Second-parent adoption: cost, timing? — The Bump
LGBT Parenting

Second-parent adoption: cost, timing?

Wondering when those of you who have done second-parent adoption completed the process.  I know it can be started before the baby is born and can't be completed until after birth, but I'm wondering if anyone waited a while after birth and whether or not that was an issue.

We just started the process of having wills, POA, health proxies etc drawn up and I really don't think we have the cash at this point to complete SPA as well.  To me, the wills etc are more important, particularly because we live in MA, are legally married, my wife will be on the birth certificate, and within the first couple years of our son's life, it's extremely unlikely that we would be traveling anywhere outside of a handful of northeastern states that also have gay marriage and recognize ours.  We also have very supportive families we are close to, and I am literally 100% sure that my family would never try to take our son away from my wife if anything happened to me.  And my wife, who is the most at risk in the absence of a SPA, is the one who is most hesitant to go through with one at this point (mostly because she is also the one who manages our money).

About how much did you pay an attorney for SPA?  How about for wills, health proxies, POA, etc?
Married my wife 8/2007 ~ TTC #1 since 7/2011
9 IUIs = 9 BFNs
IVF October 2012: 22 eggs retrieved, 17 fertilized, 5 frozen
ET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Blighted ovum discovered at 7w5d; D&E
FET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Missed m/c discovered at 9w5d; D&E
Karyotyping: normal ~ RPL Testing: normal ~ Hysteroscopy: normal
FET #2: 1 blast transferred 10/25; BFP 10/31!
EDD 7/13/14 ~ Induced at 37w4d due to pre-eclampsia ~ Born on 6/28/14
*Everyone welcome*

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Re: Second-parent adoption: cost, timing?

  • Thanks @stringy813, it's particularly helpful to hear from someone else in MA since my wife's parental rights feel like such a non-issue here.
    Married my wife 8/2007 ~ TTC #1 since 7/2011
    9 IUIs = 9 BFNs
    IVF October 2012: 22 eggs retrieved, 17 fertilized, 5 frozen
    ET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Blighted ovum discovered at 7w5d; D&E
    FET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Missed m/c discovered at 9w5d; D&E
    Karyotyping: normal ~ RPL Testing: normal ~ Hysteroscopy: normal
    FET #2: 1 blast transferred 10/25; BFP 10/31!
    EDD 7/13/14 ~ Induced at 37w4d due to pre-eclampsia ~ Born on 6/28/14
    *Everyone welcome*

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  • I posted about this before but my wife @mamosey and I are in MA and are doing second parent adoption right now. She's the birth mom and I'm the bio mom but we still went ahead with a second parent adoption based on our lawyers advice and the fact that we travel a lot. For me I didn't want this hanging over our heads in case anything was to happen. We paid $2k flat fee and had the home study waived since we're related to the baby. We should be getting a court date soon. We met with the lawyer in Nov and our son was born in Feb. If you want the name of the lgbt lawyer we used I'd be happy to share. She's great!
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  • Karlamo said:
    If you want the name of the lgbt lawyer we used I'd be happy to share. She's great!
    Yes, PM me her name!  I have a couple of recs from someone I work with but I'm concerned they might be pricier than they need to be.
    Married my wife 8/2007 ~ TTC #1 since 7/2011
    9 IUIs = 9 BFNs
    IVF October 2012: 22 eggs retrieved, 17 fertilized, 5 frozen
    ET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Blighted ovum discovered at 7w5d; D&E
    FET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Missed m/c discovered at 9w5d; D&E
    Karyotyping: normal ~ RPL Testing: normal ~ Hysteroscopy: normal
    FET #2: 1 blast transferred 10/25; BFP 10/31!
    EDD 7/13/14 ~ Induced at 37w4d due to pre-eclampsia ~ Born on 6/28/14
    *Everyone welcome*

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Perfect. Just sent it.
  • KH826KH826 member
    edited April 2014
    We are in the middle-ish of the second parent adoption process right now (we have done all we can do before baby arrives). We did wills, POA, health proxies etc. before we started TTC and it was about $1200. We are using the same lawyer now for SPA. The total SPA adoption cost is $3250 for us, which we had to pay up front. I am told it is tax deductible though. We also did temporary guardianship paperwork that will give my wife rights between birth and when the adoption is finalized (part of the SPA cost for us), since here in PA my wife can't be on the birth certificate pre-SPA and our marriage isn't recognized. I know our situation is much different in our state, but for us the protection of my wife's rights was worth every penny. Though I do wish it was a little cheaper...

    Me - 30, My wife - 31 , Together for 10 yrs - Married August 2012

    5 medicated IUIs w/ RE (March - July 2013) = BFN

    Fresh IVF Cycle in September 2013 resulted in 18 mature eggs, 16 fertilized, 12 made it to day 5. Transfer of 2 Grade A blastocysts on 9/15/13, and 10 embryos in the freezer!

     

         *****BFP on 9/25/13 - betas: @10dp5dt = 232; @12dp5dt = 465; @15dp5dt = 1,581

     

    *********William George born June 4, 2014*********

  • Hi @ball.and.chain‌ ! I just completed a SPA in MA (we live in Cambridge). It was incredibly easy and practically free to do it yourself. If you are interested, I would be more than happy to go over all the details. One thing that made me feel more secure in doing it myself is that the person in the family probate court that I picked up all the paper work from went over it a little with me, and offered to go over it all when I was done to make sure it was filled out correctly. Plus I called them when I had questions and they were very helpful. The only things we had to pay for were copies of the marriage certificate and birth certificates. I would do it myself in Cambridge MA in a heartbeat (I'm not exactly sure how much depends on which court you are using) PLUS once I submitted the paperwork, we had a court date set for about 4 weeks later, so it was fast. Of course, I'm sure that part depends on which court. Please let me know if you want more information!
    My name is A, I am wife to J.  After 7 months of ttc and one MC, we are expecting two baby girls in 2014!


  • AmandaG47 said:
    Hi @ball.and.chain‌ ! I just completed a SPA in MA (we live in Cambridge). It was incredibly easy and practically free to do it yourself. If you are interested, I would be more than happy to go over all the details.
    I was hoping you might chime in.  I'd totally do it myself but my wife is pretty leery.  I might ask the attorney who is doing our wills what she thinks about us doing SPA ourselves (she doesn't do SPAs and works in my firm, so it's not as if we'd be taking business away from her)...if she thinks it's pretty straightforward then maybe she can convince my wife.  :)  I do legal research for a living so though I am not a lawyer, I am more comfortable with legal information and court procedures than a lot of people.  We'll have to talk about it, but I may PM you at some point for details!  We aren't far from Cambridge.
    Married my wife 8/2007 ~ TTC #1 since 7/2011
    9 IUIs = 9 BFNs
    IVF October 2012: 22 eggs retrieved, 17 fertilized, 5 frozen
    ET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Blighted ovum discovered at 7w5d; D&E
    FET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Missed m/c discovered at 9w5d; D&E
    Karyotyping: normal ~ RPL Testing: normal ~ Hysteroscopy: normal
    FET #2: 1 blast transferred 10/25; BFP 10/31!
    EDD 7/13/14 ~ Induced at 37w4d due to pre-eclampsia ~ Born on 6/28/14
    *Everyone welcome*

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  • We started it before they were born, but it took until 5-6 months for us to get the letters from the docs, etc. They were 8m when we did the actual adoption. It didn't take that long to get the court date and the actual standing in front of the judge part took 15 seconds. Literally. We taped it. :) I think we paid about $3000 for the adoption/wills/POA/etc - we didn't have to have a home study.

    I am not sure the fees are tax deductible now due to the change in the marriage laws. If I recall correctly, it was one of those loop holes we could get through since we couldn't be legally married.
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  • @stringy813, the lawyer in my firm charges $1500 for wills, health proxies, POAs, etc. But because I am a firm employee, I get a 25% discount. That brings it down to around $1100, which seems like a pretty standard cost to me. I think $1000-$1200 seems about right for the process, but someone else may have had a different experience.
    Married my wife 8/2007 ~ TTC #1 since 7/2011
    9 IUIs = 9 BFNs
    IVF October 2012: 22 eggs retrieved, 17 fertilized, 5 frozen
    ET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Blighted ovum discovered at 7w5d; D&E
    FET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Missed m/c discovered at 9w5d; D&E
    Karyotyping: normal ~ RPL Testing: normal ~ Hysteroscopy: normal
    FET #2: 1 blast transferred 10/25; BFP 10/31!
    EDD 7/13/14 ~ Induced at 37w4d due to pre-eclampsia ~ Born on 6/28/14
    *Everyone welcome*

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • JGYJGY member

    Wow, I'm totally jealous of the DIY option!

    We paid about $4k but that included a name change for me (cleaning up some bad legal advice from my divorce a million years ago).  We began the process when I was about 7 months pregnant and it was finalized when G was 4 1/2 months. 

    The adoption expenses did NOT qualify for a tax credit.  I believe that this would have been a federal credit, rather than a state one, so it will be consistent across the country no matter whether your state recognizes the marriage or not.  It was a big bummer for us.

     

    Married to my amazing wife 6/12/10 
    TTC since 6/11
    Unmedicated IUI #1 - 6/28/11 - BFN
    Unmedicated IUI #2 - 7/25/11 - BFN
    Robotic Myomectomy (Fibroid Surgery) - 11/15/11
    Unmedicated IUI #3 - 4/24/12 - BFN 
    Progesterone Supported Leuteal Phase IUI #4 - 6/21/12 - BFP!!
    Baby Boy G Born 3/24/13

    On to #2, are we crazy?
    IUI #1 - 11/28/14 - BFP!  Beta #1 (11DPO) 34, Beta #2 (13DPO) 101, Beta #3 (20DPO) 3043
    Ultrasound at 6w4d shows a single, fluttering heartbeat.  Say hello to Sticky Ricki!

     

    image

  • Ugh this topic stresses me out. We can't get a second parent adoption in our state, but we know ways to get one in surrounding states. We talked to a lawyer about it back during our last TWW actually. We would have to establish residency somewhere else, fairly easy for us to do, but I have no idea how much it would cost especially with travel and such. 

    We also don't have wills, POA's or anything. We talk about it often, and it's on the to do list. We really need to talk to the attorney and figure out how much it would cost. I am 99.9% sure my family would never try to take the baby from my wife if something happened to me, but death brings out the crazy in people. 

    My boss suggested we throw a fundraising party to help with all the expenses. I told her to go for it:)


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  • JGYJGY member

    @redrockmama You could get your wills/poa/hcd done today for not a lot of $$ by using an on-line resource.  You'll need to rewrite/revise once baby comes (and I would think you'd want to utilize the services of an in-person lawyer for that) but for peace of mind for now, and to reduce proctrastination, I see it as a legitimate option. 

    We did it in 2010 prior to an international trip, and used rocketlawyer.com.

    I'm also curious to hear if anyone on this board that works in the legal profession has negative things to say about this?

     

     

    Married to my amazing wife 6/12/10 
    TTC since 6/11
    Unmedicated IUI #1 - 6/28/11 - BFN
    Unmedicated IUI #2 - 7/25/11 - BFN
    Robotic Myomectomy (Fibroid Surgery) - 11/15/11
    Unmedicated IUI #3 - 4/24/12 - BFN 
    Progesterone Supported Leuteal Phase IUI #4 - 6/21/12 - BFP!!
    Baby Boy G Born 3/24/13

    On to #2, are we crazy?
    IUI #1 - 11/28/14 - BFP!  Beta #1 (11DPO) 34, Beta #2 (13DPO) 101, Beta #3 (20DPO) 3043
    Ultrasound at 6w4d shows a single, fluttering heartbeat.  Say hello to Sticky Ricki!

     

    image

  • Anyone in NY? :)
    Married 9~20~13
    L- 34 M- 29
    First IUI (L) 5/27/2014 triggered- BFP
    Singleton due 2/17/15


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  • Thanks everyone, this discussion has been really useful. I'd love to just take care of it now but we're trying to go into parenthood with a bit larger cushion than we normally have in our savings account and between the electrical work we need to do in the nursery and our stove crapping out on us a few weeks ago, it's already a smaller cushion than I'd like. Paying $1400 a month in daycare on top of the day-to-day costs of raising an infant is going to be rough, and in a state where a SPA is kind of a "just in case" thing, I have to prioritize it below daycare! Hopefully I can talk my wife into doing it on our own; if not, we will probably just budget for it next year.
    Married my wife 8/2007 ~ TTC #1 since 7/2011
    9 IUIs = 9 BFNs
    IVF October 2012: 22 eggs retrieved, 17 fertilized, 5 frozen
    ET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Blighted ovum discovered at 7w5d; D&E
    FET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Missed m/c discovered at 9w5d; D&E
    Karyotyping: normal ~ RPL Testing: normal ~ Hysteroscopy: normal
    FET #2: 1 blast transferred 10/25; BFP 10/31!
    EDD 7/13/14 ~ Induced at 37w4d due to pre-eclampsia ~ Born on 6/28/14
    *Everyone welcome*

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  • @ball.and.chain‌ - one option would be to pick up all the paperwork now (it's not a lot, maybe 7-8 forms) and look through it/fill it out now, without the obligation to turn it in if it looks too difficult. The papers include waivers of the "father" notification, waiver of the home study, and I think a waiver of the residency requirement (all just single pieces of paper). Then, you can look it over, even ask questions of the woman at the adoption office if you have any, and if you feel comfortable, you can finish filling them out and turn them in. There would not be any risk in doing so, and possibly make your wife feel better looking it over in a non-committal sort of way. To pick them up, I just showed up at the Cambridge probate and family court and asked for all the papers needed to complete a SPA including any possible waivers. They put together a packet for me with basic instructions. If you go that route, I would suggest showing up before 1:30, because that's when the woman who is in charge of the adoptions leaves and she is very helpful.

    I just read this over... I don't mean to sound pushy at all, I hope it doesn't come off like that. Of course if you would be more comfortable using an attorney I completely understand. I know I would have liked all this info beforehand so I just want to pass it along in case it helps :)
    My name is A, I am wife to J.  After 7 months of ttc and one MC, we are expecting two baby girls in 2014!


  • I'm in MA too- Lowell area.  Our local lawyer charged us $500 flat for the adoption.  She said herself it was just a matter of picking up and dropping off papers, and coming with the day of.  We met her before our son was born in June 2012 and the adoption was held on National Adoption Day- November 2012.
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  • Thanks @JGY we will definitely look into it. 


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