Update: Goodbye (Loss mentioned)

EmuTavi

So this is it.   After a second ultrasound as well as hours and hours of research (thank God I’m a teacher and off so that I had time to research and get my head on straight) we are going to induce labor starting tomorrow night at 22 weeks 2 days. 

Our baby is missing one kidney and the other is a non-functional cluster of cysts in the shape of a kidney.  Doctors say most likely this is a fluke, especially since no one in either family has kidney problems.  Baby has little to no amniotic fluid around it right now.  It was either induce now and say goodbye or see our baby suffer as they became more and more compressed in-utero and eventually passed away from lack of blood flow, completely unable to move. 

The past week and 2 days have been nothing but grief and frustration for us.  This is our first child and we conceived fairly quickly.  We, as well as my doctors, thought everything was progressing as normal until our 20 week scan where they could barely get a good image on the baby due to the lack of fluid.  It’s a fatal diagnosis.  Baby can survive inside me but the minute that I give birth, or possibly even before then, they will pass.  Prayers for my safety and the baby’s comfort are greatly appreciated.

Take a minute tonight and give your little ones (in development or out roaming the world) a little bit of extra affection.  Before this I was going through the motions of life, okay I got married, got my masters, now let’s have a kid!  I will never again take my life or the lives of those around me for granted.  I am blessed with a wonderful support system, including a husband who is absolutely amazing, a mother and sister who would walk on hot coals if it spared me a moments pain, and a best friend who would go the distance for me. 

I wish all of you the best of luck in your pregnancies.  You all have been a great group of women (and 1 man) who have been nothing but supportive through the past 22 weeks.  For all of the haters out there, Dec ’14 mommies might be snarky as hell sometimes but when it matters they are there for you.  I wish you all nothing but the best and hey, maybe I’ll be able to announce a rainbow baby someday

Update: Caleb Emmanuel was born and passed early this morning. Thank you everyone for all of the support.

dianeg1017

Oh I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I hope you recover quick and start to heal from this emotional time. Nothing but well wishes to you and your angel baby. My thoughts will be with you tomorrow.

Annya26

I am so so sorry, words truly can't express. My thoughts and prayers are with you, your beautiful baby and your family. 

mlee116

Oh no, my heart is breaking for you and your family.  What a terrible thing to have to go through.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.

chicorojo

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry.

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SCSmith2011

I am so, so sorry. (((hugs))) to you.

irishtriplets

How heartbreaking.  I am so sorry for you.  I hope that you are able to spend some quality time with your little one tomorrow night.  You'll be in my thoughts for sure.

ninee88

I am so incredibly sorry. Wishing you strength and as must peace as possible during this difficult time. t&P for you and your family.

Jessie333

I am so sorry. I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Eora3

I am so very sorry. What a terribly hard decision this had to be for you and your DH. Not that it matters in the least bit, but it sounds like you are doing the most loving thing possible.

It sounds like you have a wonderful support system in place. I also really encourage you to reach out to other mom's who have had late term losses. There are online groups and forums. Sometimes, you just need to talk to other women who have literally felt your pain.

I will be thinking of you and your family.

allonsyalonso

I am so very sorry for your loss.

designchica

I am so very sorry. I can't even imagine what you are going through. Sending thoughts your way.

CandEChicago

Oh no... I don't know what to say.  That is heartbreaking and I am glad you have a good support system there for you during this time.  It's a tough decision that you are making and wish you the best.

rshamos

I am so sorry. I can't tell you how much your post moved me. You are in my prayers and I wish there was something I could do for you. Please take care and let us know if you need anything.

AllTheTeaInChina

I'm so very sorry. I hope the induction goes well for you and your LO does not suffer.

kayak11

I am so sorry. Sending T&Ps to you and your family.

2bwritten

I was just thinking about you the other day and hoping that I wouldn't see a post like this!! I'm at a loss for words. Praying for peace and comfort for you and your family...stay strong!!

angeladowns1

I am so sorry. My prayers are with you and your family in this time of unimaginable loss. My heart breaks for you.

QueenOfSpades622

There are no words. I'm so sorry for your loss I extend my thoughts and lots of prayers to you and your family. Hugsxx

colliebabe

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss and my heart breaks for you. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

hellopartyof5

I don't even know what to say.  I'm just so sorry.  You are already thinking like a parent with this brave and scary decision.  You will be in my T&PS during this extremely difficult time and please please take care of yourself.  It sounds like you have an amazing support system, so definitely "use" them as you get through this.  

Heidig14

So very sorry to hear this. I will be keeping you in my thoughts for sure. I cannot imagine what you are going through, I will be sure to hug my belly extra tight tonight.

caden1206

I am sorry to hear that there was nothing to be done. The tone of your post sounds like you have immeasureable strength. I hope your induction goes well and what follows is peaceful. I will be praying for you and everyone else in your family.

VyD81

I'm so sorry. I hope you get to spend as much time as you can with LO. You may also want to check out the loss board, the mommas there are amazing. Also, this is a good website that will provide good support https://stillstandingmag.com. Sending lots of prayers your way.

avonleaC

You are a very strong woman, I wish you and your family all the best. Thank you for taking the time to share during such a difficult time. My thoughts and prayers are with you

abcmom12

my heart breaks everytime I read about a loss and I'm so sorry for yours.  I hope you read the thread for sugarstar and know all that was said is for you as well. 

Kmm1023

So very sorry! Many thought and prayers.

blessdtxas

Oh Zoey, I am so sorry to read this. What a terribly difficult decision to make and thing to go through. I am heartbroken by your loss. Lifting you in prayer.

ginger514

I'm so sorry for your loss.  Many warm thoughts to you and your family during this time.

Drgn30

i'm so sorry that you're going through this

haleyusf

I'm so very sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

kmweston07

I'm so sorry! T & P's to you and your family!

megbmeg

I am so sorry. I am sure the decision was agonizing, and saying goodbye will be so hard. I am glad you have a good support system and hope you will lean on them lots. When you are ready, the loss boards and TTCAL boards are wonderful places for support. So many hugs and prayers for you.

freakyfast

I am so very sorry, there are no words.  Lots of (((HUGS))) and many T&P to you and your family.  

erynpdx

My heart hurts for you, praying for you and your family through this time.

DoctorWorm222

I'm so very, very sorry for your loss and for the difficult decision you were forced to make to protect your sweet angel from suffering. You'll be in my prayers tomorrow.

JaymeeLH

I am so so sorry, I can't even find the right words to express my grief for you and your husband. You will be in my thoughts and prayers going forward. Much love and many many hugs for you

ColeyCannoli

I am so sorry... you are being incredibly brave to take that step and make such an impossibly hard decision to save your baby from further pain. I cannot imagine how hard this is for you right now. Please check out the thread for sugarstar above - all of those messages are for you as well. Take care of yourself. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your whole family.

krystrist2014

I am so sorry to hear this news! You, your little angel, and your family are in my prayers tonight. I am sorry you have to go through this. Please take care of yourself. ***hugs***

LinziLoo09

I am so heartbroken for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please take care of yourself.