Looking for insight- adoption from a family member

Annabellef

Hi All, 

My DH and I have been TTC for almost 4 years.  We are going to be going to DE in about 7 or 8 months.  However, yesterday we found out my just barely 16 yr old cousin is pregnant and wants us to adopt the baby.  I'm still picking my jaw up off the floor.  It feels good to have tears of joy as opposed to being on the verge of depression.  Although I'm scared out of my mind about all kinds of things...her changing her mind, not being able to afford the atty fees, red tape with interstate adoption... and on and on and on... 

I guess I'm here looking for anyone who has been in this position.  Does anyone have any insight as to how to move forward with this within the family?  We're a pretty close family. Although this baby would be something like a 4th cousin to me (I think there's a removal in there somewhere...?) we are all still very much a part of each other's lives.  My DH and I live about 12 hrs away from the bulk of the family in another state so I think that might be easier for the BM to deal with everything afterwards.  

If there is anyone here with this kind of experience how did you handle baby showers, newborn pics, announcements...etc... and then the really important stuff about your parents being Grandma and Grandpa and the BM family just being another member of the family.  Right now I'm feeling very torn about that.  

Didn't mean for this to go on so long, but appreciate you reading.    

CaptainSerious

There have been a few posts on this topic recently that might help with some of you questions. In short, I've seen this work really well, provided the biological parents are truly committed to the permanency of adoption and respect that it would not be a Claremont agreement. It often takes time and lots of open communication to set appropriate boundaries and for everyone to be in the same page, but I believe it can really be the best adoption situation for the child to know that she/he grew in aunt's belly but is being raised by mom and dad. How awesome for her/him not to have to lose a familial relationship with the birth mother!

Two of my favorite posters adopted family members with great success. I wish they still posted, because it's not uncommon to get questions about this, and they could answer about the benefits and complications better than anyone, but they are both quite busy and don't pay her anymore. Just know it can work or beautifully in the right situation.

Here are some posts that you might want to check out:

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12385918/birth-is-one-month-from-today#latest

For information on the process (don't let the fact that it would be intestate concern you, many aprons are): https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12393545/intra-family-adoption#latest

Situation where kinship adoption (adoption by family members) is discussed: https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12392982/adopting-nieces-and-nephews#latest

For an example of how NOT to proceed, in my opinion: https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12344482/adopting-your-niece-or-nephew#latest

Annabellef

Wow, thank you so much for this!  I will check these out.  I really want us all to understand what the future will/may look like.