MONDAY, 5/12 AW/SS/Random thoughts thread!

mjdavies

@whoberry‌ - I'm also in this conundrum. I just finished all my thank you notes and just don't want to write individual cards for 20 people for a few joint presents. At work we have this product that we sell that turns PowerPoint into video so I'm thinking of making a thank you video.

elsa1688

nutmegs8 said:

Tomorrow is my last day of work!!!  I'm only going in for 4 hours and then...

So jealous. I moved my last day up to May 29th. Only 13 more days!

SarahS11

Anyone else find themselves standing in their closet looking longingly at your old wardrobe? I haven't bought a ton of maternity stuff so I pretty much just wear the same few outfits each week. A lot of those items are starting to get too tight but it's late in the game, and I don't want to buy any more... I'm getting tired of wearing the same thing and wish I could wear some of my old stuff... End of whine for now...

whoberry

KrystaJ said:

whoberry said:

What's the best way to thank work people for a group gift? They are not all in the same location so we can't post something on a bulletin board at the office. Individual thank you cards? Group email thank you? Other ideas?

@whoberry - How many people is it? I'm planning on doing individual cards for the group gift my teammates gave me (even though our company paid for the gift).

@KrystaJ‌ 10 people

CJnKR2014

lizardbreath14 said:

@CAMag congratulations! I just opened this thread today, so I'm a tad late. Hope you had an amazing day yesterday! That's awesome!

Mztwilson said:

This hormone crash sucks. I'm angry at me body for not keeping the baby in there. I'm sad that he's not home with me. I feel this overwhelming guilt like there's something I could've done. I hate that I'm not home with my family. I hate that we have to be separated right now. And I hate that I feel this way because things could be so much worse. And I keep reminding myself be thankful that things aren't worse then they are.

You have absolutely no reason to feel guilty!  But I know that probably doesn't help much right now. It has to be so hard to be home when he's not.  I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Hugs, woman.

snuff9861 said:

CAMag said:

I've been engaged for two years & with my SO for almost 5. We've been putting off our wedding bc of IVF costs, but decided to head down to city hall today to get married & save our 'real' wedding for next year! Can't wait to marry this lovely man!

Not to start drama, but your "real" wedding is today at city hall. PPD (Pretty Princess Days) don't go over well on the boards, just a heads up. Congrats on getting married.


I think that depends.  My husband and I had a secret city hall wedding, which was very special, but then we had our church wedding 3 years later. It wasn't a pretty princess day at all, but it was very traditional and beautiful!  We both still felt like it was a huge deal, because it was in the church and was such a beautiful ceremony, and all our friends and family celebrated with us!  It just meant a lot to us in our hearts to have the church wedding, and somehow we felt "more married." LOL.  It's weird, but it does happen that way sometimes.

I agree, it depends on the situation. DH and I were both in military schooling when we got married- we would have preferred waiting but we were going to be stationed across the country from each other. We had an officiant read us "vows" in the parking lot of a bank where we got the certificate notarized- not our ideal situation but hey it got the job done. We will one day have a ceremony with all of our family and friends, and I don't see anything wrong with wanting that.

katekat8721

@whoberry We had 50 people at our work shower, luckily all in the same location. I sent out a group thank you email and brought in breakfast the next day (bagels, cream cheese, juice = easy peasy)

For 10 people in different offices, I would send a thank you email

Taymiller

@CAMag‌ -congrats!!!

b48kate

snuff9861 said:

I think that depends.  My husband and I had a secret city hall wedding, which was very special, but then we had our church wedding 3 years later. It wasn't a pretty princess day at all, but it was very traditional and beautiful!  We both still felt like it was a huge deal, because it was in the church and was such a beautiful ceremony, and all our friends and family celebrated with us!  It just meant a lot to us in our hearts to have the church wedding, and somehow we felt "more married." LOL.  It's weird, but it does happen that way sometimes.

See I disagree. You had a wedding at city hall. For whatever reason, be it you wanted insurance, one or the other was being deployed etc, you chose to get married that day. I don't judge the reasons for city hall marriages. That was wedding day. If having a church ceremony was so important then you should have waited. PPD (which is a wedding when you're already married) is gift-grabby and AW. Yes it sucks that your family wasn't there when you got married at city hall but that was your choice. Personally as a guest, I've been to a wedding like this (found out after the couple had been married for 3 years). It felt cheap to me, like they just wanted a party. And also it cheapens the weddings of those who choose city hall weddings, like they are somehow less of a wedding or less of a marriage because a big party wasn't thrown.

As long as there is an open bar, I will happily attend anyone's PPD!  

BTW, that (PPD) is a totally new term to me, but made me laugh because I have long considered most weddings in those terms. 

We eloped to Vegas, but I still insisted that I have my hair and makeup professionally done, so I am as guilty as anyone as having a vanity play a role in my marriage decision making.

CJnKR2014

@snuff9861‌ you were quoting the quote I quoted... lol mine was the last paragraph. Not the bit you quoted me saying lol this is what I said:

"I agree, it depends on the situation. DH and I were both in military schooling when we got married- we would have preferred waiting but we were going to be stationed across the country from each other. We had an officiant read us "vows" in the parking lot of a bank where we got the certificate notarized- not our ideal situation but hey it got the job done. We will one day have a ceremony with all of our family and friends, and I don't see anything wrong with wanting that. "

The bit you quoted was from @lizardbreath14‌.

Just for clarification lol

But I will say that if someone does their private wedding and then later has a ceremony and doesn't say "no gifts" in one way or another, I agree that it is gift grabby. I will be making it clear that no one is to bring gifts. It will more or less be a vow renewal, but just a little bigger. If that makes sense lol

And yep, I will AW it up- that's what a wedding is, so I will do that with my ceremony.

Pepper6

My only issue with saying you have your "real" wedding later is that it implies that courthouse weddings aren't real. One of my good friends didn't want to do the whole formal wedding thing and asked me to serve as a witness at their courthouse wedding and it was one of the best weddings I've been to because it was totally 'them'. I know she gets upset each time people ask her if they'll have a "real" wedding later because, to them, it was their real wedding.

I've also attended a ceremony and reception where the couple was already married. It didn't really bother me until one of their guests spilled the beans that they were already married. Apparently her family didn't know that and they were extremely hurt and her grandmother walked out. Made it very uncomfortable for everyone. It's been 2 years and apparently the grandma still doesn't talk to her.

Basically, do whatever works for you, but please don't demean the validity of courthouse weddings and be cautious if you plan to lie to anyone about being married because it could end up hurting people.

CJnKR2014

@snuff9861‌ its ok I'm mobile too, that's why I figured I'd clarify

Our vow renewal (granted we can afford it) is going to be at 5 years, mostly because of the fact that we didn't have a family wedding. Now like I said, it's not going to be exactly like a wedding- no bridesmaids or groomsmen, no white dress, and no gifts- but it will be similar. It's important to me, just like us being married before we were stationed apart was. I totally get that a lot of people will side-eye me for it, but shit the people that love us and really care about us will be happy no matter what, and that's what matters.

But I will say that I don't think having a wedding after a courthouse wedding cheapens anything for anyone else- it matters how you feel about your chosen ceremony, not others. If a courthouse wedding is what you want, more power to you. I just know that there are situations where people feel they have no other option but to have a courthouse wedding even though that is not their chosen style. In which case I say AW it up and have your family wedding!

Taymiller

Different strokes for different folks. Everyone gets married their own way, who the hell cares!

katekat8721

Re: weddings

This is rubbing me wrong for a few reasons. First, because it's @CAMag's freaking wedding day and it's kinda shitty to tear it apart trying to say what's right or wrong about it. Let her do her thing and be happy.

Second, I can bet you part of the reason they're doing a court house wedding first instead of big shindig is because (like a lot of people with infertility) they spent a shit ton of money trying to have babies. I'm sure if she was able to get KU'd easily they could have spent their savings on a bigger wedding if they wanted to.

It's just not so black and white to me. I wouldn't judge someone if they had a courthouse wedding then they later chose to have a bigger ceremony or reception. It's no different to me than people who have destination weddings and then a big reception back home. If you don't agree with it, you don't go, very simple.

CJnKR2014

@katekat8721‌ you are awesome and good at saying things lol
lol

ElTrain5

Get married and throw whatever celebration you want to commemorate it whenever. Throw ten. Life is just too damn short to spend time worrying about how other people choose to do it.

lest12

We eloped to Vegas... For many reasons but a big one being that I didn't want to say my vows in front of 100 people. It was too much pressure. We did, however, have a major post-nuptial party a few months later, with our family and friends and a different white dress and a dj and photographer and the whole thing (except an actual ceremony). It was a fucking blast. Maybe people think that was gift grabby or aw-ish but I couldn't give less fucks. I love the way we did it and I'd do it again 100 times over.

Pepper6

Just wanted to clear up that to me, it's just the saying "real wedding" that bothers me on my friends behalf (and mostly then it's the people who ask her as if they don't consider her marriage valid without the party), not the actual choice to have a courthouse wedding and then a more traditional ceremony later.

lest12

@pepper6 - I totally understood your post and thought you made a good point!

JNerd

What is more important? The ceremony or the marriage? People can do whatever the hell they want, but IMO just need to be okay with what they prioritize. If being married is more important than the ceremony, why complain about not having the hoopla later? If the hoopla was so important, why didn't you do it the first time - or wait until the hoopla was available/apprpriate?

No one holds a gun to your head and says 'you must be married NOW' so figure out what you want most, and do that - then be okay with what you decided. If you are doing it because of outside pressures, maybe you need to take control of your own life and not let other people make big decisions for you. And if you let others make big decisions - like when you get married- for you, you need to be okay with that choice too! 

Why is it so hard to take responsibility for your own choices?

Taymiller

@CAMag‌ - you looked awesome btw, congrats again!

ElTrain5

@snuff9861 "That was your real wedding" is phrasing it as if that is a fact, Since that is actually a subjective thing, which will differ for each person, it's really just your opinion. Which is fine, we all have different opinions, but the way you're saying it is as if that's some absolute fact and anyone who disagrees is "wrong".

Marriage, to me personally, is a commitment made according to the traditions of my particular religion. So if DH and I had gotten married in a civil ceremony, that would have meant (to me personally) a formation of a formal, legal relationship in the eyes of the state, as opposed to being married in my church, which would me to me to be married in the eyes of my God. (Not that there's anything wrong with that civil ceremonies at all. My sister was married by a judge and I certainly don't consider her to be any "less married", but she's also of a different religion, so she did what felt right for her, which was absolutely beautiful and awesome.)

So, yes....we all view marriage (and therefore weddings) differently. And what you view as a "real wedding" is different than what I do. And that's ok, provided we both realize that and don't push those beliefs onto others as "facts".

JNerd

CAMag said:

What is more important? The ceremony or the marriage? People can do whatever the hell they want, but IMO just need to be okay with what they prioritize. If being married is more important than the ceremony, why complain about not having the hoopla later? If the hoopla was so important, why didn't you do it the first time - or wait until the hoopla was available/apprpriate?

No one holds a gun to your head and says 'you must be married NOW' so figure out what you want most, and do that - then be okay with what you decided. If you are doing it because of outside pressures, maybe you need to take control of your own life and not let other people make big decisions for you. And if you let others make big decisions - like when you get married- for you, you need to be okay with that choice too! 

Why is it so hard to take responsibility for your own choices?

Is this directed at me? I don't even get what you're trying to say.

Not directed at anyone - just expressing an opinion.

Congrats! You did look fantastic!

vv826

@CAMag‌ congratulations! God Bless!

jwarnerb

SarahS11 said:

Anyone else find themselves standing in their closet looking longingly at your old wardrobe? I haven't bought a ton of maternity stuff so I pretty much just wear the same few outfits each week. A lot of those items are starting to get too tight but it's late in the game, and I don't want to buy any more... I'm getting tired of wearing the same thing and wish I could wear some of my old stuff... End of whine for now...

Ugh, totally.  I didn't buy many maternity clothes either and I wear the same 5ish outfits over and over again.  I try to change it up with accessories and scarves but I'm BOOOORED.  And since none of the maternity clothes fit very well (pants are always falling down, etc) I'm ALSO not very comfortable (the worst part!).  I do miss my old clothes but mostly I just wish I could be nekkid all the time.  

JNerd

snuff9861 said:

ElTrain5 said:

@snuff9861 "That was your real wedding" is phrasing it as if that is a fact, Since that is actually a subjective thing, which will differ for each person, it's really just your opinion. Which is fine, we all have different opinions, but the way you're saying it is as if that's some absolute fact and anyone who disagrees is "wrong". Marriage, to me personally, is a commitment made according to the traditions of my particular religion. So if DH and I had gotten married in a civil ceremony, that would have meant (to me personally) a formation of a formal, legal relationship in the eyes of the state, as opposed to being married in my church, which would me to me to be married in the eyes of my God. (Not that there's anything wrong with that civil ceremonies at all. My sister was married by a judge and I certainly don't consider her to be any "less married", but she's also of a different religion, so she did what felt right for her, which was absolutely beautiful and awesome.) So, yes....we all view marriage (and therefore weddings) differently. And what you view as a "real wedding" is different than what I do. And that's ok, provided we both realize that and don't push those beliefs onto others as "facts".

Fact: a court house wedding is a real wedding. In which you are really married. Therefore not subjective.

That is your assumption of what I'm saying...so not a fact.

Fact: a wedding does not make a marriage. 

I just dont get it. If it is to the same person, and there hasn't been a divorce in there, the 'real' wedding is the first one. Celebrations are great, blessings are great, but the ceremony that made it 'real' is the one that happened first. If all the other stuff was so important, why wasn't it at the first time?

Pepper6

CAMag said:

Pepper6 said:

Just wanted to clear up that to me, it's just the saying "real wedding" that bothers me on my friends behalf (and mostly then it's the people who ask her as if they don't consider her marriage valid without the party), not the actual choice to have a courthouse wedding and then a more traditional ceremony later.

Nope. Would never consider someone else's marriage as 'real' or not. I would be happy for them. That's just me. I was only speaking about myself and for myself.

I know ;-) it just occurred to me re reading my post that I didn't want anyone to think I was assuming that about anyone here. It was just a general observation about my irl encounters with the topic.

CJnKR2014

Taymiller

"Let it go, let it go"

JNerd

BrightEyes112 said:

I wanted to stay out but... if the first one doesn't count, or isn't real enough, why bother doing it in the first place.

sparklenshine_89

I was so depressed looking at my clothes in my closet... I don't want any of it. I wouldn't care if a fire burned all my clothes.

ElTrain5

Fact: a court house wedding is a real wedding. In which you are really married. Therefore not subjective.



Sometimes they aren't even called weddings, just "civil ceremonies", but if you consider that to be a wedding, that's great. It's a wedding. Not arguing that at all. The ceremony you might have later at your church can also be a real wedding.




That is your assumption of what I'm saying...so not a fact.




Agreed, It's my opinion of how you are coming across.



Fact: a wedding does not make a marriage.



..... I'm not sure what you mean by that. But since we all seem to have different opinions and beliefs, I really don't think there is one true thing that does or does not "make a marriage" and could be considered a fact.

I honestly don't get why it matters so much to anyone else what other people do with their own ceremonies/celebrations etc. when if comes to their weddings/marriages. It doesn't affect anyone but that couple and maybe their family.



On that note, I'm heading to bed. @CAMag congrats again, you look gorgeous

Pepper6

jwarnerb said:

SarahS11 said:

Anyone else find themselves standing in their closet looking longingly at your old wardrobe? I haven't bought a ton of maternity stuff so I pretty much just wear the same few outfits each week. A lot of those items are starting to get too tight but it's late in the game, and I don't want to buy any more... I'm getting tired of wearing the same thing and wish I could wear some of my old stuff... End of whine for now...

Ugh, totally.  I didn't buy many maternity clothes either and I wear the same 5ish outfits over and over again.  I try to change it up with accessories and scarves but I'm BOOOORED.  And since none of the maternity clothes fit very well (pants are always falling down, etc) I'm ALSO not very comfortable (the worst part!).  I do miss my old clothes but mostly I just wish I could be nekkid all the time.  





I've been wearing slightly inappropriate tops to work lately because they're all that fit at this point. They aren't terrible, just definitely more casual weekend tank tops that I never would have worn to work before.

lest12

I forgot to mention that my Vegas wedding was streamed live on the internet so people at home could watch it. I think that makes it the most realest wedding ever.

lest12

@mtgrizgirl said:

lest12 said:

I forgot to mention that my Vegas wedding was streamed live on the internet so people at home could watch it. I think that makes it the most realest wedding ever.

But.....was Elvis there?!?

No But there was a giant Elvis cut-out outside, right between the drive-thru window and the sign mentioning that Michael Jordan, Frank Sinatra and Britney Spears all were married there (though not to each other, of course). That should count for something!

CJnKR2014

DH brought me McDonald's mcnuggets and a mcflurry. :x

lest12

@StrawberryDreams219 said:

I didn't have sex on my wedding night!!!!!!!!!1!!!


is this awkward enough yet??

Neither did we! It had to wait until the next morning. We were too tired/kind of drunkydrunkdrunk.

lest12

CAMag said:

lest12 said:

@mtgrizgirl said:

lest12 said:

I forgot to mention that my Vegas wedding was streamed live on the internet so people at home could watch it. I think that makes it the most realest wedding ever.

But.....was Elvis there?!?

No But there was a giant Elvis cut-out outside, right between the drive-thru window and the sign mentioning that Michael Jordan, Frank Sinatra and Britney Spears all were married there (though not to each other, of course). That should count for something!

Love the drive-thru option!

For the couple on the go!

BMaidPlanner

Maybe this thread will die when it's Wednesday everywhere. ;-)

elsa1688

We are not married and we were both at our own parents weddings (I was 18 months, DF was 4 months). We are just carrying on the bastard tradition

jshrop

This whole discussion really pisses me off. There are a 1001 reasons why a courthouse marriage and a church wedding later is appropriate. There's also reasons to not tell the world about the courthouse ceremony and let them celebrate your "real wedding" later. How dare anyone "side eye" or judge that. Sorry. Sounds like more "sancti-mommy" bullshit and I think it's fucking preposterous for anyone to judge or give their unsolicited opinions on the matter. Flame me if you want but seriously, get off the high horse. /rant


@mtgrizgirl‌ and @CAMag‌ I hope your days were wonderful. Congrats! And may you have a long happy life with your husbands and children.


Damn... All I came on here to say was hubs decided to sleep in the guest room last night and it was the first night we both slept straight through. I was super sad that he wanted to sleep in there but when I woke up at 7:30 and realized how rested I felt (he was the same way), he may just sleep there until the baby is born.