I think I'm cursed

C_Girlie

As if TTC isn't challenging enough, I keep striking out before I get up to bat. Last cycle I was benched due to an infection. This cycle the CBEFM finally detected a peak yesterday morning. So I attempted to BD & got denied. He told me "I can't I'm soooo tired". I tried to stress to him that I'm about to ovulate. I was willing to be late to work just to do it. No problem we'll just BD when we both get off of work. About 3 hours later he texts me & apologize that he said no & how he's miserably sick. So sick he left work early. Later on last night, the desperate person I am I tried to talk him into it (BD). What a waste if my time, cause he said "NO" again. Once again we missed our window of opportunity, I'm not a happy camper.

Can any of u ladies relate to my issues?

hooligans4

YES.
I get denied all the time. It's so frustrating when you have one shot each month. If I don't o on a Friday or Saturday I'm screwed. My husband will hardly ever bd on a week night. Men just suck sometimes.

C_Girlie

Lol @hooligans4‌, I seriously wanted to throw a tantrum. It's such a double standard. I can recall times when I was down, and he would request it. Depending on how sick I was I might do it. But that was different, that's when we BD for fun/enjoyment. Now I clearly BD to make a baby (priority #1), having fun/enjoyment is now (priority #2). Lol my luck next cycle something else will go wrong [-( (

bumpuser10258960

I wonder what would happen if you told your H that you were ovulating several days before you actually do. Then, if denied, he'll come around in a few days and finally be "ready" and the timing will end up perfect

Davie813

Ugh--I'm sorry!  Is this a pattern with YH, or just a one-time bit of really crummy luck?

Timika23

We just started to try, and its been frustrating. My husband had a vasectomy reversal last year, and through testing we found that some of his "swimmers" are lazy! That didn't stop us from trying. The hard part was trying to determine when I ovulated, and when I thought I was I wasn't! I purchased an ovulation test, and I was way off. Hoping this go around is much better. 

C_Girlie

@MamaBear904‌ lol that sounds like a great idea. DH always wants it when I passed O. @Davie813‌ this was the first time I got a peak on the monitor. Seeing the peak most fertile status I was super happy & ready. I was one of the type of ladies that assumed I O midway threw my cycle. So I would attempt to BD around that time. Needless to say I bet I've mistimed my fertile window numerous cycles. Good luck to u @Timika23‌. I will know for sure when I O'ed probably tmow morning. I do bbt's. Plus I had some decent CM yesterday

CML11

I'm sorry! Man I would be wicked bummed. Maybe sit him down and chat with him. Maybe the pressures of BD on cue is something he's having a hard time with. MH likes when I just give him a heads up in the AM that tonight is the night, or in general the next few days are go time.
See if there's a system maybe that he would respond to.
GL!

C_Girlie

He's more like occasional sex it will happen when it happens. Unfortunately it hasn't happened, & I'm not getting any younger. Which means the quality of my remaining eggs are not perfect. I want this so bad & I'm gonna keep trying

kindershlitz

I'm really sorry  

Yes- this happens to us sometimes.  Then I get upset and make it worse.  Since it has taken awhile and I have had a conversation about how I feel it has gotten better.  DH is very tired b/c of long, stressful hours but he is on board and has a better understanding now of how short of a window we have each month. 

 

northernkhaleesi

Maybe he's having a hard time dealing with the pressure to perform, and wants to take a "if it happens, it happens" stance as a way to protect himself (if that makes sense).

I'm really lucky in that we have an active sex life, so it's not uncommon for one or the other of us to initiate regularly. DH doesn't know when I O, nor does he really want to, so he doesn't feel pressure to make a baby. In his mind, we're just having fun. It makes it easier for him, keeps it light and fun, and takes all kinds of pressure off.

Maybe if you took a "let's have all kinds of fun this month without stressing, counting or charting" approach with him (even if you are still doing all of these things), he'd be more willing. He might prefer to think of things that way, instead of feeling that you're relying on him to create a new generation.

Just my thoughts.

C_Girlie

We will be taking a roadd trip in a few days. I will attempt to have a brief chat with him about timing. Lol he always plays dumb, he was a bio major he knows how the reproductive system works. Perhaps he truly only wanted to have one child, which we have already. Ugh

gscoville

This exact issue was discussed in a thread about a week back, check the link for more thoughts on the topic:  https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12307054/dh-is-making-this-damn-near-impossible#latest

C_Girlie

@gscoville‌ lol I posted on that thread too. But hopefully next cycle he won't act like a spoiled lil baby

gscoville

C_Girlie said:

@gscoville‌ lol I posted on that thread too. But hopefully next cycle he won't act like a spoiled lil baby

If you read that thread already then I'm assuming you also read about how many of us realize that men don't always deal well with pressure, and failure to perform on cue can be especially devastating to their egos.  Calling him a spoiled brat and making him feel bad for his failures is not likely to help things.

KirstenAlecia

@C_grly Im with every one else on this…..pressure to perform probably playing a part. Its hard. I think us women feel our biological clocks ticking more than our men. 

I understand your frustration (I'm also thinking your just venting here on the boards and not calling him a brat to his face) but do try to maybe talk to him about if he really wants to have another LO. Hopefully if you approach him open to that possibility being an ok way to feel at the moment and as something you can discuss he will give you a little more insight. 

C_Girlie

I never called him any names after I was denied. I tried not to show anger either. That didnt work so well because he said I looked pissed off for about two days after this incident. I know they say not to withhold sex from ur mate out of frustration, but I am. It's been almost a whole week since the last time we was intimate. Lol I think he's trying to break the ice on Friday he asked me if I was still ovulating. That's when I told him there's about 36 hours or less to BD for the best chance of conception. He needed to know the facts. Hopefully next time around it can be a different outcome. This post was me venting, I don't wanna share my infertility issues with others. Only my mom & sis know our troubles. I didn't want to tell my mom so I shared my frustrations with u all

hooligans4

Hugs to you @C_Girlie.

bumpuser10258960

@C_Girlie, it can definitely be a struggle to get "on the same page" with your H about timing but it is certainly important to have the "do you really want this or are you just doing this for me" talk with him. I'd like to think that you're probably just over thinking it and he really is on board with a #2 but just didn't think it would be this complicated or procedural. I agree with @northernkhaleesi on trying the "lets take this month off" approach, even if you still do your usual charting. And a few days before you're ready to O, start "wooing" him and gearing him up. If you can plan a romantic night, do it. Yes, it is certainly more work for you. Yes, it is not fair... but the end result could be soooo worth it!

danieleandwayne

You could threaten him with the BD marathons that MH and I had to go through to get pregnant with my dd. For over 5 months, we BD'd EVERY FREAKING NIGHT from the day my period ended until 3 days post ovulation. Sometimes, we'd BD twice in a day. Didn't matter if one or both of us was sick or tired or sick-and-tired. We did it. 

Tell your DH he has it EASY! LOL

Davie813

@C_Girlis, hugs to you.  I hope you and DH can have a good talk and get "on the same page."

C_Girlie

Thank you all ladies for all your support and info