Advice and Experience

KingLED

**Before reading the comments in this thread or the linked stories, please be aware that some of these people have moved on to different parts of their journey. If you are in a sensitive place right now please consider turning off signatures (if you're not mobile). You can do that by going HERE and checking the boxes.**

The linked threads are full of advice from people that have been there. I hope they help you.

Miscarriage

M/C with Cytotec (misoprostol)

D&C

Ectopic

Molar 

**Please feel free to add your own experiences and advice to the threads for future women going through the same.

stephy1221

Love that you did this, it is so needed. When you get the news and they lay out the options you are to dazed to take it all in.

Maxsmommy123112

Great add @ellyd14!! Wish it was here when I miscarried!

kreardon11

I'm glad to have this! Going through miscarriage now. 

BrandyBean86

Thankful to have this! Definitely helpful while going through this!

psychobutthead

***TICKER WARNING***

Is it acceptable to just include a ticker warning at the beginning of post?

I ask because I haven't been on this board since my MC seeing what everyone was going through became too painful. I'd like to start being active on here to maybe give back what I got from some of the wonderful ladies on here. So what is proper form for contributing when it comes to tickers?

KingLED

@psychobutthead, it is not appropriate to post on this board while you have a pregnancy ticker at all. I appreciate that you want to give support, but doing so with a signature that includes so many visual reminders of exactly what the ladies here have so recently lost is not the appropriate way to do so. I'm sorry. Thank you for understanding and respecting our members.

psychobutthead

Ok just wanted to make sure. I'm truly sorry if anyone was upset but my previous signature.

jsshrt

I just had my second US at 14 weeks. My baby had no heartbeat and only measured 10.3-10.5. My body hasn't recognized the death of my baby yet. I am scheduling a D&C. The hardest part was trying my beautiful girls 10 and 6. They were both so excited about this little baby.
Thank you for sharing your stories. I had no idea what to expect from a natural miscarriage. I was going to try but since my body had already been holding on for a month my Dr. advises the surgery.

AmyJorgensen

mamasnowwhite

12 week ultrasound today revealed baby stopped growing at 9 weeks. I knew immediately when I saw the sonogram screen. My heart is absolutely shattered. There were no warning signs, no bleeding no cramping so we were blindsided.

I had the option of pills or d&c. I opted for d&c. I don't think I'm strong enough to deal with it at home by myself. My appointment is in the morning

I'm grateful to have this forum to share my experience with those who understand the feeling of this kind of loss. My heart goes out to everyone who is in here, and I pray for healing for all of us.

BabyPhariss1

I'm so sorry for everyone's loss. My story is similar to other's:

Aaron (my husband) and I have experienced a tragedy and a sigificant loss. He and I have been keeping a secret from most of our friends. We were excited to learn that we were pregnant about 7 weeks ago. Aaron and I were elated! We attempted to keep it a secret from everyone with the exception of close friends and family.

About 3 weeks ago, we went in for our first ultrasound and the embryo measured at about 6 weeks. Which I thought was about right and what all my baby apps were stating as well. Our due date would be November 7th!

On Tuesday of last week, we went back to the doctor for a second ultrasound. Before the ultrasound, we met with a nutritionist who gave us ideas for meal planning, foods to avoid, and took some medical information from both Aaron and I.

Upon meeting with our doctor, she asked about delivery, genetic testing, and gathered some health information. She began to conduct the second ultrasound. Upon starting the ultrasound, I watched the doctor's face drop. She stated that she was incredibly concerned because it appeared as though the embryo had not grown since the last ultrasound. The embryo should have measured almost 9 weeks and still was measuring 6 weeks. She also stated she could not see the fetal pole nor did the embryo have its own heartbeat. She immediately began apologizing and stated that we needed to go get a second ultrasound in order to confirm the results. However, she let us know that the embryo was likely not viable. The doctor stated that this was a miscarriage which hadn't passed through my body. Aaron and I were in shock. We had to wait close to an hour to get the second ultrasound. Aaron and I held each other's hands and attempted to comfort one another, which was incredibly difficult.

The second ultrasound that was conducted confirmed the same results. The ultrasound technician was incredibly apologetic and told us how sorry she was for our loss.

Aaron and I had to wait for what felt like an eternity to talk to our doctor. She pulled us into a room and told us she was so sorry that I had miscarried. She discussed multiple options as to what we could do. I was offered surgery, a pharmaceutical intervention, or I could "wait it out." Aaron and I decided to take the day and think about the options.

We decided to go the pharmaceutical intervention. I began taking medication on Wednesday in order to induce a miscarriage. However, the medication did not induce the miscarriage. I had mild cramping and no other signs. After this, I elected to have a D & C. This is a procedure to remove the tissue that is inside my body. The procedure was quick and initially painless.

Aaron and I have been to the doctor too many times to count. It is incredibly difficult going in to have blood work done and shots administered and have the individuals who are drawing blood and providing shots to ask how far along I am. It's hard to imagine moving forward and feeling some semblance of normalcy after such a traumatic event. Both Aaron and I feel exhausted both mentally and physically. It's a very difficult feeling to have when you thought that there was a life growing inside you when in actuality that life stops growing. When you are preparing for motherhood and now, trying your best to take it day by day.

Personally, I go through many emotions throughout the day. The first day, all I could do was cry. Today, I go through feeling incredibly emotionally numb to feeling an overwhelming sense of sadness. Additionally, the physical pain is constant reminder of what is transpiring inside my body.

Words cannot describe how both Aaron and I feel. We are devastated, angry, and have periods of feeling numb. We have been assured and reassured that the likelihood of us having a miscarriage again is pretty low. Regardless of these optimistic to statistics, right now we are incredibly sad and feel an incredible, indescribable amount of sadness and loss. We love and appreciate our close friends and family for the outpouring of love and support for us. This is an incredibly hard process to be going through as a newly married couple.

My hope with sharing our experience is that others who have had a similar experience will feel as though they are not alone. Miscarriages are common and up to 25% of all pregnancies end in a naturally occurring miscarriage. Aaron and I recognize that this situation happened and that there is nothing we should have or could have done differently. We both believe that everything happens for a reason.

With time, Aaron and I will heal from this process and be ready to try to start a family once again. Aaron and I are trying our best to support one another. We have taken some time off of work in order to allow ourselves to grieve. My belief is that time heals.

Thank you to those of you who share your stories. It's so helpful to realize that you are not alone.

mp030103

so sorry to all who are going through this now or in the past. Going through a miscarriage right now. Found out march 20th I was pregnant. .first dr. Said number was to low its just a chemical pregnancy it will go away. I said I haven't started my period yet, and he said ill give you something to start. I kindly declined knowing something was different. Take into account my tubes are tied 10 years now as of april 2nd. And the dr. I first saw was the dr. That actually tied my tubes. And this is the 2nd time in 4 years that i got pregnant. I decided to go to another dr. And get a second opinion. My hcg numbers 6 days later had more than doubled what they expected them to do then 2 days after that more than doubled again. The new dr. Said it looked like this one might take, but I couldn't get an ultrasound until april the 14th. Made it to the 3rd and started spotting then moderate cramping and bleeding only when I sit on the toilet...i kept getting a very sharp pain at the base of my neck...by Saturday afternoon I knew it was over. All my symptoms went away.I was devastated. .yes my tubes are tied, but I want another child...I was just hoping this one would have made it out of my tube..waited till Monday to call dr. Got in for emergency ultrasound couldn't see anything in my uterus cause of the blood. But saw a spot near my right ovary and they suspected it to be the fetus. I made it to 5 weeks and 3 days this time. The dr. Suggest removal of both tubes..since this is considered a failed tubal ligation. I don't want to do that at all. I have hope that I could possibly get pregnant again and pray it makes it to my uterus...

mamajode

Positive vibes coming your way bless you and good luck trying (if that is what you decide. I would)

vintagevice

Yesterday, I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks. This was my first pregnancy after 7 years TTC. I feel broken and shattered right now.

SmilesMcGee

@vintagevice so sorry. T&P your way for recovery and future pregnancy.

jamie7845

I feel your pain as we just lost ours at 10wks after 2+ years of trying to conceive. Hang in there. I think the hardest part is hearing "God had a plan", "the baby would've had issues" or "everything happens for a reason" and all the other nonsense.

maggy7043

My heart goes out to you and your tragic loss. I to this week experienced the same as you. I was 11 weeks when I requested a scan after not feeling pregnant . I had no cramps no pains nothing . I had the d n c and to be honest I cried up until I was put to sleep. I have started writing in my notes box how I feel and I do believe this is helping me grieve. I think it's important to acknowledge we were pregnant we did have a baby and we did have a bond. As hard as it is hearing people say it just isn't your time or the right time we need to remember that we can't give up our baby wouldn't want that. We can do this. I'm 24 living in Australia I hope this brings some comfort to you I know nothing you hear right now can take the pain away all I want is to be pregnant again have morning sickness and have my baby inside of me. I made a promise right before I had the operation that on their expected due date we would celebrate their birthday in our own way and that their siblings will always know who they are. They will always be our first child . Sending a lot of love and hope to you and your partner for the future x

humest2

I am in the same boat with the rest of the ladies here and i pray that all of us will get thru this tragic event sooner than later. My horror story started when i went for my supposedly 10 week + 2 days prenatal appt and 1st US (this was my first pregnancy ever). Everything was fine until the us, when the us tech advised us the gestational sac was only measuring 6weeks and 4days and she didn't see a heartbeat. The tech used the wording "we were in a black hole period" and would just have to wait and see what happens. Then I was going for HCG bloodwork every 2 days to monitor my levels, slowly but surely my levels were dropping dramatically. I miscarried my baby yesterday at 13 weeks and 2 days, even though my baby stopped growing at 6.5 weeks my body still retained my pregnancy for 13+weeks. Which is a bit unbelievable to me, I just can't believe my body held on to a non viable pregnancy that long. I am still confused on what/how to feel about this situation...I kinda feel as if my body was playing a trick on me this whole time. I just pray for better days for all of us who've had to go thru this and hopefully our bundle of joy will come in the near future.

Knbrewer84

I have taken solace in your words and stories. Yesterday was supposed to be a happy day. A day my husband and I had looked forward to for 4 weeks. The day we were going meet our baby. We went in for our 1st US, I was nine weeks today. When the tech started the US I was so excited to see my baby finally on the screen. She kept probing and looking and it was so silent in the room. When she left to get the doctor I knew something wasn't right. They couldn't find a fetal heartbeat and it was declared we had miscarried. The fetus measured 8 weeks 2 days. I don't know how to look forward yet and I don't know what options to choose. We can let the miscarriage happen naturally (if possible), take medication, or perform a D & C. I feel that taking the medicine will help me grieve at home, but I don't know how painful it can be. Thank you @maggy7043 for giving me the idea of remembering our first baby on their birthday. I plan to do the same thing. I think of all of you and pray for comfort and peace for everyone in this difficult situation. Thank you for also helping me through the grieving process.

Mlabrake93

I pray for each of you going through a loss. I can only imagine how you feel. Stay strong! We had a blighted ovum. I would be ten weeks tomorrow but our little guy never grew. So the embryotic sac only measures seven weeks. We went for our second ultra sound yesterday to confirm. Still no baby found and the sac looked disfigured this time, first ultra sound the sac was perfect! There was hope! And now it's strange to go from finding out I'm expecting for my first time, to accepting i'm going to be a mother to finding out that all this morning sickness, sore breasts and fatigue are all for nothing. Just a big trick. It's cruel and I honestly still don't know just what to feel yet. I couldn't imagine waiting to miscarry and actually having a my baby in me. Not that it makes it any easier, but i'm less scared now..

We look upon ourselves like, "why me, why should I go through this" with all my friends around me having healthy beautiful pregnancies and babies. I envy the experience they had and now dread being around pregnant moms because of my jealousy. But this hurt will end and in the end, we will be all infinitely stronger as women.

maggy7043

Please everyone stay strong, this is truly the hardest experience we will ever go threw. But we have each other, it wasn't us we did nothing wrong. As hard as it is to hear it's mother natures way of saying I'm sorry but just not now.. How I hated Mother Nature when I first heard that.. Wether you are laying in your hospital bed or at home crying your eyes out believe me it gets easier .. I am four weeks post d n c and remembering back I couldn't see any point or happiness is life ... When she told me there was no heart beat I just wanted to die ... But trust me you are strong and beautiful and your little baby is still with you. They shared your heart they shared everything you have so as long as you keep being you they are with you ... I know my baby wants me to keep trying so that's what we are going to do ... Don't forget you are a mummy whether they are with us or not .:.. My baby will always be remember we will always acknowledge we have one who is not with us .. But please don't bottle up how you feel , cry let it all out .. Talk to people do not feel like you can't share it and talk about your baby and the loss ... This is all part of the grieving process remember we did nothing wrong nothing at all this moment isn't about blaming ourselves or questioning every action it's about remembering and honouring out little angel .... Sending love and happiness to you all I know we will all get threw this together a baby is a miracle and we will have ours xxxxx

mimihdz8

I just found out that my Hcg levels dropped this week from 265 to 91. I'm scheduled to come in for blood work this Monday and am scheduled for a gyne appt. on Thursday. I started spotting and then the blood flow increased and I developed a period with many clots. This would have been my first child with my second marriage. I have a 13 year old from my first marriage, which resulted in a vertical c-section. That was a traumatic experience and now this. I've cried so much also and found it hard to believe that in a matter of a week my happiness turned into great sorrow. I was eight weeks. I hope to recover in every way. My husband was very devastated aswell yet has been very helpful and incredibly supportive. I'm glad that we have each other to lift each others spirits.

I also noticed that when we told our closest relatives that we were expecting they had plenty to say and when they learned that we miscarried we didn't get the support that we hoped for. As if no one knew what to say to comfort us in any way. That was also a harsh reality.

We are taking it easy this weekend, took some days off of work and hope to recover from our babies loss.

Good luck to everyone. Xoxo

dmleclercq4

I have never written in a forum like this. But as well I have never had to deal with the thought of a miscarriage. My first pregnancy 10 years ago could not have gone better. I have been with my husband now for 9 years. And we finally were in the situation where we are ready to hAve a baby together. I found out a month ago I was pregnant. They estimated I was about 9 weeks. Last week went for our first blood work and ultrasound. I guess I had a feeling when the ultrasound tech went from very chatty to quiet. I guess you get a gut feeling. I didn't say anything to my husband. Yesterday I got the phone call from my doctor that my hcg levels dropped from 31,000 to 23,000. They could not find a gestational sac and baby is not growing. My heart literally dropped! Both my husband and I are nurses. I am a nurse on the mother baby floor. I called out sick yesterday. I just could not bring myself to go to work and hold and care for all these other ladies babies when mine could not make it. Does that sound horribly selfish? I could not bring myself to tell my husband yet. I have not started bleeding g yet and no cramping. But I feel incredibly sad and empty. Any of you out there... I really want a baby but now I am just afraid to even try again. Not to mention I am 41. ANY words of encouragement or advice.

valleric

I encourage you to tell your husband as soon as possible. The longer you wait the harder it will be, and it really is not fair to him to not tell him. Luckily for me I found out on a Friday then naturally miscarried 2 days later on a Sunday. I took 3 days off work Then went back. It is not easy when you do go back, but for me the routine helped (I'm a teacher). Just remember it is okay to feel angry, sad, crazy, and anything else. It does get easier as time goes on (I'm 4 months post mc).
I really am sorry! This is not a board you want to be a member of, but everyone is very supportive.

yvetteras

Its sooo sad. I have miscarriaged....today at 7 weeks.... This is my second miscarriage, had one more than 3 years ago. Who would have thought it will all happen to me again.... My thoughts go out to every one who is filled with sadness. One day....it will all get beter. (I try to tell myself that).

Rutledge1973

So sorry
GOD bless

joyannemd

I had an US at 5 weeks and everything was okay. Last week I had my 2nd US. Supposedly the baby should have been 8wks but measured only 6 weeks with no cardiac activity, the doctor said its a missed abortion. And that I should wait until I bleed.
Until now , everything seemed normal. I don't bleed and I don't know what to do.. Shall I wait or just undergo d&c. This could have been our first baby.

We are heartbroken and devastated. We are having a wedding in the weekend and would have announced our pregnancy on the same day. Now I feel empty..

sh4zzy

A couple of months ago... I was over the moon that I was pregnant! I announced it to everyone! I'd been having regular ultra sounds for almost 10 weeks, however my g.sac remained empty. It was my first pregnancy and I had no idea what was supposed to happen and what I had to be looking for.. At 10weeks I had a little bleeding and went to the doctor who then told me the next day I had to undergo a termination. How devastating right? After being preggo for 10 weeks! Now around 2 months later I am preggo again! And I had an ultra sound at 6w5d and there was a heart beat.. I'm sorry that ur going through this, I know it hurts but u will get over it and u will get pregnant again.. Sometimes things just happen without any explanation.. But I truly believe that things happen for a reason. Just wait till your weddings finished, have another ultrasound and if there's still nothing.. Just prepare to do the dc.. And after pray for many more healthy babies! .. Don't get dis heartened.. Look at me.. Got preggo without trying and this time i feel much more prepared! Hope all goes well and please keep us posted! Xxxx

PR7777

On August 28th we found out that our 8.5 week old baby died at 7.3 weeks. I was so looking forward to the second u/s and I saw our baby so clearly but there was no heart beat. It was a total shock. I started sobbing so hard the u/s person didn't know what to do with me. I had my induced miscarriage on September 4th and saw our baby when it came out. That was the second shock. I am at the point that I don't know if I can do it again. I hate going to to the fertility clinic for the post miscarriage testings. I know exactly how everyone feels. I hope to come back in a few weeks and write a more positive message but right now it's so so hard. Love to all!

babymama03252016

I am so sorry for your loss, mine was a blighted ovum, which was so hard as well, but my prayers go out to you. You will get pregnant again, and it will be perfect don't give up hope!

littlemissth

I am so sorry for your loss. I found out on September 3rd that I was at the beginning stages of having a miscarriage. We were a little over 7 weeks & I miscarried on September 15th, I too got to see our baby when it came out. I however, felt a little relieved about getting to see it. I had worried that it was an empty sac. I am 40 & going through fertility treatments. I am hopeful that we will have a better outcome eventually. Hugs to you all.

allishally13

I just went through a natural miscarriage at 9 weeks 2 days on Tuesday this week (baby stopped growing at 7 weeks 5 days and heartbeat stopped at some point between 6 weeks 3 days and then). Had to have a d&c the same day as my body didn't finish the process fully.

The physical pain was unbearable, but that may have been emphasized by the emotional pain that I wasn't yet acknowledging. I felt pretty good once the day was done and thought I was in a good place. But I just realized today that I won't be a mom on mothers day unless I get pregnant again and I broke down in tears ( :-<

UponAStar16

I had a miscarriage and D&C about one month ago, after being overjoyed to find out I was pregnant for the first time, thrilled to see a heartbeat and our growing peanut at the 8-week ultrasound, then devastated by no more heartbeat or development at the 12-week first trimester screening ultrasound. I started this post trying to describe the experience, but it is way too hard for me to figure out what details to include or leave out. I'm so sorry for anyone else to have to be going through this and wish for us all to heal physically and emotionally as we work to make the emptiness and heartache more bearable. Xoxo

aprilmore1980

Very sorry for everyone's loss. It was just verified today that we have suffered a first trimester loss. We had a sonogram last week and it looked like it was going to be a miscarriage but he wanted to verify it today. I started the grieving process last week because I knew that today we would find out for sure that it was a miscarriage. But it doesn't make it any easier. but I will am hopeful that will happen again since it happened this time. I will be scheduled to have a DNC Friday. Thoughts and prayers of everyone but I will am hopeful that it will happen again since it happened this time. I will be scheduled to have a D&C Friday. Thoughts and prayers of everyone else going through this tough time as well.

askye1212

Thank You, for this. I'm trying to cope although it was early and their was no heart beast, I still lost something and its taking me a lot to get over this. 

askye1212

I was bleeding all week since Sunday, and I still held onto hope that it was diagnosed. They ran my blood and I was back at a zero. I did not have a D & C because it would have been painful. Instead, I waited it out. And sometime this week it happened. For others it would help, put you at ease. It is a tough decision. Good Luck. 

LeeGor

I have had a rollercoaster of a time throughout the last 3 months from learning I was pregnant after 13 months TTC, having 3 scans (all which were perfect and seen the baby and the growth and the beautiful rhythm of its tiny heart) to end up miscarrying naturally at 12 weeks, the baby's heart stopped at 11w2d. It was very tough mentally and physically. I opted for natural miscarriage and refused the D'n'c. We Brough a child into the world naturally and for us, we decided that letting it leave the world naturally was the right thing to do. Im not going to lie it was very gorey. Very much like the scene of murder in our bathroom. It shocked us both. No one prepared us for what would happen. What we would see. We were given no information on how to process the situation and our thoughts and feelings. But in one sense, that has taught me a great deal on how precious life is, how to handle my own feelings and the feelings that others hold towards your loss. We are still working through our loss and trying to look forward to the future and hoping for better days. Currently waiting patiently for AF so we can TTC again shortly and finally have the family that we have been longing for. It's all a healing process. Physically and emotionally. Emotions may take longer to heal than bodies.
I find these forums and discussion groups so so helpful. They have helped me a great deal in understanding and accepting.
Sending baby dust to all.

Leonie xx

queenklau

Hi all, I'm sorry that we have this tragic moment in our lives in common to meet together in this forum.

This is my second time joining this forum. Yesterday I was diagnosed with a mmc at 9weeks. The baby's HB must have stopped just before the U/s. The doctor was very surprised this happened to us again in such a similar way than last time: we had see the HB at 6-7 weeks and then 9-10 weeks mmc (no HB), no signs that anything was wrong. I never thought I would go through this again. I am trying to stay calm and patient. My doctor wants to investigate further since it is twice in a row and so similar. Both baby and I will be tested and hopefully we get some answers.

In our case we will have faith that we can get some answers and keep trying. One of the wonderful things that has come out of this, besides knowing (for a short while) and loving my babies, is how much it has strengthen my marriage.

I wish everyone here love and support needed to get through this sad moments and strength to move forward in whatever way you decide.

powers2015

Thank you for your story. My husband and I are going through the exact same thing as newly weds and the same timing and everything. It feels good to not feel so alone.

jennyg628

This forum is helping me to feel not alone in this. I am 41 and this was my first pregnancy. At 5 weeks I got to see the tiny raisin and the heartbeat flutter. I was so excited!! Today, at 11 weeks I had an US. The nice lady seemed to be searching a little longer than the last time and to me, the baby did not look too much bigger than the first time. I also did not see the flutter. She excused herself from the room and I felt my heart drop a little. She came back with the midwife and told me that my baby did not have a heartbeat and stopped growing at around 6 weeks. I had no clue because I still "felt" pregnant. I am heartbroken and have been crying all day. My DNC is scheduled for Monday. I like the idea of writing my baby a letter....once I get along a little further in my mourning process.