I've been in a similar place since last night and just when I think I'm getting better... it starts up again! IF SUCKS.

Chasity08 · August 2014

Thank you ladies. I was trying really hard at work to keep to myself and not say anything (not about IF, but literally nothing at all lol) because every time I went to talk I had a frog in my throat. But finally I just kind of spilled on one of my co-workers when she just came up and gave me a hug (the first hug I'd gotten today) and after I cried and said it all out loud I felt better. I'm still sad about this cycle, and whenever I talk to DH I get sad again, but at least now I don't feel like bawling my eyes out every stinkin second.

Thank you so much for the support. It really helped to read these throughout the day (I just wasn't able to respond until I'm now on my lunch break).

I hope all of you ladies have a great Friday.

Champs28 · August 2014

So sorry to hear this. Hugs

BunnyBerry · August 2014

I'm so sorry, it sounds like you bravely got through that break but then being asked to wait one more cycle is just too unfair!

Love @iputcketchuponketchup 's idea, at our RE to freeze a frozen sample is only something like $150 more than the typical wash for IUI. Could be worth it to you, especially since YH's SAs are normal and hopefully could survive a freeze! Plus the shorter time they're kept frozen, the more viable they are.

penelopec518 · August 2014

I'm sorry

hopefully next cycle is less frustrating!

Chasity08 · August 2014

iPutKetchupOnKetchup said:

I'm sorry you're having a rough time. Would your RE be willing to go ahead with the IUI using a frozen sample of YH's sperm so you don't have to waste another cycle? No idea what the additional cost may be, but it doesn't hurt to ask. That way, at the end of the day, if it isn't a feasible a option then you can at least tell yourself that you tried. Worth a shot, IMO.

If that isn't an option, then I completely support your decision to want to hole yourself up in your room with a bottle or two of wine. You know I won't judge you

I had no idea this was even an option! I try not to bring up my insurance much since I know not everyone has it, but I'm really upset because my DH is really wanting to get a new job, and he's been applying...but he carries our insurance. So if he switches jobs....I love my coverage and we're completely OOP. My insurance leaves us responsible for a lot, but ANYTHING they pay helps, ya know. So these wasted months have really been eating at me for this reason as well. So I might call and explain my situation and see if there's anything we can do.

It especially stinks because he may not even be gone when I need him, he just MIGHT be gone. It all depends on me ya know. So if I only need my injections for 8 or 9 days...he'd be gone. But if I need them for 10, then he will be home. Even on day 9 he will be home by 4 in the afternoon so we could still rush over there and do a late afternoon IUI or something. It just seems so silly to have to waste an entire month because of ONE day...which may not even be an issue depending on how I respond to my injections.

Chasity08 · August 2014

Welp, talked to my RE....they charge $520 just to freeze the sample, and then charge almost as much to thaw it the day of the IUI. Sooo...that's not an option for me at this point. And I asked about possibly starting my injections on CD5, instead of CD3 (as I read that it doesn't really make a difference), and my nurse said that wouldn't change my ovulation schedule. So she said I will just have to wait until next month.

I did ask if I could do another cycle of femara this month since I tend to not O until CD14-15 on that, and my DH will be back prior to that and my RE said no. Not that I have any hope it will work seeing as how I've done 3 cycles of clomid and 3 cycles of femara already...but then at least I would feel like I was doing SOMETHING.

*sigh* I guess it was worth a shot. Thanks for the advice ladies. Wine it is.....

Chasity08 · August 2014

BunnyBerry said:

Love @iputcketchuponketchup 's idea, at our RE to freeze a frozen sample is only something like $150 more than the typical wash for IUI.

I want your RE's price list darnit. I would've paid $150. I probably would've paid up to $300. But almost $1000 to freeze and thaw....I can't justify or swing that at this point. UGH UGH UGH! I hate this whole process so much....

theholmanherd · August 2014

I'm so sorry, Chasity. I have had days where I have an all-out ugly cry.

*********PREGNANCIES/LOSSES MENTIONED***************

Both of my aunts and my mom suffered IF and losses. My mom had 1 loss (late enough to know it was a boy), and my aunts each had 3 losses (one had them in a row between her 1st and 2nd children, the other had one loss in between each of her children). My mom is gone, but my aunts have been instrumental in helping me on my bad IF days. They are so nurturing and have really stepped in since my mom died.

Obviously, you have the people on this board, but is there anyone in your life you can turn to on days like this? If not, maybe a psychologist or counselor of some sort could help? I saw one after my mom died (traumatic circumstances), and it was so helpful. Even my abuela is seeing someone to cope with her impending death from cancer. I hope you can find peace and comfort somewhere. I don't know if you're religious or not, but I always turn to God in times like this and try to remind myself that He knows the pain I feel and I am never alone.

I'm sending you the biggest of (((HUGS))). Feel better, honey.

jenmcD11 · August 2014

Sorry that you are having a bad IF day and that real life is getting in the way of your timeline. (Doesn't that always seem to happen?!). I totally get your impatience and frustration. Take care of yourself tonight and hopefully tomorrow will be better.

jencity9 · August 2014

((((Hugs)))) I'm sorry you're having a rough day. I have definitely been there. I have often blamed myself too which really is so illogical! I think our brains just are constantly seeking an answer to why this is all happening. Cry it out and get some rest and hopefully you will feel better about it soon.

TLooney17 · August 2014

It sucks because it feels like you have no control over any of it. Hugs!

DSculley1824 · August 2014

Hugs!! Sorry you're feeling down in the dumps. Sometimes a good cry is what your mind needs. Sit down, relax, have a good cry and then go do something you love to do. Go get ice cream! Or go see a funny movie! Sometimes a good fun night out with my DH does wonders emotionally for my stress level! Thinking of you

Chasity08 · August 2014

@iPutKetchupOnKetchup‌ you are infinitely full of wisdom. I did find one place in town that may do it. It's not a sperm bank, it just seems to be another RE type facility, but not really....I don't think id go there for care, but freezing sperm....sure haha. I'm going to call them Tuesday and see what the pricing is. Thank you for the suggestion!

saritacw · August 2014

I'm sorry. I understand the "stooopid travel!" issues. My DH had a trip this month leaving the day I got a positive OPK so that wasn't ideal and next month I'm traveling around that time. So frustrating to not be able to plan or schedule things.

Be sad. Be mad. Cry. Swear. Do something for you. I hope you feel better each day of the weekend.

cautiouslydomestic · August 2014

So sorry for your hard day. I hope you are able to work everything out.

Ugh...today is not a good day.

Re: Ugh...today is not a good day.

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