I.Can't.Stop.Crying. I feel like such a baby. I've never been a crier, but when it comes to IF stuff...I can't control it.
AF decided to come early. And now my IUI will run in to when MH will be out of town on a business trip, so my RE canceled my cycle. After I was already benched last cycle.
I get it. I can do it next cycle. But damnit I just want to move forward. I know it's not true (or healthy) but I just keep having this awful self-blaming feeling and keep feeling like I don't deserve this. And I'm just a blubbering mess about it. Multiple people have texted/asked when my injections will be starting and I just cry. Every. Time.
I'm ready for the weekend. I feel bad because I'm supposed to be going to a bday party, and MH has his fantasy football draft sunday so I'm supposed to help host that, but I think I'm just going to hole myself up in my room with wine for the weekend until I feel better.
end rant. Thanks for listening/reading ladies. I'm too upset to talk to MH about it right now, and I just needed to get it out in the hopes that I would stop crying about it.
***Signature/Ticker Warning***
March 2008 - DD born - no issues conceiving (surprise). Limited issues during pregnancy/delivery.
June 2011 - Married DH.
June 2013 - Diagnosis of Endometriosis and PCOS (approximate).
December 2013 - First cycle of Clomid - Positive OPK. BFN
January 2014 - 2nd Cycle of Clomid - Positive OPK. BFN
February 2014 - 3rd Cycle of Clomid - Positive OPK. BFN
March 2014 - Took month off to prep for surgery
April 2014 - Laporoscopy for endo. Unable to remove endo due to too close of proximity to ureter. HSG done as well. Fillopian tubes open.
May 2014 - 1st round of Femara. Positive OPK. BFN.
June 2014 - 2nd round of Femara. Moved to RE to have CD10 Follicular U/S. No Follies in left ovary. 5 follies in right. Largest follie 8mm, 1 7mm, 2 3mm, 1 2mm. Positive OPK on day of U/S. BFN. DH has SA done at this time - All results within normal limits.
July 2014 - 3rd round of Femara. CD10 Follicular U/S. No follies in left ovary. 7 follies in right. 1 20mm, 1 12mm, 1 10mm, 4 <5mm. Scheduled for IUI. Canceled due to low estrogen level of 145. TI this month. Prepping for Injectables next month. BFN.
August 2014 - CD3 BW Normal. Injectables not happening because of stupid miscommunication about "required injectables class." Taking class this month. No medication. TI for the month. SIS scheduled for 8/7/14. SIS results - "I have a beautiful uterus." Huzzah!
September 2014 - Cycle cancelled due to stupid AF coming early and making my IUI run in to DH's business trip. Try again next month.
October 2014 - Injects with IUI cycle. 75U 5 days. Estrogen at 36. Bumped up to 125 for 4 days. Estrogen 105. Bumped up to 225. Ganirelix for 2 days. 4 mature follies. Triggered 10/9. IUI 10/10.
BFP 10/24/2014. Beta #1 - 178 Beta #2 - 398. U/S 11/7/14- TWINS!!!!
Re: Ugh...today is not a good day.
-----------------------------------SIGGY WARNING-------------------------------------
Me: 31| DH: 36
TTC #1 Since 07/2010
DX: Unexplained Infertility
TX:
IUI #1 on 7/3/14 100 mg Clomid + Ovidrel + IUI (44 million sperm, 1 dominant follie) = BFN
IUI #2: on 7/28/14 100 mg Clomid + Ovidrel + IUI (23 million sperm, 2 dominant follies) = BFN
IUI #3 on 8/22/2014 100 mg Clomid + Ovidrel + IUI (53 million sperm, 2 dominant follies)= BFP MMC @ 7weeks
TTC #1
Me: AMA, DH: MFI
Official DX - MFI due to Hemochromatosis
IVF #1 Nov. 2014 - ER 11/10 (10R 6M 6F) - ET 11/13
3DT of 3 embies - no frosties - CP = BFFN!!!!
****All Welcome****
Dx, PCOS
Began TTC Mar 12 both @ age 33.
HSG and SA Dec 12: All good.
9 completed medicated cycles so far (*BFP and loss mentioned*):
Clomid 50mg, TI, BFN.
Clomid 50mg, HCG trigger, TI, BFN.
~Break~
Clomid 50mg, HCG trigger, IUI#1, BFP. M/C @ 7 weeks.
~Break~
Clomid 50mg, IUI#2, BFN
Clomid 100mg, IUI #3, BFN
Clomid 100mg, HCG trigger, IUI #4, BFN
Started Metformin
Clomid 150mg, HCG trigger, IUI #5, BFN
Clomid 150mg, HCG trigger, IUI #6, BFN
Letrozole 7.5mg, HCG trigger, IUI #7, TWW...
~Break~
Gathering info for IVF...
DH: 32 Me: 29 Married Since October 2011
TTC Since January 2014
PCOS Diagnosis April 2014
TTC 10.01.2012
BFP 06.04.2014 EDD 02.13.2015 D&C 07.25.2014
RE Consult Results
Me: 32, PCOS, Hypothyroid, HSG All Clear
DH: 33, Low Morph (2.5%)
11.2014 (Letrozole+IUI+Progesterone)=?
Unexplained IF, Hypothyroidism
IUI's 1 - 3: Femara + Ovidrel = BFN
IUI's 4 - 5: Femara + Gonal F + Ovidrel = BFN
IVF Jan 2015. 21R/18F/15 still growing on day 2
Transferred two beautiful embies on day 2, beta 1/29
Thank you ladies. I was trying really hard at work to keep to myself and not say anything (not about IF, but literally nothing at all lol) because every time I went to talk I had a frog in my throat. But finally I just kind of spilled on one of my co-workers when she just came up and gave me a hug (the first hug I'd gotten today) and after I cried and said it all out loud I felt better. I'm still sad about this cycle, and whenever I talk to DH I get sad again, but at least now I don't feel like bawling my eyes out every stinkin second.
Thank you so much for the support. It really helped to read these throughout the day (I just wasn't able to respond until I'm now on my lunch break).
I hope all of you ladies have a great Friday.
***Signature/Ticker Warning***
March 2008 - DD born - no issues conceiving (surprise). Limited issues during pregnancy/delivery.
June 2011 - Married DH.
June 2013 - Diagnosis of Endometriosis and PCOS (approximate).
December 2013 - First cycle of Clomid - Positive OPK. BFN
January 2014 - 2nd Cycle of Clomid - Positive OPK. BFN
February 2014 - 3rd Cycle of Clomid - Positive OPK. BFN
March 2014 - Took month off to prep for surgery
April 2014 - Laporoscopy for endo. Unable to remove endo due to too close of proximity to ureter. HSG done as well. Fillopian tubes open.
May 2014 - 1st round of Femara. Positive OPK. BFN.
June 2014 - 2nd round of Femara. Moved to RE to have CD10 Follicular U/S. No Follies in left ovary. 5 follies in right. Largest follie 8mm, 1 7mm, 2 3mm, 1 2mm. Positive OPK on day of U/S. BFN. DH has SA done at this time - All results within normal limits.
July 2014 - 3rd round of Femara. CD10 Follicular U/S. No follies in left ovary. 7 follies in right. 1 20mm, 1 12mm, 1 10mm, 4 <5mm. Scheduled for IUI. Canceled due to low estrogen level of 145. TI this month. Prepping for Injectables next month. BFN.
August 2014 - CD3 BW Normal. Injectables not happening because of stupid miscommunication about "required injectables class." Taking class this month. No medication. TI for the month. SIS scheduled for 8/7/14. SIS results - "I have a beautiful uterus." Huzzah!
September 2014 - Cycle cancelled due to stupid AF coming early and making my IUI run in to DH's business trip. Try again next month.
October 2014 - Injects with IUI cycle. 75U 5 days. Estrogen at 36. Bumped up to 125 for 4 days. Estrogen 105. Bumped up to 225. Ganirelix for 2 days. 4 mature follies. Triggered 10/9. IUI 10/10.
BFP 10/24/2014. Beta #1 - 178 Beta #2 - 398. U/S 11/7/14- TWINS!!!!
I had no idea this was even an option! I try not to bring up my insurance much since I know not everyone has it, but I'm really upset because my DH is really wanting to get a new job, and he's been applying...but he carries our insurance. So if he switches jobs....I love my coverage and we're completely OOP. My insurance leaves us responsible for a lot, but ANYTHING they pay helps, ya know. So these wasted months have really been eating at me for this reason as well. So I might call and explain my situation and see if there's anything we can do.
It especially stinks because he may not even be gone when I need him, he just MIGHT be gone. It all depends on me ya know. So if I only need my injections for 8 or 9 days...he'd be gone. But if I need them for 10, then he will be home. Even on day 9 he will be home by 4 in the afternoon so we could still rush over there and do a late afternoon IUI or something. It just seems so silly to have to waste an entire month because of ONE day...which may not even be an issue depending on how I respond to my injections.
***Signature/Ticker Warning***
March 2008 - DD born - no issues conceiving (surprise). Limited issues during pregnancy/delivery.
June 2011 - Married DH.
June 2013 - Diagnosis of Endometriosis and PCOS (approximate).
December 2013 - First cycle of Clomid - Positive OPK. BFN
January 2014 - 2nd Cycle of Clomid - Positive OPK. BFN
February 2014 - 3rd Cycle of Clomid - Positive OPK. BFN
March 2014 - Took month off to prep for surgery
April 2014 - Laporoscopy for endo. Unable to remove endo due to too close of proximity to ureter. HSG done as well. Fillopian tubes open.
May 2014 - 1st round of Femara. Positive OPK. BFN.
June 2014 - 2nd round of Femara. Moved to RE to have CD10 Follicular U/S. No Follies in left ovary. 5 follies in right. Largest follie 8mm, 1 7mm, 2 3mm, 1 2mm. Positive OPK on day of U/S. BFN. DH has SA done at this time - All results within normal limits.
July 2014 - 3rd round of Femara. CD10 Follicular U/S. No follies in left ovary. 7 follies in right. 1 20mm, 1 12mm, 1 10mm, 4 <5mm. Scheduled for IUI. Canceled due to low estrogen level of 145. TI this month. Prepping for Injectables next month. BFN.
August 2014 - CD3 BW Normal. Injectables not happening because of stupid miscommunication about "required injectables class." Taking class this month. No medication. TI for the month. SIS scheduled for 8/7/14. SIS results - "I have a beautiful uterus." Huzzah!
September 2014 - Cycle cancelled due to stupid AF coming early and making my IUI run in to DH's business trip. Try again next month.
October 2014 - Injects with IUI cycle. 75U 5 days. Estrogen at 36. Bumped up to 125 for 4 days. Estrogen 105. Bumped up to 225. Ganirelix for 2 days. 4 mature follies. Triggered 10/9. IUI 10/10.
BFP 10/24/2014. Beta #1 - 178 Beta #2 - 398. U/S 11/7/14- TWINS!!!!
Welp, talked to my RE....they charge $520 just to freeze the sample, and then charge almost as much to thaw it the day of the IUI. Sooo...that's not an option for me at this point. And I asked about possibly starting my injections on CD5, instead of CD3 (as I read that it doesn't really make a difference), and my nurse said that wouldn't change my ovulation schedule. So she said I will just have to wait until next month.
I did ask if I could do another cycle of femara this month since I tend to not O until CD14-15 on that, and my DH will be back prior to that and my RE said no. Not that I have any hope it will work seeing as how I've done 3 cycles of clomid and 3 cycles of femara already...but then at least I would feel like I was doing SOMETHING.
*sigh* I guess it was worth a shot. Thanks for the advice ladies. Wine it is.....
***Signature/Ticker Warning***
March 2008 - DD born - no issues conceiving (surprise). Limited issues during pregnancy/delivery.
June 2011 - Married DH.
June 2013 - Diagnosis of Endometriosis and PCOS (approximate).
December 2013 - First cycle of Clomid - Positive OPK. BFN
January 2014 - 2nd Cycle of Clomid - Positive OPK. BFN
February 2014 - 3rd Cycle of Clomid - Positive OPK. BFN
March 2014 - Took month off to prep for surgery
April 2014 - Laporoscopy for endo. Unable to remove endo due to too close of proximity to ureter. HSG done as well. Fillopian tubes open.
May 2014 - 1st round of Femara. Positive OPK. BFN.
June 2014 - 2nd round of Femara. Moved to RE to have CD10 Follicular U/S. No Follies in left ovary. 5 follies in right. Largest follie 8mm, 1 7mm, 2 3mm, 1 2mm. Positive OPK on day of U/S. BFN. DH has SA done at this time - All results within normal limits.
July 2014 - 3rd round of Femara. CD10 Follicular U/S. No follies in left ovary. 7 follies in right. 1 20mm, 1 12mm, 1 10mm, 4 <5mm. Scheduled for IUI. Canceled due to low estrogen level of 145. TI this month. Prepping for Injectables next month. BFN.
August 2014 - CD3 BW Normal. Injectables not happening because of stupid miscommunication about "required injectables class." Taking class this month. No medication. TI for the month. SIS scheduled for 8/7/14. SIS results - "I have a beautiful uterus." Huzzah!
September 2014 - Cycle cancelled due to stupid AF coming early and making my IUI run in to DH's business trip. Try again next month.
October 2014 - Injects with IUI cycle. 75U 5 days. Estrogen at 36. Bumped up to 125 for 4 days. Estrogen 105. Bumped up to 225. Ganirelix for 2 days. 4 mature follies. Triggered 10/9. IUI 10/10.
BFP 10/24/2014. Beta #1 - 178 Beta #2 - 398. U/S 11/7/14- TWINS!!!!
***Signature/Ticker Warning***
March 2008 - DD born - no issues conceiving (surprise). Limited issues during pregnancy/delivery.
June 2011 - Married DH.
June 2013 - Diagnosis of Endometriosis and PCOS (approximate).
December 2013 - First cycle of Clomid - Positive OPK. BFN
January 2014 - 2nd Cycle of Clomid - Positive OPK. BFN
February 2014 - 3rd Cycle of Clomid - Positive OPK. BFN
March 2014 - Took month off to prep for surgery
April 2014 - Laporoscopy for endo. Unable to remove endo due to too close of proximity to ureter. HSG done as well. Fillopian tubes open.
May 2014 - 1st round of Femara. Positive OPK. BFN.
June 2014 - 2nd round of Femara. Moved to RE to have CD10 Follicular U/S. No Follies in left ovary. 5 follies in right. Largest follie 8mm, 1 7mm, 2 3mm, 1 2mm. Positive OPK on day of U/S. BFN. DH has SA done at this time - All results within normal limits.
July 2014 - 3rd round of Femara. CD10 Follicular U/S. No follies in left ovary. 7 follies in right. 1 20mm, 1 12mm, 1 10mm, 4 <5mm. Scheduled for IUI. Canceled due to low estrogen level of 145. TI this month. Prepping for Injectables next month. BFN.
August 2014 - CD3 BW Normal. Injectables not happening because of stupid miscommunication about "required injectables class." Taking class this month. No medication. TI for the month. SIS scheduled for 8/7/14. SIS results - "I have a beautiful uterus." Huzzah!
September 2014 - Cycle cancelled due to stupid AF coming early and making my IUI run in to DH's business trip. Try again next month.
October 2014 - Injects with IUI cycle. 75U 5 days. Estrogen at 36. Bumped up to 125 for 4 days. Estrogen 105. Bumped up to 225. Ganirelix for 2 days. 4 mature follies. Triggered 10/9. IUI 10/10.
BFP 10/24/2014. Beta #1 - 178 Beta #2 - 398. U/S 11/7/14- TWINS!!!!
*********PREGNANCIES/LOSSES MENTIONED***************
Both of my aunts and my mom suffered IF and losses. My mom had 1 loss (late enough to know it was a boy), and my aunts each had 3 losses (one had them in a row between her 1st and 2nd children, the other had one loss in between each of her children). My mom is gone, but my aunts have been instrumental in helping me on my bad IF days. They are so nurturing and have really stepped in since my mom died.
Obviously, you have the people on this board, but is there anyone in your life you can turn to on days like this? If not, maybe a psychologist or counselor of some sort could help? I saw one after my mom died (traumatic circumstances), and it was so helpful. Even my abuela is seeing someone to cope with her impending death from cancer. I hope you can find peace and comfort somewhere. I don't know if you're religious or not, but I always turn to God in times like this and try to remind myself that He knows the pain I feel and I am never alone.
I'm sending you the biggest of (((HUGS))). Feel better, honey.
PCOS | Anovulatory | Metformin + Letrozole
Married and started TTC in July 2013
"Diagnosed" with unexplained infertility
Oct 2014 IUI #1: 100mg clomid/HCG trigger/2 mature follicles/18mil post wash sperm count: BFP!!!
2008: HSG (normal), couple rounds of clomid through gyno
2008 - 2010: dragging my feet out of fear and procrastination
October 2010: first consultation with RE, dx PCOS and fibroids (DH slightly low count/motility)
Oct. 2010 - Dec. 2012: In DENIAL! avoided the issue because I was scared of surgery
January 2013: returned to RE, fibroids grew significantly
February 2013: second HSG, fibroids pushed on tubes which blocked them somewhat
March 2013: MRI to determine what type of surgery may be necessary
July 29, 2013: fibroids (5) removed via robotic laparascopy
August 2013 - Nov 2013 : benched due to recent surgery
IUI #3, Feb. 25, 2014 BFN
IUI #4 canceled due to lack of response to letrozole
IUI #4.1 April 28, 2014, BFN
May 16, 2014: wtf consult, start prepping for IVF in June and add injects for one last IUI in the meantime
IUI #5 started letrozole and bravelle but canceled after HSG led to new diagnosis
May 21, 2014: third HSG, tubes blocked, one at the beginning, one hydrosalpinx??
IVF #1 August 8, 2014 - 3dt of 2 embryos, BFN
September 17, 2014 - 4th HSG, the right tube is very patent (open!!) dye went straight through this time. Weird!
October 2, 2014 - started metformin treatment
November 14, 2014 - blood work, brought A1C down from 5.8 to 5.5
November 26, 2014 - RE finally back from vaca and reviewed my chart, no more IVFs for rest of calendar year
December 1, 2014 - Right after Thanksgiving, I called a new clinic and got in right away! Plan for IVF
December 17, 2014 - ER! 29 retrieved (!!), 16 mature, all 16 fertilized (ICSI)
IVF #2 December 20, 2014 - 3dt of 3 embryos, BFN
We are done with treatment unsuccessfully.
TTC #1 January 2009
January 2010 SA results: Count 16 million, Motility 40%, Morphology 2%
January 2010- Surprise BFP! DS born 10/1/2010
January 2013 TTC #2
September 2013 Repeat SA: Count= 1.7 million, Motility= 24%, Morphology= 2%
November 6th 1st Appointment with RE: diagnosed with severe MFI
Testing to try to determine a cause & possible treatment for MFI
CD 3 blood work for me. RE does not want to repeat my HSG/lap at this point,
but may want to before moving forward with any fertility treatments.
After seeing the uro, DH is currently taking lots of supplements and clomid to try to boost his count. We will have a repeat SA in February to see if it works.
Follow up SA numbers are: Count= 4 million, Motility= 40%, Morphology= 1%
Uro wants us to have another follow up SA 5/9 to see if we see further improvement than we are back to the RE to make a game plan.
SA 5/9/2014 Count: 12 Million, Motility: 60%, and Morphology 2%. We will be doing iui #1 in late June
IUI #1 6/28 clomid + ovidrel, post wash count 3 million total sperm= BFN
IUI # 2 7/21 clomid+ ovidrel. post wash count 900,000 total sperm= BFN
IVF planned for early November- cancelled due to cyst
December IVF #1- 22 eggs, 20 mature,16 fertilized
12/9 Transferred 1 4AA Blast, 6 frosties
*****Everyone is welcome******
***SIGGY WARNING***
Me (26) & DH (26)
Dog Momma to 2 amazing furbabies
Started dating: May 6, 2005 & Married: August 4, 2012
Diagnosis: PCOS
September 2013 - January 2014: Not trying but not preventing
February 2014: Officially TTC (BBT, OPKs, etc)
February-August 2014: Irregular Cycles, U/S showed Fibroids/Cysts, Provera required to get AF, BFNs
September & October 2014: Testing Months with Reproductive Endocrinologist!
DH's SA: Normal (116.4 million sperm, 97% motility, 36% morphology) - WHO criteria
DH's Repeat SA: Poss. Low Morph. (138 million sperm, 73% motility, 8% morphology) - Kruger criteria
HSG and SIS: Normal (tubes clear)
Medicated Cycle: 5mg Letrozole + Trigger Injection + TI = BFP!!
ESTIMATED DUE DATE: AUGUST 13, 2015
Beta #1: 12/8 - 1,040 Beta #2: 12/10 - 2,902 Beta #3: 12/16 - 19,321
Ultrasound #1: 12/12 (5 weeks 1 day) - Gestational sac and yolk sac present
Ultrasound #2: 12/18 (6 weeks 0 days) - Measuring good, heart rate 99
Ultrasound #3: 12/26 (7 weeks 1 day) - Measuring good, heart rate 150
***Signature/Ticker Warning***
March 2008 - DD born - no issues conceiving (surprise). Limited issues during pregnancy/delivery.
June 2011 - Married DH.
June 2013 - Diagnosis of Endometriosis and PCOS (approximate).
December 2013 - First cycle of Clomid - Positive OPK. BFN
January 2014 - 2nd Cycle of Clomid - Positive OPK. BFN
February 2014 - 3rd Cycle of Clomid - Positive OPK. BFN
March 2014 - Took month off to prep for surgery
April 2014 - Laporoscopy for endo. Unable to remove endo due to too close of proximity to ureter. HSG done as well. Fillopian tubes open.
May 2014 - 1st round of Femara. Positive OPK. BFN.
June 2014 - 2nd round of Femara. Moved to RE to have CD10 Follicular U/S. No Follies in left ovary. 5 follies in right. Largest follie 8mm, 1 7mm, 2 3mm, 1 2mm. Positive OPK on day of U/S. BFN. DH has SA done at this time - All results within normal limits.
July 2014 - 3rd round of Femara. CD10 Follicular U/S. No follies in left ovary. 7 follies in right. 1 20mm, 1 12mm, 1 10mm, 4 <5mm. Scheduled for IUI. Canceled due to low estrogen level of 145. TI this month. Prepping for Injectables next month. BFN.
August 2014 - CD3 BW Normal. Injectables not happening because of stupid miscommunication about "required injectables class." Taking class this month. No medication. TI for the month. SIS scheduled for 8/7/14. SIS results - "I have a beautiful uterus." Huzzah!
September 2014 - Cycle cancelled due to stupid AF coming early and making my IUI run in to DH's business trip. Try again next month.
October 2014 - Injects with IUI cycle. 75U 5 days. Estrogen at 36. Bumped up to 125 for 4 days. Estrogen 105. Bumped up to 225. Ganirelix for 2 days. 4 mature follies. Triggered 10/9. IUI 10/10.
BFP 10/24/2014. Beta #1 - 178 Beta #2 - 398. U/S 11/7/14- TWINS!!!!
I'm sorry. I understand the "stooopid travel!" issues. My DH had a trip this month leaving the day I got a positive OPK so that wasn't ideal and next month I'm traveling around that time. So frustrating to not be able to plan or schedule things.
Be sad. Be mad. Cry. Swear. Do something for you. I hope you feel better each day of the weekend.
***** All Welcome *****
***** Siggy Warning *****
TTC since Dec, 2012. Me: 33; DH: 34
- Ultrasound to look at "lay of the land": normal
- Blood work: normal
- OPKs and ultrasound to confirm ovulation: Yes
- SA for DH: Normal (a couple numbers on the low side of normal)
- HSG: Normal
- Doing several cycles of Letrozole, TI and progesterone
- Aug cycle of Letrozole, TI and progesterone came back with a BFP-MC at 7 weeks.
- Benched until Jan
- Starting Letrozole, TI, Progesteron and HCG Trigger in Feb cycle
Me: 20 | DH: 22
Married May 2013: TTC since May 2013
Currently making lifestyle changes in an effort to lose 100 pounds.