Silence from DC

CFjo2010

The kids leave in 3 weeks to see DC.  He actually booked the flight and everything about 3 weeks ago.  

He has made zero effort to have any contact with the kids in over a month.  They both have their own emails and their own phones, and DC has all that info.  He doesn't have to "go through" me to talk to them.  DS has a FB that DC can message him on.  But there's been no contact from DC.  Now DD, who is still somewhat wearing rose-colored glasses in regards to DC, is nervous about going out there to see him.  I'm torn between texting him and saying, "Hey give the kids a call or shoot them a text soon because they're getting antsy", and just staying out of it completely and let him deal with the kids when they're cranky and pissed off from not talking to him.

Why on Earth does he even bother flying them out there when he basically ignores them the rest of the year?  How does he not see how stupid he's being?

ambrvan

I have no advice for this.

I would not want to get in the middle of him showing his true colors, but I also would not want to send my kids all the way across the country without knowing for sure that he will be there waiting on them. I would want to contact him somehow about confirming visitation.

CFjo2010

ambrvan said:

I have no advice for this. I would not want to get in the middle of him showing his true colors, but I also would not want to send my kids all the way across the country without knowing for sure that he will be there waiting on them. I would want to contact him somehow about confirming visitation.

He has a CS hearing on 12/16 and I'm waiting to hear how THAT goes.  I'm hoping they throw is deadbeat ass in jail for a little bit.  Then I don't have to send the kids at all.  If he's not in jail, I know he'll be at the airport to pick them up.  I just hate that he ignores them all year long and then gets pissy that they aren't happy to see him.

coopsbaby

I'm right there with you. My kids don't hear from their dad for months and months, and then he comes to see them and it goes BADLY because he's basically a stranger who knows nothing about them. My dd's are going to see their dad for "Xmas" for an hour or so next week. My youngest is already getting stomachaches from nerves. She worries about what to talk to him about, and I guess it generally turns into him quizzing her on everything about herself. (Like asking if she still likes to eat cheese pizza, or if she still plays the violin and stuff. Things he'd know if he payed attention or saw her once in a while.)

Take thinking about him out of the equation. What would be best for your kids? If you texted DC, would he call your dd, and would that help her? If so, then I'd do it. If he won't follow through or it won't help, then I wouldn't bother.

And I have no idea why these assholes think they can ignore their kids most of the year and then expect to play daddy out of the blue. If you figure it out, let me know too!

Pumpkinpiemomma

I know CS and visitation are separate issues, but that has to be annoying as hell for you that he can fork over money for expensive holiday travel plane tickets to play dad of the yr, but not pay CS.

Lavender P

If you send him a text he will just see it as you nagging or trying to guilt trip him and it won't go over well. I would just hold off (as hard as that is) and see what happens.

On a side note, I can't imagine how he doesn't even try to contact them. It is so easy to send a message on Facebook or a text to see how their days are. My DH literally calls SS every other day to talk, and BM never answers or returns phone calls but he still tries every week, several times a week. Why? Because he cares about his kid enough that he will deal with Satan incarnate to get to him..

CFjo2010

Pumpkinpiemomma said:

I know CS and visitation are separate issues, but that has to be annoying as hell for you that he can fork over money for expensive holiday travel plane tickets to play dad of the yr, but not pay CS.

Ugh, it's super frustrating especially with how much he owes me.  I really think it's his mom paying the airfare for the visits though.  If he had any money in an account the CS agency would have levied it long ago.

twister22

I wouldn't say anything. Let him show his true colors. And Lavender's right that even if you did say anything he would see it as nagging.

And I hope his butt gets thrown in jail for CS. He's so freaking stupid. Does he REALLY think it's going to go away? And the fact that his wife is okay with this? It's freaking ridiculous. KIDS COST MONEY. He helped make those kids. Help pay for them. I love that he thinks he can just see them and that's it. I'm so mad for you, I can't imagine how you must feel. 

ambrvan

BM doesn't owe as much as your X yet, but she will eventually. And she gets to see SD every other weekend. And after the things she did, no consequences. The only thing that makes me feel any better is believing that she will be dealt with on Judgement Day. DH just lets it go. I don't know how he seems so unperturbed by it all. But I am getting there myself. I am dreading having to share holidays again. I don't know how I would love if it was DS. Sharing SD is hard enough. On all of us.

randomsalpal

I deal with this very same issue and I sympathize with what you are going through.  I know that my kids would not want to get on a plane to go see anyone who wasn't taking the time to make them apart of their lives and I wouldn't make them.  Good luck with whatever you decide.