Adopting your niece or nephew?

EricaCat1

This happened with one of my close girlfriends. She got pregnant with this married man's child and he wanted nothing to do with it and turned his back. She felt she was unfit to be a mother andmy friend didn't want to give up her lifestyle so she decided to give up her baby girl for adoption. Well, her older sister wanted to adopt her niece no questions asked and she did. My friend's father said no one must ever know about this and it went as far as my friend wearing loose clothing to hide her pregnancy in later stages, while her older sister wore a prosthetic bump (no joke). The older sister's two children were young enough at the time to not realize what was going on and to think their own mother was expecting a baby. It has worked out beautifully though because the older sister (the little girl's adopted mother who's really her aunt) and her husband (the little girl's adopted father who's really her uncle-by-marriage) are raising her wonderfully and giving her an amazing life. They love her. It's also nice because her "aunt" (my friend, who's really her mother) gets to see her a lot along with her other real niece and nephew and they have a loving relationship. I think it's nice; I personally think it's awesome to adopt one's niece or nephew. The only thing is when she's 18 she can find out about the adoption and who her real mother is, and I don't really know how that is going to turn out for the family. =\

Dr.Loretta

Um, okay.

I can see this turning out poorly.

lorifromwi

Hiding adoption makes it seem dirty and something to be ashamed of.  It's not.  While I'm delighted that your friend's sister stepped in to give the child a loving home, I agree with Dr. Loretta that this could blow up.

As an adoptee myself, I can't imagine finding out later in life that I was adoped and those closest to me have been lying to me for years.  I don't think I've ever heard of a story where an adoptee found out about their past later in life and didn't feel betrayed and lied to.

You may want to suggest to your friend that they reconsider their approach on this.

ejrobbi

I am happy they are happy in the present but I see a lot of 'what if' situations here.. Hope for all parties it all works out. 

CaptainSerious

I have to agree with the others. It sounds like all the decisions in this scenario were determined by the outdated ideals of their father, who clearly is not informed about adoption research and best practices.

We truly aren't trying to be snarky or mean, but your sorry raises concerns because children who discover later in life that they were adopted tend to feel betrayed, may never trust their family again, and may experience the erosin of their self-worth.

Perhaps you can gently suggest to your friend that they read a book or two about adoption?

WannaBmomma

I am in the process of adopting my sister-in-law's unborn baby.  My daughter will be born in August.  When we sat down and discussed the adoption, we agreed that there would be no secrets because like the others said, secrets have a way of coming out and it will hurt the child.  We felt it was best for our family.  You have to do what is best for yours.  It may never come up if no one knew and may be fine, but you never know. 

shakalex

Sounds like a lifetime movie