Babies on the Brain

Rant: Trying not to be a B

I am only 22. A lot of the people I know who are my age and have children are happily living off of some sort of state aid. Maine gives crazy amounts of help. Now I am all for the help for those who need it but one girl I know announces on FB all of the time about her food stamps, help with housing, and having daycare paid for all by the state. She bragged about calling in sick to her fast food job at least 4 times this summer so she could drop the baby off and go to the beach with her friends.

Last night she announced she is pregnant with baby #2 and included in her status how excited she is to have more food stamps and that it looks like the state will be covering her rent entirely once the baby arrives. She had tons of comments congratulating her on the baby and others like "get that free money gurl." WTF.

I am just pissed off. I want a baby. The last two years of my financial life have been centered around preparing us for a family. H is 25 and he wants to start trying but we still have nearly two years before we can be where we want to be financially. It is crazy hard to wait but I want to be financially independent. I don't understand this welfare mentality. When we were kids and my dad dies we got food stamps. My mom was thankful for them but wanted to get rid of them ASAP. Now it feels like people are all giddy to get the free help.

end rant.
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Re: Rant: Trying not to be a B


  • MrsMuq said:
    Maybe you should unfriend people who you dislike so much. I mean, I highly doubt she'd really a friend. I'm going to guess old high school acquaintance you never liked very much to begin with.
    We talk every week or two. Her family is friends with mine. I did stop following her though so it wont be in my news feed.
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  • I think people on aid that act/ behave like your friend are in the very vast minority of families actually on aid.  Most are working poor/ going thru a hardship and just need some extra help to fill in the gaps.  No shame in that.

    It sucks that she acts like that, but maybe block her so you don't find yourself upset by her shenanigans.  Out of sight, out of mind.

     

    No shame at all! I agree that a lot of people need the help. As I said growing up we got help too and I have friends who do need help and I admire what they are doing. This just doesn't feel like the case with this one person which frustrates me. I have seen people use the system properly and I also know a woman who has ten children and outwardly has admitted she does it because the state pays for everything until her youngest turns two. She just keeps having more.

    On another note I may be a "bad friend" for venting about her here but I am trying my best to be supportive of her and her choices. I made it so I can't see her posts.

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  • paigeedpaigeed member
    edited August 2014
    OP i see exactly where you are coming from! I live in a rural town and I would say 75% of everyone around here is on some form of aid.

    Some people truly need the help and I'm all for that but the majority of people I know on aid DONT need it or abuse it in multiple ways. For example, I taught a little girl this last year whose family receives aid. Her mom won't get married to her LIVE IN boyfriend because he is in the oilfield and will make too much money causing them to get kicked off. Wtf?

    My father in law's ex was on aid for upwards of 10 years also collecting disability because she claimed she was in a car accident. Uh NO! She just sat around at home becoming addicted to prescription pills on the governments dime.

    Another story- my friend went through some hard times and needed aid so she applied and got it. They gave her twice what her salary was before getting let go. She tried to give half the money back and they wouldn't let her. Again wtf?

    I could go on and on all day. Our system has serious problems and anyone who thinks it doesn't is seriously naive.
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  • MrsMuq said:
    paigeed said:
    OP i see exactly where you are coming from! I live in a rural town and I would say 75% of everyone around here is on some form of aid. Some people truly need the help and I'm all for that but the majority of people I know on aid DONT need it or abuse it in multiple ways. For example, I taught a little girl this last year whose family receives aid. Her mom won't get married to her LIVE IN boyfriend because he is in the oilfield and will make too much money causing them to get kicked off. Wtf? My father in law's ex was on aid for upwards of 10 years also collecting disability because she claimed she was in a car accident. Uh NO! She just sat around at home becoming addicted to prescription pills on the governments dime. Another story- my friend went through some hard times and needed aid so she applied and got it. They gave her twice what her salary was before getting let go. She tried to give half the money back and they wouldn't let her. Again wtf? I could go on and on all day. Our system has serious problems and anyone who thinks it doesn't is seriously naive.
    ::facepalm:: You obviously don't understand how our country's welfare system works. Welfare and disability are NOT the same thing.

    If a person is unemployed or underemployed (meaning they don't earn a "living" wage), they can only receive assistance for so long. The cap is either 3 or 5 years, I believe. Children of parents who are in this situation, yes, will continue to receive aid for the children until they are of age. Disability is limited to individuals who have a valid medical reason that they can no longer work, whether it is physical or mental. Do you have ANY idea how difficult it is to qualify for disability?

    Are there problems with the system? Yes. Do people abuse the system? Yes.

    But one should never, ever think someone on long-term assistance has it easy. 40% of babies born in the US this year will receive some form of governmental assistance. Children who live below the poverty line are much more likely to drop out of high school, become involved in drugs, join a gang, have low literacy rates, not go on to college, and get pregnant/STDs, just to name a few things.

    I'll take my lifestyle over one where I'm on governmental assistance any day of the week and twice on Sundays.
    The bolded is such a sad but true fact. I grew up in a well off town and moved when I was a Junior in high school two towns over. The poverty, crime and drop out rates within that high school were so depressing.
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  • Honestly, I would be 100% as pissed off as the OP is.

    If you cannot afford to have a baby, don't have one.  It's really that simple.  It's not MY job to work my ass off and pay taxes to support YOUR lifestyle.  Where is the personal responsibility?!?

    I have seen many people abuse the welfare system, including my own mother.

    When my father left my mother, she decided to quit her job, be a SAHM, play the "poor me, my husband left" card, and go on foodstamps.  Never mind the fact that she had a BBA in Finance and could have EASILY found work in New York in the early 90s.  Never mind the fact that she was living rent free in an apartment owned by her father.  She needed to take money from the government, without even TRYING to get a job, so she could be the martyr.

    And I've seen others be even worse.  My first job was at a high-end grocery store in NY.  I was like 16 at the time.  A woman came in EVERY week, decked out to the nines in authentic designer clothing, Louis Vuitton handbags, designer sunglasses, nails done, the kids are in Burberry...and she's paying with food stamps.  Come ON!
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  • If you cannot afford to have a baby, don't have one.  It's really that simple.  It's not MY job to work my ass off and pay taxes to support YOUR lifestyle.  Where is the personal responsibility?!?

    This sums up my feelings perfectly.
    I may be immature for venting on a public form in some peoples eyes but I am taking personal responsibility for my life, money and my birth control.
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  • I am just pissed off. I want a baby. The last two years of my financial life have been centered around preparing us for a family. H is 25 and he wants to start trying but we still have nearly two years before we can be where we want to be financially. It is crazy hard to wait but I want to be financially independent. I don't understand this welfare mentality.


    I can totally relate. I am 27 and have been with my husband for 6 years, 1 year married. We had a goal to save money and redo our house before baby. We want a baby badly but are trying to hold out a few more months until we have reached our goals. We are picking out names and the whole bit. But within the last few months EVERYONE around me is pregnant, including some that I feel have nothing together and pregnant just because Ooops. I feel my husband and I have been working so hard to get to this point and we are trying to be as prepared as possible. Then there's these people that keep having kids with no money no job no SO. And while Im hard at work (saving for my own child) my tax dollars are providing their families with daycare, food, and a place to live. And don't give me the 'most of them need' it...OK I'm not talking about most of them. I'm talking about the ones who are abusing the system. If you're flaunting it on FB, you're abusing the system. If you're driving an Escalade with a Micheal Kors purse riding shot gun, you're abusing the system. But unfortunalty this is going to continue so I just try to be patient and wait for my turn, because when it comes it will be wonderful and well worth the wait.
  • Oh I'm sorry you must have skipped over this part...

    And don't give me the 'most of them need' it...OK I'm not talking about most of them. I'm talking about the ones who are abusing the system.
  • I know because my mother has worked for the state for the last 30 years. It is her job in interview people who are asking for government assistance. I have been around this my entire life. My mother is good friends with some of the people she helps at work. We have them over for dinner and other events all the time. But to shock some of you, there are people who abuse the system. My mom catches them on a daily basis. They lie about their SO, they don't get married so they can stay on food stamps. So no I don't expect them to dress in rags, but i do expect them to only get help if they really need it. I have no sympathy for someone who doesnt put an honest days work in, but expects the benefits. This was not meant to be hateful and judgmental in any way. I was trying to tell someone I could relate to what they were going through. This board is not to post negative comments, its to let people know you are going through the same thing as them. This is a hot topic obviously or our country wouldnt make such a big fuss over it. If everyone was following the rules no one would be talking about this story.
  • I am just pissed off. I want a baby. The last two years of my financial life have been centered around preparing us for a family. H is 25 and he wants to start trying but we still have nearly two years before we can be where we want to be financially. It is crazy hard to wait but I want to be financially independent. I don't understand this welfare mentality. When we were kids and my dad dies we got food stamps. My mom was thankful for them but wanted to get rid of them ASAP. Now it feels like people are all giddy to get the free help.

    OK lets remember why this post started, a girl felt like she was working really hard to get what she deserves and she felt like some people weren't. I'm truly sorry if this came off judgmental, it was supposed to come off truthful. And yes you're right, we can post whatever we want to, so she posted what she felt about welfare. We are here to help each other out and have a feeling of togetherness as mothers. We feel one way, and you feel differently. FACT, this post could go on for years about the disagreement with welfare. So why don't we call it a day. I don't think her intention was for people to bicker about how judemental we are for not agreeing with some replies.
  • A MEN. I see comments like this all of the time. If you need help, fine. I understand that people fall on hard times. But like with this example, you know how the first baby came about, so how about preventing the 2nd one if you can't take care of the first one by yourself. I think there should be STRICT time limits on government aid so that people would bust ASS to not be dependent on them. Don't you think that if they knew in 12 months all aid would stop they would start doing everything under the sun to provide and get stead employment, save money, etc.? Yes they would!! 

    And the posting on facebook about it... where is people's shame? It has become to common place for people to be on some sort of government assistance and people think they are entitled to this help! This is what is so WRONG with this country! I am scared for my poor child(ren) to grow up in this crazy world full of crazy people!

    I could go on for days. End rant!
  • MrsMuq said:
    paigeed said:
    OP i see exactly where you are coming from! I live in a rural town and I would say 75% of everyone around here is on some form of aid. Some people truly need the help and I'm all for that but the majority of people I know on aid DONT need it or abuse it in multiple ways. For example, I taught a little girl this last year whose family receives aid. Her mom won't get married to her LIVE IN boyfriend because he is in the oilfield and will make too much money causing them to get kicked off. Wtf? My father in law's ex was on aid for upwards of 10 years also collecting disability because she claimed she was in a car accident. Uh NO! She just sat around at home becoming addicted to prescription pills on the governments dime. Another story- my friend went through some hard times and needed aid so she applied and got it. They gave her twice what her salary was before getting let go. She tried to give half the money back and they wouldn't let her. Again wtf? I could go on and on all day. Our system has serious problems and anyone who thinks it doesn't is seriously naive.
    ::facepalm:: You obviously don't understand how our country's welfare system works. Welfare and disability are NOT the same thing.

    If a person is unemployed or underemployed (meaning they don't earn a "living" wage), they can only receive assistance for so long. The cap is either 3 or 5 years, I believe. Children of parents who are in this situation, yes, will continue to receive aid for the children until they are of age. Disability is limited to individuals who have a valid medical reason that they can no longer work, whether it is physical or mental. Do you have ANY idea how difficult it is to qualify for disability?

    Are there problems with the system? Yes. Do people abuse the system? Yes.

    But one should never, ever think someone on long-term assistance has it easy. 40% of babies born in the US this year will receive some form of governmental assistance. Children who live below the poverty line are much more likely to drop out of high school, become involved in drugs, join a gang, have low literacy rates, not go on to college, and get pregnant/STDs, just to name a few things.

    I'll take my lifestyle over one where I'm on governmental assistance any day of the week and twice on Sundays.
    Are you sure about this? I work in a field where I see lots of people who have qualified and are on disability that could so so so so so so so easily be working to support themselves but choose not to because it is in fact not hard enough.
  • Honestly, I would be 100% as pissed off as the OP is.

    If you cannot afford to have a baby, don't have one.  It's really that simple.  It's not MY job to work my ass off and pay taxes to support YOUR lifestyle.  Where is the personal responsibility?!?

    I have seen many people abuse the welfare system, including my own mother.

    When my father left my mother, she decided to quit her job, be a SAHM, play the "poor me, my husband left" card, and go on foodstamps.  Never mind the fact that she had a BBA in Finance and could have EASILY found work in New York in the early 90s.  Never mind the fact that she was living rent free in an apartment owned by her father.  She needed to take money from the government, without even TRYING to get a job, so she could be the martyr.

    And I've seen others be even worse.  My first job was at a high-end grocery store in NY.  I was like 16 at the time.  A woman came in EVERY week, decked out to the nines in authentic designer clothing, Louis Vuitton handbags, designer sunglasses, nails done, the kids are in Burberry...and she's paying with food stamps.  Come ON!


    Again.  Those that abuse the system are in the vast minority.  You are basing your opinion off of two people you know in your real life?

     

    Those that abuse are the minority? Are you KIDDING ME?! 
  • Second, she shouldn't be concerned about others.  Be concerned about yourself.


    If you were truly concerned about yourself and no one else you wouldn't be on this board or this website. This website is for people TTC, pregnancy, and parenting. The blog is meant for women who are going through issues that want opinions about their situation. Call me an judgemental idiot if that makes you feel better. But that not what this is made for. I was trying to let alyssa32713 know that I could relate with her post. If you don't feel the same, that's fine. But calling me an idiot doesn't prove anything other than that you are just as judgmental as I am :)
  • A MEN. I see comments like this all of the time. If you need help, fine. I understand that people fall on hard times. But like with this example, you know how the first baby came about, so how about preventing the 2nd one if you can't take care of the first one by yourself. I think there should be STRICT time limits on government aid so that people would bust ASS to not be dependent on them. Don't you think that if they knew in 12 months all aid would stop they would start doing everything under the sun to provide and get stead employment, save money, etc.? Yes they would!! 

    And the posting on facebook about it... where is people's shame? It has become to common place for people to be on some sort of government assistance and people think they are entitled to this help! This is what is so WRONG with this country! I am scared for my poor child(ren) to grow up in this crazy world full of crazy people!

    I could go on for days. End rant!
    And I'm scared for my children to grow up in a society with people who have so little compassion that they'd rather risk people starving than have a small portion of their income possibly go to someone "undeserving".
    I have plenty of compassion for those who need it. Like I said I know people fall on hard times but unless you spend every waking second and every last penny trying to get back on your feet and take care of yourself and your family then.. NO. sorry, no compassion. As OP said this girl is on this assistance but going to the beach... and having ANOTHER baby? Why should I pay taxes to support someone like that? 
  • asws1208 said:
    A MEN. I see comments like this all of the time. If you need help, fine. I understand that people fall on hard times. But like with this example, you know how the first baby came about, so how about preventing the 2nd one if you can't take care of the first one by yourself. I think there should be STRICT time limits on government aid so that people would bust ASS to not be dependent on them. Don't you think that if they knew in 12 months all aid would stop they would start doing everything under the sun to provide and get stead employment, save money, etc.? Yes they would!! 

    And the posting on facebook about it... where is people's shame? It has become to common place for people to be on some sort of government assistance and people think they are entitled to this help! This is what is so WRONG with this country! I am scared for my poor child(ren) to grow up in this crazy world full of crazy people!

    I could go on for days. End rant!
    And I'm scared for my children to grow up in a society with people who have so little compassion that they'd rather risk people starving than have a small portion of their income possibly go to someone "undeserving".
    I have plenty of compassion for those who need it. Like I said I know people fall on hard times but unless you spend every waking second and every last penny trying to get back on your feet and take care of yourself and your family then.. NO. sorry, no compassion. As OP said this girl is on this assistance but going to the beach... and having ANOTHER baby? Why should I pay taxes to support someone like that? 
    Lots of assumptions going on here.  Are you with the person 24/7? How do you know exactly what they are doing at all times?
    If you are on government assistance you have no business being at the beach. That money could have paid your rent.
  • asws1208 said:
    A MEN. I see comments like this all of the time. If you need help, fine. I understand that people fall on hard times. But like with this example, you know how the first baby came about, so how about preventing the 2nd one if you can't take care of the first one by yourself. I think there should be STRICT time limits on government aid so that people would bust ASS to not be dependent on them. Don't you think that if they knew in 12 months all aid would stop they would start doing everything under the sun to provide and get stead employment, save money, etc.? Yes they would!! 

    And the posting on facebook about it... where is people's shame? It has become to common place for people to be on some sort of government assistance and people think they are entitled to this help! This is what is so WRONG with this country! I am scared for my poor child(ren) to grow up in this crazy world full of crazy people!

    I could go on for days. End rant!
    And I'm scared for my children to grow up in a society with people who have so little compassion that they'd rather risk people starving than have a small portion of their income possibly go to someone "undeserving".
    I have plenty of compassion for those who need it. Like I said I know people fall on hard times but unless you spend every waking second and every last penny trying to get back on your feet and take care of yourself and your family then.. NO. sorry, no compassion. As OP said this girl is on this assistance but going to the beach... and having ANOTHER baby? Why should I pay taxes to support someone like that? 
    Lots of assumptions going on here.  Are you with the person 24/7? How do you know exactly what they are doing at all times?
    If you are on government assistance you have no business at the beach.. that money could have paid your rent.
  • 14whitney said:
    If you are on government assistance you have no business being at the beach. That money could have paid your rent.
    Wut. Do beaches cost money where you live? Am I missing something?
    Unless she walked there and caught fish with her hands and ate fresh sushi it cost her something!
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